September PGAL check-in

manillabar · September 2020

I guess we can see how we feel about a monthly thread and switch back to weekly if we don't love it

This thread is for anyone who has experienced loss at any point in pregnancy or experienced the loss of a child. ((Please feel free to share your loss story if you haven’t already.)) Also a general TW (trigger warning) in that previous losses will likely be discussed in this thread.

How far along are you?

How are you feeling (symptoms, mentally/emotionally)?

Any upcoming appointments?

GTKY: Would you rather have the power of invisibility or flight?

kloe818 · September 2020

How far along are you? 13 weeks

How are you feeling (symptoms, mentally/emotionally)? a little nervous because my symptoms are "improving"

Any upcoming appointments? Friday I'm getting an ultrasound for the NT.

GTKY: Would you rather have the power of invisibility or flight? Flight.
@manillabar were you also in the October 19 group?

manillabar · September 2020

How far along are you? 13 weeks

How are you feeling (symptoms, mentally/emotionally)? so... overall feeling optimistic these days. But FIL said something the other day that kind of bothered me. We were talking about delivery, and what things may look like visitor wise due to COVID and at one my FIL kind of brushes of what my H was saying and says, "well, let's just see if we get there first..." Which really kind of stung. I know he's trying to be all "dont count your chickens before they hatch" since we all felt the disappointment of the loss, but still, we're both starting to feel good about everything and my H was particularly excited since he got to come along to my NT scan that day and finally could see the baby for himself. So it just felt like uneccesarily raining on our parade. But maybe I'm just being too sensitive...?

Any upcoming appointments? had a phone visit today, next appointment will be in person in 4 weeks

GTKY: Would you rather have the power of invisibility or flight? hmm this is tough but I think invisibility because I'm super nosy and would love to be able to eavesdrop all over the place haha.

manillabar · September 2020

@kloe818 I was! I don't think I realized that you were too... (and we are also due date twins! Lol) Don't feel too bad about symptoms improving, they're supposed to at this stage! It's a good thing, although I know it makes things more nervewracking until you can start to feel movement

kloe818 · September 2020

@manillabar I went into the board last week and they were doing a memorial for all the angels in the group and your name was mentioned. I think I left the group before my loss due to the drama from the catfish.

treebagel · September 2020

How far along are you? 12+2

How are you feeling (symptoms, mentally/emotionally)? Symptoms are hit or miss. I keep thinking they’re getting better, but yesterday I was nauseous all day and today i just felt crappy. Emotionally I am doing pretty well. But I keep feeling guilty looking at baby stuff or thinking about an announcement. Its like by being optimistic im actually just being cavalier and asking for another loss again if that makes sense.

Any upcoming appointments? Friday will be an US for heart beat. Very nervous as that will be my last one for my peace of mind, and i think we’ll tell our families and DS. Hopefully will have NIPT results by then.

GTKY: Would you rather have the power of invisibility or flight? I really want to say flight, but I think invisibility so i can be sneaky.

kloe818 · September 2020

@treebagel 100% makes sense. I announced with a onsie on my instagram and I feel like I'm just tempting fate. I'm 13 weeks now.... I should feel secure enough in my pregnancy but I will never feel secure until the baby is screaming on my chest. Last week my symptoms were hit or miss too. This week it seems things are even more hit or miss. At the moment I have a headache and I gagged talking about steak with my sister.

mvt2003 · September 2020

How far along are you? 10 weeks 1 day

How are you feeling (symptoms, mentally/emotionally)? This week was awful, thanks to my SCH bleed, I was so anxious and upset all of my symptoms disappeared. Don't worry, they came screaming back within a couple of hours of my ultrasound.

I'm feeling reassured thanks to seeing the babies on ultrasound yesterday, but I'm sure that will taper off at some point. We had started talking about how to announce, who to tell next, etc. and then all of a sudden we were mentally preparing for horrible news once again. I think this will seriously delay any public announcement. I did tell work today, and everyone is so excited, which was nice and made me feel a little better.

Any upcoming appointments? NT scan on 9/17

GTKY: Would you rather have the power of invisibility or flight? Definitely invisibility lol! I could do so much with that

mvt2003 · September 2020

@kloe818 Yep, I don't think I'll feel good about it either until there are two babies here screeching at me.

@treebagel We had literally been bickering about how to announce this pregnancy when I started bleeding on Monday, talk about a mind game! Hoping for a good us and NIPT!!!!

@manillabar I'm so sorry about your FiL's comment. That would sting too, especially since you're further away from the really questionable time of a pregnancy. Sending you

manillabar · September 2020

@treebagel I know what you mean about not wanting to be cavalier. But you should still allow yourself to be excited and plan and feel the joy whenever you can or want to. Tempering your excitement won't change anything one way or the other, so might as well enjoy every moment that you can

thanks @mvt2003, I'm glad you understand. Makes me feel less crazy lol

nolemama24 · September 2020

Hi guys... hope it's ok I post here! I had a chemical pregnancy one year ago about a week after my BFP. Additionally, we TTC-ed for this baby all in all for almost 2 years and infertility is just straight up plaguing my brain sometimes. It sucks so bad. Ugh.

How far along are you? 13 + 1

How are you feeling (symptoms, mentally/emotionally)? Symptoms wise I am all over the map. Mornings are really good, it's after lunch when things get hairy. I am still really tired and I often get nauseous in the evenings still. Aversions are still there. Appetite is not quite all the way there. The occasional headache. I do feel like I see the end of the tunnel, though. Emotionally/mentally--well I touched on it above a bit. I am OK for the most part. I feel a hard "bump" down my belly, especially when laying down, and it's nice to know my baby is there. It's nice to have somewhere to put my hand now to keep me grounded. I still worry and sometimes there is rain in my parade. Not being able to conceive when we wanted to and living through months, and months, and years of disappointment really messed with me. I shift between being scared & worried out of my mind and then just sitting in awe at this miracle inside me that is actually happening.

