Holiday Traditions

pirateduck · December 2019

Whatever you celebrate, share your holiday traditions here. What do you love, what do you want to change, what do you do (or eat) special, who do you celebrate with, who do you wish you could celebrate with, etc.? Share about your holiday traditions here, past, present, and future plans welcome.

pirateduck · December 2019

I'm feeling sappy so I'm going to share something old to start. My birthday falls on Christmas day, my grandmother's birthday was the day after Christmas. This was something special we always shared. Growing up my mom always tried to somehow make things special for my birthday, so Christmas Eve she set aside time for me to open birthday gifts. Then Christmas day was always a big family gathering at our house and I got to pick something special I wanted for dinner and I got to pick what we had for dessert and my grandmother or aunt would make the dessert.

louessbee · December 2019

For our entire marriage, my husband and I have traveled to my family for Christmas day (including a few days before), then to his family from the 26th on for a few days, because the 26th is his birthday and his mother cares more about his birthday than Christmas (it's been good for avoiding arguments, honestly). This year we aren't going to his family, because we need to get home for the amnio and it's a lot of travel (it's plane flights between all three places, not drives), and next year we've said that we're not traveling at all, but people are welcome to come to us.

On the one hand, I'm excited to start our own Christmas traditions, but on the other, I love Christmas with my family - my mom goes all out with decorating, everybody pitches in with cooking, and my parent's home has been the central gathering place for family for a long time. I'm hoping my mom will pass the torch, so to speak.

Edit: typos.

pirateduck · December 2019

@louessbee I know what you mean about the family gathering and communal cooking and all out decorations. This is the Christmas experience I miss, but can't exactly go back to either. I feel like as my generation became adults and started their own families they are more spread out around the country, and as the older generation got older and retired, they are also more spread out around the country, and the even older generation has passed away. For our family there is no longer a central gathering spot. I'm sure you will find your own ways to make your adjusted holiday special for you and your family. I'm hoping this discussion can give us some inspiration too. I think maybe you can adopt the all out decorating in your home and maybe designate a special decorating day that you spend as a family together. My mom over the years has mailed me some tree ornaments from my childhood, maybe your mom could part with a special decoration knowing that it has a loved place in your home?

I also wanted to tell you good luck with your amnio. I still haven't gotten my results and by the time I do it will have been a whole month. I hope yours are quicker, but didn't want to give unrealistic expectations that you'd have them in only a few days.

mamaj1220 · December 2019

Christmas Eve we go to DF's family during the middle of the day (they don't do a big get together since his grandma passed a couple years ago). We wake up at home and DS opens all his presents that are here, we have breakfast and play with his new stuff and then head to my moms around noon, open more presents and by 2 the extended family comes and we have our annual Christmas party which I look forward to every year. Since I was little we have done this and now that there are kids around again it is so much fun. Plus my uncle makes his claw chowder and I am all about it!

pirateduck · December 2019

@mamaj1220 I love that there is family clam chowder involved. I remember when he was still alive my grandfather used to go into the city to buy kielbasa from a special market to bring each year.

mamaj1220 · December 2019

This year we are starting a new tradition of baking cookies Christmas Eve for Santa, we usually do it before now but DS said "mom he would like them fresh better" and I am a sucker lol
@pirateduck YUM! My mom get a prime rib from a special place (so special she won't tell us where) and it is so good too but that clam chowder there is something about it that just makes me so happy. Happy Birthday tomorrow too! You and DH should go out and have yummy brunch somewhere fun!

pirateduck · December 2019

I think Santa would like them fresh better too! @mamaj1220

ruby696 · December 2019

@mamaj1220 We order a prime rib for our family dinner too. It's soooooo good, especially with the horseradish sauce I make to go with it. Can't wait for dinner tomorrow and I'm super excited my mom is coming down to spend the afternoon cooking with me. Especially because my back hurts and I know she won't mind taking over if I need her to.

drkoyya · December 2019

Growing up I was sooo into Christmas. Our house was a winter wonderland and everyone would come over to the house. Sadly my grandfather, the core to my family, died on Dec 17th, 2005 and Christmas in my family has never been the same. It’s been at least a decade since we got together for Christmas, so I quickly got into DH’s family traditions.

