Dealing with Pregnancy Announcements After Having Miscarriage

jtayl962 · December 2020

This year I have experience 2 miscarriage in the last 6 months (July through December). Ever since my husband and I started trying I watched a total of 8 women announced they were all expecting on social media. How do you handle yourself as you watch other women announce they are pregnant when you are dealing with a recent miscarriage?

capnjackharkness · December 2020

@jtayl962 Just remember that you never know what those women have actually been through. Even if it seems perfect and like they weren't trying or got PG without any issues, you don't actually know many of their back stories. Maybe one of them has dealt with infertility for 5 years with no explanations. Maybe another one who has a 2 year old and this is their second announcement, actually had several MCs in a row in-between those babies; or had many MCs before the first one. Maybe that other prefect looking baby/family announcement was someone who had to pay a bucketload of money for IVF/IUI treatments because that's the only way they could become PG, which is why they haven't really had any vacations and have scraped together every penny for the last few years. Just remember, not everyone is public in their stories and many people are quiet about their fertility struggles. So although some may be perfect, many are not and have had similar or worse struggles than you have, and you just don't see/know it. That's what kept me going.

aisukurimsarang · January 2021

I smiled on the outside, and resented on the inside. And SO MANY PEOPLE were having babies right after my loss. My face felt like plastic from fake smiling so much. Eventually, I snapped. I went home and cried and cried and cried... And let go of everything I'd been holding onto.

spinchick2020 · January 2021

I had a D&C 6 weeks ago and dealing with other peoples pregnancies has been the hardest part for me. I have 3 close friends who are pregnant and I cried for 3 days straight after one of them announced. I can’t even ask them right now about their pregnancies... I don’t have good advice other than validating that it’s ok to be upset, angry, sad, jealous and also feel happy for others. Sometimes I feel like a bad person for not being happy for them, but my sadness and grief is valid too. It’s a weird combo of emotions. Just try to take care of yourself and working through the emotions - exercise, meditation, yoga, therapy, journaling are all part of my healing. People have said time passing helps and I hope that is true.

bethanyGmomma · January 2021

I straight up deleted my social media accounts for several months when I I was coming up on my projected due date. I knew several, I mean SEVERAL, woman who were due all around the same time. As the month got closer I felt more and more anxious about the oncoming wave of birth announcements. Decided for my own mental health it was better to just log off, for a while.

knottie251b54355534d70d · February 2022

I just lost my baby boy at 16 weeks. We had announced our pregnancy several weeks beforehand, and so we announced when he passed because I didn't want questions. The next day, one of our friends announced her pregnancy. It felt like getting dunked in a bucket of ice water, but somehow being on fire at the same time. I also have friends who have new babies or are pregnant. I may temporarily block some of them on social media, not because I'm not happy for them, because I am, but because seeing their baby bumps and smiling babies just hurts too much right now. As silly as it seems, I also just remind myself that they don't have a baby BECAUSE I lost mine, and that no, it isn't fair that my baby died, but it isn't fair to expect them to be unhappy in their news because I am hurting right now. Nothing about our experiences with loss is easy, and we have to be gentle with ourselves as we grieve, even if it means taking a little space from our friends. Hopefully our friends understand where we are coming from.

canwetalk · February 2022

Can we Talk?

Hi. I have had four miscarriages and I know a lot of you are looking desperately (like I did) for answers or similar experiences that might shed light on your particular issue or question or just make you feel a little less alone in all this. For you all I have posted my short stories of my miscarriages in the last paragraph and what ultimately I believe helped me and my particular issue- feel free to skip down if you are in that “I just need answers now” mode. I hope perhaps it helps someone.

I am a documentary filmmaker and a mother. I had four miscarriages while trying to start my family. I felt utterly alone in my emotion/grief each time. I remember feeling angry and upset when seeing any baby announcement - shattered when someone would ask me “when are guys going to start?” .Other than searching these forums for help or insight I did not see myself, my pain, or how to deal with any of it represented accurately in any real shape way or form in the media. I want to change that.

I am looking for women like myself who want to talk about miscarriage, their experiences and their journeys through it, in it and after it- both mentally and physically. I want to talk about what no one else is talking about. More than that I want to show it. I want others to see what this pain, this frustration, this anger, this despair and this utter loneliness looks like. It is hard, it is unfair, and it is ridiculous that we and others do not talk about it or know HOW to talk about it. The pain, confusion and grief I felt was crippling at times but what was equally hard in some ways was the dismissal of my pain, confusion and grief by friends and family. More than one person said things like “It’s not a big deal - it happens all the time” “Just try again - it will work out” “I’m sorry - but you shouldn't stress - stress is bad for you and a baby”. ….oh really? Stressing out about my 2nd miscarriage in a row is bad for me? Uhh - thanks for that - I had no idea. SCREW YOU. I know they meant well - but they did not know how to talk about it - neither did I.

But I digress.

