The Great Postpartum Thread

varimama · January 2020

Let’s talk about what happens after the baby comes out. Whether it’s moments after the baby is born or days or months our bodies go through a lot of changes! So much of the focus is on the new baby but let’s not forget that we need to give ourselves some attention too! So let’s talk about it, all of it, the good, the bad, and the UGLY!

FTMs do you have any questions?
STMs+ what was your experience? Did anything surprise you?

kailanae · January 2020

Some standout things for me postpartum with DS1 and DS2 were:

I found using Depends diapers for postpartum bleeding was much easier than dealing with pads. I liked not having to worry about stains/leaks on underwear. I probably wore them longer than I really needed to post-DS2 because they were easy and I didn't care lol.
With DS1 I had a bad perineum tear that when it healed, internal tissues grew on the outside of the tear causing pain and bleeding with wiping, going #2, and sex. I ended up needing to get the tissue burned off twice with silver nitrate. The tissue removal was very painful (they didn't numb at all, just burned it off) but the issue went away and didn't reoccur with my slightly smaller tear with DS2.
With nursing I went through a lot of Earth Mama Angel Baby nipple butter and Lansinoh lanolin. Both helped a lot with nipple chafing and sensitivity with breastfeeding. I mainly used the nipple butter for the early days with frequent nursing applying after every feed, and the lanolin for spot treating bigger issues (like the eventual bite wounds from both DS1 and DS2). My nursing pad of choice is the Bamboobies circular "heavy" pads because they work well for early leaks and make good breast pads for hiding my nipples under nursing tanks (which I live in for 2 years while breastfeeding basically.)
If you end up with diastasis recti, I highly recommend seeing a physical therapist. I looked pregnant for several months postpartum with DS2 due to my diastasis recti and it led to a lot of sadness over my body image. The PT helped a ton with reducing the gap in my ab muscles, plus I followed the 2B Mindset meal plan to help lose postpartum weight as well (I hardly lost any weight after the birth of DS2). I plan on doing both PT and 2B Mindset postpartum with DS3 as well.
Starting to go down some major personal TMI - but pre-DS1, I had issues with vaginismus. If you don't want to google, it is basically the tightening of your vaginal muscles that makes intercourse very painful and sometimes not possible. My husband was a saint dealing with it through our early married years and when TTC DS1 - he was so patient with me. I tried different things but none of them really helped. One thing I kept seeing online was once I had a baby, it would go away. After birthing DS1, my tear was so bad that even after healing, certain positions would still be painful if they put pressure on where the tear was, but otherwise there was a big improvement in the pain with intercourse. After birthing DS2, I finally got to experience sex without pain. It definitely helped with conceiving DS3 haha. This was the biggest positive postpartum body impact for me.

mrsc918 · January 2020

Thanks @kailanae! Learning about what supplies I should have stocked up for after delivery at home for myself is super helpful - I need to get started on buying those things since I’m not putting any of that on my registry! Any feedback from those who had c-sections would be helpful too since you never know what’s going to happen!

Can anyone tell me, what are those things you wear after delivery to keep your belly and all that stuff tight and intact in there versus letting it all hang? I need to get those and I think there’s a different kind for vaginal delivery and c-section delivery.

varimama · January 2020

Here are the things that surprised me:

1. Your contractions don’t stop after you’ve delivered your baby. They continue for the placenta then will keep happening occasionally (especially while breastfeeding) bc it’s your uterus shrinking back into its normal size. The nurses will come push on your belly every few hours to help with this and it’s not exactly pleasant. I’ve heard the pain is worse for each future child

2. you will look like 7 months pregnant leaving the hospital, I didn’t expect to look pre pregnant but I was shocked at how big I still was

3. You might experience swelling post giving birth even if you didn’t have swelling during pregnancy. The day after giving birth my feet and ankles were 3x their usual size. I couldn’t even get in my shoes to go home, I had to wear my moccasin slippers to the car

4. I got really bad back pain bc my core was so weakened. PT was amazing for this!

5. You can bruise or even fracture your tailbone during labor. It makes it super painful to sit for a long long time and there’s not much to do for it besides getting a donut pillow and waiting

6. when your milk starts to come in it might look yellowish if you are pumping. You are not producing spoiled milk it just still has colostrum in it.

7. look up padsicles on Pinterest and make some ahead of time! They feel amazing!

8. Personally I felt extra protective of DS and didn’t like other people (Besides DH) holding him. (I think I had some PPA that attributed to this) It’s ok to say no, no one has the right to hold your baby if you don’t want them to. If you aren’t comfortable with other people holding them wear them! It also helps keep them from trying to kiss and pinch your baby bc their head is right at your boobs so if they try it becomes super awkward for them!

9. Sex might be painful for a really long time, especially if breastfeeding. It personally felt like sandpaper until my period came back 20 months postpartum 😱 lube is your friend.

10. Here’s my positive one! Labor and delivery met our OOP max for insurance which basically meant free healthcare for the rest of the year! It was not having to worry about PT costs, sick visits, etc...

kantobean · January 2020

Lots of great advice from @kailanae and @varimama!!

i made padcicles and they were great for those first few days! Definitely making those again. I’m also going to try depends this time.

