1st Trimester

Carpenter Apprentice and Divorced Advice

Hello! So backstory here, just started a carpenter apprenticeship through my local union. First year. So I'm doing school and working on the job doing hands on training as well. A lot of the work is heavy lifting, aerial lifts, working around dust etc using power tools etc. I just start a week ago basically. My only concern is being looked down upon already as a female and then just a few weeks in being pregnant and eventually having restrictions especially when man power is down right now. I'm afraid to get fired or laid off. I know they legally can't but if I can't do the job because of pregnancy then they can let me go.

and second issue Me and my ex husband are divorced as of almost two years now he is active duty navy and we have 3 kids together, 9 7 and 4. I'm a full time single mom full time working mom. My ex is not very involved as he lives in CA till his current enlistment is up which is another two years. We hooked up a month ago as we were trying to work things out, turns out he no longer wanted to work things out and we are not on good terms anymore once again (like barely speaking). Anyways, I just found out I'm pregnant. And given my job and our situation I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'd raise 4 kids alone. And successfully be an apprentice all the while being pregnant. I'm also taking anti depressants (Zoloft), adderral and methimazole (for hyperthyroidism) and lunesta for sleep which I'm worried could hurt the baby. I have NO medical insurance as I'm in limbo with the new job. I'm kind of at a loss of what to do. Abortion makes more sense given my situation but I also never thought I'd be one to do that. I would love any and all advice from anyone please. 😭 I literally took no meds and took all my vitamins and was super natural with my other three planned babies so this is so scary for me!!!! I know this is an extremely personal decision to make but I also am at a loss and would love some advice or words of wisdom or what you would do in this situation??

Re: Carpenter Apprentice and Divorced Advice

  • <blockquote class="Quote">
    <div><a rel="nofollow">knottieae909b937d317e11</a> said:</div>
    <div>Hello! So backstory here, just started a carpenter apprenticeship through my local union. First year. So I'm doing school and working on the job doing hands on training as well. A lot of the work is heavy lifting, aerial lifts, working around dust etc using power tools etc. I just start a week ago basically. My only concern is being looked down upon already as a female and then just a few weeks in being pregnant and eventually having restrictions especially when man power is down right now. I'm afraid to get fired or laid off. I know they legally can't but if I can't do the job because of pregnancy then they can let me go.

    and second issue Me and my ex husband are divorced as of almost two years now he is active duty navy and we have 3 kids together, 9 7 and 4. I'm a full time single mom full time working mom. My ex is not very involved as he lives in CA till his current enlistment is up which is another two years. We hooked up a month ago as we were trying to work things out, turns out he no longer wanted to work things out and we are not on good terms anymore once again (like barely speaking). Anyways, I just found out I'm pregnant. And given my job and our situation I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'd raise 4 kids alone. And successfully be an apprentice all the while being pregnant. I'm also taking anti depressants (Zoloft), adderral and methimazole (for hyperthyroidism) and lunesta for sleep which I'm worried could hurt the baby. I have NO medical insurance as I'm in limbo with the new job. I'm kind of at a loss of what to do. Abortion makes more sense given my situation but I also never thought I'd be one to do that. I would love any and all advice from anyone please. 😭 I literally took no meds and took all my vitamins and was super natural with my other three planned babies so this is so scary for me!!!! I know this is an extremely personal decision to make but I also am at a loss and would love some advice or words of wisdom or what you would do in this situation??</div>
    </blockquote>
    QFP  Congratulations on your pregnancy!  I'm sorry you find yourself in such a difficult position.

    First things first, breathe.  You will find a way through this, even if it doesn't look like it right now.  Try calling this number: <span>1-800-712-HELP (4357)
    </span>
    There are local pregnancy crisis centers that will have a whole host of information and resources available to you, and the people at that number should be able to point you in the right direction for where you live.  Being single, between jobs or uninsured is not a reason not to have a baby, or to avoid prenatal care.

    If that one doesn't work, these numbers are both open 24hrs:
    <span>1-800-848-LOVE
    </span><span>1-800-662-2678
    </span><span>
    As far as the medications go, I would personally not recommend over the internet anyone to stop taking something that has been prescribed without first talking to a/your doctor***, so I would make that a top priority if I were you.  They should be able to get you in touch with Telehealth/Teledoc to have a conversation around your meds.

    </span><div class="Spoiler"><span>My initial googling tells me you may need to switch to a different thyroid medication ASAP, but they will also help you weigh the risk/benefits for your ADHD / depression meds.
    </span>
    <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.communitypsychiatry.com/is-it-safe-to-take-zoloft-during-pregnancy/" title="Link: https://www.communitypsychiatry.com/is-it-safe-to-take-zoloft-during-pregnancy/">https://www.communitypsychiatry.com/is-it-safe-to-take-zoloft-during-pregnancy/</a>
    <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.cdc.gov/pregnancy/meds/treatingfortwo/features/keyfinding-ADHD-med-increase.html">https://www.cdc.gov/pregnancy/meds/treatingfortwo/features/keyfinding-ADHD-med-increase.html</a>
    <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.drugs.com/pregnancy/methimazole.html">https://www.drugs.com/pregnancy/methimazole.html</a></div>
    <span>Please reach out to any/all of the numbers provided and let us know how it goes!  Kudos to you for reaching out in some way shape or form, and I do hope you will find all the resources and support you need. <3 <3 <3  Feel free to PM me as well if you just want to talk / vent.
    </span><span>



