Telling my partners family - tips/advice

jenniferlaurenanastasia · May 2022

I am 7 weeks pregnant and we’re planning on telling both our families in the next couple of weeks. This is our first baby, and whilst we had planned to start trying in a couple of months, it happened a bit earlier than expected. So a surprise, but such a happy one! We are very close to my family, and they knew we were going to try soon, so they’ll be very excited! But my partners parents still treat him a bit like he’s 21 instead of 31, and because of that he doesn’t really share personal things with them much in general as he just ends up feeling patronised. So they aren’t aware at all that we’d planned on trying soon anyway. And so to them, it will be a shock. They are also a bit conservative so the fact we aren’t married yet will definitely cross their mind..

We have a good relationship with his parents, albeit they can be a bit overbearing… I know they’ll be supportive and beautiful grandparents throughout our child’s life, but because of the trickier relationship my partner has with them, I’m really nervous about actually telling them. I’m scared they’ll react in a way that makes us feel judged and dampens the celebration.

Sorry for the long story! And thank you in advance for any tips :)

sarahsays25 · May 2022

Hi Jennifer! I'm contemplating on when to tell my dad and step mom, both are conservative as well. My partner and I are not married and I know my step mom is going to say something about it. Personally I don't believe in getting married just because I got pregnant so I plan to stay firm on that with her. In your case if they already treat your partner like he's 21 and not for the adult that he is, then it would be best to stay firm with your beliefs and your stance with your relationship and pregnancy. I would be clear and let them know that you guys would like them to be a part of this (joyous) time in your lives but only on the condition that they support you guys (without judgement). This is what I would personally do, obviously it's up to you to decide what's right for your family. You're a family now, no matter if you're married or not or what anyone else thinks. Just make sure that whatever you choose to do that you guys put yourselves first.

lola2889 · May 2022

I dont have much advice for his parents treating him like he is younger, but when I got pregnant with my first, my husband and I were not married only dating for a year and a half. My grandma who is old school instantly asked us if we were getting married (which I am guessing is a question that would come up since they are conservative) my response that always went over well was "I want him to marry me because he really loves me not just because we have a kid together." My husband and I have seen a lot of friends marriages end because they got marry because they were pregnant.

hspg · May 2022

My fiance is worried about telling his parents as well. We get married next weekend and expect to tell both of our families the next day. We have had the wedding planned since December, and were trying NOT to get pregnant until the summer...but baby decided that it doesn't care what we want and that it wants to be here ASAP lol. My parents will be thrilled with the unexpected surprise but he is afraid that his father will hit us with the "just couldn't wait till after the wedding, could ya?" disappointment. I just keep telling my fiance that once this sweet baby is here his father will NOT care that it was conceived before we were married. It's their first grandchild and I'm sure it will melt his dad's heart. It may be an awkward several months of pregnancy, but I'm confident that the baby will be so loved once it's here! You might have to adopt that same mindset till December, especially since you also seem to know that they will be wonderful grandparents ❤. Stay strong and good luck!

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