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November 2020 Moms
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Mental Health Check In 6/18/2020

windywomanwindywoman member
in November 2020 Moms
Not sure if anyone needs this but, we do this in my A18 Facebook Group and sometimes it is just helpful to get it all out there. With everything going on in the world right now I know some people are having a rough go of it. 

I am feeling ok I guess. I feel like this world is just so unsteady right now. Among other things,  I am so torn about how my county is easing restrictions. Do I continue to social distance heavily or do I start easing back into seeing everyone? We are getting pressure from my ILs to get together so they can see DS and I just do not know what to do. They haven't been the strictest with social distancing and not going places. I don't know what to do about Fathers Day and getting together with my dad. DS has asthma and had pneumonia twice since October and I just don't want to jump the gun and wind up putting him in danger.
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Re: Mental Health Check In 6/18/2020

  • surlyjaneaustensurlyjaneausten member
    I think this is a good idea! I’m also anxious about easing restrictions. Of course I want to be able to do everything I enjoyed doing pre-pandemic. But I also realize things aren’t getting better, people are just over it. I’d say it’s split 50/50 with those who wear masks and those who don’t. My husband also has asthma and gets super sick if or my son brings home a cold. 
    I got really bad postpartum anxiety with my son and some of the same feelings have already started creeping up. I’m feeling more prepared to handle it and have an awesome therapist who specializes in working with moms. 
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  • windywomanwindywoman member
    @surlyjaneausten I am glad you have a therapist that you feel comfortable with and is helping you.

    I keep saying that nothing has really changed as far the pandemic goes it's just that everyone just decide they were done with dealing with it. 

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  • surlyjaneaustensurlyjaneausten member
    @hedgepig it was so hard for me too. I had a hard time sleeping that night. It’s like you don’t realize how many things there are to worry about until you hear about them first hand, if that makes sense. 
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  • windywomanwindywoman member
    It was hard for me too. I am just so sad for her and her fiancé.  You always know deep down it’s possible but any loss after we make it to the second tri is shattering. I hope she is able to take time to care for  herself. 
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  • lalarose22lalarose22 member
    I also feel so sad for mimser. My PGAL anxiety has definitely increased after reading her post and thinking about it for a few days. @surlyjaneausten I totally know what you mean. That situation wasn’t even a thought in my mind, but of course now I’m anxious about it happening to me! 
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  • laurenmicheleylaurenmicheley member
    @hedgepig Me, too. I was utterly shocked when I saw the news and I'm totally devastated for her and her family. I, too, was feeling pretty confident and almost out of the woods at 20-weeks, but now I'm a lot more anxious. I think getting to 24-weeks will be a HUGE relief for me, and then obviously to 3rd trimester and term. PGAL is such a mindf*ck to begin with, seeing somebody who had been going through the same thing that I had in regards to miscarriage and not having any living children is a total gut punch.
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  • mia80mia80 member
    Same here ladies. I've been pretty anxious in general already but anytime I hear bad news for someone else it just ramps up a little more. It must be so shattering for her 😔
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  • name1109name1109 member
    WHAT! I am so upset for @mimser. I remember checking the app after loss. So @mimser if you check this...major hugs, thoughts and prayers to you.  I am so at a loss for words. 
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  • surlyjaneaustensurlyjaneausten member
    @warmwinter I totally get that. In a way becoming a mom felt like taking on a new identity. That’s great you’re talking to so many people about your struggles. I think shining a light on then is what helps. I’m planning on talking to my therapist on navigating the postpartum period in terms of how to remind people close to me that even though there’s a new baby, I’m still a person with needs. I felt invisible a lot when my son was born. My in laws would come to see him and would barely be able to carry on a conversation with me because they were so distracted. I want to find a balance between letting them know that I’m still here while not coming off as a jerk!
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  • name1109name1109 member
    @surlyjaneausten I recently learned that antepartum depression happens. I get postpartum pretty bad. If you’re feeling any of that now, so many thoughts to you. Maybe help now might help? 