If they offer you extra strength ibuprofen, take it!

I was more winded and tired after birth than the week before. Even walking one block was a real challenge in the week after birth.

The first poop is scary. Definitely get some stool softeners!

I had a small tear. It was a little painful and sex didn’t feel normal for about a year, but otherwise, it wasn’t a big deal. Since my sex drive was nonexistent for that first year anyway, it wasn’t much of a problem.

I always kept nipple cream (I liked “Earth Mama Angel Baby” brand), a huge water bottle, and a bowl of nuts or trail mix next to my rocker for those first few weeks. We nursed all the time. Also something I wasn’t prepared for was my uterus contracting during nursing. Ouch.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but have a lactation consultant you can call with questions.

i don’t know for sure if it made a difference, but I made lactation cookies and ate a bunch in the first few weeks. I never had supply issues so maybe it did work in regulating my supply.

puppylove8910 · January 2020

1. Let's talk hemorrhoids. They are very common with a vaginal delivery and the ones I ended up with caused me way more pain than my vagina which pushed a baby out. I sat on a donut for quite a few weeks. Sitz baths became apart of my daily routine and eventually preparation H. They eventually went into remission, but I just know they will come pay me a visit again in March. Also, my poor tailbone😢

2. Formula is 💯. Remember fed is best. My DS didn't latch the first month so it became a cycle of formula and exclusive pumping. I beat myself up over this because I assumed breastfeeding came naturally. It doesn't. I had so much guilt and anxiety because of this.

3. Clogged milk ducts hurt like no other.

4. Post partum hair loss happens to everyone. It generally occurs around 4-6 months PP. It's the great equalizer of motherhood.😂

5. It's ok if you don't feel connected to your baby immediately. Even though you have been growing him or her for the past 9 months, it's still a new human that you will meet for the first time. Some women fall madly in love upon first sight and for others it can take weeks or even months. The bond will happen. ❤️

6. PPD and PPA are very real. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you're experiencing symptoms. It's not shameful!

7. Most importantly, you WILL heal. And everyone heals at their own pace. Just be patient and show yourself some grace.

mrsc918 · January 2020

Yikes. I realize a c-section is a major surgery, but recovery from that is actually starting to look a lot easier than vaginal lol

miss.sally · January 2020

1. Night sweats and hot flashes are real. Get yourself some “cool nights” pajamas from soma. They will be your bff. They even come in a button top which is great for nursing.

2. Padsicles. I know they were mentioned a few times, but also if you don’t want to make your own, fridamom has some awesome ones sold on amazon and at target.

3. Get all the dermaplast and witch hazel wipes that the hospital will give you. If they don’t, order that shiz immediately.

4. Bleeding. Sometimes it ends in a week. Sometimes it lasts for six. It may stop for a day and then you’ll feel a waterfall the next morning. It’s all normal unless you’re seeing HUGE clots. And even then it can be normal. I ended up in the ER from a softball sized clot and it ended up being nothing. 🤢

5. Don’t feel badly for taking all the meds the hospital will give you. I didn’t the first time and absolutely regretted it because the pain got way worse the following days.

6. Stool softener will be your bff.

7. Sitz baths are amazing and should definitely be taken advantage of.

8. My girlfriend just had a baby two weeks ago and she has been wearing the blanqi postpartum leggings and tank tops and said they are AMAZING at keeping all the squish tucked in. It’s a very strange feeling.

9. The contractions post birth totally suck. I forgot about how painful they were breastfeeding until reading some of these posts and it’s all coming rushing back to me now. Also the pushing on your belly in the hospital. Ouch.

Obviously all of this is worth it for your sweet babe. But having friends to lean on and talk to through everything is so so important because the first few weeks/months are ROUGH.

varimama · January 2020

@mrsc918 I haven’t had a c-section but know people who have. If you end up with an emergency c-section chances are you will still end up with a lot of these postpartum effects from the time spent in labor and also have to heal from major surgery. Even with scheduled a lot of these are things everyone experiences regardless! Ask anyone who’s had both vaginal and c-section and I’m pretty sure they’ll tell you vaginal was easier to heal from.

Also I think what you were asking about above is called a binder. I didn’t have one first time and things mostly went back on their own. I was one of those lucky people where nursing took off all the baby weight and then some last time. It doesn’t always happen that way though.

chichiphin · January 2020

I love this thread!! I've used a few from older BMB to build my amazon shopping list - so it is super helpful haha

treetop19 · January 2020

Lots of great advice from the other mamas!

1. I wasn't prepared for painful breastfeeding with my first.. she likely wasn't latching properly, not to mention, she had thrush which caused her and I additional pain. I used a lot of Lansinoh lanolin to help with nipple cracking/bleeding. I've heard the stuff they put on new tattoos, Bag Balm, can also work, but I've never tried it.

