Twatwaffle Tuesday 5/26/20

willashbaby · May 2020

Who or what in your life is a Twatwaffle?

mom_of_the_vogels · May 2020

Hub's work.

He was finally called back after 2 full months being laid off. When he got there today they said coming back was "optional" not mandatory and apparently they aren't "back" but working on a week to week basis. So, he's employed through Saturday but may be laid off again Sunday.

How could they possibly know we have kids or a house or financial responsibilities to worry about? And why would they care?

dobiemom11 · May 2020

@mom_of_the_vogels. Wow...that is stressful! My work brought back the full time staff at the beginning of May, but mentioned that they might be furloughed again in June if they were unable to open to the public. That at least gave people more of a runaway for planning purposes. (They did reopen, so now they are even bringing back the part time staff). Hoping things work out for you guys and sending extra love your way.

mom_of_the_vogels · May 2020

Ok, this feels like the bitchiest thing I've said in a long time, but.... the newest twatwaffle in my day is.... my sister 😔.
And might be over-reacting or selfish for how I feel, but here's the painfully detailed story...

She is getting married on July 11 in Cali. Her entire family lives in Indiana, so in a normal world this is already a huge, stressful expense that we are all more than willing to accomodate because she's our sister/daughter and we love her and are so happy for her. However, she has been less than graceful about her disappointment in some of our choices, such as:

- My hubs, 4 yo, and 20 month old are not going. Financially and pragmatically it's just not the right choice for our family. I can't enjoy her wedding or really participate the way she wants/needs with 2 kids in tow. Plus $$$.

- Most of us will be there for about 5 days, not the 1 week+ she wants.

- Of her 4 sisters, 1 can't go due to some legal issues and 2 of us are prego. She is blatantly disappointed we won't be out there partying like rock stars. Nevermind we're all in our 30s and the three of us traveling cross country are raising kiddos and don't really have a "party" lifestyle anymore. She's also in her 30s, but in dental school and lives like a grad school student surrounded by college 20 somethings, so its a totally different speed.

Add to all of that... there's an effing pandemic going on.

2 of us are traveling across the country while pregnant, one with kids in tow because she planned to make it a family vacation with Disney and fun stuff (which will probably be closed still). 2 of us are leaving our dudes at home with our little guys. We are all a little panicky and overwhelmed but have agreed that unless all hell breaks loose we will be there. Tickets purchased, hotels reserved, we're in.

I understand that the thought of cancelling or postponing her wedding is traumatic. And I totally understand being disappointed if you know it's not going to be exactly what you pictured.

But FFS, you are actually crying to a different bridesmaid that you're sad I won't be drinking at your wedding? Not thankful that you get to meet a new little human when you visit next?

You're upset that my financial limitations mean I am coming without kids in tow and only staying for 4 days? Not relieved that I made getting myself there enough of a priority to actually do it even with a coronavirus layoff?

You are worried the hair salon or winery or WTF ever will still be closed due to Covid-19? Not concerned that so many of your family, especially those at higher risk, are braving the unprecedented risks to get there?

I get it, that this wedding is the biggest of big deals in her life so far, or at least for this moment. And she has every right to be stressed and overwhelmed and to need support. I draw the line at being disappointed that my pregnancy is inconvenient to her wedding timing. And knowing how we were raised, I am so effing irritated at how little she sees or cares what she is asking of *literally everyone* in her family and/or how little she appreciates that we are all willing to do it (relatively) complaint free.

babymakes9 · May 2020

@mom_of_the_vogels fingers crossed he will be able to stay employed and they don't do a 2nd round of layoffs! And a big wtf?!? To your sister, I think maybe she hasn't realized that the whole world is going through something right now, and she may need to readdress her expectations. My mom lives in Ca. and where she is everything is still on complete lockdown until I believe July 1st (as of now) and experts are still suggesting a complete 2 week quarantine when traveling, meaning 2 weeks secluded from others after anyone steps off a plane, or travels far by car. Many hotels aren't even open yet! I think you and your family that are still traveling for this are really going above and beyond what is reasonably expected at this time.

willashbaby · May 2020

@mom_of_the_vogels she's being a complete brat. I had one friend who was from out of state get married, she was from Virginia (near WV). Her family all lived there, guess what? She got married there! No way did she expect all of her family to travel to NY because she decided to move to NY. Those of us who became friends of hers and wanted to go to the wedding, WE drove down to Virginia for the wedding. We stayed two nights. If your Sister isn't kind enough to delay the wedding she should have at least paid for your travel expenses OR not complained a lick about who's not coming/how long you're staying. She is a Twatwaffle. You couldn't get me on a plane pregnant during this for anyone, no way.

