August 2021 Moms
Panaceia
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PGAL 12/20
Panaceia
member
This is a check in for those of us who are experiencing pregnancy after a loss (miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, stillbirth, child loss, to name a few). Hopefully we can all lend support to each other through the hormone filled craziness that is pregnancy!
Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread.
Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
4. When is your next appointment?
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Re: PGAL 12/20
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
4+4 No milestones until I actually see a heartbeat 💗
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
Still really good, but I'm still really early.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
I am honestly feeling completely detached from this pregnancy. I am so so worried that there will be no heartbeat at my first u/s and I'm not sure how I'll cope if that's the case. I'm hoping beyond hope that this little bean is healthy and growing, but the hope also makes it worse if the outcome isn't good. I know that past losses do not dictate future pregnancies, and I'm hoping that my chemical in September was enough loss for this one to stick, but my 2 previous MMCs have just messed with my head too much that I can't trust in anything. Sorry. That got a bit ranty...
4. When is your next appointment? Still waiting on a call with my first u/s date. Likely mid to late January. I get betas on Tuesday.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I think I ranted above...I had something I was going to ask but now I forget what it was...so I'll probably be back once I remember...
How far along are you? Any milestones? 4+3, no milestones yet. I had a loss at 7 weeks in October, so that’s the milestone I’m anxiously waiting for (not that I think I’ll relax after that if I get there).
How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Nothing unmanageable at this point, but it’s still so early!
How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? Eh. So-so. Most of the time I’m cautiously optimistic, but then I get this stomach-dropping sense of dread and it’s entirely overwhelming. The increase in discharge, while completely normal in pregnancy, has me running to the bathroom every ten minutes. I’m also hyper aware of my uterus and every sensation: was that a good cramp or a bad cramp?
When is your next appointment? Beta draw on 1/4 and then follow-up with my doctor on 1/7.
Rants/raves/whatever I’m really grateful for TB, honestly. Other than a single friend (looking at you @doodlemom131!) who I can talk to IRL about any of this—the loss and pregnancy—I’d be very isolated. I know we’re all essentially strangers at this point, but being able to talk to others who (unfortunately) understand is very helpful and appreciated. ❤️
@pickle-chips here for you stranger friend! ❤️
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
5 weeks today- hitting a couple today. I had my Chemical miscarriage at 5 weeks and started bleeding with my ectopic on 12/20 and found out it was a non-viable pregnancy (didn’t find out it was ectopic for another 3 weeks after that). So just ready for the day to be over.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Slight nausea, nothing sounds good to eat, crampy and some pretty bad lower back pain.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? 7 outta 10 today.
4. When is your next appointment? 12/29 for our first ultrasound. Have to make sure the pregnancy is in my uterus.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) DH comes home today! He left for work on Friday and I’m ready to see him.
And I'm sure your u/s on the 29th will be perfect!
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
7+4, no milestones yet
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
Horrid. Nausea started about a week ago and I threw up this morning out of the blue. I know these are good signs but doesn't make them any more enjoyable.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
Okay, I've been battling a lot of guilt lately, but for now I'm comfortable.
4. When is your next appointment?
01/07 with my GP. Zero clue on any ultrasounds, OB or MFM apts.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Today is a heavy cleaning day. MH is upstairs doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen while I lie pathetically on the couch cuddling the dog. He's pretty good most of the time but definitely picks up my slack when I'm pregnant and feeling awful. So thankful for him!
@panaceia & @emily1052 I feel you on the disconnected. I'm not so much disconnected right now but last time I was very badly. But I'm definitely not connected to it at all. Hopefully that will change at the first US
@pickle-chips ❤❤❤
i am 6+4 today. Ultrasound tomorrow at 6:30 am to see if there’s a heartbeat. Needless to say, my anxiety is high. I made it through the week pretty well (I had an ultrasound on Monday that showed the gestational sac but no heartbeat yet) but now I’m feeling so nervous for tomorrow. At least I got the first appointment of the day!
I’m still feeling tired, aversions to foods, etc, so hopefully it will all be ok.
So many 😅
Beta #4 & #5 on Monday and Wednesday.
First appointment with my Dr on Monday and second ultrasound on the 26th or 28th.
I am also keeping my ultrasound on the 13th.
I have some major PTSD from my MMC. As I left for ER yesterday I had a melt down and just kept thinking about how I sat in ER for over 8 hours alone in November.
Thankfully yesterday I was seen IMMEDIATELY and had my ultrasound within 15 minutes of arriving. I'm so glad it was a different experience.
I'll be back for tags 😌
I hope you can get extra ultrasounds to ease your mind. ❤️
@pickle-chips this board is such a great support. I have a couple IRL friends I can talk to but my closest friends haven't experienced loss so they don't understand the PGAL brain at all. Like every twinge, cramp, pain sends you reeling. I hope you can relax a bit after 7 weeks. 🤗
@emily1052 that first ultrasound is full of anxiety. Fingers crossed for a happy little bean in there!!
@doodlemom131 I had my first waves on nausea yesterday... It ramped up by 6 weeks last time. I really feel for you. Soak up the couch time!
@lrynwnab Good luck with the ultrasound!! Are you allowed to have a support person with you at all?
