Monday B!tchfest: 11/15

stardustskies · November 2021

My husband just volunteered me to do Christmas this year without asking me, even though his grandma always does it at her place. And his mom already told his grandma and she graciously accepted "my" offer.. so now I guess I'm stuck. And I feel guilty complaining because
*TW* Backstory is his brother died of an OD Christmas eve last year and although it was expected for quite some time, his family took it pretty hard, obviously. (Not so much him because he saw it coming, and he and his brother haven't been close in a long time, but definitely his mom and grandma.) But now instead of us celebrating Christmas with our 3 year old, I'm going to have his family at our house in mourning. *end TW*
I know I sound like a horrible person and obviously I'm not saying no and we are going to do it but. Just felt like venting a little.

Feel free to use this thread to b!tch about anything. 😬

thegeekymom · November 2021

@stardustskies I'm so sorry that whole situation really sucks. We're in a weird spot this holiday season too. We moved across the state during the pandemic and last February my uncle was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he died the morning after Easter. I wasn't able to visit him before he died or go to his funeral because I was 36-38 weeks pregnant and not allowed to drive that far (couldn't visit earlier because he was in the hospital until the very end and they didn't allow visitors) I'm dreading Thanksgiving our first family gathering without him, I know everyone is just going to be sad and Christmas will be the same. Plus the baby doesn't know my family at all and screams when any of them try to pick her up, so yay this is going to be a great first holiday season for her. My 9 year old has been a complete wreck about the whole thing, she misses our family a ton and when we get together it isn't the same.

I know it's not the same situation, but I feel your pain. Let us know if we can help you figure out anything for the holidays! Maybe do a fun brunch and get the family out of your house early so you can enjoy Christmas night with your family? Or celebrate with your 3 year old on Christmas Eve, do something fun like Christmas crackers with dinner and a fun Christmas movie.

stardustskies · November 2021

@thegeekymom Thank you, and I'm sorry about your uncle. I'm thinking we will just have the family over Christmas evening and at least that gives us the morning/afternoon with our son opening gifts and playing with toys.

thegeekymom · November 2021

@stardustskies Christmas morning is the best anyway! We always make cinnamon rolls, so they're in the oven while we unwrap presents and we eat them after. Then we have plenty of time to play with our new toys and enjoy being together.

stardustskies · November 2021

On a different note- Anyone else's husband eat the entire family size bag of potato chips in one sitting? It makes me so mad! Like seriously, save some for the rest of us! He does the same thing with cookies or icecream. I'm about to start hiding the snacks from him. Grr

quelinda99 · November 2021

@stardustskies oof hosting is tough, it will be even more tough considering the circumstances. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother in law and what your family has been going through. Hopefully it'll be a big relief to his mom and grandmother, and you can still enjoy Christmas morning with your 3 year old.

@thegeekymom I'm sorry about your uncle. The holidays are so hard after loss. Hopefully there will still be some holiday cheer, but I understand it will be a tough time for your family.

We're bumping up our Thanksgiving travel to this weekend as my husbands grandfather has refused treatment for multiple needs and my MIL says he probably only has a couple more days. Service will be Monday. Thanksgiving will be really hard. I am hoping to try to relieve my MIL of some of her Thanksgiving hosting but it's also her birthday on Sunday so I am trying to think of some way we can make her feel extra supported next week.

inthewoods23 · November 2021

Time to b*tch about my SIL and future BIL.

I am 99% sure they are the reason we got covid. The last time we saw them was the weekend of Oct 23rd when we were over at their house for a few hours for a bonfire. 2 weeks after that is when my MIL and FIL went on a cross country road trip. MIL had sent an email on the 5th to DH and SIL on what they needed to do to take care of their cats. My SIL was primarily going to be the one to take care of the cats but told DH he would need to do it if she wasn't up for it and in parentheses wrote "Do you know (SIL and future BIL) got the covid?).

