Med-free birth chatter for March

tyrion_ · March 2020

Hello, August 20! Here’s a space for those of us hoping/planning/thinking of an intervention/med-free birth to discuss our preparations, fears, excitements, and experiences. Also drop any questions you may have as there are many ladies that have previously had a med-free birth.

viola_mama · March 2020

I’m tentatively interested in a med-free birth. My husband and mother both think I’m nuts, but the potential side effects of an epidural that I’ve read about sound worse than pushing a baby out. Do I need to take a class if I want a med-free birth, for breathing or whatever? Not that I’ll be attending an in-person class at this point, so I guess if anyone has recommended videos? Also, if I go into labor and wuss out, is there generally the option of changing my mind and getting the epidural?

WishesSheCouldCook · March 2020

I was open to meds last time and went into labor as sort of a wait and see approach. People laugh when i say I didn’t get an epi because I really didn’t need one but it’s true. I read Ina Mays guide to child birth and my biggest takeway was to keep your tongue and jaw relaxed because it keeps your body relaxed and able to do its job.

My water didn’t break until the dr broke it at 10cm before pushing so I’m sure that helped my pain. My pain stayed at a 2-3 until the last hour of labor- in fact had I not been GBs+ I likely would have come close to or had a home/car birth. My contractions never got into a good pattern and I was walking talking and carrying on fine. Things got serious when I got in the tub around 7cm and that sent me into transition. I went from 7-10 and delivery within about an hour- probably 15-20min of pushing. Recovery was super easy.

I am hoping to go Med free again but realize that it probably won’t be that easy lol.

Sorry for the long read! Happy to answer questions!!

gomillis · March 2020

@viola_mama I can’t remember if you are a FTM but if so, I’d recommend taking a birthing class regardless of the type of birth you plan on having. In terms of specific preparation for a med free birth, the class I took taught some visualization exercises and some breathing exercises. We had to practice visualization (Basically going to your happy place( and breathing while holding ice cubes or pinning a clothespin to our ear lobes. It sounds a little silly but it actually helped!

WishesSheCouldCook · March 2020

@viola_mama I didn’t take any special classes. I did write out a birth plan and discussed it with Dh prior to getting to the hospital. When we arrived and were admitted the nurse asked what I was planning. I told her I was open to medications but wanted to see how things went. She said that she would follow my lead and if I wanted something to ask her for options but she wouldn’t bring it up again. I will say that once you get to a certain stage they won’t do an epi so I would ask your nurse when the cut off is.

samsonator · March 2020

I was induced with my first and did no epidural, but did have something through the hand IV when things got unbearable. However, when that med wore off I thought the pain was even worse since it amped up so quickly. This time I'm planning on no epidural again and no IV med. I'm hoping for a water birth which my midwives are experienced with.
I did hynobirthing home classes that seemed to help a little with breathing but not much else. I think I'll be more prepared this time for the level of pain. Like I knew it was going to hurt but it exceeded what I thought it would be.

tyrion_ · March 2020

@WishesSheCouldCook Your labor sounds identical to my second! I was ok until transition and then I was like, “whoa this is serious.” But it was only an hour and then my water broke at 10cm and she came 30 minutes later. And my nurse was amazing! When I started with doubts she said, “you’re about 10 contractions away from meeting her.” And that put my mind back in a positive space 💙

I’ll share more tomorrow I am just totally drained right now.

rivercitynik · March 2020

I'm really interested in a med-free birth. For STM+ who were med-free the first time, what do you think best prepared you? I'll take a low-intervention birth class and have been listening to a lot of birth stories on The Birth Hour, but would love to think of other ways I can help prepare myself, especially since I have a lot of time on my hands at the moment

coldlife · March 2020

I'm a TTM. I have had two OOH births, which automatically means no epidural. I had no medications with either of them save one pitocin shot with each because I was bleeding a little more heavily than they liked to see (not hemorrhaging). I am planning the same this time.

