Benched/TTA w/o 5.31

acleverusername · May 2021

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/af/3phjeca8ttpd.gif

***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.*** This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons.

TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons. __________________________________________________________________
Are you benched or TTA?
What brings you here?
How long do you think you'll be here?
How have things been going?
Any R/R/CS/Q?
GTKY: What's your ideal temperature range?

pajamstagrams · June 2021

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? Recent loss in May

How long do you think you'll be here? 3 months (aka waiting for 2 full cycles once AF shows)

How have things been going? Meh. Have my good moments, and my bad moments. Trying to fill my summer with fun activities to keep me busy in the meantime.

Any R/R/CS/Q? The cheapie test I took this morning looks pretty negative to me, so I'm just waiting for my FRERs to arrive to do a final check. I know by the time I'm un-benched my HCG would be 0 anyway, but it's nice to know *today* that I am closer to getting AF back, and my body is getting back to normal hormone wise. Honestly idk how I lived when I didn't track my cycles!

GTKY: What's your ideal temperature range? Hmmm, probably mid 50s to mid 70s, where all you need is a light jacket 😉 and maybe a long sleeved shirt/sweater too. Also, I need to move because that range exists maybe 1-2 months tops each year (and definitely not around April 25th 😂)

optimistgardener · June 2021

@pajamstagrams

Honestly idk how I lived when I didn't track my cycles!

Yeah me too! I feel like I know my body so well now that I almost don't even need to track bbt. How did i miss all those glaring symptoms before?

Also I'm laughing at your very specific temperature range preferences. You should maybe consider the Bay Area (assuming you're independently wealthy or involved in some lucrative facet of tech, of course!), because that is basically the weather situation there for 90% of the year. For the remaining weeks that fall outside of that range (40s? 80s?), everyone complains miserably.

Are you benched or TTA? I know @BusinessWife just schooled everyone last thread about the difference between the two, but honestly I can't tell you which one fits my situ. I was supposed to start IVF treatment last month but after they found a cyst my cycle was delayed until the cyst resolves. I'm not barred from trying on my own, but considering my history and circumstances (bfns galore and ttc while single), the chances were pretty slim.

What brings you here? boredom and a desire for comradery?
How long do you think you'll be here? Hoping to get out of jail this month.
How have things been going? I feel like my ttc journey has been just an awwwwful lot of hurry up and wait situations over the years. If I were a believing kind of person, I'd feel like god was trying to teach me a lesson or something.

Any R/R/CS/Q? probably not.

GTKY: What's your ideal temperature range? I don't mind me some moderate 50-70 temps either, but I also kind of love the extremes. Where I live now we get lots of icy cold winter mornings and then in the summers lots of 100+ days. As a gardener I hate them but I also secretly love them.

[Deleted User] · June 2021

*lurking*
@optimistgardener Aw, yeah, being on the bench totally sucks. And if you ask me, I would say you qualify as medically benched. First of all for the obvious reasons of the Cystine Chapel and IVF delay type stuff, but then you're definitely not TTA. If a situation were to arise that let you become spontaneously pregnant prior to treatment, you would welcome that, yes!? But like with us when we were benched, could by some miracle his tubes reattached and get me spontaneously KU? Uhm... hypothetically? We didn't exactly count on that happening. So like, you're still trying / wanting to try, just having to wait for medical clearance. ((((hugs)))) I hope you get out of jail ASAP!

@pajamstagrams Sending you ((((hugs)))) Unfortunately for me anyway, depending on the cheapie, it would take like SEVERAL more days for the line to completely go away from the FRER, even once it had gone from the cheapie. Like with Clinical Guard or Easy@Home anyway, (both 25miu). The wondfos I had - IDK if they were fake or not, but damm! Supposedly they went down to 10miu, an they sure were super sensitive! I do hope you get back to baseline soon. <3

pajamstagrams · June 2021

@optimistgardener you caught me, I'm a regular scrooge mcduck over here 😂

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/mb/abs8udqd5uek.gif

We have a friend that lives in the bay area, and it's INSANE how expensive it is!! But I would love to live so close to Napa 🍷

