Introducing Babies and Pets:

pirateduck · December 2019

Every pet is different, what works for one, may not work for another.

Please start with an intro, what pets do you have at home, breeds, ages, and did you have specific behavior concerns?
What are things that can be done BEFORE you bring your baby home to prep you pets?
What are signs you looked for in your pets that made you feel things were going well?
What are warning signs you looked for in your pets to indicate that things were NOT going well?
Do you have areas of your home that are off limits to pets, like the nursery? How do you enforce this?
How has your routine changed having both a baby and pets?
What was it like the day you came home from the hospital? Were your pets there? Did they stay with someone else while you were in the hospital? How did they react? Did you do anything special?

FTMs feel free to add questions for any moms who have been through this before.

mamaj1220 · December 2019

When DS was born I had my husky (he has sadly passed) and our cat (who also went over the rainbow bridge). The husky I was nervous about because he had super high prey drive (he took out a 50 lbs tom turkey because it ran from him) and even though he loved the cat, we had to keep them separated for a while because D would try to carry him around. That being said, D learned really fast that the baby was not to be messed with. He slept by his pack and play and when DS would cry he would come looking for me and basically drag me to the baby. He was really good with him which was a relief. That being said D had been taught that I was the alpha and knew not to touch things in the house without me saying so. The cat was less impressed and didn't even pay attention until DS was moving around and then would just kind of watch.

This go around we have a different cat and dog. Our dog is a chiweenie and is DS' BFF. They do everything together, except once he is sleeping she moves onto to my bed and sleeps with me. She is 18 months and we got her super early, she shouldn't have been taken from her mom that soon, so she has basically been hand raised. Honestly my only concern is that she is super protective of DS and I worry she will be of the baby. Like I mean DF and DS can't wrestle without her getting in between them because she thinks he is crying so I am wondering how she will react to a newborn. I am honestly thinking she will spend all night with DS at that point, she likes her sleep lol. The cat is 2.5 and was born in DS lap (best story ever) and again hand raised (his mom got out about two days after they were born and was hit by a car). He is pretty aloof to a lot of people other than me, he did get a good kick from the baby last night and looked pretty offended at me haha, but with him I am more worried he is going to be a cat and try and sleep in all the baby's stuff. We will probably bring a hat home for them to smell after baby is born and before we come home but we do not leave it we let them smell it and take it back so they know it is not theirs but that way they will know the smell. Also we are getting all the baby gates to allow separation, our dog is sweet but so small, I need her to know she has safe places when baby comes to get away if she wants (she does not have a crate, she is terrified of them-it was kind of like a puppy mill situation)

pirateduck · December 2019

@mamaj1220 you bring up a really good point, sometimes it is not that we need to protect the kids from the pets, but sometimes the pets need a safe spot to get away from the kids.

I don't have a baby yet, but one thing we did in our home, which I highly recommend if you have cats, is to install a cat door into a room. For us it's the laundry room, but it could be your basement or a closet or whatever works in your home. The cats have a safe space they can get away, the litter box is behind a door that babies and dogs cannot easily get too, their food and bed can be in there too, and the cats can come and go as they please.

queenklau · December 2019

We have an almost 5 year old cockapoo, and my mom brings her now ten year old Bichon Frise to visit regularly.

My cockapoo was 2 yo when my DD was born. No specific behavioral issues, he was just not a good walker. We spend a good 6 months focusing on teaching him to walk on the leash right. Also, we had designated areas where he was not allowed to enter: the nursery, the kitchen since day 1. When we trained him we made sure he knew who was in charge, we would take away his food, put our hands in his bowls to get him used to what the baby would do. We made clear baby toys were off-limits and to the day he only plays with his own.

Once baby was born we brought the baby hat for the dog to smell, not sure if it did any good. Dog got used to the cries and the baby being around. Always under supervision. When I went into labor, we left the dog at home and had a few friends stop by to check on him.

