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December 2022 Moms
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Parenting without parents

evanamromanevanamroman member
in December 2022 Moms
I am 30 going into my first pregnancy with no support of my own parents and a strained relationship with my in laws. I am so scared that our child is not going to have the joys of amazing grandparents and that I do not have enough support, or my child might not feel the love of a big family. My husband is incredible though and I have always wanted to be a mother. Wondering if anyone else is going into this without the fairytale family dynamic and have any resources for support?
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Re: Parenting without parents

  • talldecafcappuccinotalldecafcappuccino member
    We are in a similar position. I lost my folks as a very young adult, and my partners parents are also deceased/unwell. This is our first baby. And honestly this is one of my biggest concerns too, would love to hear what people suggest. 

    We decided to hire a doula and looking at a postpartum doula to have dedicated support at the very beginning. Not sure we can afford it though. We've also been fairly candid with our close friends and I hope that our found family can help bring in some of that dynamic too. When I think about my own grandma, she was always sharing stories and giving info about how life works. And was another safe adult we could talk to. I'd like to somehow give my kid that too.  Another thing we've been doing is figuring out what our family traditions are for birthdays and holidays and what we want to feel during the events. 


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  • samiw23samiw23 member
    edited May 2022
    We are in a similar position,  in that we don't have parents to help or guide us.

    I am 40 and this would be our first child (DH is 46). I lost my mom in Feb of this year, and hubby lost his in March (its been a year of note!) My dad lives in another state, and hubby's dad passed 10 years ago.

    We're terrified, but at least we have a jumper of friends who have experience who would be happy to help.

    I still get teary knowing that 1) I lost my mommy, 2) that she passed before we fell pregnant and 3) that Bean won't have any Grannies...

    Strongs to you all!
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  • ale4alale4al member
    Ugh I feel this! My mom died when I was 7 so this is just another milestone to go through without her. Thankfully I have a loving dad and stepmom but they live 7 hours away so we will be mostly on our own. This was largely behind the reason I chose a midwife for care instead of an OB for more personal support.
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  • mac12822mac12822 member
    I’m so sorry you’re having to go through that. I can’t say that I know how it feels as a mom, but just to give maybe a little encouragement, I do know what it feels like to go through it as a kid with no real relationship with my grandparents. We either didn’t see them or they just weren’t very nice. There were others that stepped into that role a bit for us, but even still, I don’t have a whole lot of warm and fuzzy grandparent memories. That being said, I don’t remember being much affected by it as a kid because I was so loved by my parents and we were so close as a family, it wasn’t like anything was missing. Now as an adult and a mom myself, I have so much respect and admiration for my mother (and my dad too) for loving us so well and giving us such a great childhood despite the difficulties of not having that support system with their own parents.
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  • Kristib1985Kristib1985 member
    As a mom whose in a similar situation this makes me feel so good. Thank you… 
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  • Kristib1985Kristib1985 member
    Hi!!! So, my in-laws live far away and have seen my son twice in 5 years. My Dad has passed away and my mom is still around but I am currently limiting contact and even when she is around, she is not any sort of emotional support. (Which will be the thing you are actually looking for…even if you don’t know it…) 

    My husband and I are very lucky to have an amazing community of friends around us and as much as it’s within my power, I focus on that for my kid not what I think he might be missing. 

    Most days you don’t really even notice a lack yourself. I will say, my son is on the spectrum and while he will be fine, having to deal with that has often made me wish I had a “mom mom”. Fortunately, I have some amazing women in my life by way of therapist and coaches who help fill that void. 

    I feel like my son has a rich, wonderful life without the typical grandparent structure. Maybe one day he will feel differently, but for now, I think we are doing okay. 

    Good luck. You got this.
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