2. I leaked a lot of milk with my first in the first few months after birth.... breast pads were definitely a must-have. I leaked some with my second, but not as much. One thing that I found weird was that when DD would be nursing at one breast, the other would leak like a waterfall. Another shocker for me was a weird tingling/painful sensation I got in my boobs when my milk was about to 'let down'. And being away from my baby, if I heard another baby cry/thought of my baby, or sometimes 'just because' my milk would let down out of nowhere. So I was always wearing nursing pads at work, otherwise.. wet shirts. This random 'let down' reflex was not as strong with my second.

4. Nursing bras - definitely good to have, and make nursing access easier.

3. Postpartum bleeding.. I wasn't prepared for the amount I would have, or the duration of it. I used pads - definitely make sure to have plenty on hand, and take advantage of the extras you can pick up at the hospital.

4. Anything extra the hospital has for you in your room - mesh underwear, pads, diapers for baby, dermaplast spray, witch hazel pads - grab it up and take it with you when you leave. You can use it at home, and you're paying for it on your hospital bill anyway.

5. Like @miss.sally and @varimama said, after birth contractions can get painful. I was completely unprepared for this with my first.. they can get bad if you try to exert yourself too much after labor. I tried an afternoon of walking around/shopping a couple weeks after my first was born, and by the end I was doubled over with contractions.. so try to take it easy those first couple weeks.

6. Also the still looking pregnant after birth thing - you can wear your maternity clothes home from the hospital and they will still fit just fine. lol. I was still wearing maternity pants for several weeks postpartum for comfort. Though I know some people may bounce back sooner than others.

7. Painful first poop - yep. It feels almost like labor all over again, so be prepared and eat lots of fiber and/or take stool softeners.

8. Sex life changes - it took quite a while for me after both births to get back into anything resembling a sex life (not only due to the demands of a new baby, but also tenderness/pain) and there was dryness while still breastfeeding. definitely take it slow.

9. Lack of sleep - the staggering lack of sleep really snuck up on me after the birth of my first - I pushed myself too hard to keep the house clean, make all the meals, and be up all hours of the day/night with DD, and I didn't take naps like I should have. The fatigue got overwhelming. Definitely accept help from others/your partner with household chores, be prepared to let some things 'slide' or be less than perfect, and try to get in some shut eye whenever you can.

10. Maternity leave - if you work and you're on maternity leave, it goes by incredibly fast. With my first, I had this idea that it was going to be like a six week 'vacation' from work, that I'd spend just cuddling my baby and resting, and getting all sorts of 'projects' done.. and that six weeks would be more than enough. nope. I was still too stressed/tired to go back after 6 weeks, so I extended it to 8... which seems to be the 'minimum' time I need.

11. Baby blues - This usually hits me a few weeks postpartum and makes me weepy/extra emotional and makes me more prone to snap at people. It never turned into PPD for me, but nevertheless, I was sad and hormonal and overwhelmed for a while. Don't be afraid to reach out for help if you're feeling down.

12. Body changes - for me, my entire body shape changed after pregnancy/birth and never really 'went back' to what it was before, unfortunately - my stomach was never completely 'flat' again (I have kind of a little permanent 'belly pooch' now, even if I am at a healthy weight), it became more difficult for me to keep weight off, and the stretch marks faded, but are still there. On the plus side.. my boobs went up a size. lol. Be patient with yourself after birth, and though it can be hard, try to accept/love your new shape, and realize it will take time to get back to where you 'were' - and if you can't get there, it's ok.

liz3729 · January 2020

Ladies, thank you soooo much for sharing all of this useful information! As a FTM (31 wks today) I had lots of questions but most of them have already been answered.

I like to think that my pain tolerance is pretty high, but I guess the true test will be when it's time to give birth/recovery. I think I'm most nervous about tearing, the first poop, and the pain that comes with those first few weeks of breastfeeding (both the dry, cracked nipples and the contractions that come with it). But based on what you all have shared, I feel like I'm going to be better prepared for all of it! Keep the great tips coming!

mommyxthree2020 · January 2020

Oooooh reading these answers brings me right back to PP with my DD and DS (I'm on baby #3 right now).

1) My letdowns SPRAY. Like a HOSE. Not like a little stream; I'm talking about some powerful jets. I would let down from both sides every time I nursed, every time I accidentally brushed up against anything, every time I thought of my babies...you name it, I was spraying. As much as I wanted to use reusable nursing pads, I had to use the heavy duty ones and swap them out after every leak. Also, my letdowns felt almost the same as when your foot/hand falls asleep. Tingly, a little painful, and weird. Let's not even talk about the bloody nips, the mastitis, the plugged ducts, or the inability to consume ANY dairy/whey/lactase products. I nursed my son for 15 months and my daughter until she was 2.5, so clearly the sacrifice was worth it. However you decide to feed your baby, YOU ROCK.

2) Delivering a placenta feels weird. It didn't really hurt, but the crampiness was yucky. It was warm, squishy, and felt like a relief.

3) PPD and PPA are REAL, you guys. It is really hard to notice, because you are so tired and everything is so crazy, but just make sure you take time to check in with yourself and find support everywhere you can. It is not a battle you need to fight alone.

