July 2022 Moms
theearlymajority
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Hiding your pregnancy from…everyone
theearlymajority
member
Has anyone ever hidden their pregnancy from family members for a few months? Has anyone ever kept their pregnancy from their husband? I am debating on doing one and/or both. I just found out two days ago and have not told my husband yet.
This will be our fourth (and last) child, and it took him a lot to agree to a fourth child. He was adamant that we wait until after the holidays and after our daughter turns one (in February). Obviously…that didn’t happen. I haven’t even had a period post partum so I thought it was highly unlikely and thus so did he because I told him there’s no way I’m ovulating.
I’m debating on waiting to tell him so as to spare him the stress for a while. He is extremely supportive and loving, but I know he will immediately start stressing. Part of me wants to wait until closer to Christmas when I feel like he will handle the news without so much stress.
Keeping the pregnancy to myself just feels very strange, not to mention I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off. There are so many family gatherings and holidays coming up and it will send up alarm bells if I’m not drinking. I also tend to have pretty rough first trimesters so hiding the fact that I don’t feel well might be difficult.
I guess I’m looking for advice on how I should about keeping my pregnancy hidden…or if I’m totally crazy…has anyone done this?
I guess I’m looking for advice on how I should about keeping my pregnancy hidden…or if I’m totally crazy…has anyone done this?
Re: Hiding your pregnancy from…everyone
My husband has very high blood pressure and we tried to conceive for 6 years and the amount of stress that went into that was A LOT on our minds and our bodies, mine from the drugs and his b/c of the uncertainty of everything.
So when we stopped all of the ART procedures and naturally fell pregnant with our 1st I waited until blood tests and the first ultrasound to tell him so I knew, what if anything I was telling him.
And then off to the races with having to manage his health and mine.
We found out I was high risk and would always be considered that with that pregnancy so with knowledge, we told no one in our family until we were at a point of viability due to medical intervention incase things did not go well. With our years of trying we learned that for us the extra weight of everyone's well meaning intentions wasn't something we could bear on top of what we were putting ourselves through personally.
We are on baby number 7 and things will follow suit, I let my husband know once and if we have a heartbeat at the first appointment or anything else pertinent, then we tell family, friends and work once we get to a point where we deem it "safer" to do so.
I actually miscarried last year prior to be able to tell my husband I was even pregnant and that was taken in stride because for us everything is always so uncertain he knew/knows why I wait and for him that's ok, but not everyone may react like that. Its all in what your relationship can bear.
As for friends and family we got backlash with the 1st child and cleared that up right away and had no issues with following children since its our choice who and when we tell about a child that is OURS. I think at points family may be so engrained in the journey they can lose sight sometimes that it is YOUR journey not really a shared one in all respects and feel a little entitled to the details.
Things being held close is not always a bad thing or done in malice and doesn't mean you don't want to share you just want to control when you do and that's ok - or at least it should be viewed as ok.
Knowing how your body reacts to pregnancy could be a positive though if you guys don't want to share the news right away you can head things off at the pass with announcing lifestyle changes and if your in a colder climate then well placed wardrobe of layers does wonders for the work place if you work outside the home.
Not sure how far along you are now to say waiting till Christmas to tell your husband will work out because then you may have already needed blood work and an ultrasound and if your have rough 1st trimesters you would be well into it by then.
Not sure how stress affects your husband but I normally insist upon a dr appnt for mine after the news and most times they have had to adjust medications (a few times multiple times) to keep up with the situation so just keep in mind our spouses do go through a lot at the same time as we do so a watchful eye is at times needed because they get wrapped up in taking care of everything else they themselves fall by the way side.
Baby #1 7/16/10
Baby #2 11/14/12
Baby #3 12/11/14
Baby #4 3/30/17
Baby #5 2/28/19
Baby #6 Miscarriage
Baby #7 7/3/22
Naturally with PCOS
I don’t think I would personally be able to, or enjoy hiding the pregnancy from my spouse: after all, I am in the mindset that it takes two to make a baby. Even if this wasn’t his first choice for timing, IMO he deserves to be an active participant and you deserve to have a support person! Plus first trimester sucks. He should be supporting you as you navigate feeling crappy and caring for your family.
Personally I told my spouse straight away (like tens minutes after peeing on a stick) and that week we told our parents and I told my closest friends. Likely we will wait until 16-20 weeks to tell anyone else (extended family, social media etc) and I may not tell work until 20-24 weeks as it’s none of their business and they’re already sh#tty with the number of mat leaves we’ve had recently.
regardless of what you decide, I hope you feel supported in your choice and supported during early pregnancy!