What helped you make the decision--vaginal or c-section?

nicademus20 · December 2021

Hello everyone, I'm 38 y.o. and 29 weeks along.
I'm sure by now I should have that decision made but I debate myself. My boyfriend wants me to have a c-section, but I think that is more pain and more to deal with afterwards. Additionally I believe part of him has the "tightness will be lost if vaginal" belief.
But I think "both have benefits, both have cons to them too", so I become extra flustered.
Part of me almost hopes the baby will decide for me when that time comes and whatever happens, happens!
What made up your mind when it came to deciding?
I am covered for either, so monetary issues haven't been a driving force in the decision.

Lisa3379 · December 2021

I never even once considered choosing a c-section. I mean, if that's what I need to do, then that's fine, but I feel like the risks and the longer recovery make c-section just seem less than ideal. Honestly, I'd be pretty bummed if my boyfriend was pushing me to choose c-section because a vaginal birth would make my vagina less tight. You need to choose what's in the best interest of you and the baby, not his penis.

meggyme · December 2021

nicademus20 said:

Hello everyone, I'm 38 y.o. and 29 weeks along.
I'm sure by now I should have that decision made but I debate myself. My boyfriend wants me to have a c-section, but I think that is more pain and more to deal with afterwards. Additionally I believe part of him has the "tightness will be lost if vaginal" belief.
But I think "both have benefits, both have cons to them too", so I become extra flustered.
Part of me almost hopes the baby will decide for me when that time comes and whatever happens, happens!
What made up your mind when it came to deciding?
I am covered for either, so monetary issues haven't been a driving force in the decision.

Typically the baby (and your doctor) will push you toward a decision one way or the other. Even if you definitively chose today your baby could choose a different path.

But my issue is with your boyfriend pushing for you to have major abdominal surgery on the off chance that you would feel better during sex for him?! Fwiw, I’ve had 2 kids vaginally and sex after my first is better than before. Your vaginal canal is a muscle and giving birth is the best workout it’s ever had.

Unless there is a medically necessary reason to have a C section most people aim for a vaginal birth. Also, I’d check that your insurance covers elective C sections. They likely cover medically necessary C sections but there may be more cost share for an elective one.

paytonpedro · December 2021

meggyme : Fwiw, I’ve had 2 kids vaginally and sex after my first is better than before. Your vaginal canal is a muscle and giving birth is the best workout it’s ever had.

This exactly! It was literally so much better after.

And but also, are elective c-sections for no reason really even a thing? I can’t imagine any doctor would do major surgery because you dOnT wAnT tO HaVe ThE bAbY VaGiNaLLy. What’s the reason you would want a c-section? Would you literally go to your doctor and say “I want a c-section because my husband thinks I’ll be loose after a vaginal birth”? If that’s the case, make him do the asking. Or make sure he’s in the room/on the zoom for it so he is both throughly embarrassed and educated.

wishiwaspreggo · December 2021

I decided to have a c-section with my twins because my smaller twin was presenting first and if he'd been born before my bigger twin my cervix would've closed before she could be born and we'd both probably die. So... easy choice there.

I had my son vaginally and recovery was a lot easier with him. Having your abdomen sliced open to ensure your boyfriend enjoys sex is a really bad choice. You realize your abdominal muscles will be severed and it'll take a long time for that to heal, right?

harpseal135 · December 2021

So, your SO wants you to have MAJOR surgery that has a minimum of 6 week recovery, with incisions that hurt and are uncomfortable while trying to care for a newborn. Thats crazy!

Yes, vaginal birth is not always non-eventful, yes i did tear bad (1mm away from going to the OR for stitching), yes, I was close to emergency c-section, but I would do what I could to have vaginal birth.

I have had an emergency laparotomy (incision hip to hip) and I will take a vaginal tear over an abdominal incision ANY DAY!

Also, sex hurt with the abdominal incision WAY longer than the vaginal tear post-stitching. As the scar tissue built and the tugging and pulling hurt for a long time, in my experience. The ultrasensitivity is bothersome around the incision, esp wearing pants and touch.

Sorry, but unless it becomes a medical issue, vaginal birth all the way. Your SO needs to learn a bit more about child birth.

Also, I have heard of couples opting for elective c-section and they were footed the whole bill, because insurance said there was no medical need and denied the claim.

coldlife2 · December 2021

Honestly, it was never “a decision.” Of course, I was going to have a vaginal delivery, because that is the healthiest option for a normal, low risk pregnancy. No way would I choose to have a major, invasive abdominal surgery if my baby’s or my life wasn’t at risk.

