Which is harder-motherhood or marriage?

aprilprincess · January 2009

Someone posted this question on my mom's group message board and I was suprised at the answers.

WDYT?

TexasSmith · January 2009

I say motherhood, by far. I didn't find the adjustment to marriage difficult at all.

aprilprincess · January 2009

It's a tough call for me. I think marriage is a little harder because I have a great partner for parenting. We're in it together and we're a good team. Our marriage this year was made much stronger because of the accident, but it took a lot of work. I don't feel like we were ever in danger of breaking, but life was hard. I don't know how I would have gotten through it without him by my side, but dealing with all the emotions and dependence was difficult. So I'd say the marriage takes more work so it's harder. (sorry that was a lot of sentances saying the same thing)

kbv · January 2009

For me, its motherhood. Marriage was an easy transition ( I like wording from pp:). Motherhood has been much more difficult.

KelleyA · January 2009

Motherhood for sure. Marriage is easy for me because I've know DH for so long. Perhaps motherhood will be easy for me when I've known DD for 13 years...right around the time she becomes a teenager, yay.

alisa1228 · January 2009

TexasSmith:
I say motherhood, by far. I didn't find the adjustment to marriage difficult at all.

i agree.

M&M614 · January 2009

It was marriage for me. Our first year was ROUGH. We hadn't lived together before marriage -- heck, we didn't even live in the same town! So it was a lot of learning to live with another person and be selfless.

I agree with the pp. As much of an adjustment that motherhood was, I have a fabulous partner who takes better care of us than I could imagine. If I didn't have DH, I think it would have been a different answer. Maybe we got all our issues out early.

houcoog · January 2009

For me marriage was harder. Like pp, we had not lived together before getting married, and the adjustment period seemed to take forever. Once we got through that though, everything seemed to settle in place. Transitioning into motherhood, for me, was not that bad.

TexasSmith · January 2009

We didn't live together either before getting married. I don't know, maybe we just got lucky

Jen&Keith · January 2009

i don't think either of them are difficult....but if i had to chose, i guess marriage, but to me thats not hard, just different from being single.

nvp05 · January 2009

Motherhood for sure. We lived together for two years before we got married, so it wasn't a big adjustment at all. Motherhood changed every aspect of my life!

PAGAS · January 2009

I have found marriage to be tougher than motherhood. Motherhood has been far easier than I expected it to be. I love my husband dearly, but that is a much more difficult relationship than the one I have with F.

CindyandScott · January 2009

Interesting question. I'm not sure. Marriage was always easy until baby. I feel like we have struggled a bit in the last year and sometimes I feel like we are on separate pages. Motherhood seemed natural when Reagan got here yet I have definitely had those I can't do this moments.

savannah11 · January 2009

Motherhood hands down. I feel I was truly blessed to have married my best friend and soulmate. DH and I so compatible in every way that it just isn't a lot of work to be together.

TexasHarmony · January 2009

Marriage.

missjake · January 2009

another vote for marriage.

rayskit10 · January 2009

CindyandScott:
Interesting question. I'm not sure. Marriage was always easy until baby. I feel like we have struggled a bit in the last year and sometimes I feel like we are on separate pages. Motherhood seemed natural when Reagan got here yet I have definitely had those I can't do this moments.

this is kind of how i feel... marriage was so easy, such a pleasure, but having a baby has made it more trying. but which is to blame: the marriage or parenting? it's too hard for me to say... i will say that i struggle more with my own role as a mom than i ever did/do with being a wife, but i can't say that makes i harder...

funnyvalentine · January 2009

Motherhood, without a doubt, has been harder for me. ?Marriage was a pretty seamless transition for us. ?It was just really easy and natural. ?I think our marriage has seen some harder times since we became parents. There has certainly been more tension. ?Not marriage-breaking kind of tension, but we had to get used to things not coming quite as easily as they had before.?

LisaK2b · January 2009

To me...they're both difficult but in different ways. I pretty much got pregnant right after the wedding and so there wasn't a big transition period of just being newlyweds and enjoying the marriage. Being a parent is physically exhausting (especially at the beginning with the lack of sleep) and being a wife can be mentally exhausting (especially with you differ on thoughts and opinions). And then you combine it all together with PMS and it's emotionally exhuasting!

Nanner · January 2009

rayskit10:

CindyandScott:
Interesting question. I'm not sure. Marriage was always easy until baby. I feel like we have struggled a bit in the last year and sometimes I feel like we are on separate pages. Motherhood seemed natural when Reagan got here yet I have definitely had those I can't do this moments.

this is kind of how i feel... marriage was so easy, such a pleasure, but having a baby has made it more trying. but which is to blame: the marriage or parenting? it's too hard for me to say... i will say that i struggle more with my own role as a mom than i ever did/do with being a wife, but i can't say that makes i harder...

Same boat here. It wasn't the transition to marriage that was difficult. It's maintaining the marriage since becoming parents that has been difficult. It wasn't too bad when it was just Sam, but now with two, it's doubly hard to nurture our relationship. I know many people who have struggled through their marriage through the toddler/preschool years. They're so dependent on you still at that age, it's hard to find time for yourselves.

Motherhood has been no walk in the park, but vs. marriage, it's been much easier.

IMFun · January 2009

CindyandScott:
Interesting question. I'm not sure. Marriage was always easy until baby. I feel like we have struggled a bit in the last year and sometimes I feel like we are on separate pages. Motherhood seemed natural when Reagan got here yet I have definitely had those I can't do this moments.

almost word for word.

but with Joey and not Reagan.

aprilprincess · January 2009

I think the other reason I chose marriage is we're in charge of Addie. At this point we make most of her choices for her and can work with her attitude/emotions. I can't put my husband in time out if he wants to do something I think he shouldn't.

All these things can change for the teenage years though.

CareBear01 · January 2009

My marriage is relatively easy, so I would love for motherhood to be easier! lol. I don't have the kiddo, yet, but I am pretty sure motherhood would be much more overwhelming. That kiddo DEPENDS on you - unlike your spouse (well, maybe a little - but not to the same extent)

Edit: After reading all of the responses, I can see how the marriage might be more trying than motherhood AFTER the kid is born. That creates many more things to disagree on than just the two of you.

danabelle · January 2009

CareBear01:
My marriage is relatively easy, so I would love for motherhood to be easier! lol. I don't have the kiddo, yet, but I am pretty sure motherhood would be much more overwhelming. That kiddo DEPENDS on you - unlike your spouse (well, maybe a little - but not to the same extent)

Edit: After reading all of the responses, I can see how the marriage might be more trying than motherhood AFTER the kid is born. That creates many more things to disagree on than just the two of you.

This has been my experience. I've known DH for a long time and, despite the stuff we had to deal with during our first year of marriage (my dad's death, namely), we have a great relationship and marriage. I don't find motherhood or marriage to be particularly difficult at this point, but have found marriage to be a little more difficult now because of our transition into parenthood and all of the changes it entails.

CindyandScott · January 2009

aprilprincess:
I can't put my husband in time out if he wants to do something I think he shouldn't.

LMAO - I am totally picturing putting DH in time out..

kat.in.the.hat · January 2009

I think it takes a lot of work to be "good" at anything, so I find both marriage and motherhood to be difficult in their own ways. But picking between the two, marriage is harder because it has an out (divorce) so you always have to work at it.

Want a personalized experience?

Which is harder-motherhood or marriage?

Re: Which is harder-motherhood or marriage?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards