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Trying to Get Pregnant
fitzfizz
member
TTCAL September 2020
fitzfizz
member
**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage, selective termination due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Status:
How are things going?
What is something that you are struggling with this week?
What is going well for you this week?
R/R?
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
GTKY: If COVID was magically over, where would you go on your next vacation?
Re: TTCAL September 2020
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. One loss, TFMR in June at 22 weeks. Found out in the last month that it was for sure due to a lethal genetic mutation, at this point just waiting to find out what the chances are of this happening again.
Status: WTO and hopefully off the bench soon
How are things going? Meh. I’m trying to feel optimistic, but I’m very worried about the results that may come back this week.
What is something that you are struggling with this week? My baby shower was supposed to be this weekend. It is also my birthday weekend so I’m trying to be happy, but I just can’t stop thinking about what could have been.
What is going well for you this week? I have hope and a plan, so although we are still waiting on results, I am feeling optimistic
R/R? I love fall. The weather here is still crazy hot, but at least it is now socially acceptable to decorate for fall, so I am going to do that.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? We got the results last month that there was one mutation that was serious and definitely the problem, and another small mutation that might mean nothing but could also cause brain malformations theoretically. We are now waiting on the results of our tests to see if either of us carries either of these mutations. If either of us is a carrier for the bad mutation, there is a 50% chance of this happening in any pregnancy and no way to test for the mutation preimplantation because it is a novel mutation. Basically, I REALLY need this to come back negative, or we may not be able to have a baby naturally in the future.
GTKY: If COVID was magically over, where would you go on your next vacation? We had talked about a trip to Belgium and I would love to do that. Also would love to take a short trip to the Pacific Northwest this fall if that was possible.
@fitzfizz Best of luck with the results! I remember waiting for those, but hoping you get good news. It's also so hard to deal with the milestones (or missed milestones), particularly in the beginning. Hang in there.
---------------------------------
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. TFMR in Dec 2019 for T21 and cystic hygroma, unexplained MMC at 15w in July 2020. Both are considered to be random/unexplained (we're not carriers, karyotype on the second loss came back normal)
Status: WTO
How are things going? Ok, all the testing is done so now it's "back in the saddle," which is good but also making me nervous/scared. As much as I want to get pregnant quickly and have a healthy baby, I'm also terrified.
What is something that you are struggling with this week? Nerves, bad dreams making me edgy. Also, it'd be really nice if my default banner ad on this site weren't a carseat ad with an adorable little boy with Down Syndrome. Leave me alone, Target.
What is going well for you this week? Keeping on track with getting more physically active.
R/R?
Rave: A friend of mine safely delivered a healthy baby girl. She's had a lot of fertility struggles, and 3 losses (that I know of), so I'm so happy that this one worked out for her. We also decided to go away for a night this weekend and actually found a place to stay, so we're going to a farm brewery and staying at an AirBnB on a therapeutic horse farm nearby. Not sure what else we'll do aside from chill out in the country, maybe a winery and find a hiking trail nearby. It'll be so nice to just have a change of scenery, aside from visiting our parents we haven't left home since March.
Rant: Not feeling work. Generally kind of grumpy for no particularly good reason
Any testing coming up/any recent results? No more testing planned. Discussed more in prior threads, but basically everything came back normal except for Factor V Leiden. The MFM doesn't think that it caused the miscarriage, but suggested taking baby aspirin if I get pregnant again. She didn't recommend heparin or lovenox since I don't have any personal or family history of blood clots, since the research is a bit mixed, but offered to prescribe some if I want it. I'm terrified of needles and can't foresee giving myself an injection daily, but we'll see what happens when it happens.
GTKY: If COVID was magically over, where would you go on your next vacation? Tough one, assuming "everywhere" isn't an option? We've been planning to go to Cambodia for a few years, so that's probably at the top of our list, though I'm starting to feel like that trip is cursed and will never happen. We were supposed to go last year, but when I was about to purchase tickets we found out that my husband's passport was expired (he jokingly asked me if it's a problem if his passport expires within a few months of the trip...and then was shocked when I said, "yes, that's actually a very big problem". He then realized it had already expired). He renewed it, but then I was swamped with work and couldn't plan anything, then got pregnant so trips to Zika-land (and all sorts of other diseases) was off the table. After the TFMR I was starting to plan a trip again in earnest for this fall and...COVID.