He is an angel with our now 3 yo DD and I think he will continue to be with #2!

brettanomyces · December 2019

I don’t remember prepping my pets at all for my first baby. Baby furniture would have been off limits for pets from the beginning but I don’t even remember any of them trying to get into anything. They adapted just fine.

Once babies became mobile we had we had to stay on top of them to make sure they didn’t grab a handful of fur.

mamaj1220 · December 2019

@pirateduck he has his safe space down the hall to where we are moving DS room (I am gating it off) that is where his liter is already in the back corner of the the hallway by the storage closet. And we have a pretty open kitchen/living room which I want to gate off once baby is more mobile so the baby will have the living room and into the nursery (I have a thing about not letting kids into the kitchen until they are a little older because there are so many accidents waiting to happen) so the dog and cat will have their space to get to whenever they want to get away.

drkoyya · December 2019

I have a very protective cat. Now that I’m pregnant she’s even more temperamental with anyone who isn’t DH or myself. Frankly, I’m really worried about what she’ll be like with the baby. I’ve googled everything and will introduce baby things to her over time. I’m really hoping she’ll consider the baby an extension of me and not a squishy stranger.

mamaj1220 · December 2019

@drkoyya I think a lot of the time they do, I think that is why introducing DS to my husky was so smooth, he saw the baby as a part of me so he knew he was to protect him as well. Honestly my cat is more my worry this time too because I hand raised him, he really thinks he is a baby too but I am hoping that he will be okay too with slowly changing things and letting him get used to the baby's stuff being around.

pirateduck · December 2019

@mamaj1220 sooooo when I was going through fertility stuff and struggling with life and wondering if I was even able to have children, that's when I got my one cat (as a kitten). So in a messed up way he's been my baby all this time. I'm not sure what he'll make of a human baby! He turns 3 right around the baby's due date. He's very friendly, but very much my boy.

mamaj1220 · December 2019

@pirateduck yeah he is kind of my baby too, I feel for him because to him I am mom, I bottle fed him and his siblings and taught them how to "Cat" so I am not sure what he is going to do. I am more worried he will cry while I am in the hospital, he greets me like a dog or person when I walk through the door and he has a very set routine with me.

pirateduck · December 2019

I'm hoping since the time of year baby arrives is the time of year my baby cat gets to go outside hunting more that this will be good for him. Right now all he does is lay by the fire or snuggle in bed, but in spring and summer when we have more daylight and more rodents he gets to roam a lot more of the time, which should keep him busy.

mamaj1220 · December 2019

Yeah our cat does not go outside, after his mom was hit on our road, I just can't risk it.

bananapanda · December 2019

We have a golden retriever who was about 1.5 when we brought DD1 home. I know goldens are generally great family dogs so I wasn't too worried, but I was cautious because you just never know how dogs will react and also just due to his size (he's 100lb). My parents stayed at our house with him while we were in the hospital. When we came home we let him sniff the baby and gave him lots of love. He was very curious about her and wanted to be right by her from the first moment we took her out of her car seat. He would lay by her swing or rock n play or lay on the bed right next to the bassinet watching her. I was very cautious the first couple weeks when I would get up in the middle of the night to go pee and he would be in bed right by the bassinet. I left our bedroom door open so I could watch him the whole time. I never left her on the floor near him alone when she was tiny just because I was afraid he might accidentally hurt her. He has always been super cautious then when jumping up on the bed etc and usually wouldn't even come up near the head of the bed if he knew she was in bed.

I do feel guilty that our dog gets less attention after we brought her home, but we started sending him to daycare about once a week to get some energy out which seems to help. He would sometimes take her toys or teethers if they were left where he could get them, but nothing too serious. He's always been super patient with DD and she has been fascinated with him since day 1. There's nothing cuter than a girl and her dog:)

rox7777 · December 2019

I got my older cat at the same time I found out I was pregnant with DS2. I never had to do anything with her. DS1 was 2 at the time and she’s a pretty laidback cat. I sprayed her with a water bottle a few times because she liked to try to get in the crib before DS2 was born, but we’ve set up the crib and she hasn’t gone near it. We have a 1.5 year old cat we got last year. She’s a busybody and we’re having trouble with her getting in the crib, so we’ll see how she adapts. She’s great with kids and is used to DS2 who is 4 and quite rough. We also have a 60lb bull dog mix. She’s awesome with kids and a great mama dog, but we have a gate to keep her out of the bedrooms. All of my animals are used to babies though, we regularly keep a 4 month old and 18 month old.