Oof, I feel you on "hurry up and wait". I'm not good at patiently/passively waiting. I need to be doing something!

pajamstagrams · June 2021

@BusinessWife good to know. My cheapies are pregmate, so I think they're 25 miu. of course the FRERs are in the package that got delayed by Amazon, and our local pharmacy doesn't carry pink dye at all, much less FRERs, unless you want to buy the $30 combo pack with a digital and RR. 🙄 Although if it doesn't show up today, I can request a re-order, and chances are, that old package will show up as well, perhaps 2 weeks from now 🤪 can't say I'd be upset at free FRERs!

optimistgardener · June 2021

Thanks for being such a trustworthy guide through all the specialist message board lingo, @BusinessWife !

acleverusername · June 2021

@pajamstagrams come join us 50-70's temp-loving folks! (It was like... 47... on Saturday... and I was very very sad.)

LJMoon6 · June 2021

@pajamstagrams **TW**

I’m so sorry for your loss. I was briefly in Jan2022 with you and also experienced a loss (at 5w). I’m curious why your OB benched you? I know in the old days they would typically recommend waiting a few months (or even 6 months) before trying again. But recent evidence suggests that that isn’t necessary. There’s even evidence that says you are more fertile the first 3 months after a MC. This is actually what my OB told me too, and encouraged me to start trying again as soon as I was comfortable. Your situation might be different, but I’m wondering what reasoning your OB gave you. (also, tell me to f-off if I’m overstepping!)

pajamstagrams · June 2021

@LJMoon6 no worries, all opinions welcome! And sorry to see you back here with me. 😕

I was too concerned on understanding more about if the miscarriage was inevitable (it probably was-and I'm ok with that), I forgot to ask him why the long wait 🙈🤦‍♀️ he might be more conservative, and maybe it's just a dating reason. I don't know if there's a medical reason why. if my cycles end up realllly long I might not wait for a 2nd cycle. 😬

TW LC, and oops, sorry it got long and a little heavy 😕

I do trust my OB's judgement though, based on my experience with DD, since he delivered her as well. I dealt with some short term ultimately non-consequential surprises with her very early on in the pregnancy and really have no desire to do anything like that again, especially if there's a question of how far along I am.

Tbh maybe a 2 month break would be beneficial for my mental health as well, although I don't think that's the reason for him wanting me to wait. Being pregnant recently brought up some lingering trauma with my birth experience/pregnancy with DD, and I'm clearly not really over it, even a couple years later. (She's a healthy toddler now ❤️) Without going into her medical history, the TL;DR of it is that I'm absolutely terrified of another "normal, easy" pregnancy where there are no complications, and then having a major medical issue right from birth and having to deal with all her medical stuff while trying to heal myself post partum. And wondering "was this my fault?" even though all the doctors have told me it's just sh*t luck and there isn't really a known cause.

Anyway, I wasn't comfortable trying again before my 1st period, regardless of what he said (TMI I'm still kinda sore from all the trans vag ultrasounds), so it's just a matter of whether I wait for a 2nd period, or if I wait for the 3rd.

LJMoon6 · June 2021

@pajamstagrams I was wondering if that was the case (your OB being more conservative). I’m so sorry for the trauma you have experienced. That definitely makes more sense about waiting a few cycles before trying again. From what you briefly described I can’t imagine going through that. Huge hugs!

pajamstagrams · June 2021

@LJMoon6 thanks ❤️❤️

it's tough, because I simultaneously want to be PG again soon, but also know I'll be so anxious the whole time. The likelihood of going through that again is low, but still, I worry. (Sorry not sorry for "vague-booking", I'm sure everyone wants to know what happened, I know I would, lol. But creepy internet stalkers and all 👀)

Also I feel like my OB is conservative about some things, but not others, so it's hard to predict😂🤷‍♀️

bows22 · June 2021

@pajamstagrams i haven’t talked it about it hardly at all on here but it sounds like we had similar experiences! I’m sorry you had to go through that.

