Holiday Support Thread 2019

emeraldduchess · December 2019

@dobiemom11 whaaatt? That's a super-rude comment! I am so sorry you had to deal with that. What the heck is wrong with people that they think they can ask questions like that??

mindyb2019 · December 2019

@capnjackharkness oh no! Aww I’m so very sorry. Seems like this Christmas has been tough for everyone and there have been so many PG announcements. *hugs*

NYTino24 · December 2019

@dobiemom11 That was so rude of him. I’m flabbergasted.
@capnjackharkness Ughhhh, I’m sorry. That stinks. I hope she told you in a private way.

queenie_t · December 2019

@capnjackharkness so sorry! Wishing you comfort. And fortunately for me my MIL made a last-minute decision to fly across the country to see my SIL who is in the navy. Even though it’s just postponing the inevitable, I’m glad I didn’t have to have that conversation on Christmas.

@dobiemom11 that’s such a hurtful comment. Today, someone said to me “the year 2020 will be your year.” I found that strangely satisfying. Hoping that 2020 will be your year!

inthewoods23 · December 2019

@tryingktogku man I really wish people would just shut the hell up.

@emeraldduchess I've fully embraced being an aunt too. I call it practice for my own 🙂

@keeponknittingon I dealt with a similar issue of 3 on one side of the family all due within a month and a half of each other. Survived that time earlier in the year.

@capnjackharkness so sorry you got that news. It's hard to be happy for family.

@dobiemom11 what a bizarre question to ask someone! Glad other family also thought it was inappropriate.

mindyb2019 · December 2019

@dobiemom11 wow that was a really random, weird and totally rude comment for someone to ask you. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I’m shocked that people ask stuff like that.🤔

I went to my in laws today and I survived yay.. I didn’t cry at all while my PG SIL opened up all her newborn baby presents and no LONG trips to the “bathroom” to skip out lol.. in fact I actually somehow got stuck sitting beside her on the couch during gift opening time and I did ok. I’m proud of myself. However, I was upset and hurt by my DH’s comment he had made to me tonight. That actually hurt me more then watching my SIL. This is what he said to me which is not ok!! 🤬.. *TW*

We were downstairs at his parents house putting down our gifts we brought for everyone under the tree. I hadn’t mentioned this to him before but I said to him.. hey, I might go upstairs when ___ and ____ open their baby gifts cause I just don’t wanna see that cause it makes me sad etc.. he looks at me with this look and says “ ugh, you seriously need to get over that! It’s been months and months and months now. I’m like no! It hasn’t been months and months and months. It’s been 6 weeks actually but sorry I’m sad and it still hurts. I didn’t friggen know that when a MC happens you only get to grieve for a week? I’m friggen allowed to be sad about it. He’s like yes you are but it’s been awhile and you need to move on and like really you were only pregnant for maybe 6-7 weeks. 😮🤬 I’m like you know what, you just don’t get it! Never mind and I walked away. I bit my tongue cause I didn’t want to cause a huge fight or blow up this evening with everyone around so I just walked away and went into the bathroom and cried for a bit privately. Like WTF? Like since when did having a MC have an expiry date for grieving ?? and since when does it make it any better or easier cause I only made it to 7 weeks along? It makes me feel like because I was only pregnant for such a short period of time it doesn’t matter or it’s not that important 😥 so, what if I made it to 10 weeks, or 15 weeks then I’m allowed to grieve more?? Maybe I would have got to be allowed to grieve for 2 weeks then. I’m sooo hurt and upset sometimes by his choice of words. What the hell is wrong with men? Why don’t they F-ing get it? I’m so thankful for you ladies on here and that you understand and know what I feel. ❤️ Thank you for listening and being there. From now on I’m not even going to bring it up to him anymore or discuss how I’m truly feeling etc.. I’ll just keep it all inside as it’s better that way. End *TW*

dobiemom11 · December 2019

@mindyb2019 I am so sorry that happened to you. I was thinking about you while I was having my "puppy calming" break. I am really proud of you for being supportive of family and yet still recognizing that it was going to be difficult. And boys can be stupid!

mindyb2019 · December 2019

@dobiemom11 aww, thank you. Ya thanks. I’m proud of myself too. I try to be supportive as much as I can for family even though I’m still sad or jealous etc. Yes... agreed! Boys can be more then stupid lol 😆

NYTino24 · December 2019

I don’t want to do anything again today.

inthewoods23 · December 2019

@mindyb2019 ugh wtf! It took my a long time to get past our FET failure. Can I also him for you??

mindyb2019 · December 2019

@inthewoods23 right??? Ugh.. Like wtf? Can you also him? What does that mean? Lol

emeraldduchess · December 2019

@mindyb2019 I am so angry on your behalf. You don't "get over" losing a pregnancy, and you certainly can't be expected to process your grief on other people's time table. My losses were a year ago and almost six months ago. I still left the room on Christmas Eve when the LOs were exchanging gifts because I didn't want to cry in front of DH's family.
ETA I got a few "at least it was early" comments like that, too. Like somehow I had it easier than others. Screw that way of thinking. Nobody has the right to tell you how to feel or how to grieve.

