Large Age Gaps Between Siblings

ReadyForaB · May 2022

I thought this would be a good place for those of us who are going to be navigating a large age gap between siblings can share our thoughts/feelings/experiences.

Age of other child(ren):

What are you looking forward to with the age gap?:

Anything else you want to add:

ReadyForaB · May 2022

Age of other child(ren): My son is 5. He will be 6.5 when this baby comes.

What are you looking forward to with the age gap?: I am just looking forward to my son being a big brother. I know he is going to be such a big help.

Anything else you want to add:
I say I know he is going to be such a big help but I feel strongly about not making this baby feel like a responsibility to him. My sister and I are 5.5 years apart (I am older) and I was never made to feel like I had to take care of her.

Also, we had a loss last year that my son knew about. He seemed excited that time around. We haven't told him this time but, when asked, he insists he doesn't want a brother or sister so I am nervous for how he is going to react.

I am also nervous about juggling all of his activates with a baby in tow. My husband works nights so a lot of the running is on me.

I know it will all work out just fine.

BritanieStanley · May 2022

@ReadyForaB Thank you so much for starting this thread!

Age of other child(ren): My oldest son is 9 and my youngest son is 7.

What are you looking forward to with the age gap?: When I had my second, my older son wasn't even two yet, so that was a huge challenge. He was pretty scared of the new baby and I was exhausted. I'm glad they are older so that 1.) It's less confusing for them, and 2.) They are a little more self sufficient!

Anything else you want to add: I am worried about the age gap and how they will bond with the new baby. I'm also hell-bent on not making them feel less than while doting on the baby...

ReadyForaB · May 2022

@BritanieStanley Yes! I want to make it a point to not make my son feel left out. Especially since he has been an only child his whole life. He will also be starting kindergarten in the fall. So lots of changes coming his way.

BritanieStanley · May 2022

@ReadyForaB Thankfully he will start school before the baby gets here! What an exciting time!

L1C4gal · May 2022

Great idea! Thanks for starting this thread

Age of other child(ren): She will be 5 tomorrow! And just over 5.5 in January.

What are you looking forward to with the age gap?: I am really excited for my daughter to become a big sister. She has been wanting a sibling for a long time--not in a persistently asking kind of way, but in a sweet, excited "do you think we'll get a baby one day?!" ("get" a baby

) kind of way. I think she'll get to appreciate a sibling more than she would have at a younger age, and I'm (naively?) hopeful that the gap will mean less jealousy/rivalry. I also can't imagine having had two kids at any point before this, so even though it feels like starting over, I think it was right for us. And I'm glad we'll get to focus on each of them a bit more individually rather than having them together in activities, etc. since they'll be at such different ages/stages.

I am 4.5 years younger than my older brother and 13.5 years older than my younger brother (that was confusing to write and probably to read), so big age gaps aren't unknown to me--even though we weren't originally planning on a large gap. I absolutely LOVED being a big sister, so I'm hoping the dynamics will be similar!

Anything else you want to add: I've been pregnant two other times in the past year, and both times, my daughter has seemed to know. Like I said above, she doesn't constantly (or even frequently) ask for a sibling, and when she does, it's very vague. But the two times I've been pregnant, she's said something very matter-of-fact along the lines of "I think you've got a baby in your belly" and it's caught me off guard. We didn't tell her either time, which I'm thankful for--she would've been crushed--and we'll probably wait until the 12-week genetic testing comes back (since I'm 35) to tell her this time around. But I'm secretly waiting/hoping for her to say something prophetic like that again--and for it to work out this time!

L1C4gal · May 2022

@ReadyForaB same here...Kindergarten + new sibling will make for a big year! I'm mentally preparing for LOTS of bumps along the way with all the transitions, but I'm hoping for the best. I'm glad you and others on this BMB are in the same boat--we can cheer each other on through the mayhem!

bwow615 · May 2022

We will have a 7.5 year old, a 4.5 year old when this new baby comes. Both kids have been talking about wanting a baby… I am thinking they will be wonderful helpers. When my daughter was born, my son went through the not enough attention acting out phase so I had to make sure I was still giving him his one on one time. With them both being older and having each other I think it should be a little easier this time. Still nervous. A baby brings a lot of change, but he/she will also bring a lot of love and joy.