Most of the women of my mom's generation and below had OOH births, whether at a birth center or at home, so I was raised in an environment of OOH/med-free being what you do, and you'd only go to the hospital if you were high-risk or something went wrong. And, now having done the research myself, I feel it's better from a "cascade of interventions" and trying to have the best birth outcome possible to avoid inductions, epidurals and various other meds. To me, a good birth outcome is not "well, at least your baby's ok," which is frequently what's said to mothers when they express regret/disappointment/trauma over their birth experience, but "both mother and baby are mentally and physically well."

I didn't really do anything to prepare. For me, it was just one of those "of course" things. And with being OOH, an epidural simply was not an option. Once I arrived at the birth center and committed to that, there was no going back unless I got up and dressed halfway through labor and transferred over to the hospital. It is a little different when it's simply not an option. I think that makes it easier, honestly. If you are planning med-free in a hospital, I think it's better, and you will have a higher chance of success (and I've heard this from other people) if you go in saying "it's not an option" rather than "we'll see how it goes, and I'll get one if I need it."

It was hard, yes, but it ends. It's just one of those things to get through, I guess, is how I viewed it.

emiliadkay · March 2020

We took a Bradley class and I looooved it, in part for the emphasis on getting your body ready (nutrition, exercises) as much as your mind and in part for how empowering it is to the "layman" (read: husband/mom/friend, anyone not a doula) you're planning to have with you for your birth. Like, DH got a certificate when we completed the course, not me, and he went into the birth feeling like it was on him to get us both through it.

Just tonight I read the ProPublica article @BusinessWife shared in another forum, and for the first time it occurred to me how much more challenging a med-free birth may turn out to be in the current environment, in the highly likely scenario that things aren't yet back to normal by August. Not just bans on doulas, but also the possibility of policies like mandatory induction at 39 weeks so that L&D units can better predict volume in a situation with limited available beds and staff. We were able to get our med-free birth with DS but I had fairly significant hemorrhaging afterward and required some quickly administered drugs to get that under control, so I don't think an at-home birth is something we're likely to pursue.

ANYWAY, I've said elsewhere but will say here again that I found the style of birth class that's spread over weeks or months to be invaluable because of the relationships you build with and info you acquire from the other couples going through the same experience. This group is amazing at providing that in general terms, but things tend to vary a lot geographically and a local support group, even if now virtual, can be equally beneficial.

laur84ns · March 2020

I had an epidural with my first and went med free with my second. I MUCH preferred my med free birth - felt more natural, less medical/clinical, and my recovery was 50x easier.

I did a lot to mentally prepare for a med free birth the second time around.... since I’d had an epidural the first time, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to handle going med free. I’d say it was the mental preparation that helped the most (though spinning babies moves every night to ensure baby was in an optimal position helped too!!) I read books (I’ll list below) and just envisioned a med free birth. I envisioned that it would be painful (I wasn’t about to fool myself into thinking it’d be pain free, and it wasn’t!) but that I would get through it with breathing, position changes and support from my partner and doula. I hired a doula! Made a huge difference. I’d highly recommend it. Especially for a FTM I wouldn’t want to rely on my husband to not only support me but help me through the most painful moments. My doula has been there done that and knew so many moves and strategies for minimizing the pain that my DH just didn’t know. During and after my first birth my husband was as shell shocked as I was! Ha ha. Every night for the last 5 months or so of my pregnancy I went to bed daydreaming about my med free labour and birth. I sought out birth stories specifically about med free hospital and home births. I watched med free births online.

I didn’t take any classes.

Some books I’d recommend are:
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
The Birth Partner by Peggy Simkin
Birthing from Within by Pam England
Childbirth Without Fear by Grantly Dick-Read

sarah0985 · March 2020

I went med-free with my first. I plan to as well with my second.

I took a class but can’t remember what type.

I think the most important thing is to be honest with yourself. The potential is always there to need it and to not be too hard on yourself.

