TTC 6+ Months October

keikilove · October 2020

This is a safe place for those who have been TTC for about 6 months or longer. There may be mention of loss, trying for a sibling, or other challenges people are experiencing. This thread is also open to those with suspected Infertility challenges and those with unexplained/ explained infertility.

*Please be mindful of placing Trigger Warnings and using Spoilers for comments that could be hurtful to others. (TW: Loss, TFAS, Living Child, etc.)

Where are you in your TTC journey?:

Any recent milestones or struggles?:

Anything you want to celebrate?:

Other things on your mind you’d like to discuss:

Questions:

ashaislurking · October 2020

Where are you in your TTC journey?: 9 months, 7 cycles, trying to figure out what my body is doing
Any recent milestones or struggles?: After my second round of progesterone testing my results still weren't what my ObGyn hoped they would be. Because of this, we have an appointment scheduled at the beginning of December to talk about next steps if I'm still not pregnant.
Anything you want to celebrate?: I'm doing a lot of really cool stuff professionally including becoming a member of a couple different graduate committees and working on some articles with my faculty mentor! That's really been helping me keep my mind off of TTC.
Other things on your mind you’d like to discuss: As much as I want to stay hopeful that I'll get pregnant in the next couple of months, it's really hard to stay hopeful right now.

Questions: TW: TFAS

For those who have struggled with/are struggling with secondary infertility- how did you process that? I feel like I'm at a point right now where I'm just stuck in this weird limbo that I've never needed to deal with before.

krash_ · October 2020

@ashaislurking TW TFAS

All IF sucks but I think secondary IF is it's own special kind of suck. People don't expect you to have issues conceiving because you have successfully conceived before so they seem to have no tact about asking when you are going to make DS a big brother. Idk if it's just something in the water (2020 can suck it) or if it's because I am already a mom and in mom groups and have mom friends with kids DS's age who are having second or third kids but I feel like I see a new pregnancy announcement every day and it was not like that the first time around. I am also really struggling with the fact that I don't want DS to be an only child. My previous desired age gap has already come and gone so that's not a concern anymore but I just feel more pressure because I don't want him to grow up alone. When MH and I are gone I want him to have a family. I don't want him to have to deal with his aging parents all by himself. Now I'm crying so I'm going to move on. To answer your question I'm not processing it.

Where are you in your TTC journey?: starting IF testing

Any recent milestones or struggles?: my first consult with the RE today. Hit the 12 cycle mark but still 8 weeks out from exactly 1 year since I had my IUD removed.

Anything you want to celebrate?: not really

Other things on your mind you’d like to discuss: it's just tough because it's not something we talk about IRL so friends make comments or ask questions not realizing that it can be hurtful. It's not until you get that BFP and make a big announcement and maybe share your journey that people know any of your struggles and at that point they are celebrating with you. The few friends that do know we have been struggling don't ask about how we're doing (I think maybe out of not wanting to hurt or offend us) but if someone who knows we have been trying and going through testing just asked "hey how are you doing with your struggles getting pregnant?" it would feel more like they care. Instead they want to ask "are you pregnant yet?" but that sounds hurtful and would be so they don't ask at all.

Questions: do you talk with close friends or family about your struggles to get pregnant?

legendairymomma · October 2020

Where are you in your TTC journey?: 12 cycles ttc #2

Any recent milestones or struggles?: 12 months... 50 weeks

Anything you want to celebrate?: I had a mental breakdown this week. I realized that I have been internalizing more and more and that it was harming me mentally. I realized that I am the only one putting pressure on myself to concieve. I can't get inf testing/treatment on either of our work insurance plans and I just have to let it be. I am young and there are women who are 10+ years older than me having babies.

Other things on your mind you’d like to discuss: I am deciding to have a less Americanized way of thinking. I am tired of this "your job defines you. You live to work" way of living. I want to enjoy something every day.

Questions: Would it be weird to blast social media with something like "Stop asking me about additional kids. Some of us cannot pump out kids like Johanna Gaines. I am working on it." ??? A short sassy way to tell people to fuck off with that.

@krash_ my mom, sil, other sil, and close co-workers know we are ttc but honestly... Y'all are the most in the loop.

