I don’t want to tell his family yet - advice please

dashwillow · May 2020

We are a few weeks along and I have told my mother. I come from a very small family so there’s pretty much only her to tell. I’m okay to tell close people earlier than 12 weeks as I figure if I miscarry I’ll want their support.

I don’t want to tell my husband’s family until after 12 weeks - maybe around 13-15 weeks. However, I worry this will cause issues for the family as they may think I’m keeping things from them. But his family always dramatises and overshares and I just don’t have the energy to do it at the moment. His family is so large and the last two times my sister in laws have been pregnant they’ve been so vocal about it straight from the pregnancy test.

I am a career woman (teacher) and so we’ve been married now for 6 years and are only now deciding to have a baby. His family always asks me When we are having babies so I always told them in not interested. This was more just to keep them quiet, but I think they really believe it as we’ve been married for so long. My sister in laws are stay at home mums with lots of kids - I’m the black sheep.

Am I wrong for not wanting to tell his family much later just to ensure there is minimal fuss about it all?

kiki75 · May 2020

dashwillow said:

We are a few weeks along and I have told my mother. I come from a very small family so there’s pretty much only her to tell. I’m okay to tell close people earlier than 12 weeks as I figure if I miscarry I’ll want their support.

I don’t want to tell my husband’s family until after 12 weeks - maybe around 13-15 weeks. However, I worry this will cause issues for the family as they may think I’m keeping things from them. But his family always dramatises and overshares and I just don’t have the energy to do it at the moment. His family is so large and the last two times my sister in laws have been pregnant they’ve been so vocal about it straight from the pregnancy test.

I am a career woman (teacher) and so we’ve been married now for 6 years and are only now deciding to have a baby. His family always asks me When we are having babies so I always told them in not interested. This was more just to keep them quiet, but I think they really believe it as we’ve been married for so long. My sister in laws are stay at home mums with lots of kids - I’m the black sheep.

Am I wrong for not wanting to tell his family much later just to ensure there is minimal fuss about it all?

My mother-in-law was on us to have kids from before we were even engaged so we did the same thing & told her we didn’t think we would. Now she likes to tell me she’s so glad we changed our minds & aren’t we glad too?? I finally told her that it was BS to get her to back off because she was ridiculously pushy. Which she denied. Then I pointed out examples. She’s back to insisting we changed our minds. 🙄

You get your choose when you want to share. You don’t have to be like them. If you are someone who wants to share from before you even take a test, cool. If you are someone who wants to wait until you show up with your baby, also cool. Pregnancy is such a unique and major time in your life. You get to choose what is good for you. If adding their hoopla is too much for your for first tri, especially right now, don’t. They can continue to learn to respect you as an individual.

dashwillow · May 2020

kiki75 said:

dashwillow said:

We are a few weeks along and I have told my mother. I come from a very small family so there’s pretty much only her to tell. I’m okay to tell close people earlier than 12 weeks as I figure if I miscarry I’ll want their support.

I don’t want to tell my husband’s family until after 12 weeks - maybe around 13-15 weeks. However, I worry this will cause issues for the family as they may think I’m keeping things from them. But his family always dramatises and overshares and I just don’t have the energy to do it at the moment. His family is so large and the last two times my sister in laws have been pregnant they’ve been so vocal about it straight from the pregnancy test.

I am a career woman (teacher) and so we’ve been married now for 6 years and are only now deciding to have a baby. His family always asks me When we are having babies so I always told them in not interested. This was more just to keep them quiet, but I think they really believe it as we’ve been married for so long. My sister in laws are stay at home mums with lots of kids - I’m the black sheep.

Am I wrong for not wanting to tell his family much later just to ensure there is minimal fuss about it all?

My mother-in-law was on us to have kids from before we were even engaged so we did the same thing & told her we didn’t think we would. Now she likes to tell me she’s so glad we changed our minds & aren’t we glad too?? I finally told her that it was BS to get her to back off because she was ridiculously pushy. Which she denied. Then I pointed out examples. She’s back to insisting we changed our minds. 🙄

You get your choose when you want to share. You don’t have to be like them. If you are someone who wants to share from before you even take a test, cool. If you are someone who wants to wait until you show up with your baby, also cool. Pregnancy is such a unique and major time in your life. You get to choose what is good for you. If adding their hoopla is too much for your for first tri, especially right now, don’t. They can continue to learn to respect you as an individual.

Thanks for your reply. Aren’t MILs intense sometimes! And they always change their minds and opinions - just comes with the territory I think. That’s exactly why we said we wouldn’t - we were just over the questioning etc.

I definitely don’t want to tell them yet so I won’t. I’m actually fine to tell most people ... just not his family. I want to just be like one family dinner ... oh yeah we are 15 weeks.

I don’t want to tell his family yet - advice please

Re: I don’t want to tell his family yet - advice please

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