Yayyyy I have one that I was thinking about recently that your gif reminded me of lol. I think it's ridiculous when people who don't go to church/have religion as part of their lives have a church wedding and/or get their children baptized. And I find it extra gross that the church always goes along with it if the family gives a big enough "donation." Really only talking about Christianity here, with an especially side eye towards the Catholic Church. And for clarification, I'm a person who does not go to church and did not have a church wedding. So I judge.
@meanjellybean I agree with you, kind of. Our BFFs had both of their children christened (my bestie's DD is my goddaughter). They're not religious but it was important to his family and they chose to be respectful of that. So, we all flew out of state to be at his mom's church for the ceremony.
I can see why families go through with it in situations like that. The church welcoming folks makes sense, to me, in all circumstances because the church should have open arms to all who want to be there and, I guess, there's always the chance folks (people in attendance or the couple holding the ceremony) could decide to start coming to service regularly after getting married there.
@blaf322 that's awesome that you did that for your bff and your goddaughter, I totally would have done the same. People always have different reasons for wanting to go that route, and there's nothing necessarily wrong about it, I guess it just seems like a pretty big statement to make about yourself and your life, when they don't plan to actually make religion part of their lives. I grew up going to church and so did my husband, but I would have felt like such a phony standing in a church and saying those vows. And I've been to enough church weddings and baptisms/christenings to know that the partners/parents usually take vows agreeing to raise their children in the church, etc. And the only people I know who actually do that are people were already church-going before marriage/kids.
@meanjellybean people can be culturally Christian without believing in the religion. I imagine that’s lots of people these days, they like the traditions or the traditions are important to family members so they continue them. I don’t know about the donation piece. Lots of churches do charge for wedding services but when I was doing wedding planning the cost was always well below other venues. A church wedding was important to us so paying for hours of use of a church we weren’t a member of (DH and I grew up in different traditions, the church we picked was a happy medium that honored his background, Lutheran, but was LGBTQ inclusive, which was important to us both) didn’t bother me. It’s a building with expenses like any other. And it wasn’t a “donation,” it was a cost to use the space that was widely published.
Ive never heard of donations in order to be christened. But then I can’t really imagine a christening at a church or at least a denomination you don’t belong to? I’m sure it’s common for families to give in honor of the christening day but those are folks that might normally give to a church anyway. I’ve never heard of it as Pay This and we’ll christen your kid. Christening wasn’t a thing in my family but it’s important to DH. My FIL is a retired pastor so we’re just gonna have him do the baptism at our house. I’m not really a denomination person anymore, so I don’t really put a value on a specific church’s blessing.
@meanjellybean also, one thing I didn’t realize until I was looking at church venues, was that some churches (think of the really pretty ones) struggle because everyone wants to get married there. They want their calendar available for member weddings/funerals, etc, and for those there’s no charge for the space. But they do charge non-members, in some ways it’s to maybe cut down on the number of folks flooding the church for a one day event, and I’m sure in other ways it’s to “pay for” the lost opportunity for members to use the space. Christenings would be different though, since they’re usually part of a traditional service.
As a general note, we love the church we’re members of. But the sanctuary is ugly. Last updated in maybe 1975, sometime when polyester was hip. Hence, my church venue hunt. I’m unashamed to admit A church was important to me but MY church was not pretty enough for that day. 🤷♀️😂
@rachelredhead I don't think it's ever required that non-member (or maybe even church member) families donate to have their children christened/baptized... but, as far as I'm aware, it's absolutely customary to give more than just the normal tithing someone would give on a regular Sunday as a sort of thank you to the church for the time spent focusing on your occasion/child. I would expect your church sees the same type of donations when non-members come in for baptisms/christenings.
@meanjellybean I agree with you and I’m one of those people. I don’t regret having my son baptized because it was more for the tradition of having it done in the same church we all were, my parents were married there, etc. But I’m debating even doing it for this baby. Quite honestly, we’re not very religious at all. We don’t go to church and I hated everything about dealing with the Catholic Church through the whole process.