Actually, on second thought, our first trip would probably be something closer to home (but not too close) that's easy to plan quickly. We had to cancel a trip to Colorado/Wyoming/Montana in April and also our annual "mystery trip" which was supposed to be Quebec (my husband's idea: each year one of us plans a long weekend to a mystery city of our choice, the other person doesn't find out until it's time to pack -- or, in practice, when they guess where it is and the other can't keep a poker face), so depending on the season could do those. I'm also in love with the Pacific NW, so would never say no to a trip out there.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Early MC in July after FET.
Status: WTO/WFFET
How are things going? Going okay. Back to nervous and really hoping this one works. When all the tests come back “normal” and the MC is just called “bad luck/not uncommon” it stings to still be at the place FET/IVF.
What is something that you are struggling with this week? Go back to the RE for another round and going back to school/work, even though it’s virtually. I “should” (hesitate to use that word, but not sure what’s better) have been graduated from the RE by now and about ready to tell people at work, so these are hitting as milestones for me.
What is going well for you this week? Just enjoying my last couple of days before school officially starts (tomorrow) and getting out in the sunshine.
R/R? Rave - We’ve been doing a ton of remodeling ourselves since Covid hit. I’m really excited for this months projects - concerting a closer into a pantry and redoing kitchen layout. We have a teeeny kitchen and I think this will really open up the space!
Rant - I keep getting meeting invites this week. They’re unpaid, I don’t want to go, but I feel obligated. Ugh.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? Baseline US yesterday, came back normal. Side note - whenever we get another cat I’m naming it “nermal”
GTKY: If COVID was magically over, where would you go on your next vacation? Ooh, tough one. We were planning on Spain this summer, but that didn’t happen. I’d love to go there, Norway, Egypt, New Zealand again, basically everywhere. Also maybe a weekend trip to San Fransisco (had to cancel this one booked for late March). Belgium and Cambodia sound great too!
@fitzfizz i'm sorry you have those tough milestones coming up. i hope you can plan something nice for yourself to take your mind off the sorrow of it all. also hoping those results come back soon and in a good way
@halfanewt its exciting to have the remodeling to focus on! but must be a lot with school starting up. hope you can juggle easily because housework itself is a FT job. good news about the US, but you're right, "bad luck/uncommon" is not comforting at all.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC in Dec 2019
Status: TWW
How are things going? Going just fine! this has been the first cycle i haven't been hyper-focused on TTC. i'm sure i'll go back to my normal self next month. i've honestly been so much more focused on figuring out my work situation (trying to find another job because i'm still at half pay for the foreseeable future) that it takes my mind off this part of my life.
What is something that you are struggling with this week? i feel behind in house upkeep. lots of cleaning to do that isn't getting done if i don't do it.
What is going well for you this week? We leave tomorrow to go to the beach for 10 days and i am excited to take a break from the world for a bit.
R/R? scrambling to pack and clean last minute!
Any testing coming up/any recent results? luckily i'll be away for most of TWW and i am NOT bringing tests with me. only HIO once anyway so nothing to even be anxious about
GTKY: If COVID was magically over, where would you go on your next vacation? i would've done our original plan to go to Hawaii, but i'm getting Florida beach instead. fine (and very thankful we can do that), but not the same.
I'm sure I'll get over the nerves. I remember being super anxious last time as well, I just need a cycle or two to let it pass and get back in a normal groove. **TW TMI**
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Early MC in Nov 2019 at 7 weeks and TFMR in July at 16 weeks for T21, Cystic Hygroma and hydrops fatalis. Both were considered “bad luck” and just a random fluke. Not carriers for anything and the chances of it happening again are about 1%.
Status: TWW. WFAF. Will come tomorrow.
How are things going? Going alright. Been 8 weeks now since my recent loss and plugging along. I have good and bad days but find I have more good than bad now.
What is something that you are struggling with this week? I would have had my fun gender reveal party at work for everyone on Aug 19th and it made me really sad that day when it came and passed
It was tough. I was so looking forward to that.
What is going well for you this week? I’m super excited cause I can officially seriously try this next cycle as my husband said he’s good to try and he’s ready again. Yay! I’m trying to stay positive and have lots of hope and faith that my rainbow baby is coming soon. I just have a good feeling. I’m happy to get going again but I’m also nervous/terrified to be pregnant again.
R/R? Really looking forward to the long weekend this weekend and enjoying my days off relaxing and visiting family. My husband and I also have our couples grief therapy appointment tomorrow so I’m hoping that goes alright. Only 2nd time going.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope. Just still waiting for the results back on my colposcopy biopsy. Hope that comes soon as it’s giving me bad anxiety and I’m scared i might hear bad news again. Trying to keep positive. No news is good news right? Lol
GTKY: If COVID was magically over, where would you go on your next vacation? OMG anywhere and everywhere sounds so nice right about now 😆 Umm, i’d probably go somewhere warm and tropical to lay on a beach and drink like the Dominican Republic ( I love it there) Or I would go to my happy place DISNEYLAND!! I’m a Disney fanatic. Lol I’ve also been dying to go back to Las Vegas. We were supposed to go there this year for our anniversary but had to cancel.