4) I WAS SO HUNGRY. ALL. THE. TIME. From the moment I delivered my kiddos for probably a year afterwards, I was constantly ravenous (because of nursing/running around). Feed your body as well as you can, hydrate constantly, and be gentle with yourself. Your body has just gone through some t.r.a.u.m.a. (regardless of if you had a c-section or vaginal delivery; pregnancy and childbirth put your body into chaos mode.)

5) TAKE EVERYTHING FROM YOUR HOSPITAL ROOM. I brought home toilet paper, tissues, all of the baby supplies (like diapers, wipes, etc.), two peri-bottles, a few pairs of mesh undies (I wore them over my depends at night so that things wouldn't slide around), a belly-binder...you name it, it went in my bag.

6) Accept help. If you don't want people helping directly with baby, accept help cleaning. Or cooking. Or staring at your baby in the bouncer/swing/crib/whatever so that you can take a REAL shower. TAKE HELP. Someday, you will return the favor for someone, and you will KNOW how much of a difference minutes of your time can make.

7) Do YOUR thing. Make YOUR decisions with your partner/yourself surrounding how you care for your baby. This is not your grandma's baby, your mom's baby, your sister's baby...this is YOUR baby. You WILL make mistakes, you will feel horrible for things sometimes, but you are a good mom. I promise.

8) Your body/sex life might change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, sometimes it will fluctuate between the two. It's ok. Give yourself grace in every aspect of your life - this one included.

kantobean · January 2020

So much wisdom here! And lots of things I forgot about!!

i just want to add that nothing is *that* bad. Especially if you’re getting some help! The pain is manageable, and your body will feel normal again eventually, it just takes time. But it’s a good reminder that in addition to taking care of baby, we need to make sure we take care of our own fragile bodies after birth!

miss.sally · January 2020

Adding in... someone mentioned losing weight with breastfeeding and I wanted to talk about the opposite. I had always been told “oh the weight will fall off when you’re nursing” so I thought something was going terribly wrong when it was not only NOT falling off, but I had an extremely difficult time losing anything at all even when I was exercising and eating really well. Turns out that a lot of women fall into the category of “your body going into fat storage mode to feed a baby and won’t let go of anything.” It totally sucked and I was really really upset about it. But I did keep nursing because obviously that was more important to me than my body image. And I DID lose a lot of the weight once I stopped breastfeeding.

Also to add on to the whole “your body changes after birth” thing. Cannot be more true. After my first I actually ended up getting in better shape overall, weighed less, and STILL didn’t fit into pre-pregnancy jeans because my hips were so much wider! It was wild. I didn’t mind because I was in the best shape of my life so I just got new stuff. But it definitely made me realize how much my body actually did to house a human. So cool!

oh and spraying milk during letdowns is totally a thing. They make these little milk saver cups to catch your letdown from the other side while nursing. I never did it but I have friends who did and they’d get a ton of milk that way! DS wouldn’t take a bottle so I never bothered though. I also had to use disposable pads though because my letdowns were no joke. It’s all so crazy. Waking up in a puddle of breast milk if you lie on your stomach.

Omg also... did anyone else have letdowns during sex when you O’d? Because I did. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Learned the hard way that I had to wear bras and pads for that. LOL

uno_mas · January 2020

What a collection of mama wisdom here! Great thread. I’ll try not to repeat anything.

1. Pooping. Lots of talk about bowel movements postpartum already but an alternative to stool softener is chia seeds. Adding a tablespoon to juice/water or yogurt greatly helps to make pooping easier. Again, Natural Calm also does the trick. Squatty Potty’s are AMAZING and helpful for consultation jn pregnancy and ease of going postpartum. It can also help to fold some TP and gently put counter pressure on the perineum when you are trying to go.

2. Peeing. Sometimes it’s hard to empty your bladder immediately after delivery. All the pelvic muscles are in shock. Putting a drop or two of peppermint oil in the toilet water (NOT on your body, but in the toilet water) creates vapors that relax your bladder and allow you to pee. Peppermint oil is awesome to sniff during labor when you need energy or if you are nauseous. Note that peppermint oil can decrease milk supply so while it’s helpful for labor and that first pee, you will want to shelf it after that if you are breastfeeding.

3. Sitz herbs. Not only can you make padsicles or soak in a sitz bath, you can make a pitcher of the brew and keep it in the bathroom and fill your peri bottle and rinse after using the bathroom. If you don’t see yourself sitting in a sitz bath, this is a great alternative to get the heating ben first of the herbs.

4. Birth story. You might find that you want to talk (a lot!) about how things went and process the experience. Or you might want some space from it and to focus on recovery before you address how things went. You don’t owe it to anyone to share details about your birth, so don’t feel pressure to share your story if you’re not ready.

5. Robes are awesome. This is just my experience, but my best friend gifted me a cozy robe and I lived in it after my daughter was born. Black leggings and a black nursing tank and a robe was my most comfortable get up. Black is nice because there is a lot of leaking In the first place weeks (milk, blood, sweat).

6. Night sweats. Lots of women have to change their clothes when they wake up for feedings/to pee because they are that wet from sweat. It can help to fold a flat bed sheet in half or quarters and put it over your side of the bed so you can toss it in the night if it’s wet, without having to actually change your sheets.

