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HELP ! PREGNANT + BRO WEDDING +SIL UPSET?

mojo1233mojo1233 member
in 1st Trimester
HI all,

Well, let me begin by saying husband and I are shocked to be expecting. Insert 10 weeks. Little brothers wedding is 10.2020.

When to tell?
The wedding has been a HUGE deal with our whole family for a year. From wedding dress shopping in exclusive location out of state + pre-wedding parties out of state+ covid hit & disappointment of resch. They are buying their 1st house & moving back to my hometown, just a lot of exciting things happening & it is their season. As you can see SIL and Bro won't take well us announcing baby before wedding to take focus off wedding.. and I get it!!!

We were trying to delay until a solid week after the wedding to tell every one. I realized, I would be almost 4.5-5 months pregnant by the time we got around to telling everyone once we returned home. I feel this is a bit late. On top of it, I am in the wedding, can I hide a baby bump in a tight dress at 4-4.5 months? WTF am I suppose to do? Wasn't planned but I feel like they will be upset that I did it to steal their thunder. Any time close to the wedding, even now, feels like I am just being a shitty person. As at their wedding, EVERYONE is going to be talking about the 1st grandchild/great grandchild. I just know it, even if I ask them to keep it low-key, it probably wont' be. I am a bit of the favorite of my extended family.

Am I being selfish if I just decide to tell everyone the day after her bridal shower coming up, I will be 13/ 14 weeks? All the ladies of my family are having a girls weekend and I could tell them over Sunday Brunch, SIL wouldn't be there. I could give my GMA, Aunts their small 'your going to be a great gifts'.

Keep quiet or say something?

P.S. We are keeping baby off of Social media and making no announcement . We aren't big SM people.

Either way, I feel in a pickle - if I wait till almost 5 months I feel some of our family will be upset.
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Re: HELP ! PREGNANT + BRO WEDDING +SIL UPSET?

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  • capnjackharknesscapnjackharkness member
    So tell them you're suffering from a severe medical condition that's causing extreme bloating and you're on a strict diet (hence no alcohol).  If you tell them about all the doctor's appointments and tests you're having, it backs it up as well.  Then no one steals anyone's thunder (although that's the stupidest thing.  Like, sorry your wedding has to be moved, but I legit had several summers where I went to multiple friends weddings in the same month, for several months in a row.  You don't get a damned 'season' to get married, you get a day). 

    And/plus/also, you have to decide what is best for YOU!  Did you WANT to make a big announcement?  Or did you want to keep it low-key?  You do you.  Figure out when you want to announce.  OR don't say anything... and if people are rude enough to comment how 'big' your belly is, decide if you want to tell them at that moment (regardless of whether it's at the wedding or rehearsal or whenever) that you're pregnant or that you're just fat and to back the F off. 

    Additionally, things to think about:  What if something happens and you end up needing to not go to the wedding?  Or your end up not being able to be in the bridal party due to pregnancy complications? What would you do/say then?  These things happen (happened during my sister's rehearsal/wedding). 
    #BitterHagPartyOf1

    Melody Pond GIF
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  • doodleoodledoodleoodle member
    I think if you don’t tell anyone you’re pregnant and you show up to the ceremony with a bump no one will be able to talk about anything else.

    i also would announce after the shower but well before the wedding. If your sister in law thinks that you have committed to being responsible for a human being for the next 18 years simply to “steal her thunder” she’s a speshul snowflake.
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  • coldlife2coldlife2 member
    doodleoodle said:
    I think if you don’t tell anyone you’re pregnant and you show up to the ceremony with a bump no one will be able to talk about anything else.

    i also would announce after the shower but well before the wedding. If your sister in law thinks that you have committed to being responsible for a human being for the next 18 years simply to “steal her thunder” she’s a speshul snowflake.
    All of this. Especially that first paragraph. No, there is no way you can hide a 4.5-5 month bump in a tight dress. 

    The wedding is still two months off. Announce it at some point before. 
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  • chichiphinchichiphin member
    I just want to say kudos to you for even considering that your pregnancy may steal the show from a couple that seems to be going through the ringer with their wedding BUT!!!! You get to be excited and have some love too! I agree with all PP about after the shower - that is the best timing. 
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

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  • bows22bows22 member
    edited September 2020
    I wasn’t sure if you meant waiting to tell the bride and groom also but if so - I think you should tell your brother and future SIL (and any other immediate family) as soon as you feel comfortable, but before the shower. Make a big deal that you want to keep it quiet for awhile. I think people like being in on “the secret.” Then tell everyone else at some neutral time between the shower and the wedding. You could even ask your bro/SIL how they want you to handle. But I definitely wouldn’t wait to tell just them, if it were me I’d be hurt that my sibling waited to tell me. 
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  • theletlerstheletlers member
    Good luck to you!! Family drama is never easy to navigate. I think maybe coming up with a fun way to tell your brother and soon to be SIL might help, and if you do it in a more private way (think a surprise little visit with aunt and uncle ideas) and just say you aren’t trying to take anything away from their day but won’t know if you’ll be showing or how much so you wanted to get any fuss over before their wedding. 
    You getting pregnant doesn’t negate the happiness everyone will have for them getting married and buying a house and moving back to the hometown. It’s just a different thing for others to be excited over. 
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  • mkc3888mkc3888 member
    It's your first baby.  You're not stealing her thunder.  I would share with them before extended family, because they are immediate family.  I chose to tell my parents and in laws right after my first appointment.  I told my sister and brothers in law a few weeks later.  All that to say, you do you.  Share when you are ready to share.  Anyone I share with in first tri is someone I would be okay talking to if I miscarried.  I think there would be more talk at the wedding if you had an obvious bump.  I think a month is enough time for people to be excited and talk about it and make it easier to just say thanks, and change the subject to the wedding.  This is not only a special time for them, but it's also a special time for you.  I wouldn't announce the same week as the wedding or shower, but a few weeks before or after either is fine IMO

    TTC #1 since August 2015
    BFP #1 January 28, 2016
    EDD October 3, 2016
    Felicity Joy, born September 2, 2016
    My Chart
    TTC #2 Since August 2020
    BFP #2 September 11, 2020
    EDD May 23, 2021





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