@fitzfizz I’m hoping you get off the bench soon. FX for you that you guys get good news back for the results. I’m so sorry you have those really hard milestones coming up this weekend. sending you hugs. I hope you can enjoy your birthday.
@akoros yay for being back in the saddle. Me too 👍 I hope it happens quickly for you. I’m glad you don’t have any more testing. Cambodia would be amazing to see. I hope you get to travel there one day.
@halfanewt GL on another round of FET. I hope this next cycle is it for you. FX. I hope your remodeling goes well. I love seeing the before and after of things like that. P.S... I love the the name Nermal for your next cat 🤣
@asf0613 I feel ya. it’s so hard not to be hyper focused on TTC. I try not to let myself do that too but it’s tough. I hope your able to find another job so you get more pay. GL. I hope you have so much fun at the beach. Yay. Enjoy.
4 losses: 11/2011, 06/2012, 08/2013, 08/2020. The first two mmc, 20 loss due to blood clot in umbilical cord, last loss ??? Just m/c at 7+6
Status: benched/ waiting for AF....I finally stopped bleeding/spotting it seems so now AF is more than welcome to make her appearance so I can participate in the dailies again
How are things going? I'm going to say, "going?". I'm disappointed that I lost this last baby, but I'm ready to try again as soon as I can. DW said she was ready when we are able to try again, but then said this past week how she wants to try a different donor... Not even to me, but I was present for this conversation. So now I feel like I should be trying to find another donor, when I could have spent the last couple weeks doing such....
What is something that you are struggling with this week? I still feel like I haven't adaquetly grieved this baby. I was very torn up by the first three. Not that I want by this loss, but I just had a nagging feeling and after the miscarriage, the ultrasound didn't show a fetus, so the Dr kept saying how they couldn't say for certain there was a embryo I my uterus, so maybe it just doesn't feel as real? I know I was pregnant, I have the hpt pics and hcg betas to prove it, but I never saw my baby.
What is going well for you this week? Exercising, finally stopped bleeding.
R/R? follow up appt. The nurse called to say results came back, all looks good and to schedule a follow up with the Dr "to make a plan". 1. I thought I had already made a plan with her. 2. Why do I have to go back to see her if the results are good and I already made a plan (over the phone) with her. 3. DW kinda flipped when we went back for a 2nd ultrasound to be certain everything cleared out. I can only imagine her reaction to go back to "make a plan" when we had already discussed with the Dr that we want to try again asap and talked about steps for when I get pregnant again (like testing betas, progesterone, early ultrasound).
Any testing coming up/any recent results? pathology results came back, but I never actually talked to the Dr/nurse. The way the nurse made it sound is that the results came back (good?). Meaning that there was product of conception I believe to rule out an etopic pregnancy and they want to schedule a follow up. See R&R.
GTKY: If COVID was magically over, where would you go on your next vacation? hands down Mexico. Went for our honeymoon and can't wait to go back.
@akoros love that mystery trip idea. I think that would so fun if I was able to keep a secret like that!
@halfanewt good luck with the remodel. I would love to see before and after pics, as we also have a tiny kitchen that my DW keeps talking about remodeling. It makes me anxious just thinking about it.
@asf0613 hope you had fun at the beach!
@mindyb2019 sounds like your dh is a great support for you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
@Kenneylynn3 So sorry you find yourself back here. Were your previous losses also with the same donor? Or is there reason to believe that there was a genetic problem?
I know we waited longer than we should have, but we finally took the time to put together a memorial box for my baby. I had avoided looking through everything, but I took the time to look through it all over the weekend. We ordered a really nice engraved box and put in her ashes, ultrasound pictures, the little card with her handprints and footprints, and the hat I had knitted for her. It was really sad to go though everything and let myself feel it, but I feel more peace now knowing that it is done.
@Kenneylynn3 I'm guessing they just want to discuss the pathology results and check in? Even if it's all normal or good, sometimes they like walking through the results with you anyway.
@fitzfizz so my first two losses where with my ex. We believed there was a genetic problem, but he didn't want testing. We used a donor for my third loss and the clot was considered bad luck, ultimately ending my marriage.
I met my DW and *TW*
..........................................
