Thoughts?? I'm so conflicted — The Bump
Babies: 3 - 6 Months

Thoughts?? I'm so conflicted

Am I in the wrong for not letting my bd's family be in our son's life and considering not letting his father see him unless he helps out financially or are my actions justified? My baby's father's family hasn't done anything and still don't do anything for my son but expect me to let them laugh and smile in his face🤔🤔the ONLY people really investing their time, money, and energy into my son are myself and my family🙅🏾‍♀️ it's sad how my mom and siblings are doing more for my child than his own father is doing for him but he wants to get upset when I speak on it🤨 his family kept insisting on him getting a dna test and saying they didn't believe the baby was his behind my back, the only thing they've done since he was born was ask to see him not do you guys need anything, how can we help, etc. My son is now 3 months and not even a single shirt or diapers have been bought for him even though they are financially able to provide. His family knows how bad we're struggling with him financially and so far only me and my family really provide for my son. His dad puts his job and own needs before our son such as food, bills, jewelry, etc but gets mad whenever I mention it to him or tell him I need stuff for the baby and that I'm getting tired of buying everything since I'm not his only parent. I understand we're both young but he makes way more than me comparing his full time 15/16 an hour job and side job doing lyft/uber to my part time 10 an hour job yet can't buy our son what he needs whenever I ask. I can count on one hand the things he's bought since I've been pregnant and given birth.

Re: Thoughts?? I'm so conflicted

  • Take him to court for child support if he isn’t helping. There’s legal action available for this scenario. I’m sorry you are struggling. 
  • Am I in the wrong for not letting my bd's family be in our son's life and considering not letting his father see him unless he helps out financially or are my actions justified? My baby's father's family hasn't done anything and still don't do anything for my son but expect me to let them laugh and smile in his face🤔🤔the ONLY people really investing their time, money, and energy into my son are myself and my family🙅🏾‍♀️ it's sad how my mom and siblings are doing more for my child than his own father is doing for him but he wants to get upset when I speak on it🤨 his family kept insisting on him getting a dna test and saying they didn't believe the baby was his behind my back, the only thing they've done since he was born was ask to see him not do you guys need anything, how can we help, etc. My son is now 3 months and not even a single shirt or diapers have been bought for him even though they are financially able to provide. His family knows how bad we're struggling with him financially and so far only me and my family really provide for my son. His dad puts his job and own needs before our son such as food, bills, jewelry, etc but gets mad whenever I mention it to him or tell him I need stuff for the baby and that I'm getting tired of buying everything since I'm not his only parent. I understand we're both young but he makes way more than me comparing his full time 15/16 an hour job and side job doing lyft/uber to my part time 10 an hour job yet can't buy our son what he needs whenever I ask. I can count on one hand the things he's bought since I've been pregnant and given birth.
    You’re not required to allow his family access to your baby, but you might be required to allow the father access (if there are certain visitation requirements). However, I personally would think really hard about the relationship you want the father to have with your son in the future and try and foster that.

    As PP said, there is legal recourse for the financial stuff, but if he wants to be an emotional participant in his life you can’t get a court order for that but could discourage it to a point that it doesn’t exist anymore.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • Child support!!!
    Praying for baby daddy to do the right thing by realizing his role in what it means to be a loving responsible Father. Either way, go through Division of Family Services and start Child Support. As for the Father's family or any particular person, if their intentions aren't well-meaning, then as the baby's Mother you've the right to protect your son from anyone who doesn't have his best interest. Stay strong! 
  • Although it's total crap he doesn't help provide financially, it's not your child fault. If the parent isn't dangerous and wants a relationship with their child, there is no reason to hinder that. If you do, then not only are you punishing the other parent (I get that you want to, trust me) but your punishing the child too. It's hard not to be angry and bitter when you're struggling,  but I promise one day your child will grow up and see it for themselves. 
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