9.27 to 10.3 Randoms

jbal918 · September 2020

Weekly Randoms

A little early because we have a super busy day tomorrow!

babymakes9 · September 2020

Anyone else feeling totally disconnected this pregnancy? This has been my hardest pregnancy ever, (physically) and I haven't really seen or talked to anyone in person in months, and have stepped back from social media because everyone has gone crazy with the riotting/ politics / covid precautions (basically 2020). I know it sounds silly, but I kinda feel like i'm having a secret pregnancy and sad about it. And just very upset and overwhelmed with how the country currently is.

dobiemom11 · September 2020

@babymakes9. As a FTM, this is certainly not what I expected due to Covid. We had been TTC for a long time and I had come up with a couple ways that I wanted to announce to our family. None of those ideas came to fruition and I have all the supplies still in a closet in the nursery. We didn't post anything on social media due to some early complications. Yesterday a friend who I hadn't spoken to in a while texted and asked how we are doing. I was like I am 7 months pregnant! A couple friends are pregnant at the same time and we can't go have lunch together. I planned 99% of my registry without even going into the store. No looking at baby clothes or anything like that. We ran out to check out strollers, but it was like a crazy get in and out as quickly as possible and don't even look at anything else. Conversations about family visiting after the baby comes are fraught with calculating risks and disappointment.

I am thankful that I can stay home and isolated for safety reasons, but it is disappointing to be missing out. Obviously none of those things really matter, but I agree that it feels like we are having a secret baby. Our family wants to celebrate, but it is much harder now with everything else going on. And while pregnant, harder can sometimes feel impossible! We are very excited though and maybe our celebration as a family of two counts most of all.

P.S. I am thankful for this group to celebrate with. @babymakes9. Thanks for letting me vent a little and perfectly expressing/validating my feelings.

flip25 · September 2020

I totally agree. While I'm very thankful that we've both been able to stay safe and work from home, I just feel like I'm missing out on a lot. I have a total of like 5 pieces of maternity clothes (which I was really looking forward to buying) but there's really no point, and I just get sad thinking of how many people I can't see during this time. Two of my brothers and their wives live across the country so they will not see me pregnant and its highly unlikely they'll be able to see the baby any time soon after he's born. 😭

peyts228 · September 2020

Really relate to all over the above--thats why I joined this group, belatedly!

I'm especially struggling with too much time to worry and limited connection. I'm a FTM, and I think I really would've benefited from a prenatal yoga group or something similar where I could ask BTDT moms "hey, is this weird pain normal?"

@flip25 My brother and SIL being across the country and unable to visit is the hardest for me, too! I really feel ya 💔

laurenspdx · September 2020

I wouldn’t say that I’m disconnected from the pregnancy (probably because I’m a FTM and I don’t know any different) but I definitely feel the loss of not being able to do all the fun pregnant things.

I only moved to this coast a couple years ago and so all of my closest friends and family are back East. Not being able to see them has been so hard. I can tell my mom is really sad to not be able to see me pregnant (luckily, my sister who lives there just hit 12 weeks so they have her now!). Our other family is in Australia and we literally don’t know when we’ll be able to see them.

It is also hard to be sharing fun and happy news on social media when there are such serious issues to talk about right now. My posts are all either “look at my belly” or “look out, our democracy is at risk!” Which is weird...

With the forced staying-at-home, though, I do have more time to just be with my little passenger. I find that I spend a lot of time just interacting with it, playing it music, talking to it. I don’t know if I’d be doing that if I had all of the normal, external things I usually do.

karmba · September 2020

@babymakes9 I don’t feel disconnected from the actual pregnancy/baby but I feel like I’m purposefully hiding the pregnancy which isn’t really the case. I find it super weird to tell colleagues over the phone that I’m pregnant so I haven’t told very many people. It’s just an odd situation all around.

readermom1 · September 2020

@babymakes9 I also am feeling a little different about this pregnancy. Most of my friends, acquaintances and extended family are basically missing this entire pregnancy, and there are lots of things that I would love to do, but can’t. In addition, this is my last pregnancy, so I have been trying to be mindful and enjoy all of the sweet moments and kicks for the last time. At the same time, the craziness and stress of what is going on in the world sometimes overshadows the joy. I keep trying to take a deep breath and remind myself that this too shall pass, but I don’t want to wish away the time of my last pregnancy. I feel very torn...

dreamscapes_ · September 2020

I’ve never been pregnant before, so I genuinely have no idea if I’m disconnected or not. I will say that it’s not how I imagined my first pregnancy, but considering how long we waited, I’m just happy to be having a baby. But it’s still weird.

dreamscapes_ · September 2020

So, I just left the house to go run an errand and pick up DH from work. We live on the third floor, no elevator. There was a big box from Graco in front of our first floor neighbor’s door with MY name and unit number on it. The delivery person just didn’t feel like climbing the stairs 😒

