Weekly Check In w/o 3/28

pinkkillersheep · March 2022

Est Due Date / Weeks + Days:

FTM/STM/TTM+:

Upcoming Appointments or Results:

How are you feeling?:

Rants/Raves:

Questions:

pinkkillersheep · March 2022

Est Due Date / Weeks + Days: June 25th, 27w2d

FTM/STM/TTM+: FTM

Upcoming Appointments or Results: Apparently I was supposed to individually schedule my glucose test (my bad) so now it’s at the next appointment in two weeks

How are you feeling?: Overall pretty good. I’m still not having much of an appetite and struggle with low energy by Thursday afternoon, but no pain since last Monday!

Rants/Raves: Rave - My mom visited this weekend and we finished* the dress I mentioned a few weeks ago. I’ll put it in the spoiler.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/zq/frxd6zvnms35.jpeg

*technically the neck binding isn’t done but from far away it looks finished lol

Rant - Last week at work our team monthly D&I discussion was to watch a livestream of a guest speaker for WHM who talked about mental health during pregnancy and the transition to new motherhood. I made it about ten minutes before the person talked about bonding with the baby in the womb (which has not happened for me and is a very personal struggle) because it needs to feel loved before I peaced out and called my husband in tears. Not great.
I’m also really struggling with body image. I’m going to spoiler this as well with a TW because I imagine so many of us are having this and it may not be something you can read about right now, which is totally understandable. It’s also a giant wall of text.

I’ve been obsessively looking up articles and blog posts about gaining too much weight in pregnancy. I don’t even really know why; rationally I know I’m doing just fine on this. Really I think this is more a reflection of loss of control and bodily autonomy than vanity. I think this is why my appetite is gone as well. I’m hyper aware of everything I eat and keep questioning everything, “Are you actually hungry? Do you just need water instead? Are these empty calories? Are you sure you aren’t just missing fiber? When was the last time you ate sweets, are you at your limit for the week?” As soon as I eat something I feel awful about myself.
DH flipped the full length mirror around so that I’d stop obsessing in front of it. It’s been helpful, but I’m also really ashamed of the fact that had to happen. I’m pro-body positivity and believe in healthy at every size and eschew the awful standards put on women to appease the male gaze. I am not this person for others, why can’t I be this for myself?
It really doesn’t help to talk to people about this because the response is always, “Cut yourself some slack! You’re growing a human!” I am fully aware there is a human growing in me. If it was as easy as repeating that to myself then I’d feel better about it by now. It somehow makes me feel worse because it sounds so dismissive. I am telling you that (in so many words) I am fantasizing about disordered eating because I am so deeply disturbed by what’s happening and the response is some boiler plate pregnancy cheeriness.
I’ll conclude this by reassuring everyone I am eating appropriately despite any desires not to and I do have a therapist. It’s going to be ok eventually, it just doesn’t feel great right now.

Questions: I keep describing this feeling of the kid “surfacing” and people are very confused. It’s like most times the kid is buried somewhere in the uterus, but every once in awhile it positions itself right near the surface of my stomach and I feel this hard body (I assume the butt and the head) pressing against my skin just south of my belly button. Then I gently push on it and it eventually moves to god knows where and goes away. Does anyone else experience this?

Tulips29 · March 2022

Est Due Date / Weeks + Days: 27w4d (can't believe 3rd trimester is in a few days!)

FTM/STM/TTM+: TTM

Upcoming Appointments or Results: Nothing for the next 2 weeks

How are you feeling?: Tired, large, uncomfortable. Heartburn won't quit either, I hate it.

Rants/Raves: Rant - so sounds like a stomach bug is going around. Our kids are in the daycare with their 2 cousins, so 3 out of 4 of them were puking Friday/Saturday. Thankfully, DD somehow managed to escape it so I'm hoping she stays in the clear. Then Saturday night I only got 3 hours of sleep so I was dead all day yesterday. I just want some good sleep.
Rave - DD slept well for 2 nights and only had 1 minor screaming moment last night, so I'll take it. I hope we're getting to the end of it!

Questions: Anyone getting a bedside co-sleeper/bassinet that isn't too expensive? We've had both kids in their own room/crib since day 1 but I'm so exhausted now that I can't imagine running down the hall every 20 minutes after a c-section to tend to a screaming baby and avoiding waking up the other 2 kids. So I'm considering a bassinet that I can easily reach into to get the baby.

