PGAL Check-in November

akoros · November 2020

Noticed while catching up on intros that there were some newcomers who mentioned losses and this hadn't been refreshed in a few weeks. Changed it to a monthly thread since we're a small group, but not opposed to doing weekly.

This thread is for anyone who has experienced loss at any point in pregnancy or experienced the loss of a child. There is a general TW (trigger warning) for the entire thread that previous losses will likely be discussed.

Your story (if you're comfortable):

How far along are you?:

How are you feeling (physically, mentally/emotionally)?:

Any upcoming appointments?:

akoros · November 2020

Your story: TFMR for T21 and cystic hygroma at ~15 weeks in Dec 2019, MMC at ~15 weeks in July 2020 (unexplained, but possible clotting disorder)

How far along are you?: 7w2d

How are you feeling (physically, mentally/emotionally)?: Mostly fine, nausea kicked up a notch but I can still function most days so I really can't complain. Very relaxed right now as I just got through my first appointment/scan, but was a bundle of anxiety earlier.

Any upcoming appointments?: Dec 4th for NIPT blood draw and check-up

_orchid_ · November 2020

@akoros thanks for staying this! My anxiety has ramped up this week and this thread is definitely needed.

Your story (if you're comfortable): unexplained losses July 2012 @7w, July 2019 @7w, and March 2020 @5w

How far along are you?: 7+3

How are you feeling (physically, mentally/emotionally)?: Feeling ok physically. Emotionally all over. I had an appointment on Wednesday, which I was glad about bc the loss milestones this week. Everything was fine but I'm still feeling very numb and unconnected to this pregnancy. DH and I are still talking in "ifs" and "maybes". I was hoping this scan this week would make me more comfortable but still not there. Also on antibiotics for an abscess and earlier this week it didn't seem like it was clearing up, which was promoting talk about stronger antibiotics which would not be good during pregnancy. Abscess is starting to clear up thankfully and it doesn't seem like the infection has spread (I had small red streaks on my arm Wednesday but they're gone now) but it kicked pgal worry into overdrive.

Any upcoming appointments?: 11/25 for intake with my ob. Counting the days!!

@akoros I'm glad you had a good appointment! I'm hoping to do NIPT this time too and I know we have the same edd so I'm wondering if I'll get it done that week as well.

Lisa3379 · November 2020

Your story (if you're comfortable): TFMR at 15 weeks I think? 14? I blocked out so much at that time. That was this past April.

How far along are you?: 7w2d

How are you feeling (physically, mentally/emotionally)?: Physically I’m fine, which is a mindf—k. No aversions to anything, which is different than my past pregnancies. More tired though.

Any upcoming appointments?: 1st appt November 19th. Time is going so slow!

akoros · November 2020

@_orchid_ I hear you on being disconnected. You'll get there, the fear is just real and your mind wants to protect itself. I know I likely won't be that excited until after the NIPT/NT scan, if not later (I'm guessing ~16 weeks, since that's when they discovered my miscarriage, but maybe not until after the anatomy scan).

@Lisa3379 I honestly have to scrounge for my pregnancy symptoms most days. Even on the days when they're stronger I could easily write them off as something else if I didn't know better. I hate to complain, considering how some others are struggling, but it definitely messes with your mind.

Yesterday the weirdest thing triggered me at my appointment. The tech went through scan and noted that things look good (she took her time as she read my file I knew I had losses), then said she'd "give the doctor her report" and sent me to the waiting room. For whatever reason, I decided that the report she was sending had bad news. No reason to really think this, but it made me incredibly anxious as I waited for the doctor (which also took FOREVER because they had computer problems). My husband kept texting asking if things were ok, and I was scared to tell him they were just in case the doctor was going to give me bad news. She didn't, we just discussed my current medications/vitamin regimen and made a plan for genetic testing so it was all in my head.

wendy838 · November 2020

@_orchid_ We're the same way. My husband and I still say "well IF we're really pregnant, we should..." I'm further than I've ever been, but PGAL brain makes me cautious.

@Lisa3379 @akoros There are days where I have barely any symptoms. They were never that strong to begin with, and I'm thankful on days when I have a lot of meetings. Agree that it messes with your head.

