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September 2020 Moms
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family feuds/divorced grandparents

marietdennismarietdennis member
in September 2020 Moms
I desperately need some advice. Our son is 1 now and spreading out our time with everyone is becoming difficult. My parents are not together and my sister doesn't speak to either of my parents, so when we see them, it's all at different times. My parents are both remarried, but not on speaking terms. My mom wants to go with us to most places (along with my mentally and physically handicapped brother) and we have a good time together, but if we go somewhere with my dad and stepmom or my sister and her husband, my mom feels slighted every time. Right now we are planned a trip to Disney with my sister and I know it is going to break my mom's heart. She will be very depressed and she will say things like "I'd like to take your brother back to Disney again before I get too old" or "I wish I could come with you" or "I know I'm no fun to do those things with". I always feel guilty about this because I love my brother and I'd love for them to go, but my sister and my mom do not get along and they would never go together. How do I deal with the guilt? Am I wrong here? How should I handle hurt feelings? I'm so worried all the time about hurting someone and it's killing me. I have so much anxiety about it.
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Re: family feuds/divorced grandparents

  • swizzlemalarkeyswizzlemalarkey member
    @marietdennis
    im sorry you’re dealing with this as it sounds incredibly stressful for you. This situation sounds like it could turn manipulative and toxic and that’s not fair to you. I would tell your mom you’re going to Disney before she finds out.but just leave it at that and try to change the subject if she goes on about it. But if she won’t let it go just explain to her that it’s not your fault that they’re not on speaking terms If she brings up how she wants to go but can’t . (She needs to work on her relationship with your sister if she wants to be involved.) You and your son deserve to see all of your family. And that’s not your responsibility to make everyone happy because they are the ones that don’t talk. 
    If your mom continues with the theatrics just shut it down and say you won’t let her make you feel bad. She’s an adult and she needs to understand she won’t always get to be with y’all. She can always plan a trip to Disney with your brother if that’s her wish. I hope things work out & that you have a wonderful time at Disney. 
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