TTCAL w/o 2/15

bumblebee0210 · February 2021

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage, selective termination due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Questions?

GTKY: What are you doing for winter pandemic exercise?

bumblebee0210 · February 2021

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 mmcs, 2 CPs

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Not great, see below.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I had most of my RPL testing come back on the patient portal, and everything was looking reasonably normal. Then when I was on the phone with the clinic confirming my follow-up appointment last week, I asked for my AMH, which had not been resulted on the portal. It's *super* low, which is probably the explanation for my losses (egg quality/aneuploidy). My FSH/Estradiol and AFC were in the normal range (though not like, amazing), so I am *hoping* what she will say is that we caught my issue early enough for IVF to help. I'm already racing forward toward thinking about aggressive egg retrieval protocols (likely more than one), in order to bank normal embryos for future use, before my fertility falls off a cliff. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and actually *wait* to talk to the doctor but this result has me totally reeling...

Questions? Not really-- I'll probably move over to the IF check-ins as we move forward with the process.

GTKY: What are you doing for winter pandemic exercise? I have taken up (very slow) running outside in the cold, which I actually kind of like? Also I have a zoom trainer and do some streaming things. Always on the lookout for good streaming workouts! My current favorite is sculpt society.

Panaceia · February 2021

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?
Hi everone:) I was here a few months ago, then had a chemical in September followed by a MMC on new Year's Eve...so I'm back. 4 losses total now (3 MMCs and 1 chemical).

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope. SO and I are just old (I'll be 42 at the end of this month and SO is almost 54 so...it's pretty much 50/50 for a sticky baby at this point).

Questions? Not today:)

GTKY: What are you doing for winter pandemic exercise?
I have am elliptical at home so I get at least 30 minutes of that in a day...which is something at least.

rgn12 · February 2021

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. CP @ 5 weeks on 12/26

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Going pretty well. Kind of anxious TTCAL for the first time. Hoping I can wait to test closer to expected period. I think that would just be better for me mentally, rather than squinting at early tests and wondering.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? None

Questions? None

GTKY: What are you doing for winter pandemic exercise? I’m slack... not much. I go to the park sometimes to walk. Need to work on this.

inthewoods23 · February 2021

@bumblebee0210 I think if your FSH is normal you'll likely be a good responder to the meds. I don't know what the trick is when egg equality is the problem though (not an issue I had).

@Panaceia sorry to see you here in TTCAL. Hope your stay here can be short.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 loss at 8 weeks, Oct 2020

Status: TWW, gonna be WTO in a few days

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? It was a bummer getting a BFN the last 2 days

I think I'm putting too much emphasis on having a baby before the end of the year. *sigh* That would mean we need to be successful this upcoming cycle or the next for that to happen. It's getting harder and harder with other family having their #2s come spring

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I might test again tomorrow to be an idiot otherwise no

Questions? nope

GTKY: What are you doing for winter pandemic exercise? Currently yoga-ing indoors haha. No way in hell would I exercise outside for winter. Yesterday's high was 0F. Cold AF. Even so, it's hard to get dressed into workout clothes when I'm feeling cold all the time. Somehow I've been managing.

sienna221 · February 2021

@bumblebee0210 I’m sorry it’s not great right now. But the best is what you said and take it one day at a time. Easier said then done...I know.

@Panaceia Sorry to see you here. As the others said, hope your stay is short. And 30 minutes a day is impressive!

@rgn12 Right there with you with being anxious TTCAL.

@inthewoods23 Oh, the constant due date checking we all do. I’ve been doing it too but with my age and thinking I need to have a baby before my next birthday.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC Oct 2020 & MC or RPOC Dec 2020

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I feel very negative about the likelihood that this is our cycle. But I also tend to do this as a defense mechanism. If I’m so convinced it won’t happen...it won’t be as bad or as big a disappointment when it doesn’t.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Will test tomorrow or Wednesday

Questions? None right now.

GTKY: What are you doing for winter pandemic exercise? I’ve been doing Nike Training app and Obé app workouts. When quarantine started Nike Training app made their premium subscription free to encourage people to continue to work out and stay active. Which I thought was really awesome thing for them to do. They don’t have new workouts as often as I’d like but they have a good selection for doing in our “at home gym” (aka a mat, powerblocks, and some bands) haha

rgn12 · February 2021

@inthewoods23 I was feeling kind of like that too, pressure on myself to have a baby in 2021. I feel like everyone I know around me is pregnant too, which is hard. We were planning to announce on Valentine’s Day before the loss, so it was super hard seeing several people I know posting their cute V-Day announcements. I am super happy for them, but also super sad for me and hubby. Hopefully we’ll all get our rainbow babies soon. 🌈

gingermama29 · February 2021

@bumblebee0210 I'm sorry for rough news with your results. It's so hard to slow down and take it a day at a time when all you want is answers and a plan. Hang in there.

@Panaceia so sorry for your loss. I hope your stay here is short!

@rgn12 I hope you're able to wait until closer to test. I'm sorry you're having anxiety with TTCAL. It's definitely something I'm nervous about.

@inthewoods23 hugs friend. It's so hard not to have those thoughts. I know I've thought about it too and it's been so hard. Be kind to yourself.

