I ended up telling my principal today that I'm pregnant. She legit jumped up and down cheering and started crying out of happiness which pretty much made my morning. I seriously love my principal. She is amazing. And I figured between the health survey we fill out every day and the numerous early dismissal requests for doctor's appointments she'd be getting from me, it would just be easier for me to tell her what's going on.
I just told another coworker today. I want to wait until our scan but we were alone in my office so I just went for it. I havenโt told my direct boss yet, but I told the managers who are over the department I mainly work with. (I have a weird set up where I work in one department, but assigned over another.)ย
I woke up this morning thinking that I forgot to do something last week for today. Turns out I didnโt need it until next Monday! ๐ . I was sweating it as I was getting ready this morning!ย
I am DREADINGGGGGGGG telling my boss. I don't think I am going to tell him actually.ย He told me I better not have any more (this is my third), jokingly but I know he was actually serious and will be pissed.ย Anyone ever wait until they showed before telling their employer? I'm pretty sure I can just get "fatter" until it gets unmistakeable in the third trimesterย
@Eveinshock my coworker was afraid to tell her boss with her last pregnancy and waited until 8 months! Boss lady was more pissed she waited so long because it takes at least a month to get someone hired. She ended up going into labour the day she was supposed to start training her replacement
If my boss said something like that to me I would definitely be going to HR. Super uncool to intimidate your employee and it really isn't any of his business how many children you have. Plus, I assume you are in the US, you will be off for what, 6 - 12 weeks??ย
My bosses are all happy for me and they will be losing me for 18 months....ย
@Eveinshock that sucks so much! I agree with @grogu that if you have a (non-useless, which I know is unfortunately somewhat hard to come by) HR department I'd be going to them over a comment like that. That being said, I'm of the opinion that you don't really owe your employer anything (in this realm, at least) so you're totally within your rights to hold off on sharing the news as long as you want!
Anyone have any advice for how to navigate the "telling your boss" convo if you aren't planning on coming back to work after the baby is born (or is anyone else in that same boat)? It's unusual for women in my area/workplace to stop working after having kids and I think he's going to be happy for me but really taken aback. I'm not sure if I should tell him about being pregnant and also not returning post-baby in the same convo, or hold off on the latter until closer to my due date... also not sure how definitive I should be about this decision (I'm like 95% sure I want to stay home, but also slightly terrified of changing my mind during my maternity leave).
@Eveinshock that sucks so much! I agree with @grogu that if you have a (non-useless, which I know is unfortunately somewhat hard to come by) HR department I'd be going to them over a comment like that.ย
I am HR! I am everything.ย -1 from the top, thats the problem. Its also in the legal field so along with the full HR role for dozens of people, I also do a lot of the bookkeeping, legal case reviews, technical questions, legal research, systems and operations, etc.ย So......I really can't not be here every day (I have a 2 and 3 year old and I worked up until the day before induction for both).ย ย I do get that when I am gone it's very disruptive and nothing someone can fill in temporarily since I cover so many roles.ย But.....on the flipside, maybe recognize that you should be paying me a 3 person salary?
@the_most_happy are you in US? If you use FMLA for maternity leave and do not return to work, you can owe money back for the benefits paid by the employer during that time. Just something else to think about...
@hannelorre that's a good point, I hadn't thought of that (I am in the US)! I need to do some googling or something to learn more about how FMLA actually works.
@cyanope yeah, I know you're right about that, I just feel awful about blindsiding them... I'm wondering if maybe I can hint that it's something I'm considering, just to put it in my boss' mind that it's even a possibility. I've seen some people suggest saying something along the lines of "I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do after the baby comes, but I'm leaning towards [staying home/coming back to work]"... would be interested to hear if anyone had done something similar!
@Eveinshock oh man, that does put you in a tough position! Totally agree that when you're that essential/irreplaceable, they should be compensating you as such!
@the_most_happy oh yes we could probably have a whole thread dedicated to how to coordinate your leave (in US only-you lucky Canadians and your civilized healthcare and family leave).ย
@the-most-happy I used to work in Healthcare, and I've done a lot of FMLA paperwork for people, so I might be able to answer some questions. Also, I had a coworker who took FMLA during maternity leave, and knew she wasn't coming back. She prearranged this with our boss, and came back for 2 weeks after her leave was up, just so she could say she gave notice after returning. But we knew in advance and had her replacement trained etc by then.ย
@the_most_happy as someone who runs a business, I would personally not like the โmaybe Iโll do Xโ scenario. I honestly would prefer to be blindsided than to be put in the awkward position where you are in limbo about coverage but canโt ask for a direct answer. But that is just me wearing my manager hat. At the end of the day, you need to do what is right for you and your fam, not your employer.
@shoogapoff oh that's a pretty sweet arrangement!ย
@surrenderdorothy that's a good perspective to consider, I hadn't thought of it like that. Ugh, probably just going to continue putting off making a decision about how to handle this until at least the second trimester, haha.
Finally done with my โbreakโ from my phone/social media! I took my crazy frustration at the lack of service around MILโs as a sign I maybe I was on it too much and it was time to take a break for a bit lol. Iโm still pretty sure this baby is a boy because of how angry I get about every tiny thing.ย Weโre finally leaving MILโs here in TX tomorrow and headed to FL to see my parents. I couldnโt be more excited! The weather here has been wet and cold and nasty and I am so ready for the sand and sun! The drive will be fun with a 2yr old and an 11mo old but weโre planning to take it easy and not rush. Weโll be there a week-ish then make the dreaded 26+ hr drive home to CO. Itโll be nice to be home where I can puke in my own bathroom!
@the_most_happy I run a 110 employee organization. I always appreciate when people can be open about their plans, so we can anticipate any needed trainings, staffing needs or supports. It helps a lot with transition planning and I am able to support the employee and their team better. Also, down the line, you might need a reference, so leaving them high and dry may leave a negative impression. You know your boss best, but I would think giving them time to plan for a staff departure would be a welcomed courtesy. You might change your mind sure, but you could also ask if there is a way to consider that option later. They will need to figure out what to do with your position while out and telling them the day you are supposed to return is really tough on peers too. I try to see it as, I wouldn't want it to happen to me, so I wouldn't do it to others.ย
Personally, I don't really have a boss to tell..since I am the boss lol. I do have a Board that I see every other month, so I will probably tell them in a few months. My HR director is out on maternity leave right now and I actually do most of our organizations FMLA paperwork. I will notify my team probably in late February. Timing lines up with start of our next school year in Q1 and one of our principals is due 6 weeks before me, so it isn't ideal but I know my team is awesome and will figure it out.ย
@surrenderdorothy I definitely have a different perspective on being blindsided. I know uncertainty can feel waffley but in education, I try to think about the kids as well. Being without a teacher is really tough. I know not all employers are the same, but I really try to create a work environment where people feel supported with any outcome they choose, but don't leave kids high and dry at the end of the day.
I agree, I would want to know 100%.ย With this much time they can certainly appropriately fill your position and I would appreciate all the notice. And I would find a place for you if you came back and said hey I miss it here I want to come back. I know it all depends on where you work and who you work for though. A tiny company may not be as able to accommodate.ย @the_most_happy are you 100% sure you aren't going back? 90%? 50/50? If you are most likely not planning on coming back then why not tell them now? I'm not sure where you are, what your leave rules are, but if short term disability is going to be paying your maternity leave, many companies require you to return. My sister had to go back for I believe 12 weeks and then she quit.ย
@bmo88 that was more along the lines of my thinking, I feel like if I was the boss I'd want someone to be honest with me so that's why I was leaning towards putting my cards on the table.
