TTCAL w/o 1/4

fitzfizz · January 2021

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage, selective termination due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Questions?

GTKY: If you had to pick one book to read over and over, what would you pick?

fitzfizz · January 2021

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. TFMR (brain deformity not compatible with life due to now known genetic mutation with 2-5% chance of recurrence) at 22 weeks June 2020, CP Nov 2020.

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I recently did way too much reading about risks of recurrent genetic mutations and I am freaking myself out that I will never be able to have a normal healthy pregnancy. Anxiety is in overdrive.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nada

Questions? None at this time.

GTKY: If you had to pick one book to read over and over, what would you pick? If I had to pick one only, I think I could read “Rebecca” by Daphne du Maurier over and over. Great book if you have never read it. Neither movie adaptation does it any justice.

inthewoods23 · January 2021

@fitzfizz sorry that your anxiety is in overdrive. As much as I like to be informed, sometimes it really messes with your head. I hope you can find something to keep your mind off it.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC Oct 2020 at 8 weeks

Status: WTO, should be TWW later this week

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Things are going as well as they can be. Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday (right on time at the start of FW! Thanks hormones). I struggled with feelings of inadequacy. We got through it so we're on good terms.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just OPKs at this point. Today's was up slightly from yesterdays so I might test again this evening to see if I should expect a peak tomorrow.

Questions? Nope

GTKY: If you had to pick one book to read over and over, what would you pick? Oh gosh I really don't read. I can't even remember the one book I have read multiple times that I know I like. I'd probably re-read the House of Night series of books.

rgn12 · January 2021

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. CP at 5 weeks, right after Christmas

Status: WTO/WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I’m doing okay. It just happened recently, so I’m still processing the loss. I definitely want to try again, unsure if I will wait a full cycle or not.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nothing

Questions? Is it recommended to wait a full cycle before TTC after a CP? I feel like I’ve been left in the dark by my OB office. They didn’t even have me come in for my CP.

GTKY: If you had to pick one book to read over and over, what would you pick? Oh my goodness, I haven’t read a book for fun in years. I have no idea!

bumblebee0210 · January 2021

@fitzfizz Anxiety is the worst. Be kind to yourself in the meantime.

@inthewoods23 Sorry about the meltdown. I feel like the hormones just compound the roller coaster that is TTC. I can't even imagine for those of you who have had medicated cycles/IVF added to the mix...

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 mmcs, most recently in Sep 2020

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Getting impatient. I just asked my OB/PCP for a referral to RE. She told me after my last loss that though she didn't actually think that I needed assistance to get pregnant again, I technically "count" now as RPL so I can see an RE if I want to. At the time I didn't, but now I am getting antsy and would like to at least get a second (or third I guess, since I also had an MFM) opinion, discuss options, etc. Not sure what I am hoping for, exactly, but it feels good to be doing something?

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Not immediately but I assume a million blood tests if I see the RE.

Questions? Anything to look for in an RE/clinic? My medium-sized city basically has one clinic, but we are an hour from Boston, so I could go there if warranted.

GTKY: If you had to pick one book to read over and over, what would you pick? Probably Jim Dale Harry Potter on audio.

inthewoods23 · January 2021

@rgn12 with a CP, you're likely okay to start trying right away. I haven't had a CP, but they generally act like a delayed period and don't majorly affect your cycles/body. Certainly start trying again when you feel ready.

@bumblebee0210 It certainly wouldn't hurt to speak with an RE since they specialize in getting people pregnant. As for what to look for, travel distance/time may be a factor as well as hours. My clinic had 7am appointments at the earliest for blood draws and such, but the RE wasn't in before 8am. I've seen others that can have appointments as early as 6:30am. Timeline for getting a consult with them may be a factor for you too.

sienna221 · January 2021

@fitzfizz I'm sorry you are anxious. Reading and googling is sometimes so helpful but, more often than not, the worst for a mental health. I also hope you find something to keep your mind off of it.

@inthewoods23 Hope that peak comes ASAP! And welcome back after a holiday hiatus.

@bumblebee0210 Keep me posted on your RE search and what you decide. I'm kind of in the same boat of deciding if this is a good next option for me.

@rgn12 First, I'm so sorry for your loss. As far as the waiting...I had a MMC at 11 weeks and my OB suggested waiting to get AF back once before trying again but also told me that she's seen plenty of healthy pregnancies with women who get pregnant before getting their cycle back. My sister asked her OB for me just for a second opinion and her OB suggested waiting 2-3 cycles. All that being said...I never got my cycle back after my MMC and, 7 weeks later, my HPTs were getting darker. HCG wasn't rising properly so I had to get another D&C. It is still unclear if it was a new pregnancy that was unviable or retained tissue that the original D&C didn't get (will know more at my check up this week). So it didn't work out for me and now I wish I would have been more careful and waited for AF.
*TW LC*

But I also have two friends who I confided in that both got pregnant before having a cycle back (one had a D&C at 10 weeks and one MC naturally at 9 weeks) and have happy and healthy 1+ year olds now from those pregnancies right after MC.