I'm so PO'ed that my SIL has never had the decency to tell us anything because not only did we learn about her actually HAVING covid from my MIL (for who knows how long at that point!), there have been 2 other times where she was exposed to it and had to get tested and we again only found out because MIL mentioned it. I just got put on an immunosuppressant late last week so I pretty much want nothing to do with my SIL which is pretty much par for the course. I have so many stories about her I could write a novel. Un-f*cking-real.

stardustskies · November 2021

@inthewoods23 Wow, honestly I'd be evaluating if they are even worth spending time with since they obviously don't care anything about your health. You have every right to be PO'ed. I'd maybe mention to MIL about how selfish they are and from a different post I saw that because of them you're considering skipping Thanksgiving? It wouldn't be farfetched if you decided to just have a small meal with your close family this year.

quelinda99 · November 2021

@inthewoods23 omg this would make me ballistic. I definitely would not have any interest in seeing them!! That is so selfish!! And you are pregnant and on an immunosuppressant??? I wouldn't have anything to do with your SIL either!

inthewoods23 · November 2021

@stardustskies @quelinda99 we're not planning on telling anyone about this pregnancy for a while due to a past loss plus finding out my immune system attacks the baby (which is why I struggled for 4+ years just getting pregnant in the first place and don't know yet if it will be difficult to stay pregnant) so I can't even be like "do you want to be an aunt you a-hole?? because you're putting that in jeopardy". Poor DH was bawling "I don't want to lose the pregnancy" this weekend because he knows we're in a delicate situation right now. I plan on getting my OB and RI's opinion on the situation and ask if it's best I only do Thanksgiving with those that are vaccinated (aka, my family).

bearsandbeets7 · November 2021

@stardustskies I would put DH in the dog house for a while for volunteering me to host a holiday! Not cool. I am sorry about your BIL though. Hopefully y’all can make the most of Christmas morning/afternoon!

@thegeekymom I am sorry to hear about your uncle! The first holiday season after a loss in the family is always tough. I hope your family is able to make the most of it!

@inthewoods23 I would be so livid that they had covid and didn’t have the decency to inform you especially since you were around them and exposed! When my daughter tested positive for covid we immediately informed anyone that we were around so that they could be on high alert for symptoms and go get tested.

howardme · November 2021

Since COVID has been brought up on this thread, can I just ask what those of you who are vaccinated plan to do about family members that are unvaccinated? Will you see them through your pregnancy? What about after baby is born?

My MIL is the only one who refuses to get vaccinated and I feel pretty strongly that she either does for the baby or we have some pretty restricted visits with her once the baby is here. My DH is fine with that but I know how my MIL will be and she won’t make this easy…

bearsandbeets7 · November 2021

@howardme I am really struggling with what to do about this right now as well. None of DHs family is vaccinated, we don’t live in the same area so it would be them visiting from out of town which comes with another host of risks. My whole family is fully vaccinated so I don’t have any concerns there.

Personally I think that for unvaccinated family, I will definitely enforce masks and limited time holding the baby, definitely nothing in their face. I’ve thought about asking them to take covid tests before being around the baby as well but I don’t know if that is a bit over board. But then I think about this little innocent baby that doesn’t even have an immune system yet and I don’t think we could do enough to protect them from it.

tuxielove93 · November 2021

@stardustskies if my husband had the gall to volunteer me to host a holiday while I was pregnant without asking, he would be sleeping in the car. Not cool.

Alright, strap in ladies: Our family sucks. All of them, collectively, I’m freaking done. I’ll try to keep it short but informative 😆

We live across the country from our family. I DID make a really close girlfriend here in our new state, but she has gotten herself a boyfriend and has fallen off the face of the earth.

This leaves me with exactly zero options for child care while I’m, ya know, GIVING BIRTH. So I figure, between them, all the family who haven’t traveled for TWO YEARS can plan to come visit, one set per week, to cover us for me giving birth right?

HAHAHAHAHAHA. No.

My mom won’t come without my dad. My dad is an abusive asshole and I can’t leave my kids alone with him. Does my mother accept this reality? No, no she does not. Plus she’s “so busy with her dog business that time of year” Umm…. She has dogs every weekend and it’s her own rover business so A) block the time off and

COME WITHOUT MY FATHER
My grandmother is refusing to come at all.
My aunt “doesn’t know” if she can come (she’s only about six hours away) because she doesn’t know where she will be, oh and she really has to go back and visit the rest of the family anyways.