I will say my bull dog has been acting out a lot the past few months and her anxiety is pretty high. She was a breeder dog before we adopted her, so I’m not sure if it’s related to me being pregnant or not. She does fine around babies, so I’m hoping it’s just the stress of me being pregnant worrying her.

miss_lynn9 · December 2019

I have a 10 year old Chihuahua who is our baby. She follows me everywhere and very never leaves my side if I'm down or feeling sick. She also gets jealous if I am giving another animal or child my attention. And she gets depressed to the point where she won't eat for days. I'm worried about how she will handle it when baby is here and my attention will be on baby and not her.

soprano19 · January 2020

We have two cats who are currently 8 and 6. I don’t think we did anything special to prepare them when DD was born, but they are both pretty chill and “people-y” cats. We had also just moved into our house about two weeks before she was born, but I’m not sure whether that made the transition easier or harder for them. We probably won’t go out of our way to do anything special this time either, having seen how they responded to DD coming home.

rachelg777 · January 2020

We have a cat on the feistier end of cats (not mean, but loves to play rough). We never did anything special other than keep on eye on him. I wouldn't leave him on the floor with the cat in the room initially, for example. He ended up being super protective of DS as a baby and whenever he would cry he would run around the room freaking out and would run up trying to lick and sniff him. He is incredibly tolerant of him now.

pirateduck · January 2020

@rachelg777 this is comforting, one of our cats is feisty and hates everyone and everything except my husband.

queenklau · January 2020

In general, unless your pet has serious behavioral issues, they will adjust to the baby. What I wouldn’t suggest is getting a new pet or trying to rescue a pet while pregnant or with a small baby. My good friend rescued a dog and soon after she found out she was pregnant. The dog had serious issues and needed a lot of work prior to the baby arriving, she had to rehome her, and although it was the right/safe thing, it was very sad. Rescuing a dog requires serious dedication, patience and a safe space for the animal. It takes time, something you don’t have with a newborn.

catem07 · January 2020

I found this on a thread when I was due with my first.

