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October 2022 Moms
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Partner being awkward

delcss19delcss19 member
in October 2022 Moms
My husband is so uncomfortable with the intravaginal ultrasound. I wanna tell him to get over it but don’t want to be too insensitive. This is our third baby so I am surprised anything fazes him at this point but he is making it awkward. Anyone else have this issue?  I really want him there because it’s such an emotional time to see our baby for the first time!  Ugh. Men. 
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Re: Partner being awkward

  • merostomatamerostomata member
    @delcss19 what is he saying that's awkward? Is it just the fact that it's transvaginal, or something else? They usually let you insert the probe yourself if you want to...not sure what the deal is, but yes, men can be super weird in unexpected ways sometimes!
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  • cfranxcfranx member
    @delcss19 - I kind of agree that I’d probably tell my husband to get over it. Like, you know there’s going to a lot more interaction involved with that part of my body, and he won’t have to deal with the physical part of it. 
    @merostomata - I had no idea they’d let you do it yourself… oddly that would feel more awkward to me but 🤷🏻‍♀️ Everyone has their own comfort level. 
    Humans are lucky that we’re the ones carrying the babies. If it were up to men, none of us would be here. 
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  • krysnicole1022krysnicole1022 member
    My husband stays home with the kids so I can have vaginal ultrasounds in peace. Lol. He's never really had an issue with a transvaginal US when he was present for them with our first. As matter of fact I had some heavy bleeding with my first while he was at work and my doc has me come in asap..my husband was at work 2 hours away and I took my (gay) male friend with me and he has literally no issue with it.  My best guess is that mean feel weird about a phallic shape going into their wife that isn't them and is no big deal. I've had friends who had husbands who were very uncomfortable with it and it may be just am unknown thing for them. It's not like they have an equivalent. 
    Side note: I had a male tech once and they had me insert is myself while they left the room. That was super awkward. I'll take a pass.
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  • joyy-02joyy-02 member
    @cfranx oh I agree that that would feel more uncomfortable and awkward to do it yourself. I think it’s great if they give you that option but definitely not for me haha

    @delcss19 really fortunate in the sense that my boyfriend has never made them awkward at all when he’s come to appointments with me. But I would definitely just be open to your husband about the importance to you of wanting him there with you for those, and then get his side of why it’s awkward or uncomfy for him. While trying to find a way that works for both of you there so that you’re not having to comprise if it’s that important to have him there with you for the emotional side of it all. 
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  • siouxieq87siouxieq87 member
    Does he know that your lap and everything will be draped with a sheet, so he won’t actually see it going in unless he stands at the end of the table right next to the tech? It’s not like you’ll be completely naked with your legs spread open for all to see.
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  • relizabethprelizabethp member
    I would gently suggest he get over it. I remember with our first my husband was upset that my OB was a man. I reminded him that he does nothing but look at vaginas all day and nothing about my vagina was particularly special. After the first appointment he agreed that it wasn’t that big of a deal. Maybe just remind him that the vaginal ultrasound is part of the process and the people performing the ultrasound are not really interested in your goodies - it’s a job for them and a necessity for you. He well have to figure out how to get over it because this is the process. 
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  • EmilyE13EmilyE13 member
    @siouxieq87 that will be my new nightmare of how exams are performed. 

    @delcss19 he’s just going to have to get used to this. When you’re getting close to due date and in the hospital you’re going to be having all kinds of people manually checking your cervix. 
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  • krthousekrthouse member
    Agreed that he can learn to get over it. It might help him to do some reading about pregnancy, birth and labour to help normalize all the body talk and interaction. It is healthy for men to know and learn about women's health without sexualuzing it. You can tell him that you respect and appreciate his honesty about his discomfort, but that you need him there for this important part of your pregnancy journey.
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