I’m at that point where I get distracted by looking into baby items for our registry. We honestly don’t need much since our first is 18 months and also a winter baby. But there are somethings that I’m like “hmmmm... do we spend the extra money on it since we won’t have to buy like any clothes this time” 😂
@autumn87654321. My little one does the same. He tends to be pretty quiet most days. I just keep trusting he is growing like he should until I hear otherwise.
My MIL has been telling us this whole time that she isn't planning to come right after the birth. We might want some time to settle into a new family dynamic and I would probably want my mom there first (seeing I might be a hormonal sleep deprived mess). She will wait to be invited. Last night she announced she is getting in her car the moment she hears we are in labor. I just imagine her with a go bag packed just like we will have one. DH is super stressed at work, so I can't really bring it up now., But I am not in love with that.
@dobiemom11 I feel you! I think just have a realistic convo with your H about how you’re not gonna know how you’ll feel. You might love it, or might not. Mine wants his mom there ASAP. I’m okay with it in concept, because I want my Dad to be there when we come home. I think we both just feel the need to have our parents around Bc it’s going to be terrifying. I just am reserving the option to politely ask everyone to get the f out of my house if I decide I don’t want them there anymore, lol
@autumn87654321 I’m getting a little more used to the movement so I don’t stop and note it as much. Then I think “oh, I haven’t felt baby in a while.” But then I think back and realize that I did, I just wanna paying attention.
Not sure if that could be part of it - if you’re busy or anything! But also in general my doc said it can be inconsistent still at this point because baby is a size where it can find its way into a spot where it doesn’t feel as obvious still.
Sorry the in-laws stuff is frustrating for those who are dealing with it!
We’re on the other end of the spectrum - my parents live on the other side of the country and my SOs parents live in Australia. I’d love so much to have any of them here when baby comes, but we’re on our own 😕
I don’t always feel it too and then I get nervous but yesterday she was having a dance party or something because it was a good 5 minutes of straight rolling and kicking lol
@dobiemom11 help seems nice to have right away, but it also seems really nice to have some time with just you baby and DH to get acquainted with everything. My brother had his baby in april right after lockdown so they had 2 solid weeks with nobody(first time parents) 2 weeks seems excessive but a few days seems perfect.
My mother in law lives local so she can come right away but I also feel like I’ll want a few days to figure some things out on my own.
If you don’t want her to come right away maybe you can tell her you want her to quarantine before hand for new baby-and you all want to quarantine after spending that time at the hospital.
Or simply tell her you think you’ll want X number of days before visitors.
I don't normally eat anything spicy, but the bread and butter pickles tonight were spicy. My husband loves spicy food. The baby had a party. Not sure if that was a celebration in honor of Dad or more Momma why?!?!
@shelmcclel and @autumn87654321. Thanks for the advice. The quarantine idea could be really helpful. I talked with my husband and he was surprised by my reluctance! I told him that even if we lived in the same town and it wasn't a Covid year, I am not sure I would want people coming to the hospital. He was not expecting that. He did have a good point that it would be easier to excuse myself if I need a break from them rather than desperately needing help and scrambling to get family here with a 7-8 hour trip involved. We agreed to touch base about it again over the next couple weeks. I feel like I might need some time to get my feet under me before becoming the hostess with the mostess. I know that is not necessary, but it is in my nature. Although I did get some practice when family came and I was feeling morning sickness.
I had an unexpected ultrasound this week when they couldn't find the heartbeat on the doppler again. It's so strange that this keeps happening! This time I wasn't worried because I could feel movement and she said she could hear the movement, just not the heartbeat, but how odd that baby keeps hiding so well they can't locate it!
@dobiemom11 - I feel the exact same way! If people come and stay here after the baby comes I'm going to feel like I need to host them and get up and make sure the coffee is going and everyone is fed, etc. I told DH that we need to make it clear now that we will not be having any overnight visitors once the baby is here (MIL doesn't drive so we always have to go pick her up and she'll stay for the whole weekend when she visits - so she's going to have to find a ride here and back for day trips). I'm already stressed about it, because I know she's not going to be happy about it.
@dobiemom11@feather_heather I think it really depends on the personality of the person staying with you. If it's someone who will be there to help (cook, clean, etc) then that's great and super helpful. If it's someone that you feel like you'll need to play hostess for (even if it's all in your head) then it's better that they don't stay overnight.
My IL situation is slightly different - they live 8-9 hours away and always stop for the night in a hotel midway (we drive straight through when we go to them). I told DH that if they want to come visit a few months after the baby is born, they'll need to drive straight through - no hotels before meeting a newborn. So now he's going to talk to his brother about driving out with them.
My mom was a huge help after DS was born - she came and stayed with us for two weeks. It was really helpful because I had a c-section after a failed induction and needed help when DH went back to work. This time around we're planning on a scheduled c-section for 12/22 unless I go into labor beforehand. She's planning to come out the weekend before so that she can handle DS and our pets while we're at the hospital.
@karmba. I was talking to my husband about that. I still feel like I need to play hostess when his family is here. His mom would be happy to cook, do dishes, and laundry but I would feel weird having her do that. I also get almost no sleep when she is here, since she gets up crazy early. My husband has no problem sleeping in until noon when she is here, but it seems weird to me that she is up and someone isn't. Obviously he can't sleep like that after the baby comes. I told him that I don't want my SIL to come unless his mom comes as well. She wouldn't help and then it would be like having an extra person there. I just need to remember that these people have loved me for 15 years and want me to be successful. I am human and thus not perfect (especially as a new mom. I just will probably struggle for a bit figuring it out).