The Basics:
1. If you don't already do any training, start with some basics. Sit, wait, stay, etc. I use "clicker" training but my voice (a high pitched YES!) is the "clicker". Get a high-quality special treat. There are lots of youtubes, but basically, you say the command (Sit), give a motion with treat in hand and then YES! and treat when they do it. Lots of repetition until you can wean the hand motion, then wean the treat and you can tell pup to sit anywhere in the house and she does, even if treats aren't involved. It does take a while to get there, but SO worth it!
2. Walk your dog, every day if possible. Even if they get "exercise" somewhere else, walking sets up a great dog-human relationship and will help with all behaviors. They do need to walk nicely on leash, but that's a LOT of work and a whole post on its own! Even 10-15 minutes is better than nothing.
3. Dogs can learn or re-learn by positive association. In other words, yummy food! So if a friend brings over a baby, you treat and treat and treat so pup thinks "wow, babies are amazing, I get so much food!" Dog doesn't like when you snuggle DH, treat and treat and treat while you snuggle so dog thinks it's the best! I love having a treat belt (it's like a fanny pack and costs about $10 at pet stores) to put on if there's anything new I want Torii to feel comfortable with.
Specific commands for baby-prep:
4. "Settle". Point to pup's bed and say "settle". That means she is to go there and lay down. My dog has now a good stay (45 minutes at least), so then I put her in a stay if I need to. This gives her a place to be and a job. We have a dog bed in all the important rooms, although you could even use a folded blanket. When DD was little, that included the nursery. So you can imagine, I'm trying to change the runny diaper of a screaming newborn, pup gets nervous, gets underfoot, everyone is stressed, I yell at dog, dog has bad association with screaming baby. So instead, we tell pup "settle" before we start and then she gets praise and treats during what could be a stressful situation, giving her a positive association. Also very helpful if you will have more visitors over to meet baby.
5. "Leave it". To teach this, put leash on, toss a treat on the ground far enough that it can't be reached and give a strong, deep "leave it". The second pup looks at you, YES! and treat. Repeat over and over, eventually getting rid of leash. We taught leave it with every. single. baby toy that came into the house while pregnant. 3 years later and Torii still knows not to go near the kiddo's stuff. This is especially important if pup is used to having stuffed toys to play with. They won't know the difference between their's and baby toys.
Other ways to prep/considerations:
6. Stop "free-feeding". Feed pup on a schedule. Pick the bowl up after a certain amount of time (5 minutes). This is to avoid any issues with dog becoming upset and even just anxious when your crawling baby discovers the food bowl. We learned that we didn't need to pick up with empty bowl, because our dog has shown zero concern or notice if DD touches it, but we waited a long time to make sure. Set your dog up for success and don't give her a reason to get jealous or nervous. Plus, feeding time become a great time to make pup show off all their tricks before they eat!
7. Try to help pup get used to all the noises and gear they may hear with baby and give positive associations (remember, yummy, special food) with those! Play babies crying on youtube. If you have a noise machine, a swing that moves, etc. Again, another great training opportunity ("puppy sit! YES!" Then play a noise for a while, as puppy stays calm, YES! and treat).
8. Don't leave your pup alone with baby. Ever. We do now, but again, DD is 3. We've had a lot of time to observe them together and for them to develop a great relationship. I would just hate to put my pup in a situation where they aren't successful and it's not really their fault.
9. Have guests all give pup a treat when they enter (once barking is stopped, if you have a talker). If they aren't dog people, they can even just toss it on the bed for pup to find.
10. If you have a jealous pup, practice putting pup in his "settle" spot and then rock and sing to a "baby" of blankets or a stuffed animal. Don't look at the pup at ALL but toss treats to him the whole time. With a newborn, you'll spend a lot of time either nursing or bottle feeding. You don't want pup to be jealous, you want them to think "yes, mom's doing that thing with the baby again, I get a snack!!!" Work up to pup "settling" and being chill for 30 minutes (start small).
11. This was the absolute hardest for us. When baby is sleeping (FINALLY) - ignore your dog. Tough, right? So, this comes from positive associations again. Dog will think "finally, that baby disappeared, NOW I can finally get some attention around here." A negative association will start to form. You want pup to think this baby is the best thing that ever happened. So you can't put baby down and immediately turn to pup to love on her tons. It will backfire. Instead, baby wakes up crying (instant YES! and treat), invite pup with you to get the baby. Baby being awake is when treats and meals happen. If you can manage, put baby in a carrier to toss the ball or tug or whatever puppy loves at least now and then so they think "baby is around, I get to play!"
12. Pup is ALWAYS allowed to walk away from a situation. Never force your dog to be sat on, tugged on, in a loud room, in a photo, etc. They get to leave if they are nervous as being nervous AND trapped can lead to aggression (flight or fight). Watch for cues like ears back, licking lips, yawning. These all signal being afraid. Along these lines, once you have a crawler, dog's bed is 100% always off-limits to baby. Pup deserves a safe place where they won't be disturbed.
13. Finally, even if you don't plan on it, a LOT of people end up with baby in their bed at some point. I know we were in the "never-ever co-sleep" camp. Uhhhhh, yeah right. Anyway, just make sure you know, besides other safe co-sleeping practices, that animals are not safe in bed with you and baby. If you think this will be an issue, better to get them in their own bed (on the ground) now, rather than after baby is born.

