I cried yesterday as I was leaving my NT ultrasound. I was so overcome with emotion that everything looked great. I was so happy and relieved, and then so sad that my H couldn't be there.
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Our AC went out on Sunday afternoon of the holiday weekend. It's 80+ degrees and humid. Last week was 40s and raining for 4 days because Indiana can't decide what season it is.
Therefore, everything is making me rage cry....
The 20 month old doesn't want to go to bed and screams for an hour? Rage cry.
It's 78 degrees in my living room at 11pm? Rage cry.
We haven't finished unpacking boxes in the den since we moved in November? Rage cry.
The kitchen is still a hideous shade of yellow? Get worked up about all the projects left to do, then rage cry.
Crossing my fingers we can get a contractor here tomorrow and it's something cheap and/or covered by one of the warranties. And trying to keep the rage tears tucked away.
The crying has started! I apparently cry over food problems, and church issues. I cried fri, sat, and sun during one church meetings , and Thursday over kfc, sat over hotdogs and sunday about hamburgers.
I woke my husband up crying because I couldn't get the pickle jar open. He asked me if I thought eating pickles was a good idea. Then I cried because all I seem to eat is bland food (crackers, ginger ale, pretzels) and I want something that tastes like food!
Wanting to cry right now waiting for my NT ultrasound because I have to pee so badly and they’re behind and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold it!
@sejica Me too! Plus, I was watching with my two older kids (5 &6) and they were talking about how the astronauts were daddies too, because we saw a clip of their families waving goodbye. They said that they would miss their daddy too much and were glad he wasn’t going, and I lost it!
@sejica I cried too! My heart was pounding so hard.
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Trying to figure out health insurance. I called and it took the woman 6 times to get the correct member ID. That was the clue that this call was not going to be informative. It is also stupid that a test with my insurance is 475 dollars, but if I self pay for it, it is 300. Like what?
Could not hold back audible sobbing and tears streaming down my face in the Target Fathers Day greeting card aisle looking through the section of cards to daddy from “your little girl.” I got one for my husband from our little apricot bc I could not help it.
Also, I have a really close/special bond with my Dad and hope our daughter will have the same with my husband, so those cards didn’t help matters.
I think the girl working who was trying to put out the rest of the cards felt extremely awkward.
Today I gave son #2 his first haircut. He has been looking like a shaggy, feral child and his beautiful blonde baby locks kept developing baby dreads. It was long enough I thought about putting it in a ponytail a few times (his dad would have been super cranky about that).
It needed to happen and I was sad to do it but it went fine. Now thinking about waking up to a clean cut kiddo has me weepy 🥺
We finally got sushi, I saved my favorite roll for last and while attempting to cut a shrimp tail off with a fork I dumped my entire plate all over myself and the floor. I couldn’t stop laughing and crying at the same time. My husband had 2 pieces left of his cooked roll that he gave me to try and make it better, even offered to go pick up more but I seriously couldn’t stop laughing and crying for anything. Ended up ruining one of my new maternity shirts I’m pretty sure.
@danife nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not the sushi!! My bday is next week and that's what we're getting!
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
I cried at work today. I worked really hard /several hours on creating a diversity newsletter for our Diversity & Inclusion committee with a group of 5 women across the US, Canada & Caribbean. The committee chair, who did not work on it, reviewed it today and put a draft on the webex on a conference call and just started deleting entire sections she didn’t like and saying that she didn’t like the design and the whole thing needed to be redone from scratch. I had to go on mute bc I was so angry/frustrated/crying my eyes out. I’m usually fine with critical feedback at work, but this just felt brutal and personal because it was thoughtful work I cared about - not my normal day to day activity.
@shelmcclel I feel for you! I had to resign from all the church committees/ task forces I was on a few weeks ago because I was crying at every decision the committees were making that I didn't love, and over emails, it was ridiculous! I was also often muting, and stopping my video because I was so upset. I'm so sorry this happened to you at work!
My H and I were arguing over what to do for my birthday next week. He had suggested one thing, so I suggested it to my mom, but then he wanted to do another thing, but my mom was already set on the first thing, and then he got upset because he felt she was taking over. (which she does do that at times, but I don't feel like this was the case here) So anyway, we were going back and forth and around in circles and I started crying.
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Here I am again. I didn’t actually cry because I didn’t want to make my H feel worse than he did. But we ordered pizza delivery tonight, and I actually remembered to order a side of their Ranch...cuz it’s so good! We decided to eat in the backyard and my H grabbed the pizza not realizing the ranch was on top and the container flew off and spilled all over the floor 😭😭 I wanted to cry!!
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Last night DS was asking if the baby would sleep in a crib. I said yes. Then he asked if the baby would have guys (what he calls his stuffed animals). I said she doesn’t have any guys yet but we can get her some. Then he said that the baby can have his Kermit and they can share guys. Cue waterworks.
