Disagreements with grandparents? — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Disagreements with grandparents?

**Help please! Advice needed!**

My husband and I frequently discussed what type of parents we wanted to be before we even tried to conceive, and these discussions continued throughout my pregnancy.  Therefore, by the time our little chunk arrived we were pretty settled on how we would be raising him.  I recently found out that my mother and my mother-in-law have been ignoring our decisions, many of which are basic common sense or doctor recommended concepts.

We do not co-sleep, and we put little man down on his back, in an empty crib.
I have found out that my mother was co-sleeping when babysitting, she did stop doing this after I explained why we didn't want that, however my brother recently notified me that she has been putting my little guy and my nephew in the same crib at the same time!  She has two cribs, I am unsure why she does this.  My mother-in-law puts my son on his belly (he is not able to roll on his own yet) and has been wrapping him in a fluffy blanket, with stuffed animals in the crib.  They both let him sleep for long periods of time in his carseat and swing.

We also established a pretty routine feeding schedule for little man, he has a very sensitive tummy and it took a bit of guess/check work to find something he tolerated well.  
I found out that my mother feeds him EVERY time he cries, and is feeding him much larger amounts than we do.  My mother-in-law has been giving him rice cereal in his bottles, feeding him double the amount we do, and gives water in between.

There has been other issues, but these have been the biggest concerns.  I have addressed all issues with my mother, and my husband has addressed all issues with his mother, however our concerns go ignored.  We are constantly hearing "but when you were a baby...." We have both pointed out that we were babies 30+ years ago, things have changed.  I have tried to keep little man away from them in hopes that things would click, but it just isn't practical.  We rely on both of them for babysitting while we are at work, plus my father and my father-in-law are both very ill, they have both stated they feel that they are being robbed of quality time with their grandson (time that they both feel is important, seeing as we are not sure how long they will be around), they feel they are being punished for something they didn't do.  

At this point, I don't know what to do!  I'm tired of being ignored, and tired of being told I am overreacting.  We may not be perfect, but this is our baby and we have the right to raise him the way we want to.  

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Answers

  • Mushmello said:
    **Help please! Advice needed!**

    My husband and I frequently discussed what type of parents we wanted to be before we even tried to conceive, and these discussions continued throughout my pregnancy.  Therefore, by the time our little chunk arrived we were pretty settled on how we would be raising him.  I recently found out that my mother and my mother-in-law have been ignoring our decisions, many of which are basic common sense or doctor recommended concepts.

    We do not co-sleep, and we put little man down on his back, in an empty crib.
    I have found out that my mother was co-sleeping when babysitting, she did stop doing this after I explained why we didn't want that, however my brother recently notified me that she has been putting my little guy and my nephew in the same crib at the same time!  She has two cribs, I am unsure why she does this.  My mother-in-law puts my son on his belly (he is not able to roll on his own yet) and has been wrapping him in a fluffy blanket, with stuffed animals in the crib.  They both let him sleep for long periods of time in his carseat and swing.

    We also established a pretty routine feeding schedule for little man, he has a very sensitive tummy and it took a bit of guess/check work to find something he tolerated well.  
    I found out that my mother feeds him EVERY time he cries, and is feeding him much larger amounts than we do.  My mother-in-law has been giving him rice cereal in his bottles, feeding him double the amount we do, and gives water in between.

    There has been other issues, but these have been the biggest concerns.  I have addressed all issues with my mother, and my husband has addressed all issues with his mother, however our concerns go ignored.  We are constantly hearing "but when you were a baby...." We have both pointed out that we were babies 30+ years ago, things have changed.  I have tried to keep little man away from them in hopes that things would click, but it just isn't practical.  We rely on both of them for babysitting while we are at work, plus my father and my father-in-law are both very ill, they have both stated they feel that they are being robbed of quality time with their grandson (time that they both feel is important, seeing as we are not sure how long they will be around), they feel they are being punished for something they didn't do.  

    At this point, I don't know what to do!  I'm tired of being ignored, and tired of being told I am overreacting.  We may not be perfect, but this is our baby and we have the right to raise him the way we want to.  

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
    I mean, there really isn't more you can do. If you've talked with them clearly about what you want and they're ignoring it, you're just going to have to make a choice - ignore it yourself and continue having free baby sitting, pay for a daycare/nanny, or change your work schedules/one of you quit to stay home with him. 
    splashmountain
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  • bows22bows22 member
    You might have better luck with “the pediatrician said...” no blankets, no rice in bottle, etc. especially the stuff the pediatrician would definitely agree with. 

    Also, I’d ask your pediatrician if they are offering any basic baby care classes for new parents (probably online because of covid?) and see if you can get the grandmas to watch. Things have changed since they had kids, and because social media wasn’t a thing then, things weren’t widely reported and they don’t know how many babies didn’t “turn out OK”

    FWIW, you aren’t overreacting, although I think you know that. You’re reacting less than me because I wouldn’t let them be alone with my kid
    splashmountain
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