ReadyForaB · May 2022

@L1C4gal you have perfectly summed up some of my feelings. I could never have imagined 2 kiddos before now. Even my last pregnancy last year that we lost was not planned. (Although obviously we were still devastated.) We always planned on either being one and done or having a big age gap. I love that I can go and do things with this LO that I did with DS and not feel like I am leaving him out. i.e. He wouldn't want any part of zumbini haha!

And YES! I am so happy there are a few others who can relate here in this BMB.

jennifer_louise · May 2022

I guess I go here too!

Age of other child(ren): DD is 5, will be 6 on my EDD. (I also have a DS who is 1.5, so I don't think that qualifies as a huge gap 😆).

What are you looking forward to with the age gap?:
Well my DD is already such a great big sis. I'm hoping that she will be able to share in the excitement of the pregnancy but still be secure in her first-born position, and know that she is still loved and this baby won't take anything from that - just another sibling to hang out with!
Like others, we won't tell her until I'm ready for the world to know. Likely after 12wks at least! I really hope she's excited this time too.

Anything else you want to add:
I have been intentional recently about 1 on 1 time with DD. We did a date night shortly before I got KU, all it took was some chicken tenders and some ice cream and she had the best time. I hope to keep those semi regular. Once my DS is bigger I will need to be intentional about time with him too, but right now he takes up so much of my time anyway that I don't need to go out of my way. 😅 I know it will be harder with 3 kids but just as important to give them each the time they deserve.

@ReadyForaB Pardon my ignorance but what is zumbini?

itsmejay · May 2022

Hello ladies! I guess I belong to this group too.

Age of other child(ren): Daughters will be turning 8 and 6 this year.

What are you looking forward to with the age gap?: The ability for the older siblings to step in to help out with baby when needed and be more mature for their age. My oldest is very sensitive and still cries about something (even very minor things) every single day.

Anything else you want to add: I’m debating on when I should tell my mother that I’m pregnant, given that she thinks we were done a long time ago, after the second one. On top of that, my father just passed away two months ago so she/we are still grieving and I feel like I have to find the right time to tell her without stressing her out but I have no clue when that right time would be!

*Edited to add* Ugh, I changed my screen name but it doesn’t look like it’s working because my posts are still showing up as “knottie”.

ReadyForaB · May 2022

@jennifer_louise Zumbini is like a music class for babies/toddlers. They sing and dance and play with instruments. It's cute.

00kim00 · May 2022

Age of other child(ren): my stepson (who lives with us) is 13

What are you looking forward to with the age gap?: Uh.... Nothing? He's not mature, responsible, or interested enough to be of any help. It looks like it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Anything else you want to add: This is my first, and we've been TTC for 7 years, so we definitely didn't originally intend on such a large age gap. For years, he was excited and begged us for a sibling, but told us a few weeks ago that he no longer wants a sibling unless it's a boy his same age. Too late now, kiddo, and we don't have that kind of magic anyway, even if we wanted another teenager in the house.

knottie8396ca222650870d · May 2022

My daughter is 18 years old and she’ll be almost 19 when the baby is born!

I don’t care about that, we have her to help when she’s available and if something happens to us the baby has an older sibling to look after him/her.

klamsb5 · June 2022

@knottie8396ca222650870d
Me too! My kids are 21 18 11 8 and now we're expecting twins!

mar2012jan2023mama · June 2022

I have a 10 year old and new baby now.

lysa03 · June 2022

I have a 13 year old and a 10 year old. And I’m currently 8wks pregnant with my third and hoping to have a smooth transition with a newborn into work life and just juggling the life of having a newborn, but I’m definitely excited because it has been so long since I’ve had my own little baby!!

Large Age Gaps Between Siblings

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