Questions w/o 11/9

ec1212 · November 2020

I couldn’t find a questions thread for this week, so kicking us off with one below.

ec1212 · November 2020

Has anyone interviewed for a new job (at new company) while pregnant? Pre-covid, I’d been planning to take a look at my options at end of this year. I love my job, but I’ve been there a while and like to make sure I’m in a place where I can keep growing.

The timing isn’t great because if I don’t make a move this year, I’d probably want to end of next year which would be soon after coming back from mat leave.

mkc3888 · November 2020

I haven't made a switch while pregnant, but last time I made a switch maybe 1 month after I came back to work. I wasn't planning on going anywhere. I basically got a call from a friend saying she was leaving her place and asking if I would be interested. So it was basically handed to me.

ccmrc143 · November 2020

@ec1212 I haven’t but I am hopeful for you! Maybe do some research on pregnancy discrimination and see if any of it includes hiring. One worry I would have is sometimes benefits like insurance don’t kick in immediately when you’re hired, so you would want to make sure that you’d qualify for coverage and for leave/other benefits no matter how long you’ve worked there before baby arrives. Id love to know at what point in the interview process you’re “supposed” to tell them you’re pregnant (that’s assuming interviews are remote for covid).

mkc3888 · November 2020

Legally in the us they can’t ask if you’re pregnant. However you aren’t covered by FMLA unless you’ve been employed with them for 1 year. Most companies won’t fire you over it. Or at least decent ones. But Louisiana is an at will state and they can fire for just about any reason. And they don’t have to give time off for the birth of a child if you haven’t been there for 1 year. So it might still be helpful to bring up for your peace of mind. I would bring something up like this only after an offer is made.

ckmb_1250 · November 2020

@ec1212 I haven’t , but I’ve thought about it. I think if I were interviewing I would likely wait to tell them until I was offered a position, or at least pretty far along in the interview process. Although they “can’t” reject you just for being pregnant, I still think it would influence how they think about you. You could also negotiate for leave time if that’s important to you.

texas_t · November 2020

A friend of mine interviewed and was hired for a new job . She told them she had to be out for 8 weeks for a surgical procedure when the offered her the position. Once she started, she told them she was pregnant and that was the procedure

mkc3888 · November 2020

@Texas_t that’s the best plan I’ve ever heard. Because they don’t need to know!

texas_t · November 2020

@mkc3888 I thought it was a great idea. For some reason, people hear the word pregnant and spiral. A surgical procedure has so much less emotion attached to it so I feel like so many more people would be accepting.

mkc3888 · November 2020

@texas_t so many assumptions are made about pregnant women. I have one coworker who basically quit and said I'm not coming back until the morning sickness stops. No one would have known I was pregnant here if I hadn't told them. Even when I was miserable my entire pregnancy last time, I only left work early one day because I couldn't stop vomiting after taking zofran.

ec1212 · November 2020

Thank you for all your insights. I chatted with another friend about this last night and the only real concern and tricky part for me would be understanding if there's a tenure requirement before taking mat leave. I'm very lucky that my industry almost always offers generous leave because it's competitive to get good talent, and I actually have never heard of the types of companies I work for needing someone to be there a certain amount of time before getting leave. But I know some companies do it, and it's something that's hard to ask about during the interview process.

I am very on the fence about just disclosing up front that I'm expecting, or waiting until I have an offer in hand. I'm interested in a specific company where I have a relationship with the ceo - he tried to poach me right before covid and I wasn't ready to make a move yet because I was working on a few big things in my current role. The company has done very well through the pandemic and are on a hiring roll still, so I know they're stable.