pirateduck · January 2020

@catem07 Thank you so much for sharing this. I feel better. The pup I am most worried about has gone through most of this training before and this helps me see how it will translate to life with baby. My dog also likes having a job to do, so I think she will actually love being rewarded for checking on the crying baby and will adapt well to this mission and positive associations. In the past she was taught to "check the chickens" and now she views them as treat dispensers instead of potential food/prey. A chicken could land on her back now and she wouldn't touch it. We have done clicker training in our home guided by a personal trainer (again, former problem dog, terrified rescue, but very smart and attached to her people) and if anyone wants help or tips regarding clicker training or the behaviors offered in the above post, I can certainly share a bit more from that experience. Teaching a dog to "settle" as the previous post calls it is huge. My dog knows she is meant to lie down and be still and calm in stressful situations, and I can tell sometimes it takes every ounce of self control she has. It started with training her to go to a specific spot (we used a towel on the floor) and lay calmly in a specific position for increasing lengths of time. It was hard at first, but now she does this deliberately on her own and it's great.

catem07 · January 2020

@pirateduck We don't have a dog, but my mom does so I saved this. I feel so bad for dogs who aren't set up for success with babies and then get re-homed because the family doesn't have time to deal with it.

If your (general you) dog is poorly behaved, deal with it and train it now, because you won't have time after baby comes. Those little annoyances like jumping are going to be more than little annoyances when you walk in the house arms full with a baby.

m6agua · January 2020

We had gotten a dog right after I found out I was pregnant, so like 4 weeks. He is a coonhound and was 1 year old at the time and found as a stray, so no real history. We worked really hard at training him in the 9 months before the baby came. We boarded him while we were at the hospital, came home with DD, settled in for a few hours and then picked him up. We did the smell thing with her hat and also had gates up so he couldn't get into the living room. I would stand holding DD on one side while he was on the other. I let him sniff a lot, the hard part was when he would jump up to get a closer smell. He was large and didn't always realize his size so sometimes when he jumped the paws would hurt. We used the gates to separate a lot and over time would let him be closer to her. As she got older and more mobile it was more just making sure I would always be watching. Overall he was great with DD, she would crawl into his bed, pet him, pull his big ears, etc and he was fine. We did lots of walks together. Sometimes he would knock her down when walking because of not realizing his size. But overall it was just fine. We ended up rehoming him after 2 years (DD was about 15 months) for many reasons including my health, our cat, our schedules. We found the perfect home for him and he has been thriving with her. It was really the best for everyone all around, including our dog.

Like I said we have a cat as well who was about 4 at the time. He is a 15lb blue point siamese cat, not fat, just large (bigger than some small dogs). Overall he is a scaredy cat and will hide if anyone else is in the house besides DH and I. He also isn't really a cuddler. At the time, since we had the dog, our cat pretty much just stayed upstairs since we had been unable to get the two animals to coexist yet. We brought up a blanket from DD for him to smell and just added it to our bed. Then let him sniff her always supervised. He pretty much just stayed away most of the time. Once we rehomed our dog is when we really started to notice a huge difference in our cat and his bonding with DD. Now, DD is 3 and our cat puts up with a lot from her. It is awesome seeing their bond. He lets her hug him and pet him and they play together. It is nice that he doesn't run away from her. I would say I've really noticed this bond in just the last year, which was about a year after rehoming our dog.

Prior to having DD we did a few training things with the cat. He never attempted to jump into the crib, probably due to his size. But he would jump up on the changing table, every time we caught him, we would make him get down immediately. That way he knew this wasn't his space.

mamaqdubu · January 2020

We have a 6 yr old goldendoodle. he was 3 when DS1 came home. he (thankfully) is wonderful with my boys. We always knew we would have kids so we started when he was a puppy handling him in ways that babies would so he could get used to it, and it definitely paid off. Played with his tail when eating, played with his feet, his ears, his fur. By the time DS1 could crawl they were already good buddies. But as much as i trust both my kids and my dog, I'm always keeping an eye out for signs. It takes A LOT of toddler interaction before my dog has enough, but I can tell as soon as he stands up and stops licking them that he's had enough and I'll tell the kids to give him space. My dog is also very good at removing himself from situations he's not enjoying and going to a different part of the house. I'm very lucky, and realize others may not be.