7.Breastfeeding. It is shocking how tired you will feel from sitting and feeding your baby all day. Newborns feed SO frequently, 10-12 times a day around the clock, and feedings often take 40 minutes with a new baby. It will feel like you just finished feeding and it’s time to feed again. Let someone else change the baby’s diaper or fix your food and drink while you’re feeding so you can quickly hand the baby over after nursing so you can eat/pee/rest/shower.

8. Cesarean birth. Wearing an abdominal binder (ask nurse for one if not offered) helps support your incision. Holding a flat pillow or folded blanket over the incision helps when you sneeze or cough. Also, get up carefully and ask the nurse to show you how to get out of bed. Basically you pad your incision with a blanket, and bend your knees up and then slowly roll to the side. Gradually lower your feet to the floor as you use your lower arm to push your self up. Try not to twist.

9. Meds. It’s super helpful to stay on your scheduled intervals with pain meds, especially after a cesarean or with a severe tear. Even in the absence of either of those things, there is a fair amount of swelling and inflammation and general feeling like you ran a marathon. Set a timer or have your partner set one. It can be hard to “catch up” to your pain if you go longer than the recommended time. Also staying comfortable
makes it easier to enjoy bonding with your baby and helps you to sleep better so recovery goes faster.

10. Postpartum body love. The PP body gets way less attention and credit than the pregnant body. But it’s amazing! Not only did it just grow and birth a human, but it’s continuing to support that very vulnerable human while also gradually reverting and adjusting back to a non pregnant state. There are so many physical and emotional adjustments that deserve the same amount of care, patience and attention as was given the pregnant body. Try to celebrate the still fluffy tummy that is the sweetest, softest pillow for your precious babe, be gentle and honor your need for quiet time and rest, let others support you and your fluctuating emotions, and remember that taking care of you did not become less important just because the baby is on the outside now. For all the leaking and spraying of milk and mood swings, try to have a sense of humor and remember that this awesome crazy ride is temporary and super worth it.

uno_mas · January 2020

Sorry to be so long winded but also thinking how great it is to talk about these things and plan for postpartum because care of the mother can really drop off after birth! It’s so weird to see your provider every week at the end of your pregnancy and then after going through the major event of giving birth, you often don’t see your provider until 6 weeks later. Thankfully some do a 2 week check in as well, but a lot happens between those weeks and there are a lot of questions and needs during that time.

Cristin343 · January 2020

Postpartum Self Care Tips

1. Love yourself

yaaasss above on the postpartum body love @uno_mas! Mamas, we will all heal in our own time. If you are exclusively BF just know it isn’t always the magic weight loss pill it’s sometimes made out to be. (But for some lucky moms, congratulations!) I found my body was “soft” until I was completely done lactating.
And be kind to yourself! Speaking as a mom who EBF/Pumped for the first 6-7 months: Don’t stress about getting in shape and counting calories if you haven’t been all pregnancy. The amount of calories you consume now is going to be MORE than when you were growing that inside baby. He is now bigger and growing on the outside with you as his possibly sole source of nutrition. If you restrict too much or hit the gym too hard, it will impact your supply.

We will all be in a postpartum purgatory of body-awkwardness. You’re not pregnant but you’re certainly not your old self for a while. You may want to buy a few items of clothing to feel good in, if you can afford it. Your old sexy jeans? they are not gonna work for a while.

2. Everyone is different

Just to alleviate some of the scary stuff above: I did not have Any post-labor contractions or rough placenta delivery. Nor did I experience any serious PPD also no major physical things requiring medical intervention or surgery.

3. Stocking up

I had some mean hemorrhoids. I recall my bottom hurting worse than anything. The sitz bath helped me heal... it worked miracles. I don’t suggest you need to buy anything for this, just fill up your bathtub with very warm water and soak your goodies. The warm water promotes circulation.
Buy some TUCKS (witch hazel pads) and yes, take EVERYTHING you can get from your hospital room including the sexy AF fishnet underwear.

You will want the biggest overnight pads you can find. Depends is not a bad idea as mentioned above. Glorious and glamorous days await us all.

4. Postpartum Bleeding: AKA the ‘long goodbye’ to pregnancy

😐 any underwear you wear for the first few days will be destroyed if it is not black. The weird net underwear saves (underwear) lives. I can’t remember how long that bleeding went on but it seemed like a month.

5. Postpartum Pain & Management

For baby 1, postpartum pain was worse than labor for me, but I did have an epidural. I recall describing the condition to a girlfriend, “my crotch feels like I leaped off the balcony of 2nd story apartment and landed doing the splits (in broken glass). It was like an accident.
They gave me good meds in hospital and to take home, which helped tremendously but I was too scared to take the meds because of poo probs.

For baby 2: here in the US it seems they’ve significantly reformed policy for prescription pain meds post childbirth. I think possibly a result of the Opioid crisis?? I received zero pain meds when I left the hospital. When I called crying in agony, they told me to take ibuprofen. 😭 has anyone else had a similar experience? I want to talk to my dr about this while not sounding like a person who is trying to get more meds than necessary!
Thank God I had saved my expired medication from baby #1 because it saved me. I was in a tremendous amount of pain downstairs related to my 2nd degree tear (i.e not even the worst kind of tear) and (unseen, uncounted) hemorrhoids.

