Congratulations ARE..N'T in order

here_we_are_baby_4 · April 2020

I feel like I can't be the only expecting mother out there that has to deal with the worry of announcing my pregnancy, in fear that my family will pass judgement and bring me down.. am I?

I'm currently expecting my 4th child. Yes, it's an unexpected pregnancy and NO.. not one child have I felt the actual support or love from my family that I've longed for.
Sadly enough, I know deep down my family are going to say very hurtful things to me when I announce this pregnancy. How do I know... ? Because, that's what they have done EVERY pregnancy!
My family were not happy for my spouse and I to conceive our first (I thought it was because we were young.. nope) and when we announced our second child, they all hoped she was a boy so we would have 1 of each and we'd be "done" having kids... what?!
When we announced my son, we found out the day my father passed and it was very emotional BUT no one started off by seeming unsupportive, at about 6 weeks is when the real hurtful/disrespectful comments started rolling in! At one point or another in my pregnancy, EVERY person from both of our families we had conversations with, either made comments about us "snipping it up after this one" or "do you know where babies come from" "oh no, 2 is really more then anyone needs or should have" "you can't possiblity want more kids after this"... and the list goes on!
No one from either of our families have EVER truly been happy for us when we announced any of our babies, even though I have openly told everyone (repeatedly) that we would love to have 5 children and if God is willing, that is our plan!
We struggled having our 3rd and thought we couldn't conceive again after (possibly). I had no reason to believe getting pregnant would be this easy, especially since I've not been trying and we haven't been too reckless. This is truly a surprising pregnancy!
It hurts! I honestly have 2 people I feel will be/are happy!
1. My husband
2. My close friend
That's all!
I'm almost 12 weeks in two days and I still haven't even celebrated or announced this pregnancy!
I'm sure my excuse for the delayed announcement will not only be that I have been pretty sick with pregnancy, but the virus panic has made everyone in our families extra paranoid, then the best time to safely announce a pregnancy is around 12 weeks!
I'm truly sad. It would be nice to hear if others have struggled with support disappointment. I know my mom never wanted to have either my sister or I truly... and believe the same about every woman in my family at this point from the way they portray their feelings.
With my in laws, they will just think it's too many kids for anyone and that's upsetting.
Support would be nice! Nothing disrespectful or uncalled for, just equally oppressed expecting mothers/fathers, sharing their situation.

jaclyn0405 · April 2020

@here_we_are_baby_4 I unfortunately do not have any experience with this and I am so sorry that your families provide you no support. Sending you hugs

1MommyRunner · April 2020

@here_we_are_baby_4 I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. A baby is a blessing and anyone who can’t see that must lead a sad life. Just know you have a ton of support here from your mommy friends! I think 5 is a GREAT number! My DH is one of 5 boys and when they all get together, it is crazy fun! 💜

moody_mommy · April 2020

I'm so sorry you have to deal with their ignorant comments! Maybe just don't announce, it doesn't sounds like they deserve to be notified. I can't imagine what they would say about me and my family, my husband and I have the smallest family between my siblings, and the second smallest between my husband's, and we have 5 kids! Both of us are from a heritage of big families, hubby has 9 brothers and sisters, I have 4. I probably shouldn't even get into how many aunts and uncles we both have.... Anyway, good luck, it's disheartening to have family that isn't supportive!

moody_mommy · April 2020

1MommyRunner said:

@here_we_are_baby_4 I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. A baby is a blessing and anyone who can’t see that must lead a sad life. Just know you have a ton of support here from your mommy friends! I think 5 is a GREAT number! My DH is one of 5 boys and when they all get together, it is crazy fun! 💜

We have 5 boys, it can definitely be fun, there's rarely a quiet day around here 🤪

kelk5 · April 2020

@here_we_are_baby_4 that sucks that neither side of your family is supportive of any of your pregnancies. I'm guessing that they are unsupportive and negative in general. Are y'all close to your families? Maybe don't tell them? Just tell the people that you know will be supportive and excited for y'all. If they ask just tell them that you didn't want to hear their unsupportive rude comments and that you already know that they don't like babies and children. Tell them if they can't say something supportive that you don't want to hear it. Congratulations, it's exciting!!!!! My brother and SIL have 4 living children and it's crazy fun! We'll have 4 too after these babies are born. It's nice because everyone has a rollercoaster buddy.

mrsbaafa · April 2020

I wouldn’t announce it to them and when they finally find out and ask why, be honest!! No one has the right to make you feel bad about having a baby!! It’s a blessing for the world and should be celebrated. Anyway, we’re all happy for you and will support you. I always wanted 6 kids haha probably gonna settle for 3 but we’ll see what the future holds

laurenmicheley · April 2020

I come from a very judgmental family (although they are very excited for my pregnancy -our situations are very different), but I can definitely relate to your struggle, right now. Something I have learned to practice in regards to my family's judgement is that they are not entitled to you. What I mean by that is; it's ultimately your choice to share anything about you with them, and it's their privilege to receive that informations. If they aren't acting in a mutually respectful way, there is no reason why you HAVE to tell them, right away. Tell the people who will be happy for you and want to share in your joy, if you want to share the news. This is an exciting time for you and a baby is wonderful news to share (especially during Covid-19). If it were me, I would hold onto this information until I couldn't hide it anymore - it's not their RIGHT to know. And it certainly not appropriate for them to make you feel badly about it.

ecolton01 · April 2020

I’m with everyone else. I wouldn’t bother telling them doesn’t sound like they deserve to know . I know that doesn’t make it any easier .

My family has been very supportive so I dont have any advice there but I was legit scared to tell them about this baby . Total accident ( I would never tell baby that) I must have ovulated super early , my husband big V apt got cancelled because of Corona although I may have been pregnant before his appointment Who knows .

However my last 2.5 years as a mom has been rough and overwhelming and my family has seen that . I had a rough pregnancy with the twins , I was inpatient for 10 days at 24 weeks , and on strict bedrest the rest of the pregnancy. I had a 44 day NICU stay after my water broke at 32 weeks. My daughter was 17 months old when they were born so I had 3 under 2 for quite a while and to top
it off my son was diagnosed with cerebral Palsy and he still cannot walk without assistance (he is 2.5) . So I was scared that they were going to think (and i
sure they did ) what the hell
are they thinking ! They are struggling with the kids they have why would they add to that ?!? Which isn’t untrue , however everything happens for a reason so we will love this baby all the same and I know once he or she is here it will complete our family .

I once herd someone say you only regret the children you don’t have . So hold that close to your heart and even though it hurts that they are A holes, you are completing YOUR family and the love and bond that child will bring to YOUR family will outweigh their negative connotations around your pregnancy and life choices .

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