@ashaislurking

I am not processing it. I am putting it aside until it takes over and makes me cry for 30 minutes while my family sleeps 🙃. I am in limbo as well. Hubs has already told me that were gonna have a 3rd "because you will want another" and were not gonna wait as long to try.

akoros · October 2020

*lurking* (maybe...we've been trying for 2 years, but I've had some losses in the past year so not sure if I make the cut)

@krash_ I want to, but don't talk about it with very many friends. My mom and one close friend know the most, a couple know that we've had losses (but mostly just one of them, not that there were two; and, like you've said, they don't ask), and the rest have no idea we're even trying. I think I may tell some more about it eventually, if for no other reason to prevent the unintentionally-hurtful comments or jokes. I always struggle with how to bring it up, particularly out of the blue (but then again, when would the topic come up naturally?)

krash_ · October 2020

@akoros you don't have to lurk here! Having losses does not exclude you from this discussion, if anything it makes that much more of a place for you to get/give support. I'm sorry for your losses.

It's definitely not something I think of to bring up out of the blue but on days when I've had a particularly tough time and someone asks how I'm doing (like if I meet up with a friend or talk to my mom on the phone) I think I should start sharing how I'm actually doing. I usually just say fine but maybe we need to be honest and say you know what I'm not doing so well because we have been TTC for 11 months and today I saw another pregnancy announcement on FB.

ashaislurking · October 2020

@krash_ I'm sorry you're struggling with sharing your journey with IRL friends and not getting the support from them that you need. I do personally talk with a handful of my friends, but they're friends who had also struggled so they're able to relate a bit more.
@legendairymomma I'm sorry you've been struggling with internalizing your feelings. It really sucks that your insurance won't cover testing/treatment. Sending you all the love.
@krash_ and @legendairymomma Thank you both for sharing your experiences with me. I really think it's a special kind of suck.
@akoros like krash said, you absolutely don't need to lurk here if you don't want to. This is a safe supportive space for everyone.

fingerscrossed1 · October 2020

@ashaislurking I totally get how difficult it is to stay hopeful. I wish I had good advice to give on that front, but it's a daily struggle for me, too. Sending you the best karma!

@legendairymomma I feel you completely. It always pains me when the topic of kids comes up. I know most people don't mean harm, but that doesn't really make me feel better.

_orchid_ · October 2020

@akoros join in! I'm on month 18 of TTC with 2 losses in that time... although at this point we've been actively trying since loss #2 7 months ago. Doesn't change the fact that you've been hoping to add to your family 6+ months ago, and are still waiting.

@legendairymomma I'm sorry about your breakdown and that your insurance doesn't cover IF testing. I also put a lot of pressure on myself and it's tough. Is there another kind of job you'd like to switch to? I got tired of the "live to work" mentality in my 20s and ended up switching careers to something I love. Also I bet you'd find a lot of support posting that on social media, more people can probably relate than you already know.

@krash_ I can commiserate with the comments, but I got them a lot more frequently after LO#1. The ones that are killing me know are the offhand ones about how ridiculous it is to try to get pregnant during the pandemic....

@ashaislurking
**TW LC**

I'm like you in that I'm TTC#3. We are now 18 months past the age gap my other two have. I struggled for about a year to get KU with #1, but #2 happened first cycle trying. The longer this takes the further I am from the baby stage, and the more we can be spontaneous and do the fun big kid stuff my LOs love but that would be tougher with an infant. I feel guilty bc we've been lucky to have 2 relatively easily (plus 3 losses) and know most people would kill for that but I feel like someone is missing.
I also struggle with all the stuff. I saved all our baby stuff to reuse it, and now am storing clothes/toys/bedding/etc spanning from birth-7 years. I CAN'T WAIT to clear stuff out (we live in a 1400 sq ft house and the baby stuff takes up so much room) but it also kills me bc when I put everything in storage I planned to use it again. Our infant car seat expired this year and it made me so sad to put it out in the trash when I had hoped to use it again. 😭

_orchid_ · October 2020

Where are you in your TTC journey?: 18 months ttc#3 with 2 losses this round

Any recent milestones or struggles?: Found out last week that I have elevated cardiolipins that may have led to my recurrent losses and length of time TTC. I read different studies online about taking baby aspirin daily to improve chances of getting pregnant and to help with losses and I'm feeling pretty angry that this wasn't tested for me before. I did an HSG, all the genetic bloodwork (that was expensive!) and if this small act of taking baby aspirin makes the difference for me I am going to be ticked (and happy of course if I end up KU). It also occurred to me today that my second empty due date from this round of TTC is coming up next month and I'm not feeling great about that.

Anything you want to celebrate?: I live in a world where hocus pocus is on freeform like every 48 hours

Other things on your mind you’d like to discuss: I just feel tired of being on this CD rollercoaster.