6. Milk Production

Mine came in day 4 after both deliveries. Just about the time I was wondering if it would be coming at all! It happened while I was sleeping on our new couch and I woke up horrified and thought my husband had spilled a drink on me. It was that sudden. Second time caught me off guard just the same!

7. The Zombie Apocalypse (or Early Days);

The best new mom advice I was given was to just accept that the first six weeks (minimal) would be a complete shit show with no normal sleep schedule. This is just part of it, as baby doesn’t know day or night and must be fed every 3 hours or so.
Maybe you will get lucky and have an amazing sleeper. Don’t bet on it.

If you can, plan to take shifts with your partner depending on what time of day you are ‘programmed for.’ My husband had to go back to work and he’s grumpy after 9PM (morning person!), while I’m a night owl. I want to slap his face in the mornings when he sings or whistles. 🙅🏼‍♀️
It worked well for us if I stayed up with baby during the evenings, sleeping when baby did. I would hold out as long as I could and wake him up at 3:30/4AM. Then I’d get some good Zz’s until he left for work. By the Grace of God baby would usually sleep with me for a few more hours after he left. Make sure he/she helps get you your Zz’s!!

The witching hour was real for us and brought me to my knees. Those late nights when DH was sleeping and I was all alone, sometimes baby would not stop screaming. It was very lonely. My bumpies were my saviors!

Lastly: The only PPD type issues I experienced were sleep deprivation related. When you don’t sleep, it feels like you are losing your mind. Bad things happen.

Accept help. Even if your MIL is annoying af and you don’t really want her in the house seeing your terrible mess, if you are that sleep deprived, take the help and get the sleep. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. It’s miraculous what a nap and hot shower can do for you while you’re weathering the zombie apocalypse of postpartum weeks.

momoftoddlers · January 2020

There is so much awesome practical advice on this thread. Thank you to everyone who shared. I just want to take a minute to say to first time moms, don’t be put off by all this. It’s unlikely all of these things will happen to you, and whatever you do have to deal with, now you know how. And once you’re done taking care of yourself you get to go out and hold your beautiful new baby and experience all their first moments and it’s totally and completely worth it. And most of these things will be a distant memory after the first few months.

mommyxthree2020 · January 2020

@MIssSally25 YES!!! I had ridiculous letdowns with sex every time (not even just with an O). Most of the time we would end up cracking up because even when I tried to be proactive and wear a bra with a nursing pad I would still be fire-hosing all over the place. Sooooo cute

uno_mas · January 2020

@Cristin343 lol’d at the part about having your MIL come over and help and see your terrible
mess. I wanted to kill my partner when he called his mom to come help me. She took off work and drove up to stay with us for two days when our first son was about 6 weeks old, which was generous and kind of her but I was a wreck. I was so mad and sad that he called her instead of just helping me himself. BUT, this time I totally plan on inviting her to come by and see the big kids after school or to hold the baby so I can shower or nap and I’m not going to try to get the house in order first. Some people just know how to step in and do things without asking a shitload of questions or making a fuss about it. She is not one of those lol but she is sweet and would be happy to hold the baby or spend time with the big kids. I’ve learned that not everyone is going to be the person who will switch the laundry or ask if you need something from the store or just grab the broom, or take the dog out for potty. But I’m going to try to be grateful and humble for the help I can get.

mommyxthree2020 · January 2020

@momoftoddlers totally agree. While you are going through it, it's almost like you don't even *really* notice that you're going through it. With the exception of complications (like PPD or some complex issue), mostly everything seems fine. It's not until life returns to "normal" that you realize how INSANE the postpartum period is!

EmilyLove25 · January 2020

OMG I am remembering so much by reading everyone’s tips here! I hope it is okay to put these things here. This is my third baby, so that should tell you something about the relative pain etc. Overall, I had AMAZING births and postpartum. I will include a few things below, but I hope no FTM are scared from all the details we are giving! Know that everyone is different! I lost all of my weight immediately and aside from my boobs, my body went back to its resting state both times, which is fine! It’s fine if it didn’t too! I look back at those early weeks with DH and I both on leave SO fondly. It’s like this space where time doesn’t exist. And there is NOTHING that will ever compare to staring at your baby during those first few days. OMG it’s insane how intense and wonderful it is. Also I had a nightmare tear with DD, and it still was FINE!

-I had a third degree tear after DD’s birth and here I am doing it a third time!

-Depending on the severity of the tear, they might offer you SERIOUS pain killers (Percocet etc) in the hospital and when going home. No shame if you need it but it made me kind of foggy with DD, so I refused them with DS and was fine. Basically, just know yourself and pay attention to how it effects you. They can always offer other solutions.

-I second what @kantobean said about the first poop. You’ll be fine, but stool softeners are a must (they will give them to you if you are at a hospital)

-If you have an epidural that is particularly strong, it is IMPOSSIBLE to feel to push, so you really have no clue what you are doing. Just know that they can make it STRONGER or WEAKER and you have the right to ask.