If yours involved a plastic surgeon PM me because I’m curious if it was the same, even though I’m guessing it’s not. It took me a long time to get past everything but I pretty much am now I think. I still do have certain triggers that I wonder if they will ever go away. And I am concerned about how I’ll be if/when there is a next time and what memories it will bring back. This got a little heavy too haha.

@optimistgardener I was going to also say that I’d call you Benched! I hope you are able to start back up soon! I agree with you on the weather extremes. Like I would miss them if we never had them but could they be at times that are convenient for me?

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? Waiting for hysteroscopy

How long do you think you'll be here? Scheduled for 7/27 or 8/3 depending on the surgery schedule, on a cancel list though

How have things been going? I think the birth control pills I’m on are making me ragey but I’ve also been hectic with work so curious to see if I start feeling less annoyed about everything now that things have calmed down

Any R/R/CS/Q? A million rants. Everything is so annoying. I guess a rave is that we have a new COO and he sent out an email about a revised summer schedule, which is nice but not as nice as the one I negotiated for myself a few years ago with the partners at the time. We have some new partners now, plus this new COO, so I was afraid I’d get pushback on continuing my current arrangement but I didn’t. My boss is being kind of a jerk, so I’m wondering if he is annoyed about it, but I can’t control how he feels.

GTKY: What's your ideal temperature range? I’m going to get real specific here because I do like having different seasons.
Winter - 35-45
Spring - 65-75
Fall - 60-65
Summer - 75-85
please and thank you Mother Nature

LJMoon6 · June 2021

@pajamstagrams Of course you know I want to know! Lol. But I totally get it! I hope the time off will help you get into the right mind set. Anxiety is so hard. And there’s no right answer about how to work through it. It might even be a good idea to mention the anxiety to your OB. There could be a pregnancy safe drug you could try.

pajamstagrams · June 2021

@bows22

BC pills are the worst! I had the worst side effects with them back in highschool/college.

Also, agree with your temp ranges, having seasons would be nice. I do like the heat in the summer, provided I'm at the beach or pool 😂

Hugs to you as well, it's so tough to go through anything with your littles ❤️

No plastic surgeon for us, but plenty of doctors, medical bills, and mom guilt otherwise 😕 I feel so fortunate that our insurance covered most of the expenses, plus we had hit our OOP max with her birth and got lucky with when our insurance resets each year. I was aghast at what was being billed to insurance 🤯

In the grand scheme of things, I know there are worse things that could have happened, and if I had to go through it all again, I could, but I definitely don't want to.

acleverusername · June 2021

Are you benched or TTA? Benched!

What brings you here? Waiting for genetic cancer screening to come back to see if we need to do PGT-M.

How long do you think you'll be here? 1-2 weeks? I'm supposed to have a call with the nurse tomorrow as she's proposing to extend my course of Aygestin (which I start tonight) to make sure we get results back.

How have things been going? Fertility wise, it's been alright. I know I'm "benched" for the right reasons, and well, unfortunately how long it takes for results to come back out outside of my control.

Any R/R/CS/Q? Fertility wise, thing are good. Everything else in life is blergh. My sister decided to get ragey with me.
***TW family drama, LCs, mental health, etc.***

My entire life, it's been my sis and I against the world. I've always been there for her, and vice versa. I helped her A LOT when she had her kids because I was mostly single, without many commitments of my own. Even though we lived 2 hrs (by car) apart, I would regularly hop into the car and come visit her on weekends to help out: take care of the kiddos, help with sleep training, being there for her when she had a post partum psychosis episode after my niece was born. I also went on several vacations with her and my BIL and kids because... hey, it's easier to have 3 adults helping with 2 toddlers (her kids are 20 months apart). I was also in the birthing room with both of my nibblings.

Then I moved to the US and, well, initially it was supposed to be very temporary. In fact, I really had a hard time here for the first year, both because I was having trouble making friends (it's hard to leave friends behind, and start fresh in mid-30's; the Bay area is also very transient so hard to make friends here. Ppl will actively avoid making connections with you if they think you're only here for a short period of time) and because I was doing international long-distance with my now H. But since he moved here in late 2019, and since getting married, things have started to change and we're actually considering sticking around for longer than initially planned. Like, before it was "Canada 2025" and now it's "we might come back, we might not... it all depends."