Each of my miscarriages was painful in its own way so I understand if you are going through your first or even your second or fifth- that talking about it might be too painful - too back of mind while you attempt to figure it out. I get that and I respect it. But, if you find yourself wanting to talk about it, wanting to share so others can see what it’s really like and how it affects so many of us so differently I would love to speak with you about the film I am making and how you might be a part of it. My anger of what I went through now finally outweighs the pain- and I am ready to do something about it so that maybe future women will hopefully feel a less alone in the experience and others can perhaps gain some insight as to what its like and how best to support us.

Here are my miscarriage stories:

I am not a doctor - and I can’t say with 100% certainly that any of this works for everyone- all I know is that it worked for me.

I had 4. All of them happened before or at 8 weeks. 3 of them happened at home with no medical assistance and for one of them I had to undergo a D&C.

I believe I had low progesterone. The reason I thought this was because of the following:

1.) I had short periods: 22-23 days usually.
2.) I had low Sex Drive
3.) I would get pretty frequent headaches
4.) I was having trouble getting pregnant. Even after months of trying - buying a basal body temp thermometer, clocking my cycle with ovulation tests (so many tests), changing my diet, etc.

So what did I do?

A friend told me to try this pill (FertilAid) - apparently it had great reviews on amazon. I blew it off. Then decided - eh- I’ll try it. I got pregnant for the first time within the first month of taking it. NOW - it says once you become pregnant to STOP taking it. Which I did. But…it has something in it that supposedly helps with normalizing the influence of hormones - including progesterone. When I stopped taking it I miscarried. This happened again with my second pregnancy- took the pills, got pregnant, stopped and miscarried. SO when I got pregnant for the 3rd time I asked my doctor to be put on Progesterone pills right away (first 10 weeks). It worked. I had my first son in 2018.

When trying for my second child I got pregnant with the FertilAid - went on the progesterone pills again but there was a chromosome issue and this resulted in a D&C. My 5th pregnancy was very quick - maybe 5 weeks - I miscarried before even stopping the FertilAid. My 6th resulted in my second son - again with the use of FertilAid to get pregnant and progesterone pills for the first 10 weeks.

Again- I am not a doctor - I just hope in sharing this it helps someone.

stormageddon-darklordofall · February 2022

canwetalk · March 2022

Not spam - a real person here who has experienced loss and just trying to do something about it.

stormageddon-darklordofall · March 2022

@canwetalk Well it sounds like spam. Seems super sketch to start up a old thread, without ever participating in the community, to ask people to email you privately and spill their guts. AND to start taking some random supplement. Did you ever go see an RE to have a RPL panel of tests done to attempt to diagnose your losses before attemptively self-diagnosing yourself and taking a random OTC thing your friend suggested?

Cause I have. I have been stuck and prodded. I have 5 MCs and no living children. I've been through test after test. I've seen two OB-GYNs, 2 RE's, 1 MFM. I've tried random herbs from my crunchy hippie friend. I've taken baby aspirin, tried pineapple core, etc. My zillions of tests say I'm perfectly fine.
I have unexplained RPL. And I can't try again, because I'm afraid that if I have a 6th MC I will kill myself. Even though people still continually tell me to "just try again." In fact, my own mother has told me "maybe just change your mindset" and keep trying, and maybe it'll work out.

We are not the same. Please remember that when you are trying to have a talking base. Not EVERY story ends up happy. Please don't hyperfocus on 'after' you get through RPL with your happy ending baby because not everyone GETS a happy ending baby. It's super hard to be going through RPL, with loss after loss, and only finding stories about people who 'beat' it with success stories at the end. You want a REAL story?!? Focus on people who've been through these struggles to 'start a family' and NEVER end up with a baby. Who realize that they already HAVE a family, and that living babies don't MAKE a family. That have to come to grips with never having children and needing to change what their entire lives were going to look like, and still can live happily and have a 'family' despite being childless not by choice. You think you had a hard time finding stories... search out THOSE stories and tell me what you find...

marge simpson love GIF

canwetalk · March 2022

None of us is the same. That is the point. Your journey is not mine - mine was not yours.

I'm very very sorry for all of your losses - truly. I am also sorry that like me and so many others some folks close to you don't get it. That is what I am aiming to change or at least call attention too- as comments made to you like those certainly do not help.

I also understand that not everyone has a happy ending. That is also the point of the film- to show that it doesn't always work out- sometimes in the short term - sometimes long. I'm looking to speak with anyone at at any stage - all stories are welcome as hard as they might be.

I found these forums helpful to me and the community I was a part of (under another name) tremendously supportive. I posted this here (in addition to working with an agency and other miscarriage groups to help facilitate research for the film) because I felt the need in a way to include the community that was there for me.

I appreciate you sharing and expressing your thoughts. Truly.

knottie916b0e4bc0bc7f1f · April 2022

I can relate. I found out I miscarried at 11 weeks (had a normal Us at 8weeks + 2 days), & now I’m at home after taking misoprostol. Our cat is pregnant & I’m pretty sure she’s about to deliver her kittens, and I’m not sure how I’m going to handle that. Am I really jealous of my cat? SMH

taiwot · May 2022

I miscarried at 10 weeks in February, people we got pregnant together bumps has started showing, sometimes When I see them I feel sad.

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