FFFC - I may have milked being tired a bit too much with H last night causing him to clean up the entirety of dinner...and then pregnancy hormones made me feel bad about that which also spiraled into big omg what am I doing with my life thoughts that led to me weeping for the final 45 minutes of the night which was no fun for anyone.
Also, part FFFC/part question - anyone else having crazy sex dreams? I had one last night (it involved Milo Ventimiglia which I'm not mad about ) and it has definitely not been my first since becoming pregnant/is not in my usual dream repertoire.
@blaf322 my church doesn’t really do christenings. It’s a progressive congregation and not super liturgical so a lot of the traditional things aren’t center stage. They’d baptize the baby if a couple asked, but I more frequently see baby dedications (ie. 5 mins of prayer and baby cooing, no baptism). I’m sure if folks do that they might give a little extra that day in honor of the blessing? Or if you invited family maybe those family members might give in honor of the day. But it’s not a big deal at our church at all so who knows. I’m sure other churches have more established expectations/customs around it. But that isn’t really “paying” to get christened/baptized. It’s just a customary thing and nobody would know, typically, if you gave or not.
@kristinl492 I’m sorry your previous experience was such a headache. I do think the Catholic Church has far more expectations around the ceremony so it would be hard to step into that just for one ceremony. My nieces are being raised Catholic and I’m godmother to youngest and as a non-Catholic I found the whole process interesting but also kinda...extra? I dunno, sometimes the pomp and circumstance feels a bit hollow to me. But I’m sure folks would say something similar about where I worship, too. To each their own.
hope this baby’s christening/non-christening experience is better for everyone!
Backstory: Every year, we get an Edible Arrangement from one of our manufacturers (along with tons of other sweets/treats from others). We have a new guy that has been eating all our treats like he's the only one and everyone is annoyed because they usually last us so much longer and not everyone is getting to try stuff.
My FFFC is that, when that Edible Arrangement finally arrives, I fully intend on letting them think it's him that's gobbling that up too when it'll totally be me. I love all the chocolate covered fruit!
@blaf322 We've had a diminishment certainly but not vastly more so than normal (although normal pre TTC was certainly different than TTC sex frequency). But man my dream mind has gone there a lot, H finds it entertaining more than anything but I didn't fill him in on the details of the last dream lol...
@pocketrose I actually woke up furious with DH this morning because in my dream he was married to me and some other woman and he was having sex with her after I gave birth because I didn’t want to have sex. He cracked up when I told him this morning and assured me I am his only wife but I’m still irrationally mad at him??
I’ve had several spicy dreams since BFP. I’ve also woken up in the middle of the night a couple times super horny but DH is snoring away. He swears I can wake him up in that case but so far I’ve avoided that. Super weird.
@rachelredhead I've also had dreams about H where I wake up mad at him because of the dream (or worse, one time in a dream I accidently pushed him off our roof but in my dream it went from 3 stories to 10 and I killed him and I woke up crying basically. He found it amusing).
@meanjellybean My very devoutly Catholic H and I (comfortably agnostic), were married in a Catholic Church, by a Priest. This required me to convert to Catholicism via months of weekly classes - which I attended with an open heart & mind.
The reason I did this wasn’t bc I loved the venue or wanted to present a false image to anyone (although it was gorgeous), but bc I loved my husband - and it was a VERY big deal to him and his family, and a small concession on my side to make.
We didn’t have mass as part of the ceremony (I wanted the ceremony to be inclusive for all), and I personally scrubbed all the vows; never did I say anything disingenuous or feel like a phony. We did make a substantial donation. But we divvy up $ to various causes each year. I don’t recall them asking for it, but instead as we spent more time there and saw how large the operating losses were - we wanted to.
In big urban areas in particular, it seems attendance has dropped and congregations have aged, so tithings have fallen. Also, all the molestation settlements don’t come cheap... and cost of living keeps rising. As @rachelredhead mentioned, a church is a business too and must net out in the black fo stay operational.