Well apparently that's not good enough for my sister. She really laid it into me yesterday about how she wants to help me raise my kids, but she wants the same arrangements as we had previously. I.e. that I live <2 hrs away from her, or even closer. And unless I am coming over for dinner every week, then she doesn't see how we can continue to have as close a relationship as we used to. She actually compared my relationship to that of her bestie from college "we speak every 6 months because we don't live near each other." She ended the conversation yesterday by telling me to have a nice life, and to enjoy my convertible and my dog.

And I'm just giving you some of the details. There were also things mentioned about how my H is the reason I moved away (couldn't be farthest from the truth considering I had another opp to work in CA in 2011 which didn't work out b/c of visa issues), and that I'm too motivated by money.

It's a lot to work through; I did receive an apology text from my sister this morning and have had to tell her that "I need some time."

GTKY: What's your ideal temperature range? So, my ideal is about 65-80 degrees. I don't get that usually in SF, but it's literally a 20 min drive to temperatures that are 5-10 degrees warmer, so I put up with it. I used to think I'd miss seasons, but I have adapted to no seasons very well. I'm currently on a mission to find a place that has the flattest temperature curve. SF is pretty close, but I think HI beats it. So, I might be moving to join @keikilove at some point in the future (especially if my family keeps up with their shenanigans).

SF temperatures:

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/a5/51ddpgg1d6q8.png

Kihei tempertures:

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/7i/026tc56rtpd7.png

acleverusername · June 2021

Now for the tags:

@pajamstagrams I'm really sorry about the awful experience you've alluded too; I can imagine that your CP was triggering of those memories. Are you planning on seeing a therapist to help you resolve those issues while benched?

@optimistgardener I'd been meaning to suggest you ask your clinic about Aygestin priming. The way my RE explained it is that it's similar to EPP (in that the goal is to suppress FSH production in the brain), but estrogen and progesterone work via different pathways. BCP is the most suppressive; progesterone is the next; and estrogen is the least suppressive. Considering I've had poor experience with an EPP protocol previously (i.e. multiple cohorts of eggs), I'm eager to try this new priming protocol. Also, CC @bumblebee0210 in case that's also something you want to discuss with your clinic.

@bows22 Sorry to hear about BCP making you ragey; that sux. Hopefully it is just the work shenanigans and that you'll start to feel better ASAP. I had to LOL about your very specific temperature ranger by season. I hope Mother Nature hears you and delivers.

pajamstagrams · June 2021

@acleverusername re: therapy, I've thought about it on and off over the last couple of years. Probably should give it more serious thought though.

I'm so sorry about all the drama with your sister, that's tough, especially when hurtful statements are thrown around. It sounds like you have been so close in the past, especially since you physically lived close, but you absolutely have a right to live your life the way (and where) you want. Hopefully she comes around and sees that you can still be close, despite the distance. (If that's what you want).

optimistgardener · June 2021

@acleverusername interesting! I just spent a while reading up on it and eventually realized it is basically the mini-pill/norethindrone, which i took for a while back when the aim was not to get pregnant. I actually quite liked the minipill as it didn't seem to mess with my body so much, but if i recall my doctor told me I might still ovulate while taking it (although my lining would be too thin for implantation). I'll ask my clinic about it, and am curious what your experience will be!

fantasyflyte · June 2021

*lurking* @pajamstagrams I can't advocate for therapy for everyone hard enough. Even if you don't have serious depression/anxiety/etc., therapy can be a fantastic tool for life in general and it doesn't have to be forever. Most of therapy for me ends up being me thinking out loud at another impartial person, with occasional nudging toward one thing or another to help clarify thoughts and such.

bumblebee0210 · June 2021

@acleverusername. That's interesting about the aygestin priming. I'm honestly not even sure I "need" EPP, since I had pretty good, even growth on cycle 2 (though low egg quality), and on cycle 1 I had that huge cyst pop up between baseline and stim day 5, but they "sacrificed the lead" and just let it grow, and that cycle had the best results for us! (1 normal and 1 mosaic blast with good grading). And obviously this last one was terrible, but not really because of uneven growth (I think). So who knows. I'm willing to try EPP because I just think my ovaries needed a break, and maybe the clomid, etc will mx things up.