@capnjackharkness I'm sure your sister's news is very difficult to process. Lots of hugs to you. 💙

mindyb2019 · December 2019

@emeraldduchess thanks girl. 😘 I’m angry too. I agree with you, you don’t ever get over losing a pregnancy. I’ll always think about it no matter how much time passes and I definitely don’t want to be forced or expected to grieve when someone else wants me to. F that!! 🤬 I’m sorry you had to leave the room on Christmas Eve. I understand that feeling. I love my husband but I really don’t think he gets it. Maybe he doesn’t care or it’s not hard for him but it’s difficult for me. Ya just because it happened earlier in pregnancy doesn’t make it any easier. I agree. Screw that way of thinking! Sorry you got some comments like that too.

inthewoods23 · December 2019

@mindyb2019 lmao I had just woken up at the time and completely missed a word. I meant to say can I SLAP him for you?!

mindyb2019 · December 2019

@inthewoods23 hahaha that’s ok. I figured you must have missed a word lol. Yes you can! Please do. Be my guest 😆

mvt2003 · December 2019

Hi ladies, I took a couple of days off to just relax. I made it through Christmas just barely.

One of my friends (who has an idea that I’m going through IF and has actively encouraged me in the past to confide in her about it) announced her pregnancy to the group text on Christmas Eve morning. I spent most of the afternoon crying. I just couldn’t stop feeling sorry for myself. Then Christmas Eve, my poor H got a nasty comment from a family member about our lack of children.

I’m basically just ready to leave 2019 far behind.

inthewoods23 · December 2019

@mvt2003 wtf man, a nasty comment? Like that's going to get things moving along?

I feel like we need to come up with some good comebacks like "sorry last I checked I was a human, not a rabbit or a fish"

ssbl · December 2019

@mindyb2019 This internet stranger is super proud of you handling your SIL's present-opening so well. I'm really sorry about YH's hurtful comments. Maybe trying to shove the pain into the past is his own way of dealing with it (not that I'm trying to make excuses for him). I hope you guys get to talk it out soon, just so he can be more understanding of where you're coming from.

@mvt2003 I'm so sorry that happened. 103 more hours (give or take depending on your time zone).

emeraldduchess · December 2019

@mvt2003 I am so sorry for the group-chat announcement and the nasty comment. So many hugs to you, friend. I hate that so often people just assume that all who are living child-free are doing so by choice. Whether or not that's the case, it's no one's business.

mvt2003 · December 2019

Thanks, friends.

@inthewoods23 the comment was from someone who should have known better too. MH’s uncle and his wife don’t have children, for various reasons including loss, so he should have never freaking come up to my poor H and said “so, guess you’re not having children, huh?”

@emeraldduchess thank you. I was so irrationally mad too - she made the effort to not tell me in person this time, telling me via text was a really nice thing to do. I just wish she hadn’t done it on Christmas Eve. That was a crappy thing to do. She hasn’t done a social media announcement yet, so it’s not that she wanted to do it before that.

@ssbl Literally counting down. 2019 has been a dumpster fire for me.

mindyb2019 · December 2019

@mvt2003 oh god! That nasty comment was not nice nor appropriate to say. I’m so sorry he said that to YH and sorry you for the group text announcement. Hugs all around to you 💕 2020 is coming soon and 2019 will be the past.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/0b/5iwml9mkapyu.gif

@ssbl thank you internet stranger 😉 lol I appreciate it. 🥰 yes it definitely could be his way of handling/dealing with it by shoving it down in the past. Either way it’s was really hurtful to me and a pretty shifty way of dealing with it. Honestly, I don’t think he will ever understand where I’m coming from so it’s like beating a dead horse to even talk about it anymore. I just want to move forward and try and focus on positive things in 2020.

NYTino24 · December 2019

@mvt2003 I’m with you, lady. I’ve been imagining 2019 as that burning house gif. Ready to rebuild in the new year!!

capnjackharkness · December 2019

@shoogapoff @NYTino24 Yeah, it was pretty empathetic. She sat us down and gave me something for my angel babies and then told me. But it was hard because it was the start of Christmas with my family and then I was with them all day, so I couldn't really run off and escape to process.

@dobiemom11 Dude... WTF with MIL's new husband?!?

@mindyb2019 So sorry about your DH's comments! He really does NOT get it. I'm so sorry. It doesn't matter how far along you were, it still really really hurts and it's still a loss and it still takes time to get over!

@emeraldduchess I HATE it when people tell me "at least yours were early" or "It was probably early because there were big chromosomal issues." And even though I feel those things inside, I still get rankled when people say them to me.

emeraldduchess · December 2019

@capnjackharkness after all we have been through the past year, I know to never start a sympathetic statement with "at least". I'm glad your sister was kind, even if the timing wasn't great. I'm sure it would have helped to have time alone to process and feel everything you needed to feel.

charmedlifex3 · December 2019

DH's cousin send an ULTRASOUND picture on the back of their holiday card with a cutsey message, I barely know these people, though DH did spend summers with the husband. I know his family knows of our loss. It was just... thoughtless.
Who sends their ultrasound to everyone they know?

Not triggering at all. I wonder how many people they managed to put in a tailspin in one move.
TW - thoughtless pg announcement

inthewoods23 · December 2019

7 days before I finally muted someone on FB

7 days is all it's taken before I'm like, ok coworker that's enough pictures about your kid even though I've only seen posts on maybe 3 or 4 of these days in the past week. I'm not really triggered about it, but I'm just annoyed that something has to pop up so often on the top of my feed when I go in FB. Oh, and all the people that were like "what a wonderful Christmas gift!" on the post about taking the baby home.

This is when I bless my sister for not posting so much to FB (mostly just the monthly milestone shots) and just keeping the billion photos and videos saved and shared in a Google Photos album.

Holiday Support Thread 2019

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