Tomorrow is the first year of DH and I doing a family visit marathon. Every year we go to DH’s grandmothers to see both sides of the family— they live about 10 minutes from each other so it’s easy to jump from one house to the other. This year we’re mixing in my family too, with baby coming I want to see the little family that lives near us on Christmas. That means 3 houses in one day— it’s going to be intense. In the future we’ll probably have an intimate Christmas Eve with baby.

I’m hoping to revive the Winter Wonderland house with DS next year and do all the Christmas stuff. Advent calendar, elf on the shelf, baking cookies, you name it...

louessbee · December 2019

Thanks, @pirateduck! My parents are contemplating moving up near us, so I have this hope that the big family shindig will just be at my house instead of my parent's... I don't know how realistic that is, but we'll see.

And I've been following your amnio trials - I hope you get your results soon, but I appreciate the warning about expectations. Our NIPT results took a long time for similar reasons (and were then inconclusive), so I feel like this entire pregnancy has been an exercise in testing my patience.

mamaj1220 · December 2019

@drkoyya DS said to me this year “we don’t need an elf right? They are creepy.” I laughed so hard because I think they are creepy too. I might do the lazy gnome one because we saw that and laughed so hard.

jhysmath · December 2019

@drkoyya my grandfather passed December 23rd about 5 years ago. All of my other grandparents died on the 22nd of a month so he said he would die then too, but he lasted until the 23rd. Each of my grandparents also died on a "holiday" one grandfather was presidents day, one grandmother my birthday, and the other Thanksgiving, so between Christmas and the 22nd was the perfect place for the last grandparent I guess. It was the last Christmas we had at his house too which was beyond sad as we all sat with him for the week leading up so he wouldn't be alone when he did die so the house was strange that Christmas know he wasn't there.

Our current tradition is we go to my uncles for Christmas eve, then depending on when my sister had my niece we do Christmas at my parents during the day they switch early /late on Christmas day. The opposite of that we open presents with MIL and BIL at his house. Tomorrow I will stay with my parents and go to my aunts for dinner and mh will drive back to bils to do Christmas meal with them. He made a big deal about needing to be with his family for the meal (they're grilling now and not even doing a real meal) because there's only them, my big stink is we've eaten dinner with them all fucking week why can't he eat dinner with my family one day. He told me I was allowed to he wasn't going to so I'm staying and might just stay the night because now he's decided once MIL leave on Friday we're going home too so I get no time with my family, and I'm sure if I tell him ahead of time he'll make a big deal about how his mom flew out here and needs "grandma" time. Nope sorry my phone will be on silent and won't get the texts after I say I'm going to spend the night.

When we move to our house in NY, MH says we will do Christmas at our house (which I'll be livid if some how MIL decides to weasle her way into spending the night and watching us open presents in the morning) and then we'll likely travel back to nh to spend time with my family after that. I think holiday sharing is the worst thing about having a family. I'd much prefer just having us and visiting others later or going on vacation and saying screw all of this.

drkoyya · December 2019

@jhysmath Sorry to hear about your grandparents, especially your grandmother. Holidays are always bittersweet when it’s tied to losing a loved one

@mamaj1220 Oh, we have a giant Elf on the Shelf and it is most definitely creepy, I refuse to display it. We also have a smaller “cuter” one that I’ll use. I heard on the radio that it’s a great way to keep kids well behaved around the holidays because they’re afraid the elf will report to Santa.

babyfoxden10 · December 2019

Growing up Christmas was the best. Being Italian we had a big Christmas Eve celebration with my dads side and did Christmas Day with my moms side at our house. We were the younger set of cousins on my moms side so we always had Christmas at our house so we could play with our toys and it was less hassle than trying to get everyone dressed and out the door.

Since being married Christmas has been horrific. We’ve tried splitting the days up since my husband’s family lives in a different state. But, my MIL is very selfish so no matter which day we go eve or day it’s never good enough. Especially since Eve is with his dads side and not hers. But they have 0 traditions for day, Presents are lacking there and they don’t have traditions like mine such as carols, lasagna, white elephant gifts, etc. it could just be another day of the year with a tree in the background. There is also no extended family so it’s pretty dull.