I think if I don't find an opportunity that I'm super excited about by end of year, I will stay with my current company for a while. My friend last night has an 18 month old son, and she said I would not want to make a move right after mat leave because my attention (and mental reserves) won't be at their best and it would be hard to be "on" and learning all the new stuff right after going back.

ckmb_1250 · November 2020

@ec1212 I would agree with your friends advice. It may be easier to make the change now so you have several months in your position to get somewhat settled beforehand. When I came back from maternity leave I was so depressed being away from baby and just counting the hours every day until I could leave and go home 🤷🏻‍♀️

spartan4life · November 2020

@ec1212 I agree with your friend as well. I went back to work when DS was 11 weeks old and even though I was ready, there are still a lot of things to settle like a new routine with daycare(if you're doing daycare), getting things ready for daycare in the morning, getting baby settled and ready for bed in the evening, etc. I never was late EVER until after I had DS! Also, if you're doing daycare baby will end up with random colds and viruses so I ended up having to take more days off than planned after I returned.

yellingbanana · November 2020

@ec1212 When I was pregnant with my first, we had just moved to San Diego. When I was looking for a job, I thought the interviews went really well... until I told them I was pregnant. Every company that I told was pregnant- didn’t call me back. I was so frustrated because I had good experience and employment history. Finally I just didn’t tell them during interviews and the job offers started rolling in. When I took one, a couple weeks in I went to the doctor for ‘heartburn’ only to *surprisingly* find out I was pregnant! 😆
I really like the idea of saying you need time off for a surgical procedure, that is genius!

ckmb_1250 · November 2020

Does anyone else have weird mildly crampy/maybe kind of burning feeling like you might have to pee? But you don’t? Going in today to check if I have a UTI, couldn’t quite make it 4 weeks between appointments 😂😩

gusgus14 · November 2020

@ckmb_1250 nope but UTIs are common in pregnancy so wouldn't be surprised if that was it! When I get them during pregnancy they're usually asymptomatic so I don't even know until my monthly pee test.

mimser · November 2020

Those who are doing prenatal classes, when are you starting them?

We just registered and we start when I will be 28 weeks. I find it a tad late, I would have preferred to start about a month earlier, but the lady said it's best to do them as close to your due date as possible.

texas_t · November 2020

@mimser With my first, we didn't do them until around 34 or 35 weeks!

mimser · November 2020

@texas_t ah ok! We would finish at 35 weeks I think

gusgus14 · November 2020

@mimser we didn’t do any until 32+ weeks with our first.

ckmb_1250 · November 2020

@mimser I didn’t end up doing formal classes last time but I remember feeling like they were rather late in pregnancy, so I just read and educated myself throughout the pregnancy. If I do a formal hypnobirthing class this time I’ll likely do it in Jan/feb which would be starting around 25-30 weeks.

mimser · November 2020

@ckmb_1250 I think that's what I'll end up doing as well, a lot of reading. I'm mostly doing the classes because my SO knows nothing 😅 but I also like that it's something to do every week leading up to baby's birth. Also, we'll most likely still have nothing to do in the evening by then so 🤷‍♀️

ckmb_1250 · November 2020

@mimser I think the classes are great for SOs because they may not be as motivated to read and study up! (Or at least mine wasn’t!)

mimser · November 2020

@ckmb_1250 Definitely! He does listen to The Expectant Father's audiobook, but yeah that's like 20 minutes per month

ec1212 · November 2020

lil update - I did reach out to the CEO of that company. We'll see what happens. I checked out the person they wound up hiring for the leadership role he originally wanted me for and they seem ok. 😂There's only one other company I'm really interested in at this time, so if I don't find an open role there and this other company doesn't work out, I will stay with my current work fam for a while.

ccmrc143 · November 2020

I have a general question about cramping. What do you consider normal? What worries you? How do you know the difference? I get pangs (aside from round ligament pain and gas) and they don’t bother me too much but just make me aware that things are happening inside. Does that make sense? Sometimes it’s achy but never lasts long enough to make me call the doctor. I’m not worried, and so I’m worried about not being worried 😬

brynn_mamaof4 · November 2020

@ccmrc143 I would call your nurse line to be sure because I don’t know, and this is just my opinion - but I would consider anything worrisome that makes me say “ow!” outloud and it doesn’t go away. I’ve had random weird pains, but it’s always just a momentary thing and I don’t feel it again. But if it stayed around... that would worry me.

ccmrc143 · November 2020

@brynn_mamaof4 that’s a great way to make sense of it, thank you! None of these are “ow” out loud pains, but if I do get that I will call.

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