To Tell or Not To Tell....

greenbean88 · May 2022

I know it's different for everyone and everyone is different but, have you shared your pregnancy with anyone yet? Are you planning on waiting? If so, how long?

Long story short, his grandparents are in town for a surprise visit. But if we tell one family member, we have to tell all. So do we share early for the face-to-face aspect and respect for the grandparents or do we wait out of caution? (1 miscarriage before this pregnancy) I truly can't decide!

ReadyForaB · May 2022

We told super early last time. Including to our then 4 year old. We had MMC at 8 weeks ( pretty much knew at 7 it wasn't going to make it). I am NOT making that mistake again.

We have a vacation with our entire family (like 20 of us) in a few weeks. I will be about 10 weeks if this baby sticks. I still don't know if I am going to let people know. If I do, it might just be those very close to us. It will be hard-ish to hide but whatever. I don't think I want to tell my son until at least 12 weeks this time. He is 5, almost 6 now.

That all being said, is it SUCH a personal decision.

daffodil_shoe · May 2022

I’m in a little bit different situation because I work in L&D and all my coworkers know I’m doing IVF for surrogacy, as well as all my friends and family. It was obvious when I went on a short vacation for transfer. I’ve told all my family and close friends. As far as my coworkers, I’m not blurting it out, but if any of them ask I will be honest!

As someone who has experienced two losses, I kept the first a secret and the 2nd everyone knew. I felt more supported during the miscarriage where everyone knew.

bauerpower1990 · May 2022

I don’t have any advice when it come to miscarrying but we told just my parents early on with our first and second. It was nice getting support/excitement but just remember it’s that much longer that you will have people asking you questions, giving advice, and anticipating baby’s arrival. It was also hard for my parents to keep the secret from everyone else. If it is your first that might not bug you but since I have two other kids already 9 months is a lifetime for them so we will be waiting a little bit this time around. I want them to be the 1st to know and once they know, everyone will know lol! If everything is good we will probably tell around Father’s Day. Just seemed like a fitting holiday and fun for the kids to surprise our family when we get together.

bonniekins · May 2022

I plan on telling the people that I would probably tell if the baby doesn’t stick anyways. Although I did tell my almost 9 year old cause he was next to his dad when I told him and I figure if he can keep santa a secret from his little brother then he will be ok keeping this.

amy-s20 · May 2022

I tell the people I would tell if I did lose the baby. I’ve had two miscarriages, and having support from people close to us was so helpful. If I had had to pretend to be okay when I wasn’t, it would have made everything much harder.

This time around, we told family and a few very close friends around 5 weeks. I also get pretty bad morning sickness, so I knew I’d need some extra support for that (again, pretending to feel fine when I really don’t takes way too much energy for me). That said, we have really supportive families who help out a LOT during both pregnancies and losses, so telling them is actually helpful. That might not be the case for everyone.

Outside of the people closest to us (who we would tell about another loss anyway) we aren’t making an effort to tell anyone, but if they ask we’ll be honest.

knottie1f46fea0b7e29022 · May 2022

With our first we told all close friends and relatives right away. My reasoning was that if I had a miscarriage I’d have the support of my closest people. We waited to tell everyone else until well after 12 weeks. This time I told a few friends immediately for the same reason but we’re waiting until 6 or 8 weeks to tell our parents just in case. Also it’s my birthday in early July so I thought it’d be fun to tell them then.

b-mama · May 2022

With my first miscarriage I hid it from my family only to tell them after it had happened and it was lonely and horrible to go through by myself. This year I decided to tell my family and some friends but asked them to keep it a secret in case this baby doesn't stick. I'm happy that I did because everyone has been so supportive that when you have a negative day everyone cheers you up! It's a super personal decision but do what's best for you!

ejoseph16 · May 2022

This is my third pregnancy. My first pregnancy, I told my boss and teaching team, family, and some of my friends. When I miscarried at 9 weeks, I was thankful I had told people, because I didn’t have to hide it from anyone. The same people rejoiced when I found out I was pregnant with my son, I told them right away again. This pregnancy we are keeping pretty quiet for a bit, just because we have never really gotten to enjoy only having us know.

charleesangel9 · May 2022

We’ve only told my mom - it’s been so great to have someone besides my husband to talk to about the thing I can’t stop thinking about! We decided to tell the rest of our family at about 12 weeks since my in-laws will be in town. It’s definitely gotten easier to hold it in. Last week I wanted to tell everyone I came across!