So this year she’s getting “her way” and we are driving out there and we “have to” stay a couple days or we get guilt for that. Meanwhile, the last 2 years she last minute decided to go to Florida for Christmas Eve and day and told us like a day or 2 beforehand. Luckily my family is nearby so I’ve been spoiled spending 2 years with them.

Next year, I’m desperately trying to start a new tradition where we don’t trade off Eve and day ever again and we host Christmas Day. We go there for just an Eve celebration and come hone the same day. For Christmas Day both families will be welcome to join us here. We just bought a house so I’m trying to make sure I have it set up for a big Italian dinner by next year. I want my baby to be by her tree and open her gifts. Plus she is the only baby on both sides so it’s easier for us if people come to our place. I’m already getting push back a year in advance ... pray for me.

babyfoxden10 · December 2019

@jhysmath I hear ya splitting Christmas has been absolute torture. I’m sure next year won’t be any different even with the first grandchild around. I’m trying to our good karma out there in hopes that I can put an end to the selfishness on my husband’s side. It should be about the only grandchild next year.

brettanomyces · December 2019

Today is the third day of Chanukah. It just so happens to overlap with Xmas this year which is kind of nice since the world slows down and we get more relaxing time. Usually Jewish holidays happen while it’s business as usual for everyone else.

Anyway, Chanukah is a smaller but very important and meaningful holiday for us because it celebrates resistance to assimilation. We light our chanukia every night and it’s traditional to eat foods fried in oil, so there’s been way too many latkes and donuts. People and Jewish institutions usually have parties throughout the festival. We don’t have specific ones we do every year, just depends what’s happening when and where. Extended family usually send us gifts. We don’t really make gifts a big thing amongst our nuclear family though.

ieles2531 · December 2019

@babyfoxden10 my MIL is very selfish with Christmas too. MH has to work every other Christmas from Dec. 23-27. Those days are absolutely set in stone if it is his year to guarantee that people who are off have time to travel. I tolerated MIL whining about it and insisting we travel every year that DH was off. Seriously, last year we found out about our son’s fatal heart defect on December 18, and we were going to cancel our trip...she had a massive fit.

Now, f it. You will have a baby, both sides can come to you. If MIL doesn’t like it, she can skip it. Period, end of story. The most I would offer is to split the day...if she wants to come in the morning for her special time and have your family come after, okay. But expecting someone with an infant to do 3 separate Christmases is asinine.

m6agua · December 2019

We always do Christmas Eve with DH’s family and Christmas Day with my family. Luckily as extended family goes, both of us do not interact with our dads sides.

The last 2 years we have hosted Christmas Eve since SIL sold her house and moved to an apartment. We have the next largest centrally located house. We do a thanksgiving type meal with DH’s family (including aunts/uncles and 2 cousins), maybe 20-ish people. We all exchange cards and the 4 kids get gifts. Hopefully next year his uncle can host at his new house.

Christmas day is just my immediate family, so about 12 of us. My parents used to host, but since I had DD (first grandkid) I’ve hosted. We all live pretty close and we stopped doing gifts about 10 years ago (except for the kids, which was 1 until this year became 4). My mom instead spends the money and we do a nice steak and lobster dinner. Other than that we just hang out all day and play board games. Before the kids we would go see a movie.

catem07 · December 2019

We’ve stood our ground about doing what we want to do for Christmas and our parents have been reasonable about it. But they’re generally reasonable people. I believe my kids should wake up in their own house on Christmas morning. We made an exception to that last year because my mom was going to sell my childhood home and we wanted to spend one last Christmas there and get to see some friends who live nearby. Now all our close family lives within an hour of us so holidays are easy.

babyfoxden10 · December 2019

@ieles2531 I agree completely I have the infant it won’t kill them to come to me. It’s time the focus changes. My family totally doesn’t care either way, so I guess we will see what kind of tantrum she will throw next year 🙄

pirateduck · December 2019

The only way there will be a family celebration in future is if I decide to buy plane tickets and go visit someone, which also means I have to pick which family members to visit (or not) and risk some hurt feelings. It’s tricky for sure.

soprano19 · December 2019

Christmas is a bit complicated for us because my parents are divorced and all of our parents are local. Combine that with siblings on both sides who are unwilling to compromise on scheduling, and trying to get together with everyone turns into a big pain. We always make it work, but this year was the earliest we’ve ever started... my last day of school was the 20th and we had various family celebrations on the 21st, 22nd, and 23rd. It was too much too early with no time to do any prep before the craziness all started.