@pretzellover I think it makes total sense that you and your H did that. Converting and going through with the Catholic ceremony was clearly extremely meaningful and I'm glad you were able to do it in a way that felt right for both of you and your families. I'm talking about couples where neither are religious and have no connection to the church they select. It may as well be any other venue. And so in that way I'm not really talking about your situation either @rachelredhead because you attend church so it would make total sense that getting married in a church etc would be a natural fit - not necessarily your specific church. As for all the donation stuff, sorry, still sounds gross to me. But that probably says more about my view of religion in general than anything else.
May be guilty of getting an extra appointment today due to some spotting(that’s much better now) but still wanted to go in just to hopefully hear the little bean. So hoping for a good appt! (The triage nurse called it a reassurance appointment. Which sounds better than “crazy FTM freaking out over every little thing” 😂) also told H we should just move in next door to the office.
y'all... update on the treat over-eater. He just left (he works part time) and he ate four more individually wrapped cookies today! They're those bigger gourmet cookies and, apparently, he's been going into the break room and then shame eating them in the men's restroom after bahaha... dead!
ETA- I have no clue why I'm so invested in this, but my coworker, who can see everything going on, is telling me all that's happening and I can't help but be interested
@meanjellybean I’ve been to quite a few catholic baptisms in different churches and every time I remember the parents had to vow to raise their kids In the Catholic Church or something along those lines. So I have to assume either the parents really do intend to start going to church once they have kids, or else they’re just lying to the priest I guess. I also don’t find it that different from someone who is Jewish by heritage and birth but is not religious, but still has their kids do the bar/bat mitzvah. My dad for example was raised Jewish and is the least religious person I know, never ever goes to synagogue, and eats shrimp like it’s his job, but when his parents died he sat shiva and didn’t shave his face for however long (part of the religious requirement when a parent dies), and followed all of the traditions. It was out of respect to his parents because he knew it meant something to them. Maybe the religious wedding and baptism is the same for some people, they are trying to respect their family heritage. I was not baptized and my kids are not either, and we were married in a banquet hall, but I can still see why some would do those things.
My confession is I find it ridiculous and entitled to complain about people buying gifts for your kids. I hate clutter as much as the next person but I still feel incredibly lucky to have people in my life who love my kids enough to spoil them. Maybe it’s more of an unpopular opinion than a confession but it’s been bugging me this holiday season.
@pretzellover no but last night I had an amazing flying dream - haven’t had one of those in years! Dreams are definitely way more vivid than usual.
Funny about out the church wedding convo - a friend just got engaged and we were talking about venues. Someone mentioned a church wedding and I was legitimately like, “dang - I wonder how much those cost, maybe I should have considered one!” We aren’t religious at all and probably a good thing the thought never crossed my mind at the time. 😆
Also, one of the few people I’ve told is my close friend/coworker, and he immediately jokingly/seriously offered to be godfather (he’s done this every time now) - if I have any interest in becoming catholic in the next 7 months. Question: is that a thing? Do people become catholic to have godparents? Or do you have to be catholic to have godparents? Is it a legal thing at all? Would it be in poor taste to have godparents without being catholic?
Suuuper late to the party, but... re: baptisms, I guess my FFFC is that I didn't donate more than we normally do on any other Sunday. Whoops? Literally did not cross my mind. Can I blame sleep deprivation b/c we baptized DD at like 7 weeks old. We're not Catholic, so maybe that's the difference?
re: "spicy dreams" YES. Just had one involving Jason Momoa last night. ( @modoodles you must've inspired me because I remember you saying you had one about him not that long ago!)
@Pascal86 Lutherans do it, too. And I’m non-Catholic but godmother to my niece (a Catholic kid can have one non-Catholic godparent as long as the other is Catholic to balance it out 😂). It’s really your call, your kid, especially if you’re not invested in any one denomination. Some denominations might have rules about when a baptism happens, who can be a godparent, etc. But if you’re thinking more like your own ceremony or something, you can do whatever you want. Our kid will be baptized at our house and we’ll pick godparents from our family, more of a sweet gesture than anything else.
Some folks do attach additional meaning to godparents, ie. Pick someone who they also choose as legal guardian if they died. But that’s a separate legal process as far as drafting a will, discussing guardianship with that person, etc. That level of responsibility definitely isn’t assumed just by being a godparent.