Also to answer your question from a different thread-- the other change to my protocol will be to start menopur on stim day 1. My previous protocol was follistim (300-400 IU) starting on day 1 and then add ganirelix and 75 menopur on stim day 5/6. For this one they will start me on like 200 follistim + 200 menopur starting on stim day 1, and then add ganirelix as ususal.

boymama2018 · June 2021

*can I TW a whole post?*

Are you benched or TTA? Both

What brings you here? I took a break from boards/social for a while. I experienced another loss trying for #2 and have been dealing with how to 'deal' with the situation for the last few weeks, medically. In January I had a low hcg 'suspected' EP (something small seen in left tube, nothing in UT) which was ended with MTX. We waited exactly 3 months and tried again on April 30th. Once again, we were successful however things went south with my HCG, again. My OB was very quick to offer me the MTX shot again, prematurely (via an ER trip). But I wanted to be sure as I wasn't 100% sure the first time and I wanted to avoid the shot if possible. I ended up with a biopsy of my uterus to confirm Villi or not. Wow was that painful. There was no villi. So yesterday, I went to the ER to be poked and prodded and given the MTX shot....again. There has been a lot of tears the last few weeks. It's hard not to lose faith in my body.
How long do you think you'll be here? I am on a 3 month wait due to the MTX shot then we will start up again. I guess that means September.
How have things been going? It has been the hardest few weeks of my life emotionally. My husband promised me we will not give up and few will do what it takes which made me feel comfort. I made an RE appointment and they can take us on Aug 23rd unless a cancellation presents itself, but we are in a holding pattern anyways so it really doesn't matter to rush things. I am naturally an investigator, so aside from our RE appointment, I am going to book an acupuncture consult. I kind of am starting to feel suspicious of my tubes (particularly the left one where something was seen in Jan). I am going to suggest an HSG is done - it is just so strange that this happened to me twice in a row. *TW* #1 found my uterus, now it's like there is a brick wall between my tubes and my uterus *End TW* People are telling me its just very bad luck. I am suspicious of the tube being blocked and perhaps some scarring from my c section? I can't drink until my levels are at 0. What I need right now is a bottle of wine and a date night. I am going to get vaccinated once this blows over and I am going to enjoy my summer with family while digging for a solution and things to bring up to my RE in Aug. oh and I am going to be taking care of myself. I will be getting my hair done, nails done, indulging occasionally when I want as I now believe life is about a healthy balance.
Any R/R/CS/Q? Does anyone have advice or guidance on what I should expect from my first RE appointment? Does an HSG sound like something someone with my history would be offered? Does anyone else enjoy accupuncture? A rant for me would be that I am drinking the hell out of green tea and avoiding folate rich foods which are basically my life. SOS.
GTKY: What's your ideal temperature range? 75-80 with no humidity.

bows22 · June 2021

@boymama2018 I’ve been thinking about you and checked recently to see if you had been posting anywhere. I’m so sorry to see you back here and that you had such a hard experience. So I do think that an HSG is usually part of the infertility work up at an RE, however my RE does an SHG instead which is typically used for other purposes but they can also tell if the tubes are clear by pushing saline through and seeing if there are bubbles (something like that). How long have you been trying? The one thing I am not sure about is how the tests will differ if you are at the RE more for a repeat loss perspective versus infertility. But I still think they will do at least one of those tests. Sending hugs your way, we are here for you ❤️

@acleverusername I’m sorry you’re benched, and I’m sorry your sister is being ridiculous. Have you talked to her yet? Something I like to say to my mom when discussing my SILs opinions is that there is “more than one right way to live your life” meaning - if you would decide to move back to Canada that would be right and if you stay in the US that would be right too. But you get to decide what’s right for you, and your sister just kind of has to deal. Hopefully she comes to that realization soon.