Yesterday I read the Rose Parade has bean canceled for 2021. When I went to bed I ugly cried and bawled my eyes out about it. Poor Dh is so confused, but I'm just so upset as more and more things are taken away.
Because working from home with three kids is hard and I wish I felt comfortable enough to send them back to school this fall. Also because Target and Walmart are doing a better job of protecting customers with mandatory mask rules than most state governments.
I watched the Fox and the Hound and when Widow Tweed left Tod in the nature reserve becaused she want her neighbor to kill him. So freaking sad he didn't understand why she was leaving him alone for the first time in the middle of a storm 😭
A song on the radio. Not one that I have anynpersonal connection to or that relates to my life right now at all. It just made me cry because it is sad.
A donation list for homeless/housing-insecure people in my community - I totally lost it when I saw diapers on the list. The thought of caring for a child in a pandemic with no shelter...I just can't 😢 (even typing this is making me tear up again). Needless to say, there was a grocery run with a lot of baby supply shopping that night.
@dreamscapes_ oh man, toy story 4 is hard to watch even without pregnancy hormones! I still tear up at the end if I’m watching it seriously...and I’ve see. It 100 times by now!
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
What made me cry today.... 1. Missing my kids while I am work. 2. Most of the songs that play in our office. 3. The stress of my job (especially today) 4. The fact that we should have pizza for dinner tonight. ( I make dinner and can easily control this!) Also...it's only 2pm....
My mood hasn’t been great lately. This pandemic+political shit show hasn’t made for a very relaxed or productive summer.
Anyway. I decided to listen to some music on a drive to have a picnic with a friend. I put Janet Jackson on cause it had been a while since I’d listened to it. Rhythm Nation was the very first cassette tape I’d ever owned so it holds a special place in my heart
when The song “Escapade” came on and she said “Minneapolis”. It made me all giddy and nostalgic. So I cried a little. Then “rhythm nation came on” and I cried a little again. It’s been a while since I’ve ha a silly happy feeling come over me
DD had a doctor's appointment today and got several vaccines and then had blood drawn. I held it together at the doctor's office while she cried, but then couldn't handle it when she had a hard time falling asleep tonight. I snuck into her nursery to snuggle her and just cried while I rocked her
@dobiemom11 - I totally get it. Part 2 of the cry fest was that the taco place I was really looking forward to ordering from was swamped so we had leftovers instead...such a small thing in the grand scheme but so disappointing!
@dobiemom11 I got delivery groceries a few times recently. They always seem to do something funny with the order. They have us pick alternative for some things if they’re sold out, but it’s always the things they didn’t ask about the replacement for that they get wrong
While driving, for no reason whatsoever, I started thinking about the movie Sully. Specifically the scene during the investigation where he says "nobody warned us..."
I have no idea why it made me tear up, but it did.
Re: Why my pregnant self is crying...
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Therefore, everything is making me rage cry....
The 20 month old doesn't want to go to bed and screams for an hour? Rage cry.
It's 78 degrees in my living room at 11pm? Rage cry.
We haven't finished unpacking boxes in the den since we moved in November? Rage cry.
The kitchen is still a hideous shade of yellow? Get worked up about all the projects left to do, then rage cry.
Crossing my fingers we can get a contractor here tomorrow and it's something cheap and/or covered by one of the warranties. And trying to keep the rage tears tucked away.
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Also, I have a really close/special bond with my Dad and hope our daughter will have the same with my husband, so those cards didn’t help matters.
It needed to happen and I was sad to do it but it went fine. Now thinking about waking up to a clean cut kiddo has me weepy 🥺
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
scratch. I had to go on mute bc I was so angry/frustrated/crying my eyes out. I’m usually fine with critical feedback at work, but this just felt brutal and personal because it was thoughtful work I cared about - not my normal day to day activity.
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
So freaking sad he didn't understand why she was leaving him alone for the first time in the middle of a storm 😭
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Also...it's only 2pm....
when The song “Escapade” came on and she said “Minneapolis”. It made me all giddy and nostalgic. So I cried a little. Then “rhythm nation came on” and I cried a little again. It’s been a while since I’ve ha a silly happy feeling come over me
- the grocery store screwed up my order. I keep telling myself.. you are a big girl and don't need to cry because they gave you the wrong crackers!
-we have to go see a specialist after our A/s, but my husband can't go to the appointment because of Covid.
Everything just seems so much more difficult with this pandemic!
@dobiemom11 - I totally get it. Part 2 of the cry fest was that the taco place I was really looking forward to ordering from was swamped so we had leftovers instead...such a small thing in the grand scheme but so disappointing!
I have no idea why it made me tear up, but it did.