    @warmwinter I identified a lot with your post. My life now is solidly kids but when I had #1...I was happy to have her but terrified I’d be physically changed forever and socially different. It was added so much stress to me during her pregnancy. Change happens but for me the change from zero to one child was the hardest. A lot stayed the same but things like getting out of the house or date night were more planned than before.   I failed to get help and I wish I had. 
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  • lindz42lindz42 member
    @surlyjaneausten Feeling invisible is definitely a fear of mine. My ILs are so excited about becoming grandparents and whenever they talk to me, the conversation ALWAYS goes back to MIL's pregnancy stories and memories with their own kids. It already feels like I'm getting skipped and that I'm just a vessel for THEM to have more of THEIR family memories. I'm probably overthinking it and that's likely not their intentions, but it's hard. I completely connect with you wanting to find a balance with communicating your needs without coming across the wrong way! I hope we can both figure out that balance. For me, when faced with conflict like that, I either withdraw and continue the struggle internally, or I regret bringing it up and stew about how I could have said it better. Neither response is healthy. 

    @name1109 Thanks for sharing your experience. It's heartening to hear that other people have felt similarly. I guess it's comforting in a way to hear that someone else has struggled because it seems like you have overcome what I'm going through now. Glad to hear that a lot stayed the same in your experience. I hope that you will have the support you need to help manage postpartum.
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  • name1109name1109 member
    edited June 2020
    @warmwinter if you don’t mind I’ll share more. I generally identify with the begrudgingly exclusive breastfeeding mom (kind of dont love it at all), organic mom who wants to still be me. I work full time and we’re now expecting #4.  Our crew have all gone to “school”...for me childcare is my villiage...I just pay them. They love my babies and have helped them (and me) grow. We still go out to dinner with our whole crew (Minus COVID) even when it’s a sh*tshow....I figure if we go they learn...it’s not always pretty but they’re getting there. We still travel (yes it’s hard and baby has to be tended to and I can’t just put headphones on and nap).  We still (minus COVID) go on dates (monthly now as babysitter is $20/hr for three)...We go to the beach (down the street), playgrounds, museums...Generally for babies...I just put them in the carrier and go. I am not a home body. Relationships did change, processes were harder but for me I’ve tried to stay true to me-ish. I like to be put together, get my nails done, wear make up every day (or most), wear non-mom clothes (emphasis on the like to...it doesn’t always turnout that way). Children are hands down the best thing I’ve ever done. I regret zero things. It’s hard but the snuggles and hugs are unbeatable. 
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  • lindz42lindz42 member
    @name1109 I really appreciate you sharing all of that. Helps ease some of the unknown for me and see that I can still make my own choices. I grew up with a similar childhood in a way; I was raised by a single mom and she basically just brought us along everywhere. Restaurants, shopping, bike rides, hiking, vacations... I went to daycare and summer camp. DH didn't have it the same; his parents completely changed their lifestyles, never went out to eat, never went on vacation... his mom was always home. I guess I've always imagined myself more like my own mom, but I'm hearing so many different things from different people now. I'll be working full time as well. We're pretty active and busy (minus COVID) as a couple so hopefully we can stay that way to an extent, and can share our joys with our child as well. 
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  • name1109name1109 member
    @warmwinter you’ll find your path. People will always criticize or critique. Do and be you. You’re the mom. Trust you. I spent a major part of my maternity leave stressing about pumping...it all was fine. The stress was uncalled for. I personally feel I’m a better mom for working...I’m more balanced and happy. So be you. 
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  • crizz13crizz13 member
    I agree with feeling unease about the state of the world and then I have huge feelings of not knowing what the fall will look like for my job (teaching) and my daughter who will be entering kindergarten. As a planner, it's been tough. 

    I will say, where I live, numbers of COVID are decreasing by the day and our governor has done a really job with reopening slowly and taking major precautions. I feel for all of you who are experiencing surges. MA was in the top three states for cases and deaths for MONTHS and I know how anxiety provoking it can be. 



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  • crizz13crizz13 member
    In response to the fear of losing yourself, I definitely felt like "just a mom" during my maternity leave with my first. I was pretty isolated and she was a TOUGH newborn. I was exhausted and felt very alone. For me, going back to work was huge in getting some of "me" back. 



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