What was most helpful when transitioning from one kid to two?

Re: What was most helpful when transitioning from one kid to two?

• willashbaby member

  April 2020

  @linds0503 I'm also curious! DS will be nearly 5 by the time this one rolls around so it's been awhile! I saved everything from round 1 (didn't think it would be this long) but it'll be nice to hear others experiences!
  

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• JBcakes08 member

  April 2020

  One thing that helped me was trying to mimic their schedules as much as possible. Some things take time, but as soon as my son started solids I fed them both at the same time every day instead of back and forth. I've recently gotten them to nap at the same time which has been helpful too. When somebody needs a diaper change, I just change them both so I don't have to remember how long it's been since somebody's been changed (but both of mine are in diapers still, so I'm not sure if that applies to you). 
  
  My oldest still wants some one on one time with me to read and doesn't always want to share her time/toys so I think just accepting that they need their space too helps. I let her help me as much as possible when my son was born like handing me diapers for him, turning on his sound machine, etc, she likes to help and feel involved. 

  Me: 30 DH: 31
  Married: May 2008
  DD Born: March 2018
  DS Born: April 2019
  Due with #3 December 2020!

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• linds0503 member

  April 2020

  @JBcakes08 thanks! That is a helpful suggestion.

  

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• bkinn26 member

  April 2020 edited April 2020

  While preparing to go from 1 to 2 I would babysit a friend's child or 2 of them (along with my own DS of course) to get used to the situation. It's not the exact same as having a newborn as #2 but it did help and it eased my anxieties about whether or not I could handle it. I totally handled it, and well! You will too 😊 I always tell my friends when they ask my advice that when a new baby comes, we as parents set the tone of the whole house and it has been so true! If you stay stressed-baby stays stressed and if you stay calm (truly, legitimately calm emotionally) baby has a different/calm demeanor as well. 
  
  We also got our DS a newborn sized babydoll as a gift and helped him to practice the right kind of behavior and gentleness we were asking him to give when the baby came. He was 2.5 when she was born and he did amazing!
  
  I hope this is helpful for you!
  
  Edited for grammar 🙈

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• Hetta05 member

  April 2020

  Make the baby ‘wait’ sometimes. In the beginning it’s so hard and it’s easy to fall into constantly telling your older child to wait while you do xyz for the baby. If they both need attention at the same time, make the baby be the one who waits sometimes. “Baby, I need to help big sister right now and then it will be your turn.”  It helps to not always have big sibling be the one who has to wait. 

  
  

  And take advantage of carriers/bouncers/swings to leave your arms free to play with the older child as much as possible. Their whole worlds are tipped upside down and that one on one time is so important. It’s really easy to fall into having dad handle the older ones while you deal with the baby, especially if you’re nursing, but handing baby off to dad so you can do bedtime or whatever  can have a big impact.

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• linds0503 member

  April 2020

  @Hetta05 thanks, those are helpful thoughts.

  

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• notvincent member

  April 2020

  BABY CAGE. Those hexagonal free-standing baby gate thingies. Like a playpen. Then,  you can separate you kids when you need to. Put the baby in the cage and then let your older one roam outside of it. Keeps the small toys away from the baby and keeps the baby a bit more protected from the older one's "affection." Also, a good baby carrier. I've used a Ergo and a Babyhawk. Ergo for older baby or back-carrying and Babyhawk for smaller baby. Definitely helpful when you need to have your hands free. I was a single mom by the time my younger one was born, and there were many many nights where I gave my older one a bath while keeping the younger on in the carrier.

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• linds0503 member

  April 2020

  @notvincent thank you! Those are good items to consider. You are very strong.

  

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• mom_of_the_vogels member

  April 2020

  Don't get too locked into your expectations. When kiddo #2 was born I waited to send out pictures because I wanted the first "public" picture to be the 2.5 year old holding his little brother. I had seen so many other littles of similar ages do it and it was adorable.
  
  Well, big kid was not the least bit interested in baby. It took 2 weeks to get that picture, and it only happened because I smushed them together while they were both sleeping. 
  
  Now (almost 20 months later) they are thick as thieves, but those first couple weeks broke my momma heart.

      

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• bearmomma1 member

  April 2020

  @mom_of_the_vogels My DD will be 2.5 when this new babe is born; how was that age difference at first?? Other than the not interested part 😂

  TTC History:

  Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010.
  TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
  BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
  TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
  Due date was Nov 2020
  DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
  TTC: March 2021
  IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
  IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP.  MC Jan 2022
  IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
  IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
  AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
  

  
  
  

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• mom_of_the_vogels member

  April 2020

  @bearmomma1 it was a little rough. Big kid had serious jealousy issues over baby so I had to be very intentional about handing baby to Dad a couple times a day so kiddo could have my full attention. 
  
  2.5 had just started preschool, so that was a mixed blessing. He enjoyed having big kid time but then was super clingy after.
  
  Bedtime was the hardest part. Big kid regressed to co-sleeping so for about 2 months we just had "family bedtime" at 8 pm with 1 in the bed and the other in a bed next to ours.
  
  By 3 months big kid was helping (get diapers, talking to baby, etc.) By 6 months/crawling they were tenuous playmates. When kiddo 2 started walking they were in cahoots. Now they are unstoppable.

      

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• sejica member

  April 2020

  @hetta05 yes to making the baby wait too!
  
  The biggest thing we had to work on after the baby got here was consent. We had done a reasonable job of making sure DD knew we were going to be touching her, diaper changes, etc. But we didn't make her check in with us before climbing on us. I wish we has worked more on checking in with someone before you touch them, because there might have been less rough love in the beginning. (Note, I didn't expect perfection, she was 21 mo.) Since then she has been great, and we've extended this lesson to animals and even big people, that unless they or their caregiver say yes, you can't just hug someone/climb on them, kiss them. Since the baby can't decline or consent she has learned to read body signals some and ask me/dad if she can hug her baby brother. Now they are bigger, and he gives as good as he gets, but still a lesson we're working on.
  

  

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