@sienna221 I'll cross everything for good news for you this cycle. I totally get the mentality that you're adopting though.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
1 loss discovered at 7.5 week ultrasound - suspected blighted ovum

Status: technically benched, but NTNP

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?
Things are going okay. I'm seeing my GP on Wednesday for my 6 month follow up after starting anxiety meds. I'm hoping she'll be on board with me continuing them. Honestly, aside from the grief I've been experiencing with this loss for the last month, I've felt so much more like myself since starting meds this summer.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
Nope

Questions? Nope

GTKY: What are you doing for winter pandemic exercise?
Embarrassingly, nothing. I'm struggling with motivation and I know it's contributing to my mental health struggles.

bumblebee0210 · February 2021

@inthewoods23. That was my hope-- that AFC/FSH would be a better predictor of what will happen now, and AMH as more of a predictor of where I was headed (sort of like a level/slope thing). Sorry you're feeling the time pressure. I do that to myself all the time too. I try to remember that like, whether your kid is 3 months older actually doesn't matter at all for your life, but in the meantime waiting feels like an eternity.

@sienna221. Oh yeah-- the "I'm definitely not pregnant" head games are like a monthly ritual.

@gingermama29 Not a doctor, but I don't see any reason why you shouldn't continue using the anxiety meds if they are helping you (as long as they are the ones designed to be taken regularly, and not just like Ativan, etc). Lots of people are on them for life if they just have the anxiety-type brain chemistry that needs them, and TTC/pandemic is certainly an anxiety-producing time. Do what works!

gingermama29 · February 2021

@bumblebee0210 yeah I'm on a daily generic version of Zoloft. I also have generic Xanax to take as needed for panic attacks but I've only needed 2 or 3 since I got them in August. I expect she'll re-up my prescription. It really has made a huge difference for me. My mom, brother, and sister have been getting anxiety treatment for years so it's definitely in my family.

inthewoods23 · February 2021

@sienna221 yeah I hate thinking about my age in relation to all this. I remember thinking DH's mom was "old" when she had him (oldest child) at 30. Here I am turning 32 in about 2 months

@rgn12 most of my desire to have a 2021 baby is because of insurance costs lol

A January delivery costs a lot more than a December delivery right? I mean yes, I just want a baby ASAP too, but since we've spent a boat load on IUIs and IVF, it would be nice to get a break like that.

@gingermama29 I'm so glad those anxiety meds are helping you. I've been feeling the same about mine. It's amazing how much better we can feel with something so simple.

@bumblebee0210 yeah I don't know how much weight we can really put on AMH. I know charts will say that anything around 1 is bad, 2-4 is normal fertility, and above 4 is an indicator of PCOS. I've had mine measured twice about 2 years apart and got 4.5 the first time and around 5.8 the second time. The 2nd RE's reasoning for the bump up was that tests are done differently or vary from lab to lab. Idk, it was a weird answer. So I feel like we can't see it as an end all. There's a thread on the Infertility board for low AMH that may be a good place to do some reading. You may learn a lot from other's experiences or see what happened with someone who was in a similar boat as you.

rgn12 · February 2021

@inthewoods23 yesss this too. Ughhh I hate insurance, but won’t even start that convo haha. We have marketplace insurance and it just SUCKS. 😫

sienna221 · February 2021

Have any of you changed OBs during your TTC journey? I’m thinking of changing mine as sort of a “fresh start”. I liked my OB and I completely understand that what has happened to me has nothing to do with her. But since I had just started going to her when I got my IUD out 8 months ago...basically 90% of my visits to her and the office have been traumatic visits for MC related issues and I almost have PTSD every time I get near the office. I just associate it with all bad things instead of anything good. I realize it’s illogical but I am weirdly superstitious (😂), so part of me just feels like it would be good for my psyche to start clean with a doctor a lot of my friends go to and love. I also compared some early prenatal care prices with a friend and we realized how expensive my current doctor is compared to this other doctor. But I also see the advantage that now my doctor knows first hand the issues I’ve gone though the last 7 months...so maybe it makes more sense to stay. Just wondering thoughts.

rgn12 · February 2021

@sienna221 I haven’t, but I totally get considering it! You could always just have the records sent over if you did switch.

bumblebee0210 · February 2021

@sienna221: in spoiler because *tw* mentions a lc

My OB is actually a family med doc who does a lot of OB practice, and so she is also my PCP. I adore her, and I feel like she "gets it" because she knows what I've gone through, and also she delivered by daughter so I've had both kinds of experiences with her. I actually had an MFM when I was pregnant with the twins this past summer, so that experience was with another doctor all together, and I am seeing an RE now for RPL so lots of docs!

All that said-- I think it's reasonable for you to feel this way and want a change. I recently realized that part of my hesitancy with getting RPL testing is that I hate blood tests and ultrasounds because I associate them with traumatic experiences. I also think it's incredibly important to trust your doctor, both when TTC but also when you do get pregnant and go through L&D, you want someone you know is on your side, and you trust to make the right decisions. It's not crazy at all to switch-- I would ask around to people you know if anyone really loves their OB.

Panaceia · February 2021

@sienna221 I haven't switched but totally would! My OB just new offices and I don't get panic attacks sitting in the waiting room anymore!

@rgn12 Hopefully this us your cycle and you'll get that 2021 baby! I'm 3 dpo today so stuck in the TWW too...

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