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November 2020 Moms
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New baby + MIL

lindsholtzclawlindsholtzclaw member
in November 2020 Moms

My mother in law and I have always had a great relationship. She fun and likable and I’ve always looked forward to spending time with her or talking to her on the phone. However, during the time I was pregnant it’s like something shifted. I found myself getting slightly annoyed every time she asked questions about how pregnancy was going. Now that our baby is here, I’ve found myself wanting to be around her less and less. 


My in laws got to see our son for a few days after we got back from the hospital before going back home (they live 6 hours away) but are coming back next week to stay for a few days and I find myself dreading it. When she was here last time she just wanted to hold the baby the entire time and would hardly share him with my mom or anyone else and almost begrudgingly would give him back to me or his dad. Every time he cried, she’d hover over us and try to take over. She freaked out when I tried filing his nails. She also kept trying to come in the room when I was breastfeeding which I wasn’t super comfy with. She’s constantly asking questions about how we’re doing, sleeping, how I’m recovering and acts surprised when I tell her things are going so well, almost as if she doesn’t believe me. When we talk to her on the phone, she constantly calls him “nana’s baby” (nana is her grandma name) and for some reason that irks me. I guess I feel like he’s MY baby, not hers. 


Why do I feel this way? I know that she loves him so much and I know in my heart I should be so happy, but for some reason I feel super possessive of my baby. How do I shift from dreading this visit and start looking forward to him getting to see his grandparents? 

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Re: New baby + MIL

  • babywiikbabywiik member
    First, I'll send you a big giant stranger on the internet hug❤ I don't know if I have the best advice but would you be comfortable having a conversation about your feelings with your MIL? Like you said, she loves her new grandbaby but she also needs to remember that YOU are the baby's mom and YOU get to make decisions for the baby and she needs to respect them. Would you be comfortable (Maybe along with your significant other) setting up some boundaries for when they are visiting? I can see that you care a lot for you MIL and dont want to offend her and I'm hoping that she feels the same towards you and just doesn't realize how her actions are affecting you. Its important to take care of your mental health during this time because having a baby is a huge life change and all the extra hormones don't help. I don't blame you one bit for feeling possessive over your baby! I would too if I felt like someone else was trying to "take" my baby. It's a tricky situation for sure but right now you have to do whats best for you and baby even if that means you have some time before having visitors...like if you asked them to postpone their visit even. I hope you can at least visit with your SO and he/she will be supportive of you and help you advocate for yourself. The best of luck!❤
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