LaurinAndJordan · May 2022

We waited with my first until we were close to getting our first ultrasound. This time, I tested early because I was pretty sure I knew we were (and my cycle has been 21 days the last few months), so I’m only 3w5d. We told my best friend who came to visit the day I had my positive. Our DD turns 2 in June, so my parents will be here for that and we will see my in-laws the following week for a family vacation. I’m thinking, we will tell them around then. Our first appointment isn’t until June 20.

kyanamae · May 2022

This is my first, so I’ve been too excited to hold it in and have told basically everyone I know. While I do have some anxiety over it being to early to share, I really just think about the network of support I have that will support me rain or shine, so I don’t have to go through this alone.

footdrbritt · May 2022

With my first we told at 12 weeks to everyone. With my second we had been through hell with infertility treatments and a loss so we told as soon as we knew
Honestly this time I’m conflicted, part of me wants to stay silent for a while and enjoy it because this is probably it for us.

Knottie1451938933 · May 2022

When did you tell your little ones about the new baby? I have a 4 year old and it’s very hard keeping it from her. Plus, we don’t want to tell others before we share the news with her.

ReadyForaB · May 2022

@knottie1451938933 we shared super early (like five weeks) with our then 4 year old last year. We lost the baby a few weeks later. I regret telling him so early. But this time I am conflicted bc we have a big family trip coming up at 10 weeks that I feel like I will need to tell some people. But I really want to wait to tell him until 12 weeks this time. But I hate the idea of telling people before him.

babe_babe111 · May 2022

Not telling anyone, if you see me, you see me, if you don’t, you don’t! 3rd baby and it’s been like that for me with all of my kids.

megsmith27 · May 2022

Pretty sure I'm going to tell my 4 year old next week after out scan. I'll be about 9 weeks. And then let him tell everyone. We've been seeing a lot of people and it's so hard not telling them. I'm exhausted, nauseous almost 24/7, and acting like everything is fine is making me extra irritable. I know I keep getting looks from everyone like that what's wrong look, and I have to keep brushing it off. I don't have a history of mc, though, and if something happened at this point, at least I'd be able to talk about that to everyone as well.

tmoreno93 · May 2022

@megsmith27
same- hiding it and pretending everything is fine is making me quite bitchy. I’m ready to share my excuse as to why I’m too exhausted to attend events. lol.

We’ve told close friends and family and I plan to just slowly keep telling people as things come up.

We have a big girls weekend away this coming weekend and there’s no getting around why I’m not drinking, same thing for memorial weekend.

BritanieStanley · May 2022

We are waiting to tell the kids/ people that aren't super close. My last pregnancy in 2017 turned out to be ectopic, and we had already announced on social media and told my babies... It hit the kids pretty hard and I refuse to make them go through a loss like that with me again. And it's also super hard "un-telling" people. Good lord willing, if our second scan goes well on June 1st, we will tell the kids and *maybe* go beyond that...

ravenhairedgirl83 · May 2022

@greenbean88 we didn't tell a soul for almost 13 weeks, only after I saw a couple of ultrasounds and saw/heard a healthy heartbeat. We were both insistent on that. This is our first (and only) baby and we're both almost 39, so it's a HUGE deal for families. That was our cautious path but everyone has different medical backgrounds and histories that guide their decision. Immediate family first then at 13 weeks came friends, social media and work.

Edit: I also want to add that I feel great so it's been easy to "hide" it for the first few months.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

bradshawmama_2019 · May 2022

So I’m six weeks at the moment and have my first ultrasound next week on Monday. This is our first pregnancy and we are so super excited to tell everyone. But the worrier in me is saying to wait and be cautious. But the other side of me is just dying bottling up my excitement. I’ve also been sick, and haven’t been eating red meat (which everyone who knows me knows I love very rare meat)and I feel like my family and coworkers are catching on. Is 9 weeks to early to tell? My sister just told me she was pregnant and was very avid about keeping it a secret till 12 weeks. So I’ll feel like I’m rushing it all out too soon. But my husband is insistent that we tell everyone face to face so that means at our Memorial Day get together. Which I agree with but at the same time am scared that something will happen since this is our first pregnancy. Advice?

knottie9504f5ca08d1f839 · May 2022

It’s been very much a “what feels right”.

I’ve told a couple coworkers, we’ve told one of our couple friends (the bachelorette is next weekend and I wouldn’t be able to hide that I’m not drinking on the wine tour, and didn’t want to overshadow her weekend by telling her then).

No family yet. But face to face is definitely a must for us, so we’d probably be tempted in your case.

knottie147ea6d96d5f7811 · May 2022

My husband and I decided to tell our closest friends and family to start. We’ve been trying for a year and I couldn’t hold in my excitement for another second! My husband wanted us to wait till after our first doctors appointment but I just couldn’t do it. I’m about six weeks along and I think I did the right thing. If I do end up having a miscarriage at least the people that I will need the most will have already shared my excitement, and can be there for me through the heartbreak. Whether my sweet bundle makes it or not at least he or she was celebrated and not just kept a secret.
We will tell the rest of the world (Social medias) after our first trimester more than likely. I’m just so happy I have my closest friends and family to talk to about how excited we are <3

mms012313 · May 2022

I have only told my boss. I am 5 weeks 4 days with recurrent pregnancy loss early in my pregnancies and part of my PTSD is associated with all the losses and medical intervention.. I told her in case I lose this one as well and will need time off work.. As far as anyone else.. his older kids, my two young kids, parents.. no idea.. lol this was not expected and I have only know for a week I am pregnant so we’re still in shock.

