TTCAL w/o 1/31

abjm0325 · January 2022

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Questions?

GTKY: You have four hours by yourself to do anything you want. What would you do?

abjm0325 · January 2022

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC @ 8 weeks in Aug. 2021, CP in Dec. 2021

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I'm trying to enjoy the least stressful cycle days (for me) this week. I'm feeling a little numb about ever getting a BFP again. It's such an up and down string of emotions TTCAL.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I've promised myself that I will call my midwife next week. Either to share about a BFP or to schedule an appointment to discuss thyroid testing.

Questions? Just my same question from TFAS if anyone else has input to share: I want to test on 12 DPO so I can quit progesterone if it's a BFN. Probably a stupid question, but which kind of test would be most likely to pick up that early if it happens to be a BFP? I have like two First Response and a bunch of Easy at Home strips. I'd rather not use the First Response just because it's pricier, but I will if that would be more definitive at 12 DPO.

GTKY: You have four hours by yourself to do anything you want. What would you do? Obviously depends on the day, but I would probably order a favorite meal, watch a movie/read a book, and take a bath. I'm so exciting, haha.

anniemarie887 · January 2022

@abjm0325 so with my dec positive, i took a FRER on 12/12 which was roughly 8dpo and it was negative, i rested on 12/14 with a v strong positive (so 10dpo). we were out of town, so i only brought the FRER, but when i got home i was turning positives on mommed cheapies from amazon. my chemical in sept i did not expect a bfp, so i actually didnt test until 12dpo - turned a positive on FRER and FR digital (hello shock) - tested over the next few days and the line got lighter before bleeding started. with my daughter in 2019 i took a FRER on 8dpo negative, 10dpo positive. so i guess my point is, i've always tested w/a FRER to see, and then used cheapies as like a monitoring type test - but i've had 2 positives on 10dpo. not sure if that helps!

kiki047 · January 2022

@abjm0325 The Easy@Home tests have an HCG sensitivity of 25mlU/ml, whereas I think FRERs is 6.5mlU/ml. If you really want to be sure as of 12dpo I'd take the FRER but I hear you on the price. They're min. $10/test up here in Canada, but if I factor in the cost of a couple extra days of progesterone, knowing early can also be cost-effective in other ways lol. This is how I justify those tests in my head anyway. And this doesn't help your situation since it involves buying more, but I think Natalist brand is fairly new and their sensitivity is 10mlU/ml.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 11w Nov '20, MC 5w2d March '21, CP Jan '22, all from IVF

Status: WFAF, just had a negative beta yesterday which confirms we had a chemical after our 5th embryo transfer. My clinic doesn't even consider it to be a chemical, they call it "incomplete implantation" which feels horribly invalidating and kind of pisses me off

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Ehhh, I think I'm still in denial because I still have alll the symptoms from being so heavily medicated for this transfer. I expect to feel like garbage once my hormones crash and AF shows up, so I'm bracing myself for that. But as much as I'm dreading the physical pain/suffering, I also haven't let myself do any of my exercises or use my Peloton during this TWW so I plan on throwing myself back into a routine at least until our next transfer in a few weeks.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Waiting to meet with my RE at my next baseline appt to discuss next steps. I think we've done all of the testing there is to be done at this point, so just waiting to see what he has to say about our protocol to try again.

Questions? Am I the only one that overexaggerates a CP to people who aren't IF-aware and who are likely to dismiss the gravity of the loss that comes from an IVF pregnancy/loss? *I* know that a loss is a loss is a loss, but I'm in no frame of mind to edumacate the ignorant in this moment so I describe it the way it feels to me in a way they're likely to understand, which is a miscarriage.

GTKY: You have four hours by yourself to do anything you want. What would you do? Since I've been re-reading my favourite series, it would be to read a book. But I haven't read/finished a book in like a decade, so normally I'd probably watch something on tv that MH doesn't watch (Suits, Schitt's Creek, Maid are all in my queue right now), or fuss over my plants/garden.

anniemarie887 · January 2022

@kiki047 you've been through this more than me, but holy hell, i believe the hormone crash is what got me this weekend and i legit couldn't get vertical sunday. headache, extreme dizziness, hot flashes, some nausea - just kinda like death but not the flu/covid. still had a headache today, but thankfully ibuprofen handled it. that being said i think it sucks your clinic referred to it that way, and you are absolutely valid in your feelings. my ob did explain to me why they factor a cp differently than a mc, but still could sense my anxiety and said lets do genetic testing now even tho i technically should have one more loss to "qualify". she acknowledges the rules are often bs and it was miserable when she went to med school and they would make women have 3 back to back before looking into testing.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. CP at 5w Sept '21, MMC at 9w Jan '22.

Status: benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? this weekend took a lot of out me, i cried randomly friday and saturday which in hindsight should've been a hint that sunday was most likely a hormone crash, and then i cried more sunday for feeling like a pathetic blob that couldn't do anything around the house or spend time w/MH when he is heading out of town for a week on weds. did all my last bits of intake ppwork for therapy starting 2/3.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? just waiting on that 2/16 ob appt to get cleared and hopefully have chromosomal results.

Questions? natm, just happy to have this space to vent/scream into the abyss.

GTKY: You have four hours by yourself to do anything you want. What would you do? read! i love reading and have a massive TBR right now.

abjm0325 · January 2022

Thank you both for the testing info! I'll just bite the bullet and use the first response for more clarity. I will keep that Natalist brand in mind for the future though.

@kiki047 I would be upset by how the clinic labeled the loss too. When I talk about my losses (which isn't often enough, still hard for me to vocalize about it) with people not in the know I always just refer to it as two losses or losing two babies. Because for me, you damn well better believe that's what it was.

@anniemarie887 I'm sorry this was such a hard weekend (physically and emotionally). I hope you found a great therapist that will be able to support you as you process everything.

kiki047 · January 2022

@abjm0325 exactly, isn't that what a MC is at the end of the day, no matter how far along you were? It's a loss of a future for that baby, of your hopes and dreams, and all that comes with it. It's pretty nuanced in IVF but you're right, loss is absolutely the right term for it. and FWIW, I really hope that FRER brings you your BFP

@anniemarie887 oh sweet friend, sending you so many hugs. That hormone crash is no joke, and to have been as far along as you were, it's such a shock on your system.

bless your OB for agreeing to do the testing now even though you don't "qualify" (f*** that shit, I was denied genetic testing twice already, and since this CP still doesn't count as a MC I still couldn't get it done if I wanted to. I paid $600 OOP to get MH's karyotyping done and may very well have to do the same for me). I'm glad your therapy session is coming up soon, I'm such an advocate for therapy so I really hope that you're able to get the support that you need during all of this.

Looking forward to enjoying a great big glass of wine tonight.

abjm0325 · February 2022

@kiki047 Thank you, you have such a lovely way with words. The encouragement and support from you ladies never ceases to amaze me. I hope you had the most delicious glass of wine tonight and that you grieve in whatever way your mind and body need.

anniemarie887 · February 2022

@kiki047 I’m so sorry they won’t cover it for you, I don’t fully understand all the nuances of Canadian healthcare, but I would think with where you are it would be justified and that would be incredibly upsetting and frustrating to me. I’m sure in a few weeks I’ll be kvetching about billing, American healthcare is its own joke. I hope your glass of wine this evening was delish. Cheer from afar.

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