Questions:

akoros · October 2020

@krash_ Yeah, that's more or less how I broke it to my one friend. I just came out and was like, "look, a lot of sh*t has gone down lately, I'm going to fill you in on it...". It has actually been helpful for her, as she's also TTC as a single mother, and since starting the IUI/IVF process has had to have multiple fibroid surgeries. Her other friends got pregnant easily (if they have kids) and aren't really able to understand the emotions she's feeling as she goes through it all.

@legendairymomma I love trying to be "less Americanized". I agree that we put way too much emphasis on work. While our professions can (and, ideally, should) be motivating and interesting, there's also so much more to life. That's really great that you're working on consciously changing your perspective.

@ashaislurking That all sounds so cool! I started a new position at the beginning of the year, and agree that it's a great way to take your mind off of things.

@_orchid_ I hear you on getting exhausted. I remember with my most recent loss, aside from all the other emotions, one of the first thoughts I had was that I was so tired of tracking and didn't want to have to do it all again. I also totally understand your anger at not being tested sooner for seemingly simple/preventable issues. Or, if this sort of stuff is so common and there's no problem with taking a baby aspirin, why don't they just tell us to take it in the first place?? The only reason I can find for it is $$$; insurance companies don't like paying for it.

And since you've all said it's ok to share...*TW* losses mentioned

Where are you in your TTC journey?: 28 months in, but 2 cycles after my second loss. Semi-full story: **TW loss**

It took 15 months to conceive the first time, which unfortunately ended as a TFMR at 15 weeks. Since it took so long the first time I was really surprised to find myself pregnant again only three cycles later. However, this one was also ill-fated, ending with a MMC at 15-16 weeks, which brings me to where I am now

Any recent milestones or struggles?: Hanging in there, but it's right around the time when, last year, I got my first BFP ever. It's insane to think about all that's happened in just one year. It's also Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, which I didn't even know existed before, so I've been thinking about all of it a bit more lately.

Anything you want to celebrate?: Had our 3rd wedding anniversary last week, so I'll celebrate my husband. He's been amazingly supportive throughout everything, makes me laugh every day with some stupid humor/antics, and is a wonderfully sensitive, intuitive person. I'm so grateful for him.

Other things on your mind you’d like to discuss: Nothing in particular, aside from the replies I jumped in on

Questions: none right now

legendairymomma · October 2020

@_orchid_ I love Hocus Pocus and the Halloweentown movies, Practical Magic..etc.
Also, my infant car seat is expired but I am keeping it until I am KU and can do the Target car seat trade in.

And846 · October 2020

THIS is a great space. Thank you for starting it. I love the dailies to keep up and get to know everyone but I tend to get overwhelmed when I'm busy and can't keep up. This is much more my speed. I’ll circle back with some tags/responses from what I’ve read already.

*TW*

I was pretty active in my last TTGP time here as well as my BMB so I feel bad not being super active here this time but I'm much busier this time than last.

Where are you in your TTC journey?: 1 year IUD removed and NPNT until this past summer when we started to get serious

Any recent milestones or struggles?: Not getting KU quick like I did last time.

I think the fact that last time I got KU the cycle after getting off BC has set the expectation that that is normal and this go round I'm still measuring to last time, so it's a complete mind game.

Anything you want to celebrate?: I went to the OB today and we talked about the above. Since I have now crossed over to the AMA side, we are doing labs and such starting now with a full blood screen where he wants to look at a few things then CD 21 I have to get a blood draw, CD 3 next cycle some more blood. US in Nov to look at tubes. I feel better knowing there is a plan but he was like keep HIO and we will do this additional stuff.

Other things on your mind you’d like to discuss:

Questions:

acleverusername · October 2020

@And846 Are you also getting YH to do an SA? I've been binge-watching/listening to Dr. Aimee (aka The Egg Whisperer) and she's got this mneumonic TUSHY that she's always mentioning as a way to evaluate your fertility: https://draimee.org/tushy-method

And846 · October 2020

@acleverusername we are going to do the recommended tests from the OB first and then do the SA next month.

_orchid_ · October 2020

@akoros once this is all said and done one way or the other I'm taking my BBT out Office Space style. I've been tracking my cycles off and on for 8 years and I. Am. Done.

@legendairymomma we have another one expiring this winter so made the decision to get rid of one 😭 hoping we have a reason to save it. Trade in events are so helpful!!

@And846 that's great that your OB will start those tests for you!! FX you get some answers

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