At any rate, we now have the pack n play 🤷🏼‍♀️ I just put it in the car, since I can’t carry it up the stairs myself and will have DH do it when we get back.

babymakes9 · September 2020

Thanks ladies, I feell a little better that i'm not the only one! I don't feel disconnected to the baby, but more to life - that no one knows we have such a huge thing (a new baby) coming in to our lives soon. @readermom1 this is also my last pregnancy, and there are so many things I thought about before I wanted to do that just aren't possible in the current situation. I have exactly 2 pictures of me this perfect that aren't bump pics, which makes me sad.
@dobiemom11, I totally get what you are saying about shopping! I was looking forward to buying cute little dresses when I found out we were having a girl, and so far I have exactly 2 things, because I'm not able to go in store shopping much and internet shopping just isn't the same.

mom_of_the_vogels · September 2020

I feel disconnected in some ways but maybe a little more connected in others, which is weird but nice. I miss actually going out and seeing people and having a reason to actually get dressed like I belong in public. On the flip side, I text and call my sisters and Mom more often since we can't get together. I've been on a break from Facebook for a month or so and it seems like everything has combined to take the white noise out of relationships. I only spend time on the ones that matter.

For all the mommas who aren't getting to go out baby browsing and making registries, I'm so sorry. This is our third (probably last) and there is virtually nothing we need. Even so, when I go grocery shopping or to any store with a baby section I definitely take a detour just to look for a few minutes

As overwhelming as the browse/register/shopping process was for kid #1, I really enjoyed it and hope anyone who really wants to do it gets some chance.

@dreamscapes_ that's so crappy of the delivery person! To leave it there and not find some way to notify you so you know it doesn't walk off with the wrong person is rude and irresponsible.

jbal918 · September 2020

@babymakes9 10000% yes! I don’t know if it’s just because of everything that’s going on but I feel like it just feels different. I know I busier with DS and just life but I’m trying to take the time at night to just feel her kick and be present in the moment. These days it’s so hard to just sit down to breathe!

jbal918 · September 2020

Today we had DS’s 4th birthday party! I only let immediate family come and my two best friends. (One is The Godfather for DD.). It was less that 20 people and felt so good to feel semi normal even though I set it up so everyone can have enough space between them.

karmba · September 2020

I had a dream the other night where one of my summer interns delivered the baby in a hospital room on the main floor of my house.

feather_heather · September 2020

Found out baby girl likes peach rings - Ate some and then sat down 30 mins later to do some kick counts and recorded 30 movements in 15 mins! She kept going, but I stopped counting lol

autumn87654321 · September 2020

This article was highlighted in the Bump. I literally laughed out loud at the first one “sleep”. 😂.

From The Bump: "6 Fun Things Every First-Time Mama Should Do Before Baby Arrives" https://www.thebump.com/a/6-things-every-first-time-mama-must-do-before-baby-arrives Get the free Bump App: https://bit.ly/1UEYuli

elmich3 · September 2020

Just have to vent... Sorry. Bless you if you actually read. Lol

So we put our house up for sale a few weeks ago and it sold in 3 days (yay!). But it was extremely stressful already just staging/cleaning and doing all the things lately like scheduling inspections, appraisal, etc. I have two boys ages 1 and 2. Now we are trying to find a new home and this market is insane. Trying to buy a house while pregnant was a bad idea. All offers go $30,000 over market right now and it's so competitive. I just want a place to live! We've put down offers on multiple homes and no luck yet.

Along side of that stress, my husband has been working at a great new job for a year. It's in manufacturing and he is the production coordinator. He has always worked overtime because of the demands on his job, got hourly pay but the equivalent of $68,000 a year. He just had his year review and they love him, all is great, but they are now making it a salary position of $55,000 a year starting next week. Sooo in the midst of being pregnant, being a stay at home mom to two toddlers and buying a new house we just took a huge hit.

Does anybody else survive on $55,000 a year? I'm so nervous we are doomed and won't be able to afford anything. Our health insurance through his work is $600 a month so that takes a lot of our money. Our mortgage will be around $1500. Ugh, I feel so pregnant, stressed and worried. Just had to write it out.

lindsaym2106 · September 2020

I am currently 28w 4d and lately I am ALWAYS hungry! I will get done eating dinner, clean up and go open the fridge again. All I do is think about food at work! I am almost done eating lunch and legitimately feel sad. AHHHH anyone else?

willashbaby · September 2020

@elmich3 money is hard since cost of living is so different location to location. It "seems" like I make a lot, but then I live in NY and it doesn't go far. 55K a year here with a family and you're on public assistance!

elmich3 · September 2020

@willashbaby That's very true. I live in Michigan so cost of living isn't so high

shelmcclel · September 2020

@elmich3 not sure if you’re a SAHM or not, but if you’re just relying on your H’s salary you are going to feel the hit! But I’m in FL so cost of living is definitely different. Maybe you can try to save some of the money from the sale of your house to help lower your mortgage or reconsider your purchase price - would give you much more wiggle room in your budget for contingencies.

