TTCAL w/o 12/14

fitzfizz · December 2020

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage, selective termination due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Questions?

GTKY: What is your favorite go-to holiday movie?

fitzfizz · December 2020

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. TFMR (now known to be genetic problem with 2-5% risk of recurrence) at 22 weeks June 2020, CP Nov 2029.

Status: I think I ovulated yesterday, but benched so not tracking and it doesn’t matter.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I actually think taking this month off was a really good idea for me. Having a CP on thanksgiving after my awful summer situation was basically devastating, and I don’t think I could do that for Christmas. I decided to take a break so I could get the COVID vaccine, but knowing that I won’t be disappointed on Christmas is very freeing.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? This isn’t testing, but I’ve got a vaccine coming up! All seems to be going according to the plan with my hospital getting the vaccine, so I’m told I will be able to get the first dose on the 21st. This puts my second dose on Jan 11th, which is a few days before I would likely ovulate. The current guidelines say not to try to get pregnant for 2 months after, but that doesn’t seem to be based on any science, and there are conflicting guidelines. I think I will be able to start trying again in February, so a total of 2 months off.

Questions? None today.

GTKY: What is your favorite go-to holiday movie? Muppets Christmas Carol is a true classic!

bumblebee0210 · December 2020

@fitzfizz That's great news about the vaccine! And I think it was a good move not to track. I was involuntarily benched after my first mc for 3 months-ish waiting for my betas to drop, and at first it made me anxious/impatient, but ultimately I think it gave me a kind of "rest" that I needed from tracking all the time.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 mmcs, the most recent in Sep 2020

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Mostly fine, though I keep having flashes of the "other life" in which I am still pregnant, and expecting twins soon. I think there was something really salient about the surprise identical twins-- it was such a good story-- I have trouble letting it go. It's weird how much a compelling narrative can drive our feelings.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No-- though when I went to get my day-3 testing, the lab messed up and didn't test my AMH, just FSH and estradiol. My doc's view was like, eh don't worry about it (I have never had much trouble with conception-- I think she agreed to the tests to humor me). My FSH and estradiol were normal, and the clinic just called to see if I want to run the AMH. I don't really want to go to a lab right now unless I have to, so I think I'll just skip it.

Questions? just about whether I should get the AMH

GTKY: What is your favorite go-to holiday movie? the cartoon grinch.

emeraldcity1214 · December 2020

@fitzfizz I’m glad you’re able to go ahead and get the vaccine. Our hospitals have around 32,000 doses right now. I have discovered that a lot of women who have been TTC and got pregnant right after recovering from COVID have had CP. I’m wondering if that’s what caused mine. Needless to say, we are going to be more cautious going forward. Most likely reducing our circle to my close friends in my city and staying away from the big city events right now. My city is in hunker down mode right now and no one is following those orders. The streets are packed and the stores are crowded. It’s due to all the Christmas shopping. It’s hard to get shopping done online here because it takes so long for things to ship.

@bumblebee0210 I would have a hard time letting go of a surprise twin pregnancy. I can relate to dreaming about what that life would be like. I often think of Abigail and how old she would be and the things she would be doing. What color her hair would have been. As for your testing, it would bug me not knowing especially when they were suppose to run it. If you’re ok with it don’t go. Less exposure for you.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

I had a large SCH that resulted in an early second trimester loss December 2018. I am currently going through a CP.

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?

Today is the 2nd anniversary of my delivery of Abigail. I plan to burn a candle for her all day and we plan to sit down and celebrate her this evening when DH gets done sleeping.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

None

Questions?

GTKY: What is your favorite go-to holiday movie?

I’m a big fan of elf and The Santa Claus movies.

inthewoods23 · December 2020

@fitzfizz yay vaccine! I hope this break is everything you need it to be so you can move forward at full force soon!

@bumblebee0210 I don't think AMH is super critical to have. When I had BW repeated when I got a 2nd opinion, my AMH had gone from 4.5 to 5.5 for tests done 2 years apart. When I asked if that meant my fertility had improved, they told me facilities can be different in how they perform the test so that could explain the increase in my number, but it didn't mean I was more fertile.

@emeraldcity1214 sorry that today is your anniversary. I think there are too many factors and uncertainty to really know if covid is causing yours or other's CPs (I also haven't really done any research on my own about it). Granted they are finding that some people deal with lasting effects even after they've recovered (like lung issues). I had the MMR vaccine just a few days before conceiving, but I have no way of knowing if that was the cause of my MC or if it was just coincidence. Considering I need to be on a GF and DF diet to conceive, I'm more inclined to believe the vaccine wasn't the cause as that would have prompted an immune response that likely would have prevented implantation.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC Oct 2020 at 8 weeks

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Things are chugging along. Got most of my Christmas shopping done. Just need to pick up one more gift card. And hopefully all my packages arrive in time!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I plan on taking an HPT as early as Thursday

Questions? nope

GTKY: What is your favorite go-to holiday movie? National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is a family classic to watch every year. Haven't done it for the last few, but it was a tradition for a little while!

emeraldcity1214 · December 2020

@inthewoods23 I wouldn’t assume COVID had anything to do with it but my cycle was just so weird. I’m just thinking maybe my immune system was still in high gear. I’m jealous that you have your shopping done. I still have a few gifts to buy.

sienna221 · December 2020

Hi all- sorry I’ve been MIA but I’ve been in a weird limbo for the last week. Putting in TW just in case because another pregnancy mentioned and also because it’s long story and maybe you want to skip over!