boymama2018 · June 2021

@bows22 Thank you for thinking of me. I am such a newbie when it comes to everything RE related. I am trying to throw myself into the process to become familiar. If I were to guess, I would be going for a repeat loss perspective (I will mention this to my acupuncturist as well because she treats for this) BUT I honestly could very well be there for a fertility issues as well. I definitely need tests done on myself and my husband. I am 36 and do wonder if this is just a location issue or an egg/sperm quality issue. There is so much that needs to be investigated - is it safe to say that? We started TTC in January and then were benched for 3 months due to the treatment and we tried again in April and now we are benched again for 3 months. That is all we have tried for #2 but it just seems to leave me with losing babies every single time. I would be scared to try a third time without some help - I don't trust my body right now. Everyone tells me 'at least you can get pregnant' which hits me hard.

It seems like a good thing, but I am not sure if we are making weak embryos that lose their way or if my body is preventing healthy embryos from finding my uterus. I am so sad I am starting to cry thinking about it. The whole EP/PUL process is so anxiety filled and such a drawn out miscarriage process where you gamble trying to make the right decision. I appreciate any insight you have, thank you for your kindness - it really means a lot. May I ask you if you think I should allow my OB to run whatever tests she's willing to prior to my RE visit, or if I should just wait until my appointment?

edit- my RE's website mentions HSG as one of the fertility tests for women, but I will clarify with her when I go in August.

acleverusername · June 2021

@bumblebee0210 I think estrogen + Clomid will be the differentiators; basically, I hope you'll have the same results with that protocol as my friend did. 🤞🏻

@boymama2018 good gosh, I am so so sorry you're going through all of this. First of all, have that bottle of wine. Second of all, I have a few things to mention:

Caesarean scarring resulting infertility is a thing. I've heard The Egg Whisperer (aka Dr. Aimee) talk about it on her shows a bunch. It's called a: Caesarean scar defect. Here's a blog post about it: https://thespinoff.co.nz/the-best-of/13-08-2018/caesarean-section-scar-infertility/
The other fertility community I'm active in (in fact, I moderate their TTC 35+ channel) – Modern Fertility – just published an article about how to prepare for your 1st RE visit. Read it, share it. (Shameless self-promo: I actually asked/pushed them to publish it and contributed some ideas.) https://modernfertility.com/blog/first-fertility-clinic-appointment/

In the meanwhile, enjoy the summer and hopefully there is a cancellation at the RE; I should expect that there will be, given that it's summer, and with improving Covid situation, I suspect ppl will start to make travel plans which will results in changes in schedules.

@bows22 @pajamstagrams thanks for your support re: my sister's ridiculousness. I've had a number of conversations with some self-aware friends, friends who are in the same complex geographical positions, as well as my therapist (this morning), which have really helped me clear my mind and understand what's happening. And basically, the real underlying issue is that I'm actually starting my own life, with my own family, and that was conflated / coincided with my move. So, even if I had remained put, things would have been different. And considering that's happening later in my life, my family is just used to my being their crutch (i.e. Clever is here to help when we need her help.) For me, it's been easier to start my own life with my new family given the distance. For them, they're blaming the distance for everything. And of course, spouses are easy scapegoats when it comes dealing with changes. Anyway, I've told as much to my sister "I'm not going to feel guilty because I'm no longer putting my birth family first, because I have my H, my dog, and our future kids." She told me that I'm completely right. Regardless it was an emotional rollercoaster of a week.

boymama2018 · June 2021

@acleverusername Thank you

oh wow thank you for all of this information! Not going to lie it was a relief to see that there is a way to repair the c-section defect. Very informative. I will also take a look at the article to prepare for an RE visit, this will be very useful for me! I want wine so bad....but they are monitoring my hcg so it declines appropriately due to the shot and said I should hold off until it hits 0. I will try for as long as I can lol - but I can't promise once I get down there closer to 0 that I can withhold the power of wine.

keikilove · June 2021

*lurking, responding to @acleverusername’s tag*

@acleverusername, I believe we have the most consistent weather in the country. It’s no wonder my fave temp range is 80-88 degrees LOL. 78 with a breeze is the coolest I can comfortably go without a light coverup. Seriously. And forget seasons, don’t want ‘em, don’t need ‘em.😝

