Feeling terrible

I feel like such a terrible mom. I was with my 2 month old today at home and went to boil a pot of water to sterilize his bottles and pacifiers. I could have sworn I saw the flame go on. I went into the living room and snuggled with my Bubs and then put him in the swing while I ate something. About 45 minutes went by when I realized I should check the pot. I go into the kitchen and smell gas and realize there’s no flame on and just gas coming out. I shut it off quickly, put the hood fan on high, opened a bunch of windows and my front door. Kept things open for about half an hour and the smell went away. My Bubs was looking around and cooing and we were chilling when my neighbor knocked and said she smelled gas. Apparently people in the building (it’s a few apartments in an attached house) smelled the gas. I really thought it had gone away but maybe that’s because I had the AC on in the living room.

Anyway I thought the smell had gotten better but my husband came home shortly after and said it still smelled. At this point I started panicking and took Bubs to get checked out to be safe. Pediatric urgent care said to go to the hospital so I did. Doctor said baby’s lungs were clear and the blood test for his CO2 levels was still in the safe zone and not high enough to need oxygen/interventions. They told me to keep an eye for unusual symptoms the next few days and to see the pediatrician as a protocol.

I feel like a terrible, incompetent idiot right now. I was trying so hard to multitask and be efficient and became absent minded in the process. I was crying in the car and in the hospital when it was just the baby and I waiting in a small room to be seen because I feel terrible that I could have put him in danger. Of course now I am still worried about him and while physically exhausted I’m so mentally wired and awake. I just feel like some days I don’t know where my brain is and it’s hard to explain to other people. I feel like my neighbors must think I’m a moron and a negligent mother. It’s just hard because I am trying my best and trying to kept a handle on everything (baby’s needs, tidying the apartment, etc.). Just wanted to vent because I just got home from the hospital and still feel terrible. I love my son so much and I just want to do right by him.