I do think it helps that I have a high pain tolerance and always have.

The only part I found myself wanting meds was literally a few minutes before I started pushing when i went into transition.

whl1013 · March 2020

@laur84ns thank you for the specific resources! I'm glad that we started this thread. I'm hopeful that I can have a med-free birth, though I decided not to hire a doula, so I hope my husband and I are able to develop the confidence to advocate for our wishes when the time comes.

samsonator · March 2020

@laur84ns which book would you recommend the most out of those? I went without an epidural with my daughter, but man it was tough. Looking for more strategies.

rivercitynik · March 2020

So, I don't really share openly that I want to have an unmedicated birth, but I have a few friends who gave birth recently and had hoped to go without an epidural but eventually ended up getting one. Even if I don't say anything they will tell me not to even think about going unmedicated. I don't say much because I don't think it's a competition and I don't what to invalidate their experience, but it can be hard to hear that.

I read Birth without Fear and got a lot out of it...it touches on some of themes that @coldlife mentions in that a healthy outcome is also about making sure birthing people feel empowered and like their voice was listened to.

sarah0985 · March 2020

To put it out there the hardest part about med free was the mental aspect.
I had a “quick” labor with my daughter. Water broke at 11:45. Contractions started at 12:30. Arrived at hospital at 1:30. I was 1 cm. Was pushing by 4.

So hindsight was, it was easy. But somewhere around 3-3:30 the contractions were stacked on top of each other with no relief in between. I was convinced I was going to have to do that for HOURS because it was my first and I was only 1 cm when I got there even though contractions were already only 2-3 min apart. That was the part I waffled on the epidural because the mental part of needing to do that hours more was unbearable. Turns out once your normal at that point you’re already ready. I was 9 cm and pushing shortly after. I could handle it at that point but the unsureness of everything is the overwhelming part IMO.

I Also found actual delivery and pushing much easier and didn’t feel the tearing the pushing as painful after the contractions ended.

Everyone feels labor and delivery differently but that was my experience.

@rivercitynik I’d try your best to ignore them and ask them when they start to just stop. I also didn’t talk about my plans for med free for those reasons. Be educated but don’t listen to all the horror stories because there are good ones

samsonator · March 2020

I would agree that what almost led me to getting an epidural was the fact that I thought I had to labor for hours and hours longer. Somehow pushing didn't hurt me either. I don't know if I was just maxed out on pain or what, but I had a bad tear and don't remember feeling it.

emiliadkay · March 2020

@sarah0985 @samsonator Yes! I was prepared but unprepared for how much easier and amazing everything became during pushing. It went from throwing up with every contraction unable to interact with anyone to chatting with my OB and husband in between pushes about "oh, which part of California did you grow up in, I have an uncle out there..."

This is an odd motivation I haven't heard anyone else express, but, while I wanted all the (small) health and recovery benefits of an unmedicated birth for baby and me, the biggest reason I went unmedicated was that I didn't want my body to go through birth alone if I could help it. I was so grateful for everything it did throughout my pregnancy - growing a baby (because how did it know how to do that??) and keeping it safe, and I knew childbirth was going to be the toughest experience it had ever gone through. I just wanted to hang in there and acknowledge the work and the pain that went into it all. I firmly believe that unless you are superwoman with an incredibly high pain tolerance (and some women are!), the only way to be successful is to do it for yourself. Not for bragging rights, not because it's what your mom did or your husband wants, but because it feels important to you. And the whole thing totally sucks but the high of being on the other side...I wouldn't trade it for anything.

lachnessmomster · March 2020

@emiliadkay That was maybe the most beautiful thing I've ever read.

My main thing about wanting med-free is/was the power of movement. I've never wanted to be confined to a bed. I've wanted to walk, squat, be on my birth ball, etc. When I labored with DD, I was on all fours from transition on, until they moved me to that damn ambulance. I still to this day wonder if that was the domino that fell and made my recovery so difficult. I went from my own environment, on all fours, how I was comfortable, to flat on my back under a bunch of bright lights with two dudes telling me not to push. It was a fucking nightmare, honestly. But anyhoo, I felt most comfortable being on my hands and knees, working baby down, and being med-free allowed me that freedom.

