Monday B*tchfest 9.21

keikilove · September 2020

What’s bugging you today?

mindyb2019 · September 2020

*TW*

Why is it that some women just get pregnant on the first try every single time they TTC. Like do they have some magical uterus? I don't get it. My friend tonight POAS and found out she's pregnant again. She's my friend and im truly soo happy for her as she deserves this as we both lost our babies in July and had a D&E a week apart. I want her to have her rainbow so badly but a part of me feels soo jealous and envious because she got pregnant the first time not even trying, doesn't really track her periods, doesnt use OPKs nothing!! and now she just got pregnant again on her first time not really trying no OPKs etc. Like people like that don't really know how truly lucky they are to not feel the true struggle of the TTC mindf*ck. I feel like a bad friend for feeling this way but cant help it sometimes. She really does deserve this baby and I'm glad she got pregnant again but God I wish I got pregnant on the first time not really trying. Sorry I'm just venting

Am I a bad person for thinking this way??

Kenneylynn3 · September 2020

@mindyb2019

I feel this way, but about people who have never had a miscarriage. Not that I would ever wish a miscarriage on anyone. But sometimes the struggle is real...

mindyb2019 · September 2020

@Kenneylynn3

Ya the struggle is real i agree. I feel like a bad person cause I shouldn't feel this way especially about people who have had a loss

cause those people have felt pain and deserve to be happy. Its tough somedays.

Kenneylynn3 · September 2020

@mindyb2019 it doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. You are able to be happy for them, but also (upset, jealous, angry, ect) because at times the world can seem/ be a very unfair place.

keikilove · September 2020

@mindyb2019 You are definitely not a bad person!! It is totally normal to feel both happy for your friend and envious at the same time. Given the cards you've been dealt over the past year, I'm impressed you're able to find even a corner of your heart to hold some happiness for your friend. Hang in there, my dear! Eventually these feelings may fade. And if they don't, that is ok as well.

My own struggle with these emotions in spoiler, because your post isn't about me. *TW: PG & Loss mentioned*

When I had my first terrible loss at 18 weeks, I was due only a couple of days apart from a very close family friend. Her mom is like my second mom, and there are a lot of girls in their family, just like mine. We all grew up together but I was not around them while I was pregnant. I confided in their mom about my loss, but none of her daughters. I had to unfollow the one who was due in the same week as me. Then, another one of her daughters had a baby when I had another loss. Now another one of her daughters posted her "quarantine pregnancy" pics and she is clearly due any day. It is so hard to know that they are growing their families at such speed while I'm still here. I can't follow them on social media anymore or even call their mom to check in during COVID. It sucks, but I am protecting my heart by avoiding them. So, if you are a terrible person so am I. Or, we are just doing what is best for us by acknowledging our very valid feelings and working through them. Sending you so many hugs!!!

mindyb2019 · September 2020

@keikilove

Thanks but i dont feel very impressive lol. I try show happiness for my friend as i know she would do the same for me. Oh my gosh. That's soo tough. Wow I'm sorry you had to go through all that each time with your losses and your friend and the daughters getting pregnant and growing there families so quickly. That must have been so hard for you. Your not a bad person either. You have been through alot as well and your feelings are very valid. I dont blame you for not following them on social media anymore.

bows22 · September 2020

@mindyb2019 I totally agree with everything you said. It boggles my mind that some people just get to decide when to have another baby. Like so many people actually get to plan how many kids they will have, how far apart in age. When others don’t even get a little bit of a say in the matter.

ashaislurking · September 2020

TW: along the same lines as the other posts here

I have a very close friend who told me a few months back that they were specifically trying for a March 2021 baby. I had been TTC for a while at that point and she decided to join me in TTC for two cycles (because it was March or nothing for her). She was so upset when it didn't happen the first cycle (because it's ALWAYS happened for her on the first try) and when it did happen for her the second cycle I was the first person she told (when I was in the middle of the cycle that didn't want to end and she KNEW how hard that cycle was for me). I've had a very hard time keeping up with her pregnancy. I'm happy for her, but I agree that it's really hard when people can plan like that and choose when they want to have kids and how many pregnancies they want to have.

fitzfizz · September 2020

@mindyb2019 **TW**

You are definitely not a bad person! I think jealously is a very natural emotion at this time. There is an NP in my office that is due the same week I was and I still get jealous and angry every time I see her. I know she had gone through IVF, so the nice/logical part of me wants everything to be perfect for her, but some days seeing her in her cute maternity outfits just pisses me off. I am also at the point of basically avoiding my mom because she is so gushingly happy for my SIL.

Basically, you are not a bad person for these feelings, and you are clearly not alone. Feel free to borrow my petty and ridiculous coping mechanism (definitely *mostly* a joke so don’t judge too harshly!) Whenever people get pregnant easily, I hope that everything works out well, but I also hope they get really, really fat...

lauren_0620 · September 2020

@mindyb2019 **TW**

Feeling that way does not make you a bad person, it makes you human! Totally agree with everything you said. It blows my mind that people get pregnant without even trying? I don't even understand how that happens. Anyway, you are entitled to your feelings and the fact that you can still be happy for your friend shows a lot of strength, in my opinion!

mindyb2019 · September 2020

@fitzfizz Omg girl!! Im dying over here. I soo love your coping mechanism 😆🤣 That made me laugh so hard reading that. Thats the best idea ever LOL No judgment over here!

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