I hadn’t got my period back 7+ weeks post D&C and my hpts had faded down to a very very faint line, but never gone stark white. Towards the beginning of December, hpts started getting darker and turned clearly very positive. So I was so confused because they never went fully negative and I was using OPKs to avoid ovulation and I never detected a surge. So was confused and shocked it I could be pregnant again. I went in last Wednesday and my Hcg was 456. Friday it only rose to 661. Yesterday I had an U/S, since it was rising so slowly, and they ruled out ectopic (thank goodness) and did see a small sac in the uterus but didn’t see anything else. They were thinking it was just too early. So they did another blood draw and only rose to 967 (they wanted at least 1500). So they aren’t sure if I got pregnant again and it’s not viable or if the previous D&C left tissue behind and somehow that got recognized instead passed and started growing again. I’m doing one more Blood draw tomorrow but already have another D&C scheduled for Thursday. Anyways, just venting because I was so ready for the first MMC and D&C to be over and now this all happened...whatever “this” is because still not sure. So frustrating. Also, I had to wait all weekend for my 2nd Hcg result which was terrible. And then today, they never even called. I finally called and left a message for the nurse who finally got back to me and was so nonchalant...”only rose to 967, so this isn’t a viable pregnancy. When can you come in for a d&c?” She was nice but almost like too nice and chipper like I was just coming in for a dinner reservation. Anyways, I digress. I’m sure she just tries to keep the mood up for these crappy things.

Well anyways, I’m back here. And I guess I need to be more careful and wait a full cycle like my OB originally mentioned. Even though this was not in purpose.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC & D&C 10/22...and whatever this is

Status: Waiting for D&C Thursday

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Not great...more mad than sad that I’m just out back even more

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Another Hcg test tomorrow just to be sure

Questions? Not right now

GTKY: What is your favorite go-to holiday movie? I just watched The Holiday last night and love it!

@fitzfizz yay to getting the vaccine! And I’m sure a month of was good for the mind. I’ll be doing the same. We can guilt-free enjoy some holiday cocktails and wine!

@bumblebee0210 I also see how a surprise twin pregnancy is hard to let go of. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m finding myself really thinking about being 20 weeks pregnant if I hadn’t had the MMC and it’s hard to not get upset. Thinking of you!

@emeraldcity1214 I’m sorry to see you back here. And I’m sorry you had that anniversary yesterday. I hope the day was ok and less hard than you were expecting.

@inthewoods23 Fingers crossed for tomorrow and getting that BFP!

emeraldcity1214 · December 2020

@sienna221 wow, that is a lot. I’m so sorry that you are going through all this. I didn’t even know that left over tissue could continue to grow like that. I have never heard of that happening. I’m sorry the lady on the phone was so nonchalant as she told you your numbers. That is so rude and callous.

bumblebee0210 · December 2020

@sienna221 I'm so sorry you're going through this. One D&C is enough for anyone, having to draw out this process is just cruel. Take it easy and take care of yourself as much as possible. One note-- it is probably worth telling the docs that you potentially had retained product from your last D&C and make sure they are using ultrasound guidance with this one. You can also insist on an attending (rather than a resident) doing the procedure if you are at a teaching hospital. You want to make sure they are extra careful. My guess is that you actually did have a second pregnancy and loss, but you don't want to have any complications this time around.

inthewoods23 · December 2020

@sienna221 I'm so sorry you need to repeat the process of a D&C. I hate that this is dragging out the process for you to be able to move forward with trying again. What a strange occurrence. Take care of yourself

bumblebee0210 · December 2020

@sienna221 One more thing-- this is not your fault for not waiting a month. Please don't blame yourself at all. Most docs just give that advice because it makes dating the pregnancy easier, not for any medical reason. You either got pregnant again and had a normal early loss, or this was due to retained product and it would have happened with or without sex. So obviously take whatever time you need after your procedure to try again, but please don't think you caused this!

sienna221 · December 2020

Thanks all for the kind words. I went ahead with the D&C today. Im so nervous now having 2 D&Cs and if that’ll affect me down the road. The OB said they’ll track my HCG down this time, so that it is nice.

Putting in spoiler as could be trigger...

It’s really frustrating because my numbers continued to rise...

12/9: 456
12/11: 661
12/14: 967
12/16: 1049

I wish they would have dropped so it was a more definitive and clear answer. My OB said in her opinion it would be less than 1% chance that this would somehow end up being viable and that all the science says this not a viable pregnancy. But seeing something on the ultrasound (although barely anything) and numbers rising (although barely)...I just hope I made the right choice.

Luckily the family and I are heading out of town for two weeks for Christmas and New Years...it will help get my mind off everything. So I apologize in advance, as I may be sporadic in my drop-ins. But again, thank you ladies for all the support. This really is an amazing group of ladies and I’m in awe by all of your strength and how everyone supports each other unconditionally.

emeraldcity1214 · December 2020

@sienna221 That’s such a hard situation. I’m glad they are tracking your HCG down this time. A two week vacation is a great distraction and I hope you can relax and take care of yourself while you’re gone.

bumblebee0210 · December 2020

@sienna221 Take care of yourself today. I know these decisions can be so hard, and you have gotten a crappy deal with this pregnancy and prolonged loss. Just know this is a hard day and it won't always be like this.

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