When I received my epidural with DS, it was like a gift from God, but I couldn't feel much of anything. At one point, they wanted my to move to all fours to try to get him down, and I literally couldn't. One of the nurses was like, "It's okay, none of us are looking at your body." She thought I was being modest, but my body was so numb and heavy that I genuinely couldn't lift it. I was like, "I don't care what you see, I just can't move by myself." They had to physically move me, and I didn't love that. And let's not forget the stress of receiving the epidural in the first place. You feel like you're being split wide open working through contractions, and then they're working on your spine like, "Don't move." It is incredibly difficult to stay still during that moment, and I was terrified that if I moved, I'd be paralyzed.

Don't get me wrong. When I finally arrived at the hospital with DD, I still begged for that epidural. It was obviously too late by that point (crowning - hello), but I immediately registered being in a hospital environment and just knowing that it was available, I gave in immediately, and this happened both births. As soon as I know it's there, I want it. For this reason, I try to give myself grace. Every time, I want and plan for med-free, and my two very different birth experiences have taught me that sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesn't, but either way, my babies and I made it through to the other side.

(Sorry for the novel.)

coldlife · March 2020

Yes, freedom to move is a big thing for me, too. I did most of the pushing and delivered D1 on the birthing stool. I was on the bed with D2, but I much, much prefer the stool and want to do that again this time.

I've never had an epidural, so I can't say for sure, but I'm reasonably certain a birthing stool just isn't an option with a needle in your spine. You can google it, but it's a backless, seatless stool. For your own safety, someone sits behind you and supports you. So for me, it was against the bed and my H sat behind me on the edge of the bed. So I was between his knees, leaning against his chest, and holding his hands. And every time I had a contraction and pushed, I would push against his hands and chest. It was a great position and was so nice to brace against something while pushing.

laur84ns · March 2020

@samsonator from what I remember, I liked Childbirth Without Fear the best. A lot of people consider Ina May’s book the med free bible so I read it, and took some things away from it, but it’s a bit “out there” for my tastes and personality.

I agree with pp that having a med free birth is mostly mental. It’d be helpful to have an honest look at yourself and ask yourself if you’re the type of person who can push yourself, or if you tend to quit as soon as the going gets tough. For example I do this thing (I have since I was a teenager) when I’m working out/running/on the treadmill where, when I’m just exhausted and want to stop, I give myself a time in the future, like “ok I’m exhausted, I can stop in 4 mins” then push myself to keep going. Unmedicated labour is like that. I think that personality trait helped me a lot. If you feel pain (which you will) and your personality is to quit, you’ll likely ask for an epidural. If you have it in you to push through and say “ok, this is painful but I just survived that contraction so I’m going to give it 5 more and reassess” you may be more successful. If you tend to quit but want a pain free birth, that’s ok! Confront that trait in yourself and prepare yourself now to start pushing yourself, in little ways every day! Allow yourself to feel tired or uncomfortable and to see that you’ll be ok. You’re stronger than you think. You can do it!

Also keep in mind that there are factors that are outside of your control, or harder to control, that could affect your labour and ultimately your ability to push through without meds. Induction, for one. Inductions tend to involve pitocin (which cause harder, more unnatural contractions vs the contractions that your body would build up to slowly) and tend to be longer labours as you’re encluraging baby to come out before baby has signaled that he or she is ready. I have many friends who wanted to go Ned free but were derailed by a difficult induction. The position of your baby can make a huge difference - my first baby was posterior and the back labour was unreal. My second was positioned optimally (not a total fluke - I did a ton of inversions and spinning babies and avoided sitting in a reclined position or on the couch for a couple months before my due date to encourage her to get in the right position) and it was a much easier pushing phase with her. I doubt I could’ve gone med free with the contractions I had from my posterior baby! Posterior babies also tend to take longer to push out (it took me nearly 4 hours of pushing to get her out!)

