Telling older kids about new baby

feed4 · May 2020

Hey all,

My son turns 13 in Nov and baby is due in Dec. Does anyone have a large age gap between your kids, and have suggestions for how I can make this transition as smooth and positive for him as possible? We told him yesterday and while he's happy for us, he doesn't seem very happy himself. Thanks in advance!

willashbaby · May 2020

I was 17 when my Mom was pregnant with twins. He's a teen, I wouldn't expect much, lol. He's probably just thinking of how disruptive this might be. Do you have a plan yet of where the baby will sleep vs. where he sleeps? Do you need/expect him to "help out"? My own Brothers were 12 when my son was born. They didn't have much to do with him when he was a baby but once he started running around they did more. The one is our weekend babysitter, we pay him which he def. likes.

laurenspdx · May 2020

We have two teenagers (13 and 16, they’re my fiancé’s from a previous marriage). The 13 yo is over the moon and cannot wait to have a baby around. The 16 yo was excited about the news about as much as a 16 yo can be - we got a smile which was a big win.

We’ve just been trying to make sure they both feel involved in the experience. I’ve been showing them the ultrasound photos and talking about how baby is growing and also asking their input on things like names. When it comes time to get clothes and toys, we’ll also make sure they’re a big part of making the fun choices. We basically just want to make sure this is a shared family event and not just something that their dad and I are doing. Like @willashbaby mentioned, setting expectations around how this may impact them is important too.

I have a good friend who has two sons - one is 17 and one is about 9 mos. At first, the older one was a little distant, but now that the baby has developed a personality and reacts and plays, the older one can’t get enough. I’m sure that it can be scary and feel really uncertain for an older sibling but once they actually meet the little one, they can really start to form that bond.

mindyb2019 · May 2020

I have a 10 year old step daughter(Its my husbands from a previous marriage ) and she will be 11 by the time the baby is born in dec. We haven't told her yet but she wants a little brother/sister soooo badly and will be so excited when we tell her. She has already said she wants to help out and hold the baby all the time etc. She loves babies and will have no problem being the big older sister. I will include her with all things so she doesnt feel left out.

lk_1980 · May 2020

I have a 19 year old daughter and a 2 year old (and one on the way due in Dec). My teenager loves the little one dearly and they get along great ❤

dreamscapes_ · May 2020

I have no older kids and was going to make a joke about telling our cats, but decided not to. That being said, my sister has a big age gap between her kids. My niece is about to be 14, and her little brother is turning 3 next month. They live across the country, so I have no idea how the day to day is, but from the phone calls I’ve had with my sister and the bickering in the background, it’s definitely
not easy.

jelososhervy · May 2020

I can only speak from my perspective as a sibling and hope it helps. I was 16 when my mom had her last kid, the second youngest was 12. And I truly believe a little baby in the life of a teen is the best thing that could ever happen. Teens are going through alot, trying to be grown up and getting their first major disappointments in life and then coming home to a little baby can really lighten their world up and make a special connection within the family which can otherwise be hard when kids go through puberty. A way younger sibling can be the best thing. If he doesn't seem to happy it's possible he just doesn't really have an idea of what to expect. But trust me, it will be great.

babymakes9 · May 2020

We will tell them before we tell anyone else. And I'm sure we'll get mixed reactions, the 10 year old who was the baby forever is currently annoyed with the new baby (who is 2), and the 19 year old will roll his eyes, but the others will be thrilled, and one of the teenage girls will want to plan all the things. but once the baby is here they'll love him, just a they love each other. I just try to remember it's easy to overwhelm them with baby stuff, and important to make sure they know that you will still love them, and that their is plenty of love and attention to go around. And they are not diminished in any way because the family is growing.

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