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October 2022 Moms
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Boundaries with MIL?

knottieb8e59425e33bf73fknottieb8e59425e33bf73f member
edited May 2022 in October 2022 Moms
My partner and I will be moving in with his parents come the end of the month and I am pretty nervous. This was an unexpected pregnancy and despite exhausting every other option, the best for everyone is to move in with his parents who are offering for us to live there rent free so we can continue to save for our down payment. The thing is, while MIL is incredibly lovely and supportive, she has a very strong personality and we have clashed a few times so far about parenting guidelines and our boundaries with baby. I am a little bit worried about how things will go when baby boy is here and it not being our home/feeling like we can’t enforce boundaries because of their generous offer. She really is a kind a passionate person, but I’m am so worried that I won’t feel comfortable asking for space/enforcing boundaries as their mom. I feel like I have every right to do that as it’s my baby and a title to them doesn’t automatically mean entitlement…but I constantly get reminded “that you can’t hog them, other people will want to spend time with them too.” Any suggestions about the best way to bring this up with my partner but also his mom? 
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Re: Boundaries with MIL?

  • krysnicole1022krysnicole1022 member
    Talk to your partner first and have him set the boundaries with his own mother. You two are a team and he needs to back you up and make it clear that you two won't need unsolicited advice. It will be better coming from him and you can just enforce the boundaries you agreed upon together. 
      My kids don't have grandparents. My husband's parents have both passed and my parents aren't in the picture. It's a beautiful thing when grandparents want to have a close and loving relationship with their grandkids. You will have built in back up and baby sitter by someone who will love that baby boy unconditionally. I'm not saying this so you let your MIL walk all over you. You absolutely shouldn't. The boundaries should be firm and she should keep all advice and criticism to herself. Just choose your battles. 
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  • ferret22ferret22 member
    There's a book called Boundaries by Henry Cloud that might be helpful for you. I agree with the previous poster that your husband should help set and enforce the boundaries that you've agreed on together. Try not to be afraid of conflict, setting appropriate boundaries is healthy and necessary for good relationships. Sometimes people will fight healthy boundaries when you're first setting them but if you're clear and consistent, they will learn to accept the boundaries. 
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  • vsigetyvsigety member
    My husband has gone to bat multiple times with his M. It needs to be him that handles her, not you. Esp while u are pregnant/directly after giving birth and hormones are flying everywhere. 
    Once you have your routine established and you are comfortable in their home, then if things are still going wrong you can have a sit down and  explain everything again. Dont let anyone walk all over you.
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  • krysnicole1022krysnicole1022 member
    Exactly this. Your husband should be handling his own family or else it's you vs. them and it gets awkward. As long as you both provide a united front she will eventually get the picture.
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