Tulips29 · March 2022

@pinkkillersheep Your body image struggles are totally normal. It's hard seeing your body change so much so quickly and have no control over it. Your body is doing an amazing thing, but it's hard to see past the image in the mirror. I can relate to both of your spoiler posts as well. I had a hard time accepting that I was pregnant for the third time, but it was mainly because I was terrified of how I'll handle a newborn with 2 other kids so it was almost as I was thinking maybe this pregnancy isn't real. And then I felt guilty for not automatically loving this unborn child from the day we confirmed I was pregnant. I think many of us are in a version of this confusing emotional boat. It's a wild ride.

romeoandjuliet146 · March 2022

@Tulips29 I had a Halo bassinet last time. I have been looking for something that will better fit a smaller room.

@pinkkillersheep

I have been avoiding looking at my weight at my appointments, but I ended up seeing it and was shocked. Especially since I am just eating like I normally do. I do not like my full face and how I widen out during pregnancy. Some people look cute while pregnant, but I feel like a blob. I don't even care to take bump pics because I don't like how I look.
I had gotten to my pre-baby weight before my pregnancy, so it is hard to see myself now, and can't diet or exercise as much as I would like until after the baby is born.
I just tell myself that it isn't that long now until I can try and get my body back to it's normal weight.

Est Due Date / Weeks + Days: June 9th/ 29 weeks 4 days

FTM/STM/TTM+: STM

Upcoming Appointments or Results: Next week.

How are you feeling?: Acid reflux which leads to vomiting on some days.

Rants/Raves: Failed the one hour glucose test and have to take the three hour one.

Questions: Has anyone taken the 3 hour glucose test and passed?

fluteling · March 2022

Est Due Date / Weeks + Days: 28 + 1

FTM/STM/TTM+: STM

Upcoming Appointments or Results: I think in two weeks?

How are you feeling?: Honestly, I’m just choosing violence/anarchy today. I think that means I’m irritated.

Rants/Raves: Rant: I would really like for a pregnancy to be easy and then for circumstances not related to pregnancy not turn into a dumpster fire so that I have to spend my pregnancy overly stressed and trying to be in crisis management mode. Alas, the universe is against me. Which is why I’m choosing violence today. Rave: trying to find the positive, my new pump is shipping today. So that’s nice.

Questions: anyone else using their “customer service face” all the time??? 😬

@pinkkillersheep love how the dress turned out and the colors you picked. It’s very cute.
And as far as the rest, I sympathize. And it sucks. The losing control thing doesn’t feel better no matter how many sparkly rainbow stickers of “oooh a baby” you put on top of it. It’s not all about the baby. It’s about you, too. And people just try and slap positivity on top without acknowledging how hard the rest of it is.
And I’m also not one of those people that’s like “I know their personality in utero and I love them already!” So some of that stuff that people tell me, as I call them the “shoulds”, go in the same category as the people who have unicorn pregnancies, aka I’m happy for you but that’s not reality for me. And that is ok! It’s just not as ‘grammable and palatable for women to talk about or admit to.

Again, I’m choosing violence today.

@Tulips29 we got a bassinet attachment for the pack and play thingy and used that for 7 months last time. It was a cheap little add on that worked well.

KFrob · March 2022

Est Due Date / Weeks + Days: 28w 3d

FTM/STM/TTM+: 4th

Upcoming Appointments or Results: appointment Friday. Still haven’t done my glucose test

How are you feeling?: Starting to feel human again but this stomach virus on top of the cold I already had really knocked me on my ass. My house has fallen apart. I’m not sure how much if my exhaustion is due to pregnancy vs dehydration and not eating enough.

Rants/Raves: Im super thankful for DH taking over this weekend and sending me to bed. Plus the kids were happy to get tons of daddy time.

Questions: nope

@romeoandjuliet146 Yes! My first pregnancy I failed the first and passed the second.

@pinkkillersheep Hugs. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. Any change is hard, and not feeling comfortable in your own skin and feeling out of control only makes it harder. I’m okay while pregnant, postpartum is where I fall apart with body image. I agree with what everyone else is saying. Pregnancy sucks. Even the easiest of pregnancies. And social media and pregnancy blogs only make it worse. I also feel the surfacing! With my last kid I remember what you said, like she was pressing her back against my belly.