__erin__ · May 2022

I think what is best is different for everyone. This is my first pregnancy and I’ve only told my best friend just bc I had to tell someone. My partner is out of town so waiting until he gets back this week so I can tell him in person.

I think I’m going to wait until I’m near or at the end of my first trimester to tell the rest of my family bc I’m 34 and my parents are soooo excited about me having kids *finally* that I don’t think I could bare to tell them and then have to tell them I miscarried so I’d like to wait until the riskier time is done. It’s already SOOOO hard though.

I was at my mom’s the other day and she was telling me how ready she is to have grandbabies again (my sister’s youngest is already 13). I wanted to tell her so bad. Lol

kait_firsttimemom · May 2022

I feel so seen by this thread! I’m pregnant with my first, first time pregnant. My husband and I have said for years that we didn’t plan to have children, but we recently had a change of heart. Our families have no idea we’ve been trying. We will see them all Memorial Day weekend, which will be around 6 weeks. We were planning on telling them all then, but my anxious side has some reservations. I know I would want their support if anything went wrong, but I also don’t want to get their hopes up too soon? I know that sounds silly, but it would break my heart to let them all down. Anyone else ever felt this way?!

__erin__ · May 2022

@knottie29d0f8ccc833ab35 Yes! I feel the exact same way.

jesofthenorth · May 2022

@knottie29d0f8ccc833ab35 I feel th same way, you’re not alone! I’m 34 and this is also my first pregnancy. I’m 7 weeks tomorrow and terrified something will go wrong. We ended up telling my MIL (a retired L&D nurse) just to have support in the event that the worst happens, but that’s it. Whatever makes you feel supported and safe, personally, is the right thing to do.

There are countless punches to roll with in life, especially now, but you’ve got this!

missmuisq · May 2022

@knottie29d0f8ccc833ab35 Same here. My husband only has one sibling, and she's had one child and won't be having more. She lives on the opposite side of the world from us and the rest of his family (we're in Colombia, she's in New Zealand) and his parents haven't seen their grandson since he was 6 mos (he's 4.5 now) and, sadly, probably won't for a long time, due to limited finances. They really only know him through video chats, which they nonetheless LIVE for. So, emotionally, I know they'll have soooo much riding on our pregnancy, and I'm sure they'll burst into tears when we tell them the good news. Thus, no way I'm going to risk breaking their hearts with any uncertainties. We'll tell them at 10 weeks at the earliest (Father's Day), maybe closer to 14-20 weeks.

My parents, OTOH, already have six grandkids, so the stakes are way lower! We told them right away. Feel kind of bad keeping it a secret from one set of grandparents and not the other, but that's how it goes

jerseygirl58 · May 2022

I’m also torn! Im 5 weeks in. Part of me wants to tell parents and close friends, especially since it’s going to be obvious if I’m not drinking or feeling sick at upcoming social events, and then I’d have support from those people if I MC. However, this is my first pregnancy and my parents first grandchild so I don’t want to get them too excited and then also have them go through the loss themselves. And I don’t want to tell friends before my parents. I will probably wait till my first scan at 9 weeks, but it’ll be very hard!

bwow615 · May 2022

We told our big kids today, 4 yo daughter looked at us and said “so you’re not tricking me?”. She is excited to be a big sister. And my soon to be 7 yo son just hopes the baby is not “annoying” and suggests we name the baby “Vulcan”. They are the first people we have told. I wanted to tell them first since we are visiting my family in another state this week and didn’t want it to slip out to my sisters in front of them. We did tell them it’s our family’s little secret and they can’t tell anyone yet. Which I think they felt empowered to know first

knottie162fae86903a3b03 · May 2022

My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I had told my parents in the first few weeks obviously because I was so excited and knew they would be also. The second pregnancy I was so nervous to tell anyone lol. I told my parents around 15 weeks. Apart of me wants to tell at least my parents with this pregnancy, because I know they wouldn’t tell anyone else until I was ready….. Such a hard decision!

thankfullyamama · May 2022

I’m planning on announcing after my first ultrasound to our families but aside from my husband I’ve already told 3 really close friends because I wanted their support either way and for them to share in my excitement! I had to tell work right away with my first and then family after 12 weeks!

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