That said, we have a few traditions. We live in the mountains, so we always cut down our Christmas tree at a nearby tree farm. I have a Christmas village that I put up on the mantle. We do a gift exchange with H’s family where each adult only buys for one other adult, which is so much better than everyone buying for everyone like we used to do before everyone was married and had kids. My personal favorite tradition is Chinese food for Christmas dinner on our nice wedding china. I’m really looking forward to creating more traditions with our kids as they get a little older.

pirateduck · December 2019

Well, I said I wanted to keep up the tradition of a Christmas walk, and my hubby, 2 friends, 3 dogs, and I donned snowshoes etc. and headed out into the woods. It was definitely the best part of the day.

pirateduck · December 2019

What about New Year's traditions/plans/etc. ? Anything fun going on this week ladies?

soprano19 · December 2019

Our local zoo has a “Noon Year’s Eve” event during the day tomorrow specifically for kids, so we are taking DD to that and meeting up with my SIL and niece. No plans other than that though.

heyybritt · December 2019

MH and I have started doing brunch and a movie on NYE, so that's what we are doing tomorrow. For the evening though we are just going to relax, we will see if I make it to midnight. New Year's Day we always pick a show and/or movie series to binge watch and stay on the couch all day.

pirateduck · December 2019

@heyybritt those are traditions I could get on board with. I'm not much for going to the bar, and if I do, it's happy hour, not late night.

heyybritt · December 2019

@pirateduck yes exactly, before we moved my friends and I would just get together at someone's house for board games. Going out on the town for NYE just never appealed, I prefer to drink in my pjs please.

soprano19 · December 2019

We used to have friends over or go to friends’ houses for NYE, but that stopped when we all started having kids. Last year H and I were sitting on the couch playing Let’s Go Pikachu at midnight.

mamaj1220 · December 2019

We don't do much for NYE. We might have a couple friends come over and eat all the food but nothing too much, I doubt I will even make it to midnight lol.

pirateduck · December 2019

Maybe I should attach a poll to this thread to see how many of us actually made it to midnight this year

drkoyya · December 2019

No NYE traditions, we typically just end up binge watching TV and going to bed at 12:01.

I think the only way I’m making it to midnight this week is if I take a long nap at 8.

rachelg777 · December 2019

No plans or desire to make it to midnight 😆. Plus I work the next day, but even if I didn’t....

louessbee · December 2019

I work tomorrow (after the amnio appt) and Weds, DH has them both off. We're probably not doing anything, it will be a miracle if I make it to midnight. It's 7pm and I'm almost down for the count tonight...

pirateduck · December 2019

@louessbee good luck with your appointment! Try to relax after. I don't know what kind of work you do, but as long as it's not physically strenuous it's just fine. I finally got my results, one day shy of a month later. Baby is healthy! I hope you get good results quickly.

sunshinesea22 · December 2019

@louessbee good luck tomorrow
@pirateduck YAY!!!! Go sing it from the rooftops!!!!! So happy for you!!!!

babyfoxden10 · December 2019

When we were young and fun we used to go into NYC but downtown only far far away from Time Square. This year will be a matinee movie and dinner. Prob will watch the ball drop on TV and go to bed 😴

emlettuce · December 2019

@babyfoxden10 I live on Long island and people always ask me if I go to times square for NYE and I always say no because I'm not insane

babyfoxden10 · December 2019

@emlettuce I’m on Long Island as well. I always said the same Time Square on NYE no thanks!

bananapanda · December 2019

@pirateduck yay!! So happy you got good results after what I'm sure was a very long and stressful wait!

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