AFM: Had a missed MC back in May 2020 shortly after we found out in April that we were expecting. The baby stopped growing at around 7-8 weeks. Going through the intense bleeding and pain without my husband beside me in the hospital (due to COVID restrictions) was a pretty awful experience.

How far along are you?: approx 10 weeks

How are you feeling (physically, mentally/emotionally)?: Physically and mentally, I'm doing alright. I think I pulled something in my back a while ago because I feel like a 90 year old when I get out of bed.
We just quietly announced to my MIL because we're staying with them for a few days. I have this irrational fear that once I start telling people, things will go wrong.

Any upcoming appointments?: 2 appointments coming up on week of 11/23 (1 with Dr and 1 U/S)

Lisa3379 · November 2020

@akoros Ugh, the wait for the doctor to come back with info. That would trigger the hell out of me too. I had an insane wait after my NT scan during my last pregnancy, which built up my anxiety, and then yeah, doctor came in with horrible news. I'm so glad that your appointment went well yesterday.

@wendy838 I told my parents last week, and I was only 6 weeks along. I've also told my best friend. I also have that fear, like the more people I tell, the more likely I'm going to regret it. Hugs.

MelissaMay82 · November 2020

Your story (if you're comfortable): D&E in April 2016 @ 21w5d for Thanatophoric Dysplasia and M/C in November 2017 @ 4w6d (unknown cause).

How far along are you?: 8+5

How are you feeling (physically, mentally/emotionally)?: Physically- Super nauseous, bloated, extremely tired. Emotionally- I’m doing ok. I’m trying not to stress too much about the unknowns. I am nervous for my panorama (NIPT).

Any upcoming appointments?: Panorama blood draw on 11/23 and then the first appointment with my OB on 12/2.

@_orchid_ DH and I definitely still talk in ifs and maybes.

_orchid_ · November 2020

@wendy838 @Lisa3379 I have that same fear. We didn't tell anyone about our last two pregnancies until after I lost them, and even then I just told a few friends. I've told those same friends about this one but no family yet.
@akoros that would freak me out too. Oh man I can only imagine the anxiety you had sitting there. I hope that doesn't happen again to you!

mindyb2019 · November 2020

Your story (if you're comfortable): MC at 7 weeks Nov 2019 and TFMR for T21, cystic Hygroma and hydrops fatalis at 16 weeks July 2020.

How far along are you?: 9+6

How are you feeling (physically, mentally/emotionally)?: Physically im ok most of the time. Just tired, bloated, dizziness here and there and very constipated which makes me cranky. Mentally and emotionally im hanging in there. I do alright most days. Its just appts and ultrasounds etc that really set off my anxiety and PGAL brain. Then I start to overthink things and become a hot mess. Just the fear of the unknowns.

Any upcoming appointments?: I have 2 appts tomorrow morning. One with my GP and one with my OB. Im crazy anxious for my NIPT blood draw coming up soon within the next week. That's when it all went wrong last time and I dont think I can handle that again. FX I don't have to.

mindyb2019 · November 2020

@MelissaMay82 I feel ya on the nerves for the NIPT. Waiting a week for the results is torture and feels like an eternity.

@wendy838 I feel ya on feeling like im 90 getting out of bed 😆 i didn't pull my back but man my legs and arms and joints hurt and are sore and stiff all the time not sure why. I have that exact same fear that as soon as i start telling people things will wrong. Its a horrible feeling but I understand it. Im just hesitant to tell people because I feel that I cant take it back.

@akoros im sorry that you were triggered at your appointment the other day. Triggers are the worst and I have them too. Im glad everything was ok. Its crazy how we create these things in our head when there is no issue.

@Lisa3379 GL at your appt on the 19th. I hope all looks well.

@_orchid_ I'm sorry your milestone and abscess streaks on your arm has caused you alot of stress and anxiety this past week. PGAL brain is so hard some days. I know its been ramped up for you. Glad to hear your abscess is starting to clear up and you don't need stronger antibiotics. Yay for passing your loss milestone of 7 weeks. You got this girl! ❤ One day at a time.