karmba · May 2020

@mom_of_the_vogels I'm sorry about your DH's job situation - that sounds super stressful. Hopefully they'll come up with a better solution soon. And your sister, yikes. I feel for her because having a wedding scheduled during this time would be super hard - but she needs to read the room on this one and stop being a bridezilla.

bearmomma1 · May 2020

@mom_of_the_vogels yep, she’s a twatwaffle! She should really check where her wedding is it and if they’re even still going to host in. I live in CA and it’s all still basically in lockdown. definitely no large gatherings are allowed. Most counties still aren’t allowing dine in restaurants or anything. Most hotels are closed for everyone except essential workers. Non essential travel is banned. Everyone I know who was getting married this year postponed their weddings. She should check on that!

laurenspdx · May 2020

@mom_of_the_vogels What a tough spot for you to be in. She’s clearly behaving irrationally but telling her that will probably just make her dig in deeper. Sounds like she’s just mostly in denial and that this is maybe her way of dealing with the grief of not having the wedding she dreamed of - projecting the blame for that onto anyone else she can find. I hope she snaps out of it and realizes that there are so many more important things (I can’t imagine the pain so many people are going through with this virus) and if she truly cares about you all then she should ease off.

akoros · May 2020

Late-breaking twatwaffle from yesterday: The political appointee I complained about before sent an email *threatening* career staff because she was unhappy with their responsiveness. This is all instigated by the fact that an established and approved methodology doesn't show results that she likes/fits with political views. She really doesn't understand that some things 1) you don't do, and 2) if you can't control yourself and must do it, DON'T. PUT. IT. IN. WRITING. It just went into everyone's "evidence for the Inspector General/HR" folder.

@mom_of_the_vogels Ugh, weddings make people completely insane in the best of situations. I get that she's sad, I'd be upset about all the changes in plans too, but it's completely selfish to blame it on everyone else.

shelmcclel · May 2020

@mom_of_the_vogels preach, girl. I hear you! Weddings do make the brides very selfish, naturally. She’ll hopefully start to calm down and is just taking her stress out on those closest to her but it’s really about everything else that’s going on. Stick to your guns and do what feels right for you and your family. She’ll understand one day even if she doesn’t right now.

I ranted about this in my weekly group, but also dealing with a family reunion / travel situation at the end of June for my in laws family reunion that I just don’t think is safe or good for us to do right now. I’m trying to figure out ways to compromise with everyone but they aren’t making them all very happy. It’s just annoying all around.

ALSO my MIL announced this week that her friends are going to host a “grandma shower” for her?!? I think it’s fine if it’s just a gathering of friends to celebrate grandma-hood, but there should not be gifts to her for our baby, right?

BmcD2016 · May 2020

@shelmcclel I’ve never heard of that before. Maybe they shower her with things like diapers and clothes to pass onto you guys?

shelmcclel · May 2020

@BmcD2016 yea I think clothes, diapers, or things for just her to have would be totally fine. I just don’t want her like passing on our registry and accepting things on our behalf as like a substitute for our own baby shower. Maybe I’m just weird but that doesn’t feel right. I’ve gotta find out more details I think before I have a full opinion.

dobiemom11 · May 2020

@shelmcclel. Can not let my MIL know anything about this grandma shower thing! Never heard of it, but it sounds interesting. I know a friend had a bunch of her mom's friends at her shower (from a playgroup that she was a part of as a kid), but this seems totally different. Best of luck with that!

nmadjeski · May 2020

@mom_of_the_vogels first, I'm sorry your about your husband's job situation. Hopefully they figure a better plan out soon! Second, I dont think you're being selfish or over reacting. She may be in denial about the situation. I'm sure its devastating to have to postpone a wedding but you guys are going above and beyond...during a pandemic. I hope she comes around soon!

@shelmcclel I've never heard of that before but according to HuffPost (first link when I googled lol) @BmcD2016 is right.

babymakes9 · May 2020

@shelmcclel a grandma shower is a shower for the grandma-to-be where her friends get together to celebrate and give her gifts for ber to use with the baby. Sometimes grandma's get their own registries as well!

Edited to add, mom's to br usually aren't invited to the grandma shower, or if they are it's chir a brief moment for everyone to oh and ah over the belly and then the mom-to-be leaves. It's a day really focused on the grandma.

shelmcclel · May 2020

@mom_of_the_vogels thanks! I googled it a bit too - I think just need to chat with her about expectations.

@babymakes9 yea I think that’s what it is. I’m totally happy for her to celebrate becoming a grandma - she’s very excited and deserves it. I think the line for me is registering for her own gifts for the baby - if she was going to be our babysitter or the baby would be staying with her for any significant time, maybe it would make sense, but that’s not our plan.

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