Any upcoming appointments? 16 week check mid-September with my midwife.

GTKY: Would you rather have the power of invisibility or flight? Hmmm. This is a tough one. Flight would really be cool, but with invisibility I could be left alone whenever I wanted...... hahaha! Not sure which is more desirable.

bumblebee0210 · September 2020

@mvt2003 Oh my god that sounds terrible. I'm so glad everything turned out ok. At least next time you will know what it is?

@treebagel Ugh I know that feeling. Jus try to be kind to yourself. You are pregnant now, and it's ok to look at baby things!

@manillabar OMG that comment would have made me lose it. My FIL also does not have the most tact. I try to remember that loss is so hard for people to comprehend who haven't experienced it, and especially men. But yeah I would not have held it together in that moment.

How far along are you? 10w4d

How are you feeling (symptoms, mentally/emotionally)? I am having a hard time. I am carrying mono/di twins, which is a high-risk pregnancy, and even though I made it through the first ultrasound with two healthy, measuring-on-track, good-heartbeat babies (one more than anticipated!) I just can't relax that everything will be ok. Soon they will start tracking me every 2 weeks or so, which feels scary in some ways, but hopefully will provide some reassurance.

I had a MMC in my first pregnancy, and I was so worried in my second for the whole first tri. Then I had a totally uncomplicated pregnancy, labor, delivery, and infant. It was like I went from everything going wrong (MMC, infection, more procedures, high hormone level forever), to everything going right, and now I feel like the pendulum is swinging back again, and I won't be able to relax until they are out.

Any upcoming appointments? MFM and genetic counseling (so hopefully NIPT) next week.

GTKY: Would you rather have the power of invisibility or flight? invisibility.

kloe818 · September 2020

@nolemama24 Welcome... Wish none of us needed to be, but you are welcome.

OK symptoms are starting to go down. Boobs are feeling pretty decent at the moment, still heavy but not nearly as sore. Still peeing, no nausea, nose is still smelling everything though. Had a dizzy spell today. I just want reassurance and I'll get that tomorrow with my ultrasound.

manillabar · September 2020

@kloe818 my nose is still smelling EVERYTHING too and that's the one symptom I wish would fade! lolol

@nolemama24 you are most definitely welcome here

@bumblebee0210 I can't imagine how nervewracking it all must be, but hopefully things remain as uncomplicated as possible!

kloe818 · September 2020

Alright ladies, we're over halfway through the month. I have my days where I'm stupidly happy and I have my days where I'm scared poopless. Measuring my "bump" and being up an inch yesterday was SOOOOOO reassuring.

nolemama24 · September 2020

@kloe818 I feel you on that one. My anxiety is hardcore lately. I keep checking with the Doppler and I hate that I am doing that. Since I struggled with infertility/TTC, I used to follow some TTC pages (well not even followed, I’d browse) on Instagram and they keep popping up on my explore page. Obviously pages like that talk about loss and I read one post that triggered me and I kinda lost it. It kept me up at night tossing and turning. I’m mad at myself for doing that!!! Trying not to be so hard on myself. Also trying to be proactive by moving my therapy appointment that was at the end of the month to early next week. I need to breatheeeeee. Repeat.

treebagel · September 2020

PGAL ladies i feel you! I have been feeling great lately PGAL wise after having good NT and NIPT results and heartbeat at 13+6, but of course very recently (after announcing the pregnancy to family) I’m convinced that something bad will happen. I can definitely feel the baby move/kick which is reassuring, but then this also freaks me out when i don’t feel anything for hours at a time. Regardless, I think I’m going to allow myself to be optimistic enough to announce on Facebook soon. That will be fun!

So also a little crazy but I now work in the operating rooms where i had my D&E and i saw today three women on the schedule for induced abortions and it just reminded me of my sad experience. And in this same hospital is where I had 3 very awful ultrasounds so it’s been hard starting work there, but I’m also glad I’m kind of forced to feel things. And I’m hoping my current role will take over the negative experiences.

sunny_native14 · September 2020

I'm definitely with you all, as well! My symptoms have decreased a bit (less nausea), which makes sense as I'm almost in the second tri, but dang has it set off my anxiety. I can't wait to feel little one moving. I'm contemplating asking my midwife to stop in to hear the heartbeat, just for peace of mind since we don't have an in person appointment on the schedule....
@treebagel I totally feel you on the increased anxiety after telling people, I'm literally putting of announcing to close friends because of that. I think I will announce in the next week or so and just try to soak in the excitement and positive energy ❤️

kloe818 · September 2020

I announced at 13 weeks on Instagram. I deleted FB months ago due to the bulls**t and misinformation going around about EVERYTHING. And the manufactured drama. I was just done. Anyway, I ended up getting a LOT of excited responses and it made me feel pretty good.
I'm not sure if I'm feeling baby flutters or I'm gassy. I was told I may not feel the baby for a few more weeks due to anterior placenta so likely it's just gas bubbles. It's easy to tell when the feeling is followed in 30 seconds by a toot, but sometimes it's not.
The aches and pains are starting to get worse so I guess that is a good thing too. Hips and lower back are hollering today. I'm trying to adjust my work space to make it more ergonomic and I'm wearing my good sneakers even though I'm working from home. I'm too tired to feel much panic today lol.

redselig · September 2020

@treebagel I can relate to how you’re feeling. I had a very normal NT scan and am awaiting NIPT results. Still can’t help but feel something could go wrong. Just a defense mechanism to not feel devastated should something happen. When I feel this way, I remind myself that I can’t worry about what I don’t know.

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