DH really wanted to sell our house Bc the market is so high and we could make a lot, but I told him absolutely not Bc it’s so tough to find a new house right now! We put in an offer on one, also over asking and lost so after that I said no more & were definitely not listing. Have friends who sold before locking down a new house & have put offers in on 10+ Houses and keep losing. They’re moving in with their parents Bc they closed on their sale today and have no where to go!

dobiemom11 · September 2020

@elmich3. Can you try renting? A couple of our friends wanted to buy a house and just decided after looking for a while that renting might be a better option. At least then you know you will have a place to move into once you close on the old house!

Also major congrats on selling your house!! Staging and cleaning is so much work, so glad that it is behind you!! You are totally kicking butt at everything. Do the best you can each day and know that it will all get done when it needs to!

autumn87654321 · September 2020

@elmich3
im sorry this is happening to you this seems very stressful!
have you accepted the offer? When I bought my house they accepted the offer but said they needed 2 months to close instead of the regular 1 month. Could you do this to give you time to find a new place?

— Also -not to add more stress on you and probably you’ve thought of this—but you might need to bring it up with your lender soon. After finding your new home, You don’t want the underwriters to see the difference in salary and not approve you.

I can see they decrease in pay feeling like a big difference especially with a new member of the family arriving soon. I’m sorry this is happening. So frustrating. Is he expected to do the same amount of work? Maybe he can negotiate for higher salary. If he’s constantly working overtime then they’ll need to pay him accordingly or hire someone else to fill in for that extra work he’d been doing.

What state are you in? If it’s just his income Perhaps at that salary with 2 adults and 3 dependents you can qualify for more affordable care act rebates or state healthcare. For example. Here in Minnesota. For a family of 5 you can make up to 61k and qualify for Minnesota care which has good coverage and is about $50/month each. More money they move you to the mnsure market and you pick plans and the price varies based on what you want out of the plan and they give you a rebate that varies depending on your income.

I don’t make much money, only about 35k a year teaching part time plus selling art and honestly don’t know how much DH makes because he’s only a year into a tattoo career so it’s been changing month to month. We have a mortgage and I have 70k in student loans and some dumb credit card bill. And we need a new car- but the idea of a car payment seems pretty hard to swing right now. I’ve got great credit my bank rejected me for it but that was just based on my income bit with mortgage and other loans. Need to try again with his income added to mine.

elmich3 · September 2020

Thank you all for the kind words and advice, I really appreciate it! We definitely wanted to find a house before selling, but in this market, it wasn't an option. Sellers won't even look at you if you haven't sold or closed on your home. We did already accept and sign for an offer and have two more weeks until close, and then an extra 30 days. After that, we may ask the buyers if we can stay here and pay them rent.

We are making a substantial amount off of selling our house and are going to lower the amount on the house price we are looking at. The lender luckily already approved us with what he is making now. They approved him at his hourly rate for 40 hours, which equals his new salary. But he was making a lot more than that because of overtime when he was hourly. So luckily that won't change.

Just praying we can find something. Nothing sounds worse then having a baby while not having a home lol

autumn87654321 · October 2020

Anyone else’s bellybutton feeling nervous?

bartonolivia · October 2020

So we’ve been team green. I’ve been 100% okay with it. But my husband just expressed that he’s not able to connect or get excited about it because he doesn’t know the gender... I’m torn bc I was so excited for the surprise but it’s not fair to him if he can’t connect. Should we find out the gender and just not tell anyone around us to keep the surprise for the family?? Ugh help 😭

mom_of_the_vogels · October 2020

@bartonolivia that's a hard question. We have been team green for both of our previous kids and this pregnancy. Hubs was not super connected but some things helped, like me having him feel the baby move and talking about the babies with actual names (instead of "baby" we called first kiddo "Jack or Abbey" or "Jabbey" when talking).

Even so, he wasn't as "present" as I was in the baby world until baby was born. The moment he heard our son cry he was hooked, nothing in the world mattered as much as that boy.

I would talk to DH and see if there is anything you can come up with to help him feel more connected. If that doesn't work, maybe set a timeline to find out gender in a couple weeks and make it a special reveal for the two of you, then decide if you want to share the news or keep it to yourselves. Most OBs will seal the answer in an envelope and you can open it together later at a time when you can celebrate in your own way.

babymakes9 · October 2020

@elmich3 when you sold did you ask for a contingency that you had to find something to buy before moving out? If not it may be hard to change the terms aand rent back now. If you can't find something you love, it would be better to rent month-to-month than buy something that's not what you want.

Our family of 8 soon to be 9 makes less than 55k a year, but location makes a huge difference in that as well as mortgage size and debt (car payments or leases can quickly take a huge chunk!) For instance our mortgage on a big house with acreage is less than it would be to rent a studio in the ghetto where I grew up.

Will your dh still be eligable for overtime pay on salary? Or did that option go away?

9.27 to 10.3 Randoms

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