    ***
    </span><div class="Spoiler"><span>In this case, stopping the Methimazole would be one that I might actually waive this caveat, seeing as it is a Class D.  However when it comes to matters of mental health such as depression, anxiety, etc. I recognize that these can cause more severe risk to the well-being and even life of the mother, so that's a different ballgame.  Class C is more of a grey area so please do try to speak with a doctor right away.</span></div>
  • edited July 2021
    First of all, I’m sorry that you find yourself in this difficult situation. As you know this is a deeply personal choice and one that no one should make for you except yourself. You should not feel coerced or forced into making a decision. Because coming from experience that sucks. However, don’t feel guilty for making whatever decision is best for you and your family. Terminating a pregnancy can be very hard emotionally but you shouldn’t feel any shame if that’s what is right for you right now.
    I recommend finding a local planned parenthood/trusted non-biased clinic so you can get information on options and get started on prenatal care if you choose to carry to term to either parent or place for adoption.(A lot of pregnancy crisis centers/numbers can be biased, judgmental, or religion/pro-life based. Unless that’s right for you). A clinic will be able to go over your medications and give you advice about your job and if you need any restrictions. Apply for Medicaid/assistance so you have insurance. There will be resources no matter what you do. 
    Write down everything so you have a better picture of how adding another baby to your family would affect things. Costs/childcare/work/other children. What happens if you need bed rest/have complications? Who will watch the baby while you work on your apprenticeship? 
    how will this affect your children already here? Etc.
    I hope you find peace in whatever you decide. There are forums online dedicated to these decisions where you can find support specific to what you need. 
    These workbooks are good resources to help you go through your thoughts and emotions.
     https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/
    Also one last thing, I think most people who end up terminating a pregnancy never thought they’d do it either prior to being in that situation. 
    Best of luck to you! 
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  • edited July 2021
    @meggyme  If being pro-life is "uncool" then I have no need for the cool kids' table.  If our struggle with infertility has made me value human life in the womb even moreso, even when it is inconvenient, then so be it.

    <div class="Spoiler">Not that it's any of your business, but I actually had an abortion.  Have you?  What I wouldn't give to have had someone point me in a different direction at that time.  I felt hopeless and scared, and it didn't take much convincing at the time.  I had been sexually assaulted, and a guy I was seeing at the time made a very logical argument that I couldn't bring a child into the world that wasn't conceived in love.<span>

    </span>You think he wasn't trying to save his own skin?  My baby may have been conceived out of a rape, but that was still MY CHILD I gave up.  And I will never completely forgive myself for that.

    How dare you insinuate that the resources I offered were out of some ulterior motive, political agenda, or anything but genuine care and concern for a woman whose position I can empathize with.  I simply offered a shred of the support I was never given.  I couldn't see a way out at the time, but I'm sure it was there.</div>
  • @Businesswife I guess cool was the wrong word, but you’re twisting my words. I don’t think anyone would argue that abortion is cool. My argument is with the resources. Here are the names of the resources that go to those mysterious phone numbers. And they might be what some people need but they are hardly unbiased and crisis pregnancy centers such as these often use misinformation and deception to push an agenda.

    Pregnancy Center West - Prolife Christian Ministry
    National Life Center/1st Way Life Center
    Lifecall - the phone number is actually 800-noabort 

    The Bump community prides itself on being a fact based community and I hope that extends to all aspects of information.

    I had no idea about that part of your life. I can’t imagine how impossibly difficult of a decision it was, but it should be a viable decision none the less. Not an flippant, easy decision. Not a black and white decision, but a choice. And an informed choice needs unbiased information.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • @meggyme I fail to see how pro-abortion, "resources," are somehow, "unbiased," or somehow more, "fact based," than pro-life ones.  As if PP has no agenda.  Give me a break.

    I am not sure who appointed anyone to be TB thought police, but last I checked this was a public forum, and as such, there ought to be room for all perspectives and viewpoints to be shared, imho.  Mine are not any less valid of resources, simply because they aren't atheist.
  • I appreciate everyone's thoughts and replies! I never thought I would even be in this situation. If my ex husband and I worked things out it would be a much easier choice but given it's me and my three kiddos and now possibly a fourth all on my own while starting a brand new (physical) career is very intimidating. I never thought I'd even be in a situation where I'd be questioning this. I will be looking into the resources and I also emailed my doctor last night and get som medical perspective on everything too I guess. I appreciate any and all advice. This is literally the hardest thing I'll ever have to do.
  • <blockquote class="Quote">
    <div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/knottieae909b937d317e11" class="js-userCard" data-userid="11798424">knottieae909b937d317e11</a> said:</div>
    <div class="QuoteText">I appreciate everyone's thoughts and replies! I never thought I would even be in this situation. If my ex husband and I worked things out it would be a much easier choice but given it's me and my three kiddos and now possibly a fourth all on my own while starting a brand new (physical) career is very intimidating. I never thought I'd even be in a situation where I'd be questioning this. I will be looking into the resources and I also emailed my doctor last night and get som medical perspective on everything too I guess. I appreciate any and all advice. This is literally the hardest thing I'll ever have to do.</div>
    </blockquote>

    So glad to see you come back this morning!  Check your inbox, I PMd you.
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