@tulips29 I hope everyone gets healthy soon!!! This bug going around is a doozy!

ournextadventure · March 2022

Est Due Date / Weeks + Days: 30w5d

FTM/STM/TTM+: stm

Upcoming Appointments or Results: appt on thursday. Just boring check up

How are you feeling?: Pretty good. I feel like 3rd trimester energy levels kicked in and I literally don't want to move all day.

Rants/Raves: Having family issues. Its not anything new but I think the hormones are making me extra emotional. I also feel ungrateful. I've been upset because I never hear from my family unless I reach out to them. Then its almost like i'm getting on their nerves by reaching out. My daughter has been missing her grandmother so much and I just refuse to be the one to call them and ask them to spend time with her. I always do that and for the most part they are willing as long as we are the ones that travel to them. I see how much my husbands family wants to be involved in our lives and I want that from my family. His parents would drop everything to help us but mine act like its a burden. I feel ungrateful because I know I am lucky to have family at all but it still really hurts. I've cried a lot about it recently.

Questions:

@pinkkillersheep I've never felt this amazing connection to my kid while pregnant. With my first I think I was too sick to even be able to develop anything and then this one its just not happening. I have my moments of feeling bad about it but i know i will love him so much once he is here. I do love him now but it's hard to even comprehend he is in there for me to even start to feel a connection
Also your body image issues are so normal but also so important. I'm glad you are getting help. As someone who has dealt with severe eating disorders it can go downhill fast. I am struggling with this too. I keep having old thoughts pop back into my head. I've had to reach out to a therapist recently and that has helped a lot. Hoping this passes for you after the pregnancy and your therapist can help you cope until then.
@Tulips29 I had the dream on me bassinet with my first and liked it a lot. Its cheap but good enough.

KFrob · March 2022

@ournextadventure I feel the same way about my mom. My dad offers to help with the kids, helps us with projects around the house etc. But I feel like my mom can’t be bothered, unless it’s in her terms and it almost feels like it’s for show. I asked her to watch DD1 once and got so fed up with the passive aggressive comments about it I said forget it and we found someone else. DHs family bends over backwards to help and my MIL would do anything to spend time with the kids. Then I feel guilty that we always go to them for help or spend more time with them.

Tulips29 · March 2022

@romeoandjuliet146 I got the halo for my first and the legs were so wide, I was tripping over them next to our bed, so it didn't work too well for us. I'm looking for something different now to try out. And I failed the 1 hour glucose test with both kids and then passed the 3 hour test.

@fluteling we have the graco pack n play with a bassinet insert, but I didn't think of it for prolonged sleep. Now that you say it, I might just use the pack n play altogether and see how it works out before I invest into anything else.

@KFrob thank you! And same for you and your kiddos. You've had to deal with so much sickness, I give you so much credit. I was done yesterday after 3 hours of sleep and dealing with puking at night that I just passed out sitting on the couch last night. So great you husband was able to help out as well!

@ournextadventure I think I'd be the same way and feel the way you do. If someone doesn't reach out first, I take it they don't want to and I don't bother either. I'm sorry this has been tough. Have you ever mentioned to your family how this makes you feel and how your daughter feels? Maybe they are just not aware how this comes across? Like my dad will rarely reach out first, it's always my mom. My dad will never call and say hey can I stop by to play with the kids. He either comes with my mom together or doesn't come. And then he'll come over and sit on his phone half the time, but I make an effort each time to point out that kids want to play and not have grandpa just sit on the phone whenever he comes over. He's truly not even aware.

bww_0331 · March 2022

Est Due Date / Weeks + Days: 30 weeks on Wednesday (EDD 6/8). Entering the home stretch.

FTM/STM/TTM+: Third

Upcoming Appointments or Results: appointment next Friday

How are you feeling?: The pubic bone pain is unreal. Something about sitting at my desk exacerbates it. I can barely walk at work. Super. Can't sleep all night without Unisom. Super. Feel huge. Super.

Rants/Raves: Work is just so beyond hectic right now. This is already our busy time of the year prepping for our summer program but it's down a person, soon to be two, training someone new, and trying to make sure we have enough coverage for our summer. It's a lot. Especially because it's for high schoolers so there's so much liability and staff coverage needed. Trying to take a deep breath but really wishing I was there this summer to help. I feel helpless since I'll have a newborn.