*TW dog bites*
I know this a PSA that every has heard before, but from 2 first hand experiences with friends who were *convinced* their dogs were also totally fine with their kids and the kids got bit. One of them lead to a very severe bacterial infection on a 10 month old. It can be very small signs that can lead to a dog bite which is incredibly sad for both the family & the dog. If you have any inclination that your dog isn't going to be good with kids, or has showed signs of aggression or being easily agitated, please get them temperament tested by a professional who can evaluate them. It's a very sad thing to do, but it could save a kid's and a dog's life if it isn't a good fit.

lfritos · January 2020

These are really great tips! The other thing we did was use our dog (we have a black lab who is amazing with DD) to help teach DD how to treat dogs. We didn’t let her play rough, we taught her to respect our dogs space, she wasn’t allowed on the dogs bed or crate. We know we can trust our dog but DD will encounter other dogs and it will be important for her to know how to treat them. As she got older we taught her gentle touch, how to let a dog sniff you first. All things to hopefully help with other dogs.

pirateduck · January 2020

@lfritos thank you for mentioned teaching your daughter! It’s very much about teaching your kids to be good around dogs because while you may be able to train your dog, you can’t train everyone else’s dogs! Kids always want to pet my one dog that doesn’t like strangers and has virtually no experience around kids. I don’t like to let anyone pet her as it makes her extremely uncomfortable if she doesn’t know them. I like to tell kids they need to whisper so the dog isn’t scared and also instead of saying to be gentle, which is vague to a toddler, I say that first we have to pet her with just one finger. There’s no way to grab or smack a dog with one finger. If all goes well then we use two fingers, and move up from there. Also I don’t allow kids I don’t know to pet her head, I pick a safer spot like her side or chest and tells kids it’s her favorite spot.

ruby696 · January 2020

@lfritos That is such a great point. All dogs have their breaking point and they shouldn't be expected to endure hours of grabbing and tugging. It's so important for toddlers to learn how to treat dogs.

pourmeanothermocktail · January 2020

We have a 10 year old mini dachshund (11 lbs) and a 2 year old pitbull (80 lbs). They're the odd couple for sure!

When I had my oldest it was just the dachshund, and he was almost 7. I knew he was not terrified of kids-he'd met some toddlers who dropped food-so that's always a huge plus! But he could be nervous, so we introduced him to all of the baby things early-car seat, swing, stroller, crib-especially the stroller. He was nervous of it for a while, so I'm glad we got him used to it before asking him to go on a walk. He was my baby at the time, and I ended up gone out of the house for two solid weeks for the birth, but my husband brought him up to the hospital grounds (outside only), to see me, smell my different smells, and sniff baby blankets. He personally claimed my son and watched him from a foot away for the first several months. Once baby was crawling he was more nervous, but mealtimes made dog feel better too, lol!!

We have been very careful to teach both kids from probably only 8 months old to set appropriately and gently, giving demonstrations. Our younger dog was 6 months old when we adopted him, and I was 3 months pregnant with our second. At least he was house broken!

He loved our first from the get go, and they both learned together how to be gentle (ish), and we were able to teach them how to play chase games, because they love it, and now that our son is 3.5 he can even start to see when Spock the dog is starting to get done, and we've taught him "when a dog growls, we stop and back up, and leave them alone." I think us being very careful to not blame the dog for asking for space or lightly defending themselves (growling or showing teeth), when kids are being too much. We supervise and make sure dogs each have a safe space to go when either dog is done with kids or kids are done with rowdy dog. Our dogs always get treats and toys in their crates so they know it's not a punishment. Or sometimes they get to hang out in our office with door closed to get time away.

What was very important was teaching them to stay on the couch during meals, or again, any quick stressful situation, so at least I can deal with one thing at a time.

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