Keep in mind all of my comments above are generalizations - there are women who “quit” at the first sign of pain or trouble in their lives, who have gone on to have med free births. There are women who have been induced, who have had posterior or maybe even breech babies, and had med free births. There are no hard and fast rules.
My point is labour is largely a mental game, so prepare for that as much as you can. And if you end up having a harder labour than you were prepared for and get an epidural or any other sort of pain relief, that’s ok too! My two daughters are both happy and healthy and neither could care less whether I used pain relief during their births, I can assure you!

coldlife · March 2020

@laur84ns, I agree about Ina May. It was interesting to read but definitely a little more hippy, woowoo than I prefer, particularly the birth stories section. I found the second half, after the birth stories, to be much better.

I hate how how she encourages women to be naked while giving birth. That's not how many women are comfortable, me being one of them! I would be soooo uncomfortable if I had to be naked!

My sister had a pain med-free induction, and my mom had a home birth with a posterior baby. It is harder but can definitely be done!

lachnessmomster · March 2020

@coldlife Lol! When I was convinced that I was going to give birth in my bathroom, I stripped everything off and hunkered down, which was a super fun experience when the EMTs arrived.

I just felt I needed to be naked!

sarah0985 · March 2020

Another second of NEEDING to be naked. I wore clothes during most of my contractions but I hit a point where I NEEDED it all off. Like I was desperate to especially get my bra and shirt off. I had read about it but for me it definitely was overwhelming

coldlife · March 2020

Lol, I'm that woman who's adjusting my gown to make sure it's closed in front and not hanging open in between pushes. I totally was! At my birth center, they give you a mid-thighish length robe that's essentially like a standard bathrobe (so it opens in front and has a tie at the waist, but it's a lighterweight material) to wear. With my second, it got wet when my water broke, and I was pulling the bed sheet over me while I changed it so I wasn't completely exposed except for my bra.

lachnessmomster · March 2020

@coldlife That cracks me up! So many people in the medical atmosphere have seen me naked at this point that I just don’t care anymore. Even when the pediatrician came in post birth with DS to check in baby, I had no qualms about my entire boob being out while he was in the room. 😂

WishesSheCouldCook · March 2020

@coldlife I was the same way prior to birth! Wore regular clothes right up until i got in the tub then I transitioned and things got intense fast. The nurse offered me a gown after I got out of the tub but I was not interested! I ended up with a sheet but that was it.

laur84ns · March 2020

@coldlife I felt the same as you and stayed in my gown during my first (epidural) birth, but during my second birth (med free) I got in the tub with only a sports bra on and like @WishesSheCouldCook, when I hit transition let me tell you, the pain was so great that my clothing situation was the last thing on my mind. My body started pushing while I was in the tub but I couldn’t move so I was literally dragged out of the tub, got on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor and my body pushed baby out in one minute flat. No time to worry about robes or towels or anything, though I’m normally a very modest person.

coldlife · March 2020

I did wear just a bra with my first when I labored in the tub, but I had a towel wrapped around me before I went in, and when I got out, I had them hand me a towel before I stood up! And then I quickly got the robe back on.

Being OOH, the number of people is very limited - 2-3 midwives, and they're all women, plus my H. So it's not that. It doesn't matter how many people it is, it's still weird for me. I'm fine with one breast out to nurse in front of the midwives, but both at once? No! And it honestly feels extremely weird being naked and/or having hands up inside me while my H is there. I'm very comfortable nude around him, of course, but it feels very weird to be nude around him with other people in the room. He stays up near my head during checks. My practice has you answer several prompts in the last weeks of pregnancy - things like prior experiences with birth, what generally makes you more or less comfortable, how you tend to react when you're in pain and stress - so they can help you better. I always include that I want to stay as covered as possible so no one is encouraging me to strip!