Questions: None.

marionberry19 · March 2022

Est Due Date / Weeks + Days: June 19. 28w 1d

FTM/STM/TTM+: STM

Upcoming Appointments or Results: appointment on Friday to get a shot. Pushed out from Wednesday because I didn’t want to go out of town twice.

How are you feeling?: round. Emotional. The usual.

Rants/Raves: I have been obsessing over finding a dresser I like for this baby that isn’t $2,000. Well I found one on our local BST page for $150 and finally picked up the babies dresser this weekend. So now baby daddy has another project to deal with☺️ Photo of dresser in spoiler. & before any wood purists come for me, it is not being painted Just a slightly darker stain to match her crib.

marionberry19 · March 2022

@pinkkillersheep

I suffer from major body issues and pregnancy is not fun time for me because I feel gross and round and just weird. I have feelings of resentment because my body doesn’t feel like my own anymore. I still love my baby, I am still an amazing mother. You do not have to enjoy pregnancy to be a great mother. Your baby has absolutely no idea that you don’t think pregnancy is the bees knees. Your baby will not feel any less loved when they make their way into the world.

pinkkillersheep · March 2022

@Tulips29 Good to hear there’s some positive momentum in the sleep training! Hope it continues into this week. And thanks for sharing how you’ve felt through this. It really is pretty wild.

@romeoandjuliet146

The degree to which I can’t get my head to wrap around the fact my diet is effectively the same as it’s always been and yet ::gestures at whole self::. I think each session with my trainer includes at least one conversation of her reassuring me it’s going to be ok. I’m still taking occasional bump pics just because of the number of people who have told me I’ll regret it if I don’t, but the only mirror I look in now is at work.

@fluteling I thought of you this weekend as I (mostly) finished up the dress. I loved working with my mom’s serger and am tempted to get my own, which is insane because I sew like once every three years. Also I’m in full support of choosing violence. Sometimes there are no f’s left to give. And cheers to rebelling against toxic positivity. I’m not sure I have a customer service face. My resting b*tch face is too strong. Luckily I have an office and can sit here alone and save up some spoons for the few moments people stop in to talk to me.

@KFrob Thank you for validating this surfacing thing lol. It happens All The Time so I’m sure it’s normal but you’re the only person who’s said they know what I’m talking about! I’m trying to imagine what the kid is doing and I’ll I’ve got is they’re laying transverse and periodically doing leg presses against my spine. That’s an insanely disturbing image, but as a weight lifter makes me a little proud haha. Glad you’re feeling better and hope you hit a good stretch of healthy days!

@ournextadventure I’m so sorry about the family issues. That’s a special kind of painful. We live far enough away from our families that we avoid most of it, but it always seems to affect us eventually anyway. And I can’t imagine how triggering pregnancy must be for you. Cheers to you for reaching out for help, I’m glad it’s working for you. Finding the right person is so important.

@bww_0331 Sending you positive internet vibes. Sorry you’re in so much pain and have all the added stress of work on top of it.

@marionberry19 Beautiful dresser and you can’t beat the price!

Man I feel gross any time I see my reflection. My automatic thought has gone from “large” to “huge” and I have so much more growing ahead of me. I’m going to run out of adjectives. I stared at my reflection in a window for several minutes last night before DH came and blocked my view. Somewhere I read that the goal isn’t to *love* your body right now, it’s to accept it. That seems realistically achievable for me. This is what it is temporarily and then I’ll get it back and move forward.

KFrob · March 2022

@pinkkillersheep I was going to ask if you used a serger! I tell myself I would sew if I had one, but I know I’m lying to myself since I don’t have a good spot to set up a project. I would look for a used one, check around for sewing machine repair shops that might have one.

KFrob · March 2022

@marionberry19 LOVE that dresser. When DD1 was born we took my old dresser from my parents that’s a similar style and was left by the old lady my parents bought the house from. We painted it a coral color and thought my FIL was going to die. One day we’ll refinish it, it was just easier to paint it

fluteling · March 2022

@pinkkillersheep also goodwill or estate sales for a good sewing machine or serger. 🙌

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