@Eveinshock I work in a government-adjacent position (public library with all staffing stuff run directly through our municipality), so things move a lot slower and a lot less flexibly on both ends. On the one hand, they will not be able to even post my position until I'm no longer working for them, regardless of how much notice I give, so in that sense it doesn't make as much of a difference how long I wait to tell them (in terms of being able to fill my position, that is- redistributing my workload in the interim is another story). On the other hand, there's basically no chance of them bringing me back in some other capacity if/when I leave, because it takes literal years to create a new position and get it approved. I would say I'm 95% sure I'm not coming back... honestly that last 5% is mostly a mental thing, it's scary thinking about going from working to staying home!
I'd love at some point further along to get like a SAHM Q&A thread going on here, I feel like I just need to pick the brains of some ladies who have been in this boat and navigated the transition.
@the_most_happy Not that you asked for my advice but I thought I'd want to stay at home after baby came and my maternity leave made me realize very quickly that I wanted to go back to work. So I think it's good to leave some room to change your mind if you're a first time mom. But if you can afford it either way, you can always plan to leave and get another job at some future date, so it doesn't have to be a final decision either.
Married DW 08.2013; AI 2x; IUI 6x; IUI #7 05.2015; DD born 2.2016 ; Reciprocal IVF FET #1 on 11.18.2020ย
@the_most_happy Not that you asked for my advice but I thought I'd want to stay at home after baby came and my maternity leave made me realize very quickly that I wanted to go back to work. So I think it's good to leave some room to change your mind if you're a first time mom. But if you can afford it either way, you can always plan to leave and get another job at some future date, so it doesn't have to be a final decision either.
I always felt like it was a lose-lose for us moms. ย I had no choice but to go back at 8 weeks and it was very rough mentally on me. Also physically! ย And I like working. But I also like my kids and I have so little time with them every day. ย
@claireloSC no worries, I definitely appreciate that perspective! It's knowing some moms have that kind of drastic change of heart that makes me hesitant to say I'm 100% committed to staying home... but ultimately I know that it is what makes sense for my family, and in general I'm super excited about it. I just hope that latter part doesn't change!
I'm having a really hard time scheduling my NIPT testing and I'm so frustrated. My MW does her own scheduling separate from the hospital system so I have to wait until their office gets back to me. I've called or emailed since Monday and haven't heard anything. Also, the testing was so glossed over during my appointment. She just gave me a pamphlet and sent me on my way. I have no clue if it is just a blood test, or a blood test and a scan or what. Anyway really annoyed.ย
@surrenderdorothy oooh, that would piss me off too! ย NIPT is just blood work. ย The NT scan can be done around the same time but not all OBโs offer it unless something comes back on the NIPT bloodwork. ย Also sometimes insurance wonโt cover both. ย I requested both this time because Iโm 36. ย With DS I only did the NIPT
@surrenderdorothy have you done your regular first trimester blood draw yet?ย My MW put down in my chart for the lab to do my NIPT draw at the same time as my regular draw.ย Maybe it's something like that?ย That's super frustrating they never called back regardless!ย I'd be so irritated!
@surrenderdorothy SO frustrating! I am with you on the doctors offices making me crazy this week. I hope they call you back soon. Otherwise keep bothering them!
I've had an all day migraine and nothing helps. Fortunately only standing and going up stairs hurts it so I can still veg with Netflix.ย
I also just got back from the emergency vet with my dog. She's such a dummy and got a bone lodged in the roof of her mouth. She basically ran to the vet tech with a huge smile and tail wagging happy. It was a quick one for them to get out, but I wish she wasn't so prone to doing dumb stuff. At least she's preparing us for 3am trips to the hospital with a feverish kid.