The vagina is literally made to expand to accommodate a baby’s head and then shrink back down. I’ll also say sex is currently the best it’s ever been, and I’ve vaginally birthed three large babies (the smallest was 8 lbs, 11 oz).

rachelredhead · December 2021

Aside from keeping mama/baby safe there are no “benefits” to a c section. It’s major abdominal surgery with a long recovery period. Is it often necessary? Yes. And you may be in a position during labor or beforehand when your doctor recommends a c section for the safety of you or baby. In that instance, you’ll weigh the risks and decide.

fifilala516 · December 2021

I'm planning on a vaginal birth unless I need to have a c-section for reasons beyond my control. A c-section is major surgery and a much longer, more painful recovery period. I'd make my husband sleep on the couch if he suggested a vaginal birth would make me "looser." Ew.

swizzlemalarkey · December 2021

Tell your BF to keep his trash opinion to himself.

My vagina feels the same & I even had a 3rd degree tear.
I pushed for 5 hours & still chose forceps over a c section. Not sure if I would’ve made the same choice again. But I think both recoveries would’ve been horrible in their own way, but that’s because I had complications.
The benefit to a vaginal delivery for me was that now I don’t have excruciating pain during exams. And hopefully will have a better sex life because before I had my child sex was always painful.

knottie8ce84fea780c5780 · December 2021

I had my first by C section and my second kid vaginally. I cannot tell you how much I hope this delivery is another vaginal one. (I'm 32weeks today! Yay!)
Recovery from a C section is rough!! Higher risk of infection, incision scar, etc. I've always joked that after my VBac they could've given me a shower and a sandwich and I would've cartwheeled outta there. Delivery will hurt regardless so pick the one with easier recovery if you get to pick. Good luck!

maggiemadeit · December 2021

I had an emergency c-section with my first, and a natural VBAC with my second that resulted in a 4th degree tear and required a trip to the OR to fix (not a typical experience, he was over 11 lbs). I would take the recovery from the worst possible tear over the c-section recovery any day of the week. And we still have amazing sex.

Also, I don't think many providers are doing elective c-sections without a real medical reason these days, given the risks of major abdominal surgery.

harpseal135 · December 2021

@nicademus20 hopefully you are reading these and no a post and go.

In all seriousness, unless there is a medical issue vahunal birth is best.

There is a lot of great stories and personal experiences posted. Most saying sex was better after vaginal birth.

I'll be honest sex was easier after vaginal birth than it was after an abdominal incision - for me.

Please let your SO read these experiences too, to get the perspective of moms whom have given birth.

meggyme · December 2021

I’m going to add this since it seems relevant. If you end up with a vaginal birth and tear and need stitches DO NOT let your boyfriend or any shady doctor talk you into an “extra stitch” also sometimes called the husband stitch in an effort to make you think it will make your vagina tighter. It will likely only make sex more painful for you because that’s not the shape that you vagina is supposed to be.

You will note that these are all from a woman’s perspective. Who knows if a c section or the husband stitch actually changes how it feels for your boyfriend. The point is that it could negatively affect YOU and your ability to enjoy sex. Having the smallest box around does no one any good if sex is painful for you.

nicademus20 · December 2021

Thank you everyone so much for your comments. There is a lot more conversations and reading I've done during this time too, and it seems an easy choice for vaginal-unless the baby does what I did to my poor mom!
I was a month premature, the water broke but I was breached. My boyfriend was also born through c-section so I think it clouded judgement of the risks when it all seems as not a big deal.
I do understand where it has its place, but now am choosing much more towards vaginal.

Where I'm extra happy is that my boyfriend and I had a good conversation about it and he understands the ideas he had aren't accurate. I did show him some posts too, and it helped him see that maybe we both had the wrong ideas about how sex--and the body--is effected.
None of my close friends have children, so I didn't have friends to ask that personal of questions to.

Thank you everyone again

Lisa3379 · December 2021

@nicademus20 That makes me super happy that you and your boyfriend had a good conversation about it and are more well-informed about it. I totally get it - as a first time mom, this is all new territory.

harpseal135 · December 2021

Yeah! Im glad that you guys had a discussion..

Even if you go in with plans of a vaginal birth, also expect the unexpected, be fluid but yet informed and ask questions before agreeing to anything.

Remember every experience is different, but it does help to hear from moms who have gone through it. Its one of the scariest but yet happiest, beautiful moments of life!

srobbins17 · January 2022

I have to have a c-section due to placenta previa and I wish I was able to have a vaginal delivery. It's my first, so I have no reference, but a major surgery sounds terrible. It also has to happen early (37w 2d) which means potential issues for the baby. Good luck to everyone!

knottie8ce84fea780c5780 · January 2022

Good luck @srobbins17 !! It is tough but you will be too!

nicademus20 · January 2022

I wish you and your baby luck too srobbins!!
I wish there was more choice for many, the more I've read since making this post is that so much is doctor decision and baby decision and our bodies are along for the ride.
I would think the doctors in their experience would know best, so hopefully there is comfort in that for everyone's delivery day!

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