[Deleted User] · March 2020

<div>I gotta be honest, I have been avoiding this thread (and really only skimmed it now) because I didn't get the med-free birth I had hoped for. But a recent conversation on another forum opened all that up for me again, and we discussed finding some kind of birth trauma support. So for myself, I've started looking into it.</div><div>
</div><div>There were a lot of reasons why I wanted and hoped for an unmedicated delivery, and I tried to do everything "right" to set myself up for success with that. But in the end, it just didn't go down like that, and that is okay. It really is. I still don't feel <i>great</i> about it in some ways, and I look forward to the chance to do it over, and have a completely different experience this time... But I just I just need to throw it out there not to beat yourself up if things don't go as planned. <3 Having it go another way is not something to feel guilty or ashamed of, and I think it's important to say so. I have heard of too many moms forfeiting a measure of their hard-won joy in those first precious days and weeks, because they blame themselves in some capacity, either for getting pain meds, or a section, or formula supplementation... you name it! So I hope I can be just a tiny voice to help alleviate that guilt for someone who needs to hear it. :)
</div>

laur84ns · March 2020

@BusinessWife I totally agree! Like I mentioned above, I've had one epidural birth and one med free birth and other than enjoying my med free experience more and healing from it faster I certainly don’t look at my kids any differently or feel differently about myself because of it. Every baby and every birth is different. I found it helpful to focus on a med free birth the second time around but discuss all kinds of “if.... then” scenarios with my husband and doula. For example if labour was long (24+ hours), if baby was posterior and I had horrible back labour, if I had to be induced and pitocin contractions were too painful to bear then I fully accepted in advance that pain relief could be a necessity. Also I’ve read birth stories where a woman just wasn’t progressing because she was so tensed up from pain and couldnt relax or get any rest, and finally relented and got an epidural and labour progressed smoothly after that and baby came shortly after. There is a place for pain relief!!! Focus on the birth you want but prepare, too, for the fact that it could all go out the window. Listening to a huge variety of birth stories (rather than just cherry picking the med free / home birth / birth center or whatever birth you’re wanting) can be so helpful! Great reminder, @BusinessWife

fitandnerdy · March 2020

@BusinessWife yes great reminder. A med free birth is our goal, but I’ve also known many women where that just wasn’t in the cards for them for whatever reason. I’m going to do what I can to prepare for the birth I want, but it’s helpful to remember if things don’t go as planned it’s still ok ❤️

rivercitynik · April 2020

I've been watching a few med-free births on YouTube and have noticed in some of them that the woman gets a shot in her back/hip area (doesn't really look like a needle, rather a completely metal injector). Does anyone know what I might be seeing?

[Deleted User] · April 2020

I wonder if it's some kind of chiropractic tool? @rivercitynik I'm not sure I've seen that myself

lovesclimbing · April 2020

I've never heard of that. Acupuncture? I've had pitocin shots with both after they were delivered to stop bleeding, but that's in the thigh.

laur84ns · April 2020

@rivercitynik sounds like sterile water injections to me. I’ve never used them but did some research on them when I first started planning for a med free birth last year because I had horrible back labour with my first.

ETA: Hi @lovesclimbing, fellow March 2019 mama! Did I miss your pregnancy announcement?!? I’ve been hoping some previous March moms would join me

Either way, nice to see a familiar “face” (or profile pic!) on this board

rivercitynik · April 2020

@laur84ns I think this could be what I saw! Was there a reason you didn't use it for your second birth? I might bring it up to the midwives to see if it's something that's an option.

laur84ns · April 2020

@rivercitynik I saw an OB during my last pregnancy and when I mentioned it to her she looked at me blankly haha. Then she told me “oh, this is your second baby, you’ll be able to go med free no problem! It’ll happen so fast you won’t even have a chance to get an epidural” haha. So... I just forgot about it. If you’re seeing midwives though I’d definitely ask if it’s a tool they have in their arsenal!

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