My DW and I used a know donor and I finally got my rainbow baby. This last pregnancy, we used a different donor due to moving. He has had successful pregnancies, so I really didn't expect to be back here again.
I really hope each and everyone of us gets our rainbow baby.
1 mmc at 8 w in Dec 2017, 1 CP in Jul 2018, 1 mmc (mono/di twins) at 11.5w, Sep 2020
*TW, LC
Board etiquette question-- are mentions of successful pregnancies/living children always TW-ed? I'm just wondering because for people like me it seems relevant when discussing possible diagnoses, etc. Happy to do it, just wondering
Status: Benched, waiting to stop bleeding after D&C
How are things going? Not great. I am honestly feeling pretty depressed after this loss, and I'm finding myself just wanting to curl up and not speak to anyone about it. I am tired of reassuring people that I am ok, and also I don't really want to talk about it. I know a lot of people who have had one miscarriage (and I also had a CP but that is super common for over-30s who are paying attention), but now having a second later-first-tri miscarriage, I feel like I am entering the realms of the extremely unlucky, and I am just kind of feeling like pitying myself.
What is something that you are struggling with this week? I want to be able to start trying again-- I am exhausted just thinking about it, but I also feel like I 'm in a hurry all over again. One of the blessings of being pregnant with twins was that for the first time since starting TTC I didn't feel rushed. Now I feel like I have lost 3 months and need to get going again.
What is going well for you this week? The last time I had a mmc, I had am MVA (similar to D&C but less intense), and I had all sorts of complications afterward, including infection, etc. I feel like at least I am out of the woods for that scenario? Hoping my HCG drops quickly (this did not happen last time).
Any testing coming up/any recent results? Waiting for my HGC levels (next Tues), plus genetic testing on the fetuses.
GTKY: If COVID was magically over, where would you go on your next vacation? Lately I have been feeling Paris.
BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
Baby girl born 6/19/19
TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
IVF with PGT:
Standard Antagonist:
ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
Duostim (Standard Antagonist):
ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
ER #6 10/9/2021 9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
FET #1 11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
Baby boy born 7/19/22
TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
FET #3 planned Jan 2024
@fitzfizz The milestones are so hard. Be kind to yourself.
@akoros @mindyb2019
Ugh I feel the nervous energy of TTCAL so hard. both being pregnant and not being pregnant feel equally terrifying. I also get symptoms hard and early so the idea of starting all of the exhaustion and nausea again is... tiring.
@asf0613 Glad you're not hyper-focused on TTC this month. I am a bit afraid of getting all wrapped up in the anxiety again. It feels never-ending.
@Kenneylynn3 Ugh-- I'm sorry you have had such terrible luck. I do understand the "didn't really trust this one"-- my last lass was mono-di twins and it was just drilled into me how high-risk they were, and the idea of twins just didn't feel as real somehow... It's not easier exactly just different.
BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
Baby girl born 6/19/19
TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
IVF with PGT:
Standard Antagonist:
ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
Duostim (Standard Antagonist):
ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
ER #6 10/9/2021 9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
FET #1 11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
Baby boy born 7/19/22
TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
FET #3 planned Jan 2024
I hope your recovery is smoother this time. If it helps, I've had a D&E for both of my losses and had a fairly easy recovery, physically. Also, just let yourself feel the grief, it's totally ok to be depressed and just want to curl up in bed right now. Yes, you want to eventually move forward, but give yourself time to just be sad (or angry, or numb, or [insert X emotion; none of them are wrong]).
Hoping the genetic testing goes well and your healing goes smoothly.
*TW LC*
I get the whole, "well, you've had a healthy pregnancy" as my son was born in Feb 2019. Doctors tend to brush it off as bad luck now.
I also feel like time is of the essence and losing x amount because of a miscarriage, mine was last month.
Other Q: Do you guys participate in the dailies? I have lurked here for a long time (I feel like I learned a lot when I was first TTC), and I never participated because I thought maybe it would fuel the obsessive/anxious part of my brain. I HATE the whole TTC monthly roller coaster, especially when it drags on, but maybe its nice to have some company? I really want to be one of those people who is like "oh, wait! my period is a week late!" but even before the losses, etc., I was always more of the like "I smell something weird at 5 DPO. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" type so maybe it's better to just lean in?
BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
Baby girl born 6/19/19
TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
IVF with PGT:
Standard Antagonist:
ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
Duostim (Standard Antagonist):
ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
ER #6 10/9/2021 9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
FET #1 11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
Baby boy born 7/19/22
TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
FET #3 planned Jan 2024