+1 to the very vivid dreams! While I tell H about most of the crazy ones, I’ve been hoarding the sexy ones to myself! It doesn’t help that we are having some construction work done and literally the owner of the company is a former male model... 😜. Not like he’s into gassy and bloated pregnant chicks... but literally a girl can dream!
My FFFC is we just got back from my inlaws condo (a part-time place they bought bc it’s in the same town as 2 of their 4 kids). They’re not at all strapped for cash, and have a cleaning lady in their full-time residence... but this is the 2nd time in 6m we have visited and stayed with them and their house was just totally filthy (as in dozens of dead bugs downstairs where we stay; skin particles on their LR rug)! I vacuumed and mopped and disinfected what I could... which they pretended not to notice. Then the last night we were there, my 18m old puked ALL OVER their carpet... and while I said I was sorry... I really wasn’t; all I could think was “good, they’ll finally have to deep clean their filthy condo!”.
Of course, we will likely end up paying for ir bc we should! But it is totally worth the $.
@kristinl492 It was gross, next level dirty. I actually suggested to my DH weeks before that we get them a few cleanings for an xmas gift, but he thought it was rude. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm definitely on the spicy dream train, a few nights a week. Overall I'm having tons of super vivid dreams! Spicy ones are currently featuring Tyler C (from the Bachelorette) and Adam Driver (Star Wars, anyone?) Lol
Also, super super late to the FFFC train (what day is it today, Sunday?) But I have one I've been stewing on a bit
So we spent the holidays with my ILs and were at their place for a few days with DH siblings. I truly love my ILs, all of them, but his parents are a little crazy right now. Anyway, we're there with my nephew who is 15 mos and is a lot of fun right now, but the way my MIL and FIL and this one aunt fawned and obsessed over him every second of every day was really grating to me. We're all local, we see each other all the time, and yes he's fun and cool and we love him....but could we chill a little? The kid was so overstimulated by the end of each day and he slept horribly each night as a result (poor SIL and BIL!)
Part of my sensitivity is likely stemming from a place of, I doubt they'll treat our kid the same way (and frankly I don't really want them to) but it was just really annoying for days on end.
@mehugg I get that. Is your nephew their first/only grandchild? I noticed that my in laws (who I also generally love and they are great people) are that way with my daughter (almost 2yo) and it has always been really annoying lol. On the other hand, my parents are more chill, likely because my daughter is their 4th grandchild. And they just aren’t as “goo-goo ga-ga” over babies which I actually prefer. It’s super distracting for the kid, and after a few minutes it’s kind of like can’t we just let the baby do it’s thing and we can have an adult conversation? Lol. Why do you think they won’t be the same way over your baby?
@meanjellybean I can't tell you how much better I feel hearing someone else has this feeling! Ah, thank you. Yes, my nephew is my ILs first grandchild. I think part of why I don't think it'll be the same for mine will be the "first" factor - a baby won't be quite as new and exciting anymore. The other reason I think it will be different is because I, the mom, am not their daughter, and DH is kind of the joker of the family. They love him but rarely take him seriously, and I wonder how they're going to adjust to us as parents. Family dynamics are fun, right? I'm sure I'm also making a bigger deal out of it in my head right now after having spent a bunch of time there for Christmas.
blaf322
member
Re: FFFC 12/27
I can see why families go through with it in situations like that. The church welcoming folks makes sense, to me, in all circumstances because the church should have open arms to all who want to be there and, I guess, there's always the chance folks (people in attendance or the couple holding the ceremony) could decide to start coming to service regularly after getting married there.
Ive never heard of donations in order to be christened. But then I can’t really imagine a christening at a church or at least a denomination you don’t belong to? I’m sure it’s common for families to give in honor of the christening day but those are folks that might normally give to a church anyway. I’ve never heard of it as Pay This and we’ll christen your kid. Christening wasn’t a thing in my family but it’s important to DH. My FIL is a retired pastor so we’re just gonna have him do the baptism at our house. I’m not really a denomination person anymore, so I don’t really put a value on a specific church’s blessing.
