November 2022 Moms


A close relative lost and their 2 kids, between ages 0-2. They are in foster care & looking for an adoptive family. I know the chances of them being adopted together are very low (They already mentioned separating them) & even separated they could still be in the system for years before being adopted. Ive seen first hand how terrible it all can be & do not want these sweet kids to have to go through that. My husband & I would love to adopt them but we already have 1,3 and 5 year old toddler boys. I have had all 5 of them together quite often & besides small arguments between the youngest 2 girls & my 3 year old they generally get along well.

A few issues I am worried about are:

• The chance that they might endanger my toddlers - They are very sweet kids & their temperaments have improved dramatically since being in foster care but they have been somewhat aggressive in the past.
• Space - We own a 3 bedroom home currently but are searching for a larger house. DHS said they may be able to make an exception since we are relatives. The girls would still have more space than they ever have before.

My husband has a good job & we have good health insurance so financially we may need to be a little more frugal but it shouldn’t cause any problems. We have always wanted to adopt a sibling group but ideally younger than our biological children and once we have bought a larger house & farm. Are we crazy for wanting to do this? Do you think it would be a good or bad idea for our family?

I would love to hear input especially from adoptive parents, adoptive siblings & adoptees!

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  • I would say do it. Give them the love you give your own children. Keep them together and give them the best life you can. 
  • Hi. I am actually a social worker for Child Protective Services in California. 
    The two most important things for children in out of home care are 1. That they remain together and 2. Having them placed with relatives or someone they are close with.
    There should be absolutely no reason to separate children that young. The social workers should always consider relatives before placing the kids with strangers. 
    In regards to space, this should not be an issue. It sounds like you already have enough room but it will cause a slight lifestyle change and probably require you to separate the kids into a girls room and a boys room. If the children are under 2 they can also be in your room with you until they turn 2. 
    If you do take placement of the kids you should receive payment for that. I am not sure how much but in California i think the minimum payment is around $960 per month per child. If you adopt the children that payment should remain in effect until they are at least 18 (in California it can last til the child is 21 years old if they remain living in your home that long). 
    A couple other things: the children should not even be considered for adoption unless the parents’ parental rights have been terminated in the past to other kids, the parents have failed to reunify with other children in the past, or if the parents are resistant to substance abuse treatment and that is a reason the children were removed. There are a few other reasons as well but those are the most common ones. Another reason might be if both parents are incarcerated and expected to do significant time in jail/prison. If the parents are offered reunification services they will be given six months to eliminate the issues that led to the childrens removal and if they are unable to do so then a plan of adoption would be appropriate to consider. 
    In regards to the kids languishing in the system, that should not be happening either. The children should achieve permanency (reunification or adoption) within one year. 
    Please advocate for yourselves and the kids if this is something you are even considering. Demand a child and family team meeting (or sometimes they are called team decision meetings or something to that effect depending on the state you are in). Also if you and your husband decide this is not what you want you can still request to remain a part of the childrens lives. 
    I don’t want to encourage you either which way because it is your life and ultimately you will know what is best for your family. But of course I want to stress that these kids deserve to be placed together and ideally with a relative or someone they already have a connection to whether that is you or someone else in your family. Lastly, if you do take placement, please advocate for the kids to be assessed for services so that you can get them the support they need as soon as possible including mental health services and or developmental services if needed. 
    I wish you and your family/relatives the best of luck. I am sure this is a very difficult and stressful time. 
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