Partner in delivery room?

tea_and_biscuits · May 2022

Ok, call me old fashioned, but I'm not sure I'm sold on the idea of my partner being in the delivery room with me. Maybe if he stays up near my head?
I get the moral support piece. But if I was having any other type of surgery or something he wouldn't be there in the room for the most medical/bloody bit... Is it just me that thinks it's better if he gets out of the way of the Drs and nurses and comes back in as soon as she's out??

dobiemom11 · May 2022

I knew I wanted my partner in the room with me and was thankful for his support. He was able to tell when a contraction was coming even before the monitor notified the nurses just by looking at my face. He was also able to help me relax more fully between contractions. I did want him to stay up by my head; however he got roped into helping out quite a bit due to a very busy L&D. At the time, I didn't really care, but now I know he probably saw more than either of us would have liked.

I would say it would be better to have him with you and send him out than wish he was there and not be. You may feel differently in the moment or not!

Best of luck!

dobiemom11 · May 2022

Just wanted to add...you could also get support from someone else (friend, family member, doula, etc) if that would make you feel more comfortable. I didn't really have those options easily available and felt most comfortable with my partner as my support.

inthewoods23 · May 2022

I wouldn't want it any other way. My husband and I created this baby that we've been wanting for many many years so he deserves to be there from baby's first moments. And honestly, I wouldn't be comfortable with any other non-medical person in the room with me but him (so no mom/MIL or sister/SIL).

You are the one laboring and delivering this baby. It is ultimately up to you if you are comfortable with him being in the room or not. Most of the time husbands/partners are up by your face and out of the way when you're in the pushing phase of labor.

coldlife2 · May 2022

Ultimately, it’s up to you, but I can’t imagine not having my husband there. He was the only person I wanted there other than the midwives.

Childbirth is not like other surgeries and procedures. We medicalize childbirth to, in my opinion, a wrongful degree especially in the US. Yes, major medical interventions are sometimes necessary, but not usually. Childbirth is the only natural process (aka, excluding things like cosmetic surgery) where we go to a hospital when what is supposed to happen is happening. That’s a big difference! And fwiw, I’ve had surgery, and I wish my husband could have been there.

He can definitely stay up by your head. My husband does. For 2 of 3, I delivered on the birthing stool, which means he was sitting on the bed with me on the stool between his knees, so he really couldn’t see anything even if he wanted to (which he didn’t). The other, he was by my head holding my hand. And you can stay mostly covered, and your providers should respect that as much as possible. I have kept my gown (mid-thigh robe-style) on the entire delivery every time. I distinctly remember with my first adjusting to make sure the top was fully closed when I was pushing! And I was wearing a bra underneath, so I wouldn’t even have been that exposed if it was open. Lots of people will tell you, “your inhibitions go out the window when you’re delivering. I was naked and screaming and didn’t care who was in there!” While that may be true for many women, it’s not true for everyone, and it doesn’t have to be true for you if that makes you uncomfortable.

hws80622 · May 2022

@dobiemom11 your husband got roped into helping deliver your baby?? 😳 I can’t even imagine! They better be fully staffed up at the hospital when I deliver bc I do not want my husband “down there” for any part of the birth haha!

dobiemom11 · May 2022

@hws80622 Well I was pushing for over 3 hours. Once they realized the baby was not coming any time soon, they figured he was as capable of holding my leg up as anyone else. But once the business of actually delivering the baby began, we suddenly had our hands full with many nurses and the midwife. He was able to return to my head and cheer me on for the last little bit! I just wanted to mention it as a possibility, because it had not been part of my birth plan for him to be quite so front-seat and involved. We do laugh about it quite a bit now though!

swizzlemalarkey · May 2022

My son was born in 2020 so I only had the option to have one person and it was absolutely my husband. I would not have wanted him to miss our son being born. He held my leg for a lot of the preliminary pushing but once things got serious he stayed up by my head and the nurses were holding my legs/seeing everything. But getting to look right at my husband after they put our son on my chest and say that he looks just like him was one of the moments I distinctly remember. That was really special for me. I would also want him to be there in case something were to happen.

Like everyone else has said, it’s ultimately up to you and your partner. You never know how you’ll feel until you’re doing it though so just go in with an open mind 🤷🏻‍♀️ But I would definitely discuss before heading to the hospital. Do you know what your partner wants to do?

stephanie309 · June 2022

You should ask his opinion. Being that it's his child he may want to see the baby be born.

kat_vegan87 · July 2022

When I was pregnant with DS, my bf and I would get into HUGE arguments over birthing expectations. I told him that he wasn’t allowed to look down there because I would like to continue to have a sex life with him after. He wanted to see the whole thing and told me that he’d still totally have sex after seeing everything and how I needed to realize how natural it was and whatnot. He does have an older child with someone else and saw everything, but DS was my first. Anyways I ended up with an emergency C-section so neither of us got our way

but after going through labor with him and everything else, we’ve even talked about him catching DD! I’ve totally swapped my views. I personally can’t imagine going through labor and delivery without him. I do have friends that prefer their friends rather than partners in the delivery room though.

knottiec1bd6c5399b4642a · August 2022

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I was with my sister when she gave birth and was able to stay by her head. I helped hold one of her legs at one point, but I still didn't have to see the baby coming out. My husband caught a few glimpses when I was giving birth with the last pregnancy, but I think that was more due to his curiosity rather than it being unavoidable, and that experience didn't put him off sex. I understand your concern but wouldn't stress about it as long as you have a loving, supportive partner.

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