@surrenderdorothy oh I can only imagine what a lab would love to eat. Our girl usually frolics in the forest like a deer, except she doesn't have hoves and gets cuts on her paw every few months ๐
Re: Weekly Randoms 1/4
Iโm home with my little guy in the cast, so Iโve put off my Monday to tomorrow.ย
I woke up this morning thinking that I forgot to do something last week for today. Turns out I didnโt need it until next Monday! ๐ . I was sweating it as I was getting ready this morning!ย
If my boss said something like that to me I would definitely be going to HR. Super uncool to intimidate your employee and it really isn't any of his business how many children you have. Plus, I assume you are in the US, you will be off for what, 6 - 12 weeks??ย
My bosses are all happy for me and they will be losing me for 18 months....ย
Anyone have any advice for how to navigate the "telling your boss" convo if you aren't planning on coming back to work after the baby is born (or is anyone else in that same boat)? It's unusual for women in my area/workplace to stop working after having kids and I think he's going to be happy for me but really taken aback. I'm not sure if I should tell him about being pregnant and also not returning post-baby in the same convo, or hold off on the latter until closer to my due date... also not sure how definitive I should be about this decision (I'm like 95% sure I want to stay home, but also slightly terrified of changing my mind during my maternity leave).
@cyanope yeah, I know you're right about that, I just feel awful about blindsiding them... I'm wondering if maybe I can hint that it's something I'm considering, just to put it in my boss' mind that it's even a possibility. I've seen some people suggest saying something along the lines of "I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do after the baby comes, but I'm leaning towards [staying home/coming back to work]"... would be interested to hear if anyone had done something similar!
@Eveinshock oh man, that does put you in a tough position! Totally agree that when you're that essential/irreplaceable, they should be compensating you as such!
Edit because I have fat fingers.ย
@surrenderdorothy that's a good perspective to consider, I hadn't thought of it like that. Ugh, probably just going to continue putting off making a decision about how to handle this until at least the second trimester, haha.
Personally, I don't really have a boss to tell..since I am the boss lol. I do have a Board that I see every other month, so I will probably tell them in a few months. My HR director is out on maternity leave right now and I actually do most of our organizations FMLA paperwork. I will notify my team probably in late February. Timing lines up with start of our next school year in Q1 and one of our principals is due 6 weeks before me, so it isn't ideal but I know my team is awesome and will figure it out.ย
@surrenderdorothy I definitely have a different perspective on being blindsided. I know uncertainty can feel waffley but in education, I try to think about the kids as well. Being without a teacher is really tough. I know not all employers are the same, but I really try to create a work environment where people feel supported with any outcome they choose, but don't leave kids high and dry at the end of the day.
@the_most_happy are you 100% sure you aren't going back? 90%? 50/50? If you are most likely not planning on coming back then why not tell them now? I'm not sure where you are, what your leave rules are, but if short term disability is going to be paying your maternity leave, many companies require you to return. My sister had to go back for I believe 12 weeks and then she quit.ย
@Eveinshock I work in a government-adjacent position (public library with all staffing stuff run directly through our municipality), so things move a lot slower and a lot less flexibly on both ends. On the one hand, they will not be able to even post my position until I'm no longer working for them, regardless of how much notice I give, so in that sense it doesn't make as much of a difference how long I wait to tell them (in terms of being able to fill my position, that is- redistributing my workload in the interim is another story). On the other hand, there's basically no chance of them bringing me back in some other capacity if/when I leave, because it takes literal years to create a new position and get it approved. I would say I'm 95% sure I'm not coming back... honestly that last 5% is mostly a mental thing, it's scary thinking about going from working to staying home!
I'd love at some point further along to get like a SAHM Q&A thread going on here, I feel like I just need to pick the brains of some ladies who have been in this boat and navigated the transition.
I also just got back from the emergency vet with my dog. She's such a dummy and got a bone lodged in the roof of her mouth. She basically ran to the vet tech with a huge smile and tail wagging happy. It was a quick one for them to get out, but I wish she wasn't so prone to doing dumb stuff. At least she's preparing us for 3am trips to the hospital with a feverish kid.
Photo for cuteness/forgiveness.ย