@baby_yoda1986 I have PTSD from my losses as well. I can't even sit in the waiting room at my ob or the u/s offices without having full on panic attacks. And with us being in lock down now I'll get to have those melt downs alone:/ I'm so sorry you have this too. I so hope we can both get some nice looking ultrasounds soon and hopefully be able to feel better about everything ❤
I’m so awful w bump on the phone and really struggle with tagging, but 100% relate to feeling disconnected from the pregnancy!
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
Yes and no. With my first loss we found out about the blighted ovum at 8 weeks at my first ultrasound. I had my first ultrasound today and saw the heartbeat but I'm only 7w1d.. so again yes and no. My second mc was at 6w3d so I'm past that one.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? I feel very, very nauseated. I'm sick all day every day. I started taking the same medication I was on with my daughter, but it's not as effective this time around.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? I'm surprisingly more calm than I anticipated. I wasn't that worried at the u/s this morning because I had basically resigned myself to this being a loss. So I was pleasantly surprised when it wasn't... but I can always find something to worry about, so I'm sure it won't be long til I'm onto the next thing lol
4. When is your next appointment? January 15th is my first appt with a doctor.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I wish I could just take good news at face value and stop trying to dig deeper and find something wrong. I was looking at this ultrasound picture vs my son's and daughter's and was worried because this baby is on the opposite side and lower than the other two. I always needs to find something wrong. I wish I had the same optimism about everything that my husband has.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 4w+3 no milestones until 8 weeks, see heartbeat and then AS
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Exhausted, and hungry all the time
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? Okay...just hoping for good betas and hoping ob will give me an 8 week u/s
4. When is your next appointment? No appt yet
5. Rants/raves/whatever none
I'm driving my husband crazy too. He's so over me right now. I had a good ultrasound at 7 weeks and I still can't stop focusing on the negatives. Symptoms come and go. Mine did until about 6 weeks with this one. With my son I didn't have any symptoms at all. With my daughter I was really sick until 18 weeks. Every pregnancy is different. I started spotting and then bleeding at 5 weeks with this one .. I was so sure it was over, but it wasn't. You never know what's going on in there. On bad days I just let myself feel what I need to feel but try not to focus on it all day. You have to actively try to focus on something else. It's not easy but tomorrow will come and maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Just get through this one and try not to get overwhelmed and think too far down the road.
Similar to what @ladyk127 mentioned, another thing that I do is set a timer for five minutes and allow myself to feel all my feelings for those five minutes. Sometimes this looks like crying a ball sometimes I just jot down all my negative thoughts or things that I am particularly anxious about. Once the timer goes off, I try to move on with my day. This one I have been practicing for a while after my Mum passed away, but it has helped me to manage my grief. It's not to say that I only feel sad or anxious for five minutes each day, it just allows me to fully feel all of those feelings so that they do not overwhelm me all day everyday, if that makes sense?
Thank you both for your kind responses. it’s amazing what PGAL does to your mental health.
I have a wonderful friend that has had multiple losses as well and she checks in on me everyday. It helps out so much. ❤️ I don’t feel so alone and worried.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
5+3. I had a MC last summer at 6+4 weeks, so that's really the first big milestone I need to overcome. My MC happened the night before my ultrasound was scheduled, so I never got to see a gestational sac or anything that made the pregnancy feel real. I have a lot more symptoms than last time so I'm hopeful this is a good sign. But I know deep down I won't really be able to take a deep breath until I hear that first heartbeat.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
Extremely tired all the time, random pangs of hunger, slight nausea on an empty stomach, some back pain and slight cramping that comes and goes
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?I
I tried to go into this pregnancy positively, but I'm just spiraling in negative thoughts and Google rabbit holes since my first Betas came back yesterday. My HCG was only 270, and I know this number in isolation doesn't mean much and the ranges are so large, but it still triggered me. With all of my symptoms I really thought my levels would be higher and I really wanted it in the 1000s to give me some sort of confirmation that this time will be different. I also have hypothyroidism and my TSH came back very elevated (7 vs. normal range should be under 2.5). Of course Google did not help here either. I'm getting my medicine dosage adjusted but my anxiety is at an all time high thinking I didn't catch this soon enough or how quickly we'll be able to bring it back to normal levels.
4. When is your next appointment?
Likely taking another Beta and thyroid test on Monday and my first ultrasound next Wednesday! Going for an ultrasound at pretty much the exact same point of my last pregnancy is bringing up a lot of feelings and anxiety, but hoping it will help reassure me even if I might not be able to hear a heartbeat yet.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) :
I think i ranted quite a bit already above 😂
32 more days.
Sorry for constantly stressing out all over this board. I just have no outlet for this anywhere else.
Let it out here for sure, that's what we are here for.
@avocadotoast30 I hope you can find moments of calmness. This is such an anxiety inducing time ❤️
My doubling time is *slowly* dropping but still faster than 48 hrs but because it's gone from 25hrs to 40hrs I'm obviously freaking myself out. It also doesn't help that I don't have much for symptoms yet.
ETA 72 hours is the *normal* doubling time according to lots if googling...so 40 hours still looks good to me!