So, I know that really doesn't clear up any of the confusion you probably have but it really seems like it goes either way. But as @inthewoods23 mentioned...with a CP at 5 weeks, I would assume you are fine to start trying again whenever you feel ready.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC 10/22 at 11 Weeks...Still unclear if 12/17 was another MC or retained tissue from the first D&C

Status: WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I'm doing pretty good. My mindset going into a new year is very positive and motivated in all aspects of life right now (professional, personal, TTC...etc). Hopefully it stays this way and my motivation isn't lost after a couple days. Haha. I think I'll also jump back in to the daily threads soon and reintroduce myself there since I feel as though I'm close to AF returning.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I took off the daily morning HPTs during the holidays. Took the first one this morning since before Christmas and it was BFN...stark white. I've never been so excited for a negative HPT. That is the first one that is been negative since before the MMC on 10/22...really since August. So hoping AF shows up in the next 2 weeks. I also will be going in for blood draw this week to make sure where HCG is.

Questions? I still don't know if the 12/17 D&C was for another MC or retained tissue. I'll go in this week for my checkup and blood draw to check HCG. In the case that it was another MC, I DON'T want to go through that again. What testing do you all recommend having done to try to figure out why and avoid having it happen again? I know my OB said the easiest first tests were to test the thyroid and then do genetic testing on myself to see if I am a carrier of anything. I see the conversation about REs above...would that be the next best option? Does insurance cover anything with REs? (Sorry..that was about a lot of questions )

GTKY: If you had to pick one book to read over and over, what would you pick? Probably Jack Kerouac's On The Road. I love (most) anything by Jack Kerouac. Or maybe Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. I've just always loved those two books.

fitzfizz · January 2021

@inthewoods23 That is interesting that your hormones cause you to feel worse for FW. I tend to feel great during FW and then toward the end of the TWW I get the hormonal crash.

@rgn12 I also didn’t see my OB with the more recent CP but I had a long talk with her about it. I kind of hate the term chemical pregnancy because it makes it feel like it wasn’t even real, but I do get why it is differentiated medically from later miscarriages. While emotionally it feels very real, for your body it is barely different than a normal period. The typical wisdom is that after a CP you can try again right away because everything still works normally for most people. It is possible it would affect ovulation date and thus could throw off dating a new pregnancy, but that risk is pretty low.

@bumblebee0210 I was recently having the same type of thoughts. Like, it has been a year, isn’t this when I am supposed to be able to get help? But there really doesn’t seem to be any specialist that is great at RPL. OBs manage it to some degree but often not well. An RE feels like doing something, but most of what they do is just getting people pregnant. An MFM works with high risk pregnancies and planning for future pregnancies, but they don’t get involved until you are pregnant. When you are able to get pregnant, but keep losing them, it seems like your only options are progesterone (which really doesn’t help in most cases unless the only problem was low progesterone, and that is almost never the only problem) and crossed fingers. This limbo sucks.

@sienna221 I feel weird even saying this, but congrats on the BFN! I hope you are able to get some clarity at your appointment this week. I rambled some above about the question of REs, but a lot of times with pregnancy loss it is a crapshoot. I think it is relatively standard to check a karyotype on the fetus to see if it was an obvious problem like that, but if that is normal they unfortunately usually don’t do more. If a pregnancy is far enough along that a scan can identify a problem, there is sometimes testing that can be done for that particular problem, but that isn’t the case with most losses. In theory you could test for all kinds of different genetic problems, but it would be crazy expensive and even if things are identified it isn’t clear if they actually caused the problem. The unfortunate reality is that most losses are related to a fetus that is genetically abnormal in some way. Maternal factors are less common, but become more likely with repeated losses. The kind of testing you are talking about with thyroid etc is reasonable to do, but unlikely to identify a problem. Basically it all sucks and there are no good answers.

bumblebee0210 · January 2021

@sienna221 @fitzfizz @inthewoods23 I got a referral to see the RE super fast, and my first telehealth visit is next Tuesday morning. I'm assuming they will do the standard RPL blood panel, but I don't know what else they will recommend, given my history. I will keep you guys informed if you're curious what they say about the old "bad luck" dx.

@rgn12 Sorry for your loss-- this is not a fun club. Like the others, I have never had anyone tell me not to try after a chemical. Even though they can be pretty emotionally devastating, medically they are not a huge deal, and my sense is that it's best to just chart it like a period. I only had my HCG tracked after one CP but it went to zero in a matter of days (and with later miscarriages it took forever). Obviously, if you are not emotionally ready, it's fine (and sometimes very helpful) to take a month off.

sienna221 · January 2021

Well no real clarity at the appointment. The report doesn’t definitely say if it was new pregnancy or retained tissue but they guess new pregnancy.

I had blood drawn to test HCG and thyroid. And then also opted in for other tests she talked about but I was confused. I’m a visual person so her just rambling didn’t help me understand...I just opted for everything since I DON’T want this to happen again. I think it was a chromosomal test on me to see if I am a carrier of anything? Only thing I said no to was the detailed ultrasound to check my uterus because she did say she thinks if I had any “divots” they would have seen that in my ultrasound they did to check the last early pregnancy/maybe not pregnancy.

In good news she said everything looked good and I could start again after AF returns. I had a positive OPK this morning so hopefully it’s back in the next 2 weeks.

@fitzfizz it does feel so weird to celebrate a BFN but thank you! And thank you for the information regarding REs.

@bumblebee0210 glad you got the referral and definitely keep us informed!

inthewoods23 · January 2021

@fitzfizz damn hormones lol. I'm one of those that just don't feel any different in the TWW! I chuckle for anyone that goes on progesterone how it makes them feel like garbage while I'm over like here like "wait, you guys get affected by progesterone?"

@bumblebee0210 hope everything goes well for you next week at your appointment

@sienna221 ugh, I'm sorry you didn't get a definitive answer. Happy to hear that you can start again right away. Hopefully AF comes quickly.

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