_orchid_ · November 2020

@mindyb2019 GL at your appointments tomorrow! Is your OB aapt with your usual Dr? I hope your cervix is continuing to heal up nicely. Fx for you

mindyb2019 · November 2020

@_orchid_ Thanks. The OB appt is with my usual OB Dr yes. Same lady as always.

laurad75 · November 2020

Your story (if you're comfortable): I think I wrote the long version in a previous post but I have had 3 losses since DS was born 2 years ago. The first was an MC after getting pregnant naturally, the 2nd and most traumatic was a loss at 10 weeks (trisomy 13) and the 3rd was a bio chem pregnancy after a FET.

How far along are you?: 8+2

How are you feeling (physically, mentally/emotionally)?: just general anxiety but still feeling very hopeful.

Any upcoming appointments?: 2nd ultrasound tomorrow at my RE office; intake appt over the phone later this week

_orchid_ · November 2020

Just wanted to check-in to see how everyone's doing. We are telling my in-laws today bc I have some new health stuff going on and I'm tired of hiding something so big from them (we're close and talk to one of them daily). Nervous putting it out there will jinx it.

akoros · November 2020

Thanks for the check-in @_orchid_! Doing ok, but also struggling with "when to tell". My husband doesn't want to tell his parents yet, mostly because he doesn't want to get their hopes up and then hurt them again. As he put it, we're not exactly all "YAY, super excited!!" ourselves this time around, so he feels weird announcing it (while I totally understand, it kind of makes me sad...he was really excited last time, which was also after a loss, so I think the second loss broke him more than I realized). That said, I'm probably going to tell my parents when they're here next week. I can't hide it the whole week, particularly since they'll notice that I'm not feeling great and not drinking. I probably could, but the idea is just exhausting. I'd also talked about it with my mom before, and she said that she'd rather know so she could be there to support us, even if something goes wrong. I hadn't had a chance to have that conversation with my MIL yet.

_orchid_ · November 2020

@akoros we had a long conversation about it last night bc DH didn't want to tell either. Part of the reason I wanted to tell them is because HE needs the support. He talked with them this morning and feels better than he thought he would. I have this group as an outlet as well as some IRL friends and he is talking to no one. I'm crapping my pants about the recent stuff and more worried about how he's doing than I am about myself! I feel like I can't cry or freak out to him bc he's so worried already. I think if we waited to tell them when we know it's 90% likely and then tell them all the other stuff we're going through they'd be hurt we didn't include them earlier. Good luck with your parents next week! Haha I seriously wish I had a permanent screen to my ute to reassure myself.

akoros · November 2020

Agree that my husband could use some additional support. His family is very much the type to just not talk about things, particularly if they're not pleasant. He mentioned after the second loss that he wished they'd be more proactively supportive (also acknowledging that he'd reflexively push them away if they tried...so it's an issue all around). My family, particularly my mom, is the opposite. She's very proactive about reaching out and talking. I think his family wants to be supportive, just doesn't really know how or feels like it would bother us. It's kind of funny, because he's incredibly open and supportive with me, often more open and communicative than I am. For nearly any other issue leaning on me works for him, but when it comes to this I know he wants to be strong for me.

ruemcclanahan · November 2020

Your story (if you're comfortable):
Two back to back MCs in March and in August 2019

How far along are you?:
10 + 6

How are you feeling (physically, mentally/emotionally)?:
Physically I've never felt worse. I'm so miserable.
Emotionally- I'm doing okay!! I was fully prepared to lose this baby but every week I get more and more hopeful that this is the one ❤️

My husband is finally coming around and talking about the baby. He was so scared he didn't let himself even think that it was a possibility

Any upcoming appointments?:
I have alllll the appointments on November 30th

MelissaMay82 · November 2020

@_orchid_ and @akoros DH and I are also struggling with when to tell our families. DH definitely wants to wait probably until after the AS. I also kind of want to wait until then as well but we need someone to watch DD so we can go to the AS. Maybe we will tell them after we get the results of the panorama in a couple of weeks.

wendy838 · November 2020

We’re in the same boat. DH is more cautious and doesn’t want to say anything until Christmas time when we’re in 2nd tri. I’m okay with it, but I want to tell my parents and best friends a bit sooner. His parents already know because we stayed with them and couldn’t hide it.

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