Also, part FFFC/part question - anyone else having crazy sex dreams? I had one last night (it involved Milo Ventimiglia which I'm not mad about
I've definitely had some spicy dreams since my BFP. It must be b/c of our lack of sex since then lol
hope this baby’s christening/non-christening experience is better for everyone!
My FFFC is that, when that Edible Arrangement finally arrives, I fully intend on letting them think it's him that's gobbling that up too when it'll totally be me. I love all the chocolate covered fruit!
I’ve had several spicy dreams since BFP. I’ve also woken up in the middle of the night a couple times super horny but DH is snoring away. He swears I can wake him up in that case but so far I’ve avoided that. Super weird.
We did make a substantial donation. But we divvy up $ to various causes each year. I don’t recall them asking for it, but instead as we spent more time there and saw how large the operating losses were - we wanted to.
Jealous of you all on the sex dreams though
ETA- I have no clue why I'm so invested in this, but my coworker, who can see everything going on, is telling me all that's happening and I can't help but be interested
to vow to raise their kids In the Catholic Church or something along those lines. So I have to assume either the parents really do intend to start going to church once they have kids, or else they’re just lying to the priest I guess. I also don’t find it that different from someone who is Jewish by heritage and birth but is not religious, but still has their kids do the bar/bat mitzvah. My dad for example was raised Jewish and is the least religious person I know, never ever goes to synagogue, and eats shrimp like it’s his job, but when his parents died he sat shiva and didn’t shave his face for however long (part of the religious requirement when a parent dies), and followed all of the traditions. It was out of respect to his parents because he knew it meant something to them. Maybe the religious wedding and baptism is the same for some people, they are trying to respect their family heritage. I was not baptized and my kids are not either, and we were married in a banquet hall, but I can still see why some would do those things.
Funny about out the church wedding convo - a friend just got engaged and we were talking about venues. Someone mentioned a church wedding and I was legitimately like, “dang - I wonder how much those cost, maybe I should have considered one!” We aren’t religious at all and probably a good thing the thought never crossed my mind at the time. 😆
Also, one of the few people I’ve told is my close friend/coworker, and he immediately jokingly/seriously offered to be godfather (he’s done this every time now) - if I have any interest in becoming catholic in the next 7 months. Question: is that a thing? Do people become catholic to have godparents? Or do you have to be catholic to have godparents? Is it a legal thing at all? Would it be in poor taste to have godparents without being catholic?
re: baptisms, I guess my FFFC is that I didn't donate more than we normally do on any other Sunday. Whoops? Literally did not cross my mind. Can I blame sleep deprivation b/c we baptized DD at like 7 weeks old. We're not Catholic, so maybe that's the difference?
re: "spicy dreams" YES. Just had one involving Jason Momoa last night. ( @modoodles you must've inspired me because I remember you saying you had one about him not that long ago!)
Some folks do attach additional meaning to godparents, ie. Pick someone who they also choose as legal guardian if they died. But that’s a separate legal process as far as drafting a will, discussing guardianship with that person, etc. That level of responsibility definitely isn’t assumed just by being a godparent.
I vacuumed and mopped and disinfected what I could... which they pretended not to notice. Then the last night we were there, my 18m old puked ALL OVER their carpet... and while I said I was sorry... I really wasn’t; all I could think was “good, they’ll finally have to deep clean their filthy condo!”.
Also, @blaf322 I’m enjoying the updates as well and I would so eat most of the edible arrangement. Now I want one!
So we spent the holidays with my ILs and were at their place for a few days with DH siblings. I truly love my ILs, all of them, but his parents are a little crazy right now. Anyway, we're there with my nephew who is 15 mos and is a lot of fun right now, but the way my MIL and FIL and this one aunt fawned and obsessed over him every second of every day was really grating to me. We're all local, we see each other all the time, and yes he's fun and cool and we love him....but could we chill a little? The kid was so overstimulated by the end of each day and he slept horribly each night as a result (poor SIL and BIL!)
Part of my sensitivity is likely stemming from a place of, I doubt they'll treat our kid the same way (and frankly I don't really want them to) but it was just really annoying for days on end.