My MIL lives like 8 hours, but she makes the trip in one go. I can see the hotel making it a little nerve-wracking in the current situation. My mom said yesterday that she would like to come, but would not want to touch the baby for three days after she arrives. My dad works at the hospital and she is nervous about bringing something. Is that practical or just being over-cautious? Should she wear a mask the whole time? I officially hate this virus!
No one in my family was helpful when they'd come to visit. The first night after we got home from the hospital, my IL's came over and my H ran out to get Taco Bell (because I had been craving them while in Labor) and I felt like I was still trying to run around and make sure everyone had food, drinks and such. I just had a c-section too so walking was difficult. Then my mom would stop by here and there just to bring some food (which was nice!) but she never stayed long...just to say hi and would barely hold the baby....It got to a point where it was nice to see people, but it was nice to just be home with the baby so I could rest/nap when baby napped instead of entertain when people were there.
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
I second everyone's comments that it depends a lot on your relationship with your family/in-laws and your own personality type. I made sure that DH and I had 3-4 days at home by ourselves before my mom came to stay for a week. I liked having a little bit of time with just us as a new family, but I was ready for the help by the time my mom came.
If you're an introvert, remember to look out for your own needs - sometimes no amount of help is worth the mental energy of having other people around, especially when your emotions are heightened. I definitely got frustrated with family members a few times for needing to be told what to do (not their fault), and felt like it would be easier just to do it myself. I'm hoping to be a little more chill this time but giving myself some grace too - the postpartum hormones are no joke!
DD just pooped in the potty for the first time today! She just turned 2 in July. Very exciting times in this household
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
I’m going to chime in about in-laws/help. I was VERY nervous when DD came... I wanted my space. Not bc I’m afraid to feel like I need to host, but I just wanted private time. I knew in-laws we’re not an option, DH agreed, but we had my parents come. This was a big commitment bc we lived in another country and they likely would visit for 6-8 weeks. I get annoyed easily and was super worried about this extended stay.... They arrived the day after DD was born and we all were in the same 2 bed one bath apartment (4 adults + DD) on day 4. It was literally the best decision EVER. They helped so much with food, cleaning and giving us a break to sleep. One of the most amazing things was being able to give them DD when she would wake up super early, and DH and I could sleep uninterrupted for an extra hour or so. I feel incredibly fortunate to have had the help and was happy after. Also, they know and I know- if they got on my nerves, I would have said it and they would have taken a short trip to give us out space.
This time we will do the same, but have them come early, around thanksgiving. We need someone to watch DD when we go to the hospital. We are all basically in quarantine , and they will travel in isolation, so I’m not so worried about that.
@dobiemom11 I don’t think your crazy about being cautious, we have not quite figured out how we will handle it, but we may send my parents away for a week when we come back from the hospital. We have the opposite concern, and that is getting them sick if we are exposed in the hospital. This is tricky bc how to they “stay away” and not expose themselves. I have everything about this pandemic!
jbal918
member
Re: 8.23 to 8.29 Randoms
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
My MIL has been telling us this whole time that she isn't planning to come right after the birth. We might want some time to settle into a new family dynamic and I would probably want my mom there first (seeing I might be a hormonal sleep deprived mess). She will wait to be invited. Last night she announced she is getting in her car the moment she hears we are in labor. I just imagine her with a go bag packed just like we will have one. DH is super stressed at work, so I can't really bring it up now., But I am not in love with that.
Not sure if that could be part of it - if you’re busy or anything! But also in general my doc said it can be inconsistent still at this point because baby is a size where it can find its way into a spot where it doesn’t feel as obvious still.
We’re on the other end of the spectrum - my parents live on the other side of the country and my SOs parents live in Australia. I’d love so much to have any of them here when baby comes, but we’re on our own 😕
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
@shelmcclel and @autumn87654321. Thanks for the advice. The quarantine idea could be really helpful. I talked with my husband and he was surprised by my reluctance! I told him that even if we lived in the same town and it wasn't a Covid year, I am not sure I would want people coming to the hospital. He was not expecting that. He did have a good point that it would be easier to excuse myself if I need a break from them rather than desperately needing help and scrambling to get family here with a 7-8 hour trip involved. We agreed to touch base about it again over the next couple weeks. I feel like I might need some time to get my feet under me before becoming the hostess with the mostess. I know that is not necessary, but it is in my nature. Although I did get some practice when family came and I was feeling morning sickness.
My IL situation is slightly different - they live 8-9 hours away and always stop for the night in a hotel midway (we drive straight through when we go to them). I told DH that if they want to come visit a few months after the baby is born, they'll need to drive straight through - no hotels before meeting a newborn. So now he's going to talk to his brother about driving out with them.
My mom was a huge help after DS was born - she came and stayed with us for two weeks. It was really helpful because I had a c-section after a failed induction and needed help when DH went back to work. This time around we're planning on a scheduled c-section for 12/22 unless I go into labor beforehand. She's planning to come out the weekend before so that she can handle DS and our pets while we're at the hospital.
My MIL lives like 8 hours, but she makes the trip in one go. I can see the hotel making it a little nerve-wracking in the current situation. My mom said yesterday that she would like to come, but would not want to touch the baby for three days after she arrives. My dad works at the hospital and she is nervous about bringing something. Is that practical or just being over-cautious? Should she wear a mask the whole time? I officially hate this virus!
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
If you're an introvert, remember to look out for your own needs - sometimes no amount of help is worth the mental energy of having other people around, especially when your emotions are heightened. I definitely got frustrated with family members a few times for needing to be told what to do (not their fault), and felt like it would be easier just to do it myself. I'm hoping to be a little more chill this time but giving myself some grace too - the postpartum hormones are no joke!
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.