UO Tuesday 12/7

pinkkillersheep · December 2021

marionberry19 · December 2021

I think baby showers are done too far into the pregnancy. So many people here have them around 38 weeks and I’m just mind boggled. You’re giving yourself two weeks to buy what you need if it wasn’t bought for you? and like people have tried to tell me it’s because that way the mom is far enough along that nothing is going to happen. How morbid is that? Also, I don’t care if it’s your 7th baby. You should have a baby shower and let people shower you and your baby with gifts and love.

KFrob · December 2021

@marionberry19 I kinda get the what if something happens mentality in older people who may have been having kids when the mortality rate was much higher. I agree that every baby should be showered. Our first was born 6 years ago and this is our 4th. Stuff wears out, carseats expire, products get updates, plus its a reason to celebrate.

Tulips29 · December 2021

@marionberry19 as someone who had 1 kid at 37 weeks and second at 35 weeks, I can't imagine waiting until 38 weeks to have a baby shower. To me, 28-32 week range is the perfect timing. And I agree with @KFrob, there's always a reason to get new things and any celebration is fun.

UO: My job is not the traditional 9-5, but don't contact me before 9 am asking to chat, catch-up, etc. I just got my kids out the door, I need a few minutes to have my coffee and breakfast in peace. My manager is great, but sometimes he's online at 7 am working and eager to talk by 8:30. Let me chew my breakfast in peace, thanks.

fluteling · December 2021

I don’t like baby showers at all. I don’t like people commenting on my body (how big or small) and being forced to make small talk and politely receive judgements from others about my parenting or medical decisions. Because everything that happens in pregnancy is a medical decision. And unless you’re my MD, idgaf.

furmama2babymama · December 2021

@Tulips29 my job is 8-430 and remote (for the time being) and I hate when people send me chats at 7:50, or even 8am. Let me get my life together first, please! Also my boss will often email on weekends. She doesn’t expect a response but it’s hard to resist looking at them getting stressed out lol.

bww_0331 · December 2021

@fluteling SAME. I hate pregnancy for that reason (among others). Don’t ask to touch me, don’t comment on my body, stop asking questions about my vagina at the end, stop asking me how I feel 24/7, stop asking personal questions. People have no filter around pregnant people and somehow think they can ask whatever they want. I hated my baby showers and don’t want to be the center of attention.

ournextadventure · December 2021

@fluetling and @bww0331 I completely agree. I haven't announced this pregnancy except to my closest friends and family because I hate the attention. I hate people treating me different. Don't touch me, I don't need your outdated advice, and don't comment on how big i'm getting. I know people mean well and they are excited but I just literally hate it so much.

KFrob · December 2021

Okay, maybe I don’t like baby showers, I just like presents lol. I also hate being the center of attention. I just ignore people’s stupid comments. It is really strange how people think it’s okay to make comments to pregnant people, or even worse, touch them.

Edit Grammar

fluteling · December 2021

@KFrob right?! I had the weirdest comments last time, everything from comments on my body to comments on not finding out the gender to telling me how sorry I’d be if it comes with problems. Everything was a judgement. 😳

KFrob · December 2021

@fluteling Since this is mine and DH's 4th together, and he has a daughter from a previous marriage we're afraid of peoples stupid comments on how many kids we have. DH told me he admitted to a friend that he tells people we were going for a boy since we have all girls even though that's not true just to prevent dumb comments about us just loving each other and wanting another baby.

Tulips29 · December 2021

@KFrob I truly don't get why people care how many kids someone else has. Like how does it affect them in any way? I recently asked my mom if she thought anyone suspected I was pregnant and she said "I don't think anyone would even think you'd pregnant since you already have 2 small kids. I bet no one is even suspecting you'd want a 3rd one and so soon." Because everyone decided it's the standard these days to just want 2 kids.

KFrob · December 2021

@tulips29 my mom once made a comment about one of my friends having a third, bc she already had a boy and a girl so her family was complete. I was like hey mom, maybe they just want another kid?!

huckleberrypie · December 2021

I'll admit I judge people inside when they have very large families, moreso when I was in my 20s even. I feel like the world already has enough population that we don't need to have tons of children, and also typically the people with lots of children are religious and conservative, so I'm sad that so many more people are being brought into the world and raised that way and will likely cause more problems for the world down the road. Ofc I have friends who come from large conservative families and were able to see the inequity, bigotry, etc. of that lifestyle and moved away from that ❤️ Also I feel like there are so many unwanted children out there, more people should consider adoption if they want large families. I didn't actually want biological children at all until the last couple years, my plan was to adopt, but my husband really wanted to experience the process once and I admit I'm curious now about the baby we'll make. We're adopting for our future children though. But ultimately it's none of my business and I'm trying to be less judgey 😅, a lot of the people I do know with many children are perfectly lovely and great.

marionberry19 · December 2021

Yikes

huckleberrypie · December 2021

@marionberry19 I'm guessing you're responding to me, could you elaborate? I reread my post and I'm guessing you're saying that because of what I said about religion and conservatism. I'm sorry, I don't mean to make it a blanket statement because you can definitely be religious and conservative and not live a problematic lifestyle. Many of the very large families I've seen are because they basically don't believe in birth control or sex education and use religion as the reason. Those are the people that also largely voted for Trump (which I associate with supporting / tolerating bigotry), are against a woman's right to choose (which I associate with inequity), deny climate change (which I associate with causing problems down the line), etc. I realize those can be contentious subjects. I'm open to discussion and learning

marionberry19 · December 2021

@huckleberrypie actually my yikes was directed at your commentary about judging women/families who choose to have large biological families in general. Especially since you bring over population into it yet you yourself are pregnant due to giving in to your partners wishes for a biological child. Especially directly after the commentary by women who just openly talked about how they have larger families and are tired of the judgment. I believe woman have a right to choose what they do with their own bodies and if that means they have 10 kids I will support it just as much as I support the right to have no kids.

fluteling · December 2021

@kfrob uuuuugh that’s sucks. I admit I go the snarkier route and tell people we’re having a velociraptor. Then when they look confused, I’m like, “well you asked.”

Tulips29 · December 2021

@fluteling I LOL'ed at your comment. Love the snark.

KFrob · December 2021

@huckleberrypie and that’s exactly the judgement I’m afraid of! I could not be any less religious or conservative and don’t want people to assume I am since my values don’t align with those view points at all. Maybe I want to have a bunch of kids to bring more love into the world and my life, maybe I want to raise my kids to be good, kind people who will help change the world for the better. Maybe more liberal atheists need to have more kids… just sayin

@marionberry19

huckleberrypie · December 2021

@marionberry19 I see what you mean about the timing, I was just skimming the posts before and didn't read them carefully. I saw Tulip's comment about why anyone would care how many kids and just started responding to that. Now that I've read the whole thread my comment was ill placed and insensitive. In general, I do think that having 10 kids is irresponsible though I support the choice to do it, but this wasn't the right place to bring it up. I apologize and don't mean to make anyone feel bad. 😊

huckleberrypie · December 2021

@KFrob I hear you, I'm sorry for saying that here. I'm working on also being less judgmental toward individual people I meet and hearing their stories.

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