-When I first had my epidural I got so light headed I passed out. It was WAY too strong.

-I also couldn’t pee after birth, so as @uno_mas said, you can get help! They gave me a catheter for my first pee and I was SO relieved.

-Everyone will tell you this, but EAT before you go if you are having a hospital birth. Your labor could be VERY long and you’ll be hungry. I didn't with DD and was in labor for over 30 hours. OMG I was hungry.

-When my milk came in my boobs looked AMAZING. I have tiny boobs and these were so great. No shame in taking pictures haha.

-My feet and ankles swelled after DD but not after DS. Every birth is different.

-I definitely did NOT have PPD or anything close to it, but the baby blues are real (as @treetop19 says)… it’s a sudden sadness that you don’t have control over as your hormones shift. It passes QUICKLY for many people, so just try to ride the waves. It’s very strange to be so sad and also the happiest you’ve ever been.

-@mrsc918 I healed wonderfully from both vaginal births and I had a SERIOUS tear with my first. Aspects are unpleasant, but overall, your body is meant to heal! It will!

-Like others have mentioned, I have ZERO sex drive while breastfeeding, so that first year is a challenge. I am constantly being touched by my kids, so the last thing I want to do is voluntarily have someone touch me. I think being honest with your partner and compromising when needed is smart. Luckily you are saved the first 6 weeks because your partner will HEAR the doctor say NO SEX for six weeks haha.

-Shower before you go to the hospital if you can. The last thing I wanted to do right after birth was shower (ouch).

-If you are breastfeeding and going back to work, start building your supply EARLY. The more you can get before you go back, the better. I bought MILKIES Milk-Saver last time and in the beginning was able to get so much from my unused side… because, ladies, you leak from your other boob when your baby is nursing from one (especially early on). I would get 1-2 ounces of LEAKAGE from my unused boob lol. Why waste that liquid gold?

-I second what @mommyxthree2020 says about hunger. In the beginning with breastfeeding, I would be suddenly RAVENOUS. Have snacks on hand next to your bed etc. I found nuts and protein bars were great.

kailanae · January 2020

@EmilyLove25 my epidural with DS2 made me pass out as well! Luckily the anesthesiologist was right there to adjust it down some so I was only out for a moment.

Cristin343 · January 2020

@EmilyLove25 I so agree with you on the time stopping part!

It’s like this magical time when nothing in the world matters. I even Turned off my phone and put it in a drawer for a few days because nothing in the world mattered to me except for what was under our roof.

Looking forward to that bliss again! 🥰

mrsvp614 · January 2020

Mine has apparently been sitting in draft for two days.

I'll try to delete repetitive stuff.

-I had terrible shakes when I first got into my recovery room. Apparently it's common from the epidural.

-All modesty goes out the window. I've always been pretty modest/awkward when it comes to my body and who sees what, but I had to keep telling myself, these people do this every day, and see lots of boobs and vaginas. The sweet nurse who helped me to the bathroom for the first time and showed me how to use the peri bottle and pads and everything... poor woman sees a lot of gross stuff.

-Try to have a plan to treat yourself after birth, if you can. I had a 46 hour induction, so I was HANGRY when I got to recovery. My parents went across the street and got us Red Lobster, which threw in a free chocolate cake when they heard I just gave birth. It was one of the best things I've ever eaten... and also helped my first poop come along without any problems, LOL. I brought chocolate covered strawberries to a friend after she gave birth, and she and her husband were so grateful to have something that felt special afterwards.

-Yes, you will still look pregnant. When I went to pick up my ibuprofen prescription, the tech at Walgreens asked if I was pregnant, and I had to say, "nope, I actually just had my baby."

-It's never been a problem in my life, but I really had to stop and think and plan to make sure I was eating and drinking. It may have contributed to my lack of milk production, but I just felt so overwhelmed and busy that I didn't really focus on food/water. Hoping to plan better for that this time around.

-I questioned everything in those first few weeks. I relied on Dr Google and my bump group a lot to find out what was normal and make sure there wasn't something wrong with my baby. Pediatrician visits were super helpful as well. Just don't feel weird if everything doesn't feel "natural."

-There will be phases that are more difficult than others. You may get in a groove on week 2 and feel great, and then the witching hour begins on week 4 and you feel like you were crazy for having a baby and that this is life now... and then once you get through that, you may feel like a rockstar mom who has a handle on everything. Going day by day is all I could do, and even the days run together. Ultimately, it's a very short time of our lives and it all gets easier.

-I couldn't help but resent my husband for a bit. He went back to work at week 2-3, so I felt like I needed to not put much on him at home and with the baby, since he had to focus on work and I didn't. But then I felt like his life had gone back to normal, and mine was completely different.

-Talk and check in! My bump group and middle of the night check-ins reminded me that I was not alone, and others were going through the same emotions, problems, and victories.

-Do not make big plans for your maternity leave. I thought I'd be going to lunches with friends and working on things around the house... I WAS WRONG. It was a victory to shower and feed myself sometimes.