@everyone else, I don’t want to overstep my bounds by posting here. But I did want to remind everyone who is going through tough emotional stuff that we have this Mental Health thread for support💗:
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12760689/mental-health-check-in-june-2021#latest

pajamstagrams · June 2021

@boymama2018 oh man, I'm so sorry you're going through all that. Hugs ❤️❤️

bows22 · June 2021

@boymama2018 my OB doesn’t do any testing so I’m not sure if they would be able to do anything but order the bloodwork? It doesn’t seem like that’s going to be what gives you answers if that makes sense. But I guess if you knew now that you had low vitamin D or something you could start supplementing now? So I guess my feeling is that it wouldn’t hurt but is probably not necessary?

boymama2018 · June 2021

@pajamstagrams

@bows22 Thats what I am thinking. She had mentioned she would run a blood test for me when we weren't sure if this was a regular mc or not. If she is willing, I wouldn't mind having it run just so I can get an idea of where I stand and if I need anything so I can at least work on that between now and August 23rd - especially after this poison that was given to me. So I can at least make sure my vitamin levels are all good with the time I have. She was going to test for immune disorder and blood clotting etc- I guess it would be good to know about that either way for next time. But, I will probably stop there with her. She said we can discuss our options (she said I have a few, I assume an RE is one) when she called to give me the news that I had to go get the shot. I will hear her out (curious as to what she is going to say) but at least I already made my RE appointment. She had mentioned to me at my annual that she had a patient who had 2 EP's and now is 20 something weeks along. Curious about that story and how she guided that patient. I plan to ask if she would share that info. I really want to learn about as much as I can. She is one of 5 OB's in my practice who I have seen for the last 2 losses.

She is great when you are already pregnant and with delivering. But with OB/GYN issues she doesn't like to give me answers, I found she dances around decisions and doesn't guide me. She was super quick to offer me the shot before we actually knew what was going on. This is a big reason as to why I want to go to an RE for most of the tests and investigating to find a solution. Not to mention, I need more attention. I need a place that will track my numbers after 3 draws due to my history. It is super hard to get in touch with her or her nurse. They take very long time to get back to you. I have left messages that were never returned!!

acleverusername · June 2021

@boymama2018 unfortunately I've had the same experiences with OBGYNs; they're good for your regular check-ups from puberty to whenever you decide you want to start trying, and after you've gotten KU'ed. But the in-between part they're not very experienced in unless they've done additional training in reproductive issues. There ARE some OB's who have, but that's definitely the exception, not the rule.

boymama2018 · June 2021

@acleverusername I had no idea until I started having problems how much they don't have time for me depending on what I need them for. lol. I am like listen lady I'm 36 and my babies are getting lost in my own body please help me! There is no time to waste - extra help here I come. I am just relieved my husband is along for this ride and is supportive and OK with possibly having to get his you know what tested if need me.

bumblebee0210 · June 2021

@boymama2018. I am so sorry for your losses. I would be really wary of the "bad luck" diagnoses from OBs and general practitioners. I think they are somewhat skewed by the fact that they see so many pregnant women, they tend to think "it will work out" because they treat the women for whom it does work out. I had a similar history as you (not in the specific details but the same general idea), and I was given a lot of "bad luck" dx until I saw an RE, who was like "no you might need intervention". The issue for me was DOR (so egg quality, basically). For you it might be something structural. But I would expect a full workup with an HSG, labs for fertility, genetics, blood disorders, and auto-immune issues, and a sperm workup as well. The only thing that is invasive is the HSG-- the rest is just blood tests, basically, but it rules out a lot.

optimistgardener · June 2021

Just dropping by to enthusiastically back up what @bumblebee0210 said. I spent way too many months in my earlier TTC days wasting $$$ on donor sperm on the basis of my GP's reassurance that I was "probably fine" before discovering that things were in fact, not fine. Hopefully, a full workup will help put your mind at ease, or find something that lends itself to a treatment solution.

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