And my MIL has yet to bring it up at all even though we have talked about it before. (And btw I was ready to fly across the country to be with her when her aunt (who was like her mom) died with a 4 month old and a 2 year old)

My FIL and SMIL are a nightmare and are not allowed anywhere near me when I’m
pregnant thanks to last time. (Long story short, they came last minute last time I was pregnant due to prodromal labor. They then wouldn’t stop asking me when I thought I would have the baby. And then had the gall to corner me in an ice cream store and try to find out why I didn’t like them when I was 38 weeks pregnant and in prodromal labor)

so…. Out of eight people I have no one that is actually willing to come be with my two kids so I can give birth to my third.

GREAT.

I’m calling home birth midwives. I’m low risk, have had two healthy happy pregnancies. BUT I do have wicked anxiety and my BP always goes up when I’m at the doctor. Cue everyone freaking out thinking I have BP problems when I don’t. How do I know this? I monitor it constantly at home and it’s never high. Plus, I can feel myself having a panic attack as they are taking it and my heart racing but apparently that doesn’t matter.

sigh. I don’t know exactly what I am going to do. I do know that I have absolutely had it with our families. We do not ask them for anything, and it feels like they are all being incredibly selfish right now when we actually really need them. And I’m kind of done.

stardustskies · November 2021

@howardme That's a tough one for me actually. I'm vaccinated and so is my side of the family, but my husband isn't and neither is his side of the family (except grandparents). I'm gonna talk to my doctor about getting another dose during pregnancy or just the booster and basically just hoping that the antibodies will pass through the placenta. The plan is to breastfeed so antibodies will be present in the breastmilk as well.. but my husband has made it very clear that he is not getting the vaccine at any point.

inthewoods23 · November 2021

@howardme DH and I haven't totally had that conversation yet, but I think I'm going to have a pretty hard line of no vaccine = no visiting because I know my ILs hate wearing masks and are choosing not to get vaccinated. And that's fine, whatever, I obviously am not going to change their mind on that subject but I'm not going to change my mind on protecting my newborn who I have spent years and thousands of dollars just trying to conceive, let alone the cost of prenatal care, birthing, and beyond. My mind may change as the pandemic goes along, we'll see. But right now if I were due to give birth I'd be like "f*ck no you're not touching my kid". Being due in July may have the benefit of cases being lower at that time anyway so maybe just making sure everybody uses hand sanitizer will be enough. I didn't get my first vaccine dose until July this year so I'm not actually due for the booster until.... April or so? So baby will get some antibodies before them.

I'm also finding comfort that I'm not the only one dealing with some family not being vaccinated while others are. This is a really tough position to be in!

courtneyqdk · November 2021

@howardme it is so hard! We are having mini drama in our family right now. My brother in law's partner is not vaccinated. I had initially said they were welcome to come to my son's 3rd bday party, I asked if she would get a rapid test before coming as he is too young to be vaccinated and they said OK and everything was fine.

Then, my mom said if everyone isn't vaccinated she isn't coming. So we had to go back to BIL and ask if he come alone to the party and we will see them at Xmas. My husband says that convo was fine and no hard feelings, but I am still anxious about seeing them around Xmas in case there is any tension. It's not the biggest deal but my son didn't get a party last year (we has a video call where everyone sang Happy Birthday and had cake) and I feel very strongly about him having a little party this year because he is old enough to be excited about it this time.

I think, ultimately, you have to do whatever you are comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable being around someone who is unvaccinated it is your choice to protect your health. Hopefully your MIL doesn't make it too hard for you, but I can just imagine it being a ton of stress.

howardme · November 2021

Thanks for the responses @courtneyqdk @stardustskies @inthewoods23 @bearsandbeets7! Its good to know other people are struggling with some of the same issues and are figuring it out as well. Its tough to appease everyone - especially given COVID has become such a hot button topic but as a FTM I feel like I will be overprotective and over-cautious until my baby can get vaccinated as well.

inthewoods23 · November 2021

This is a minor b*tch.... I'm in a couple mailing lists for pregnancy things and it's like... half the articles they link to me are "what to pack in your hospital bag" and other things that I have no reason to be seriously thinking about right now. Shouldn't that be a 3rd trimester thing??

sunshineandlemons · November 2021

The vax topic is so hard right now. My MIL and her SO aren’t vaccinated but have both had Covid- she has twice and it’s not been that bad so she refuses to get vaccinated. I can see her point of view but I have no idea how long the antibodies last and I don’t want to subject a newborn to Covid potentially. I’m hoping my OB will bring this up at an appointment when my husband’s around so he can broach the topic with his mom with a true medical opinion versus just what I say.

weezyfbaby1003 · November 2021

Oof I’m with you all in holiday woes! My MIL passed right after New Years last year not unexpectedly, but still quite a blow near the holidays and my hubs is being very protective of his step-father, rightfully so. That being said, his two brothers and their family’s both are spending Thanksgiving out of town meaning my husband told me that we were for sure staying in IL for Thanksgiving. Totally fine, we normally split the holidays anyway.

Later, I brought up going to see my family in MI for Xmas and my husband tells me that he won’t go to unless he knows his brothers will be there for my FIL. Again, totally understandable, but we haven’t been to see my family together in 3 years (2 years in a row he was traveling for work so I went alone and last year he had COVID and we both were quarantined) and I want us to be able to announce the pregnancy to my family! I don’t think I’m being unfair and I also don’t think it’s fair that we not travel both holidays while his brothers do whatever they want without thinking of my FIL. Asked hubby to talk to his brothers, but that probably won’t happen so I might be hinting some things to my SILs at our family get together this weekend…

courtneyqdk · November 2021

@weezyfbaby1003 that's so hard! We have 4 sets of grandparents as well (both of us have divorced parents) and trying to see them all every year - no one lives in the same city - was painful. This year, we actually recently moved back to my hometown so we are near my sides and I am hoping that makes it WAY less stressful to get visits with everyone in over the holidays. Fingers crossed!

quelinda99 · November 2021

@weezyfbaby1003 Oof what a hard situation. Hopefully your husbands brothers will step up for you and for their dad and be home during the holidays! But how sweet of your husband to be thinking of his dad like that. I love that. And your username always makes me laugh!

@courtneyqdk I'm so jealous of you! We moved away from my hometown 2 years ago and now we aren't near either family. It sucks! I feel like we use all our time off just to travel for the holidays. I wish we were still a 20 minute drive away

I hope you enjoy being home!

courtneyqdk · November 2021

@quelinda99 I definitely do not take it for granted! I moved 4 hours away from home when I was 18, and our most recent home was 5.5 hours away! Both sets of DH parents were 3+ hours as well. It was hard once we had my son, but once the pandemic hit it was just unbearable. No help, ever, and we both work full time so trying to juggle with childcare was a nightmare. We've only been here 4.5 months now but the difference in our quality of live is remarkable, I can't see us moving again (at least not while kids are young!). We are very lucky!

weezyfbaby1003 · November 2021

Thanks for the support ladies! Honestly if I wasn’t pregnant I’d be willing to be more flexible, but announcing to my family should be in person with both of us! I definitely feel multiple family, glad you’re closer this year @courtneyqdk, definitely should make your life easier especially during this exhausting first tri!

@quelinda99 My hubs is a total cactus, he’s a big, scary looking dude (my younger SIL admitted to me she was super intimidated by him when they first met😆), but is a total softie on the inside, especially when it comes to those he loves! Hahaha my first name is Louise, so Weezy has been my family nickname forever and is what my little nieces call me! That being said I’m also a big Lil Wayne fan!

L1C4gal · November 2021

@weezyfbaby1003 my husband's grandma's name was Louise and people often called her "Weezy" as a nickname. We gave our daughter the middle name Louise after her, and she (my daughter) usually sneezes in twos so we often call her "two-sneeze Weezy"

ladykaty91 · November 2021

Can I add a bitch on a Saturday? Lol. My husband ordered sushi tonight for dinner because he forgot I was pregnant 🤦🏻‍♀️ Don’t mind me, I’ll just be death staring him while I eat my order of veggie fried rice he had to turn around and go get. How do you forget?? 🤬

stardustskies · November 2021

@ladykaty91 You have more willpower than me. I would have just eaten it. 😅

howardme · November 2021

@ladykaty91 I hope his memory gets better as the pregnancy progresses! My husband keeps offering me drinks 😂

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