-Finally, things did not go as planned at all for me, regardless of my type A planning and wishes. DS1 was in the NICU for the first week of his life. Only 4 people could be on the list of visitors, so that was my parents. That meant my brother, SILs, any other family/friends couldn't see the baby if they came to the hospital, so we really didn't have any visitors. No cute outfits or hospital pics. It was heartbreaking for me to go back to my room without a baby, when I could hear other babies in the rooms nearby. I felt like I had to be there for every feeding every 3 hours, but the nurses and DH had to reason with me that I needed rest too. It was really tough, but ultimately a quickly learned lesson that children can be unpredictable, and that it's important to take care of yourself for this person who relies on you to keep them alive.

kantobean · January 2020

@miss.sally I am also in the “didn’t lose weight while breastfeeding” camp. In fact, aside from the 8 pounds of baby and maybe 2-4 pounds of fluid and stuff, I didn’t lose any of the pregnancy weight until I stopped BFing. Even then, only a few pounds came off. I didn’t lose it all until last year, right before getting pregnant again. Lol

puppylove8910 · January 2020

@mrsvp614 the shakes are very common with med free births as well! I totally forgot about this until you mentioned it. I had the shakes for quite a few hours after delivery. It was crazy!

orbmaker · January 2020

Hi all! Haven’t really been around and it seems like we’ve got most everything covered, but one tip I didn’t notice:

Whej you’re first working on latching/getting into a BF groove w/ baby (if that’s your plan), be sure you DON’T use too much lanolin/nipple balm. My nips were so sore after that first night that when the nurse brought me some lanolin (with no instructions), I was like great!, thanks, and slathered it on. The lactation consult told me the next day that you really only need/want it on the nipple itself (not the areola), cos otherwise your babe is trying to latch on a slip and slide.

puppylove8910 · January 2020

Even as a STM, reading through this information is incredibly helpful and something I know I'll refer back to while going through the post partum phase....again... Haha!

momoftoddlers · January 2020

Posted in wrong thread. Sorry!

momoftoddlers · January 2020

Download a baby tracker app that you can sync to your partner’s phone too. Use it to track feedings (formula ounces or which breast and how long), diaper changes, meds, etc. Super helpful if your brain is foggy and also if you need to show the pediatrician or lactation consultant.

EmilyLove25 · January 2020

@momoftoddlers EXCELLENT advice! I totally should have mentioned that. If you are breastfeeding, an app that tracks it (and which side) is invaluable. I use "Baby Nursing" and it works just fine!

kailanae · January 2020

I tracked feeds and bowel movements on Google Sheets with a simple spreadsheet that I shared with DH too, for anyone who may not want to install another app for it.

Though I'm sure there are plenty of good apps for this purpose, DH and I like using Sheets for all sorts of different things we like to keep track of. Plus it is neat that I can go back and see the trends for DS1 and DS2 without needing to worry about whether or not I still had the same app and that it still worked.

stac4056 · January 2020

A lot of great advice already mentioned and I would second almost all of it!! Most notably though, or if there's anything new I can contribute:

@miss.sally Between the PP sweating and boob leakage, I'm thinking of getting a Peapod mat for my bed that I will later use in nighttime potty training! And I was also going to come here to say whoever says breastfeeding melts the baby weight away really got my hopes up in a bad way. I was at least AS ravenous if not more while breastfeeding as I was pregnant. My stomach takes a while to go down, even going back to work still got congratulations, and when are you due comments. And both times it took me about 10-12 months for my hips to go back to pre-preg size, like you mentioned. So I have some in between sizes that get me through that first year.

@mrsc918 My scheduled c-section recovery was WAY better than my personal vaginal (forceps, really) experience. The amount of vaginal bleeding after the surgery surprised me. I wasn't allowed to get up for 10 hours or so after the surgery while the spinal wore off completely, so when I was finally able to stand and walk to the restroom assisted by the nurse, blood hit the floor and I almost fainted, my blood pressure nosedived and scared the crap out of the nurse. My midsection felt a ton sloshier than from my vaginal experience, and the hospital provided a binder which I liked so much better than a BellyBandit I had purchased for my first PP that never even fit. The hospital version held me together but was way more flexible than the BellyBandit and I wore it for weeks PP. Second @uno_mas about staying ahead of the pain with the meds for the first week at least.

For pooping, I was prepared for the first one to be difficult which I had heard a lot about, but not prepared for the couple times I pooped myself after my vaginal birth due to taking Colace and having a 3rd degree tear. Maybe that was just me!!
@varimama I too had to have a larger pair of shoes brought to me to leave the hospital, so much swelling.
Breastmilk can go on anything, I used it a lot in place of the salves on my nipples (just dab it around and let it dry on there), sprayed it on baby's face if they got a scratch, or in the corner of their eye if they get a clogged duct.
My second was easy to please, so this may bite me in the rear, but read the baby above all else, the clock, the books, other people's advice. I look at the 2-3 hour feed as a minimum, but if my baby cries, the first thing I try is the boob, maybe just the comfort is all they would need at the